Lost Memories of my Love
by Lil Doro
Summary: Complete. Everything happens for a reason ... but it isn't always a good reason. With all of fate's cruel turning points, Rinoa Heartilly desperately clings onto what she has left ... until she has no choice but to let go. SquallRinoa
1. Part I :: As it Begins

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy 8 or any of its characters. However, I do own some characters and they happen to be the evil ones. Also, I would like to give credit to a Korean drama called Stairway to Heaven, which this story is loosely based on and inspired from.

**Lost Memories of my Love**

_**Part I : Before the Fall **_

**Chapter 1 – As it Begins**

Rinoa stood silently, staring out her window dreamily. She had woken up at what seemed to be an eternity ago, just leaning on the window sill and staring outside into the daybreak. She watched in awe as the enticing darkness turned into a cheerful morning. Never had she taken the time to sit and watch the beauty of the sunrise – she took it for granted. She watched as the stars faded and the navy sky turned into a bright blue. She watched the white clouds float by, feeling the light wind brushing against her skin through the open window.

When the number of chirping birds increased at her ears, she knew that she had been standing for a while. She couldn't sleep – she was so nervous about the forecoming day. She looked at her alarm clock. It read 6:59. Then, in about five seconds, it hit 7:00, and the alarm started going loco. She walked to her bedside table and turned off the ringing.

_First day_, she thought, _It's my first day at Garden._

She got dressed into her given Garden uniform. She looked really different. She looked like someone she didn't know. She tied her long, black hair up into a high ponytail. She looked even more different. Never did she think that she would see the day where she would have joined Garden, to learn to fight. She always detested hurting things; she always hated the thought of killing another living being and following someone else's orders. But things had changed … things had changed a lot. She had been through so much, and she was willing to take on a role, a responsibility. _To serve and protect others_.

Rinoa did always detest SeeDs. She hated the fact that they never thought for themselves, they would just do what they were told. Heck, they would've killed Hyne if somebody told them to. She didn't hate them because they _served and protected others_, no it wasn't that at all. It was the fact that it was always for _others_. They never fought for themselves – it was always for somebody else, relying on somebody else. Being the independent person she was, she hated the mere thought of relying on somebody, listening to somebody else.

But things _had _changed. Being around SeeDs made her feel safe, feel secure. As much as she hated their way of living, she admired their strength and determination to finish what they started. Being around SeeDs made her see the other point of view. Being around SeeDs made her … made her feel somewhat _jealous_.

She was jealous of the fact that the SeeDs were so proud, so strong. She was always a weak girl. It was in fact _her _that relied on others, relied on SeeDs. She wanted to be _independent_. Being independent had become an obsession of hers ever since her mother died. She just didn't want to rely on anyone else.

She packed her bag. _Leaving home at last_, she thought. She got so bored of Deling. Exploring it everyday just lost its purpose, and it was no fun by herself. All her friends were at Garden. She wanted to be with her friends … with Squall.

Rinoa was always afraid of being alone. She mightn't have wanted to rely on others, but she _hated _being alone. She was a people person, she always had to talk about something or other, and she always had to share her thoughts and feelings. Lately, she had been alone. Ever since her friends went back to Garden due to the fact they had nowhere else to go, Rinoa was left alone at home in Deling.

_But that's changing now_, thought Rinoa as she packed her books. _Now I won't be alone. Now I can be at Garden, explore something new, and be with my friends._

Rinoa went downstairs, and was greeted by her father. _Oh great_, thought Rinoa, _Of all the days to be home, he decided today_.

She never got along with her father. She wasn't ever able to put her differences aside with him; she always had to have something against him. He was never at home; he was always out at work. Rinoa didn't mind that at all, but it did get lonesome sometimes and she wanted somebody to argue with.

"Good morning, angel wing," said General Caraway. He was sitting at the dining room table with breakfast, reading the newspaper. "Big day today, eh? Would you like me to drive you?"

"Don't you have more important things to do?" asked Rinoa flatly, grabbing a piece of toast and shoving it in her mouth.

"It's okay," said Caraway. "Anything for my angel wing. Besides, this is going to be the last time I see you for a whole year."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. She didn't think her first day at Garden was going to go so well. She did look quite nice in the uniform, but wasn't sure whether she was going to fit in with everyone else. Most of them were her friends, but she just felt a little ... awkward. She wasn't as strong as any of her friends. She was going to be a beginner, much lower than all of her friends.

"It's not as if you see me everyday in the first place anyway," grumbled Rinoa.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rinoa, it's just that I'm really busy ... I took today off just for you. I try to make time for you, I really do."

"Well it's a bit late for that isn't it?" said Rinoa gruffly.

The doorbell rang.

Rinoa abandoned her unfinished conversation with Caraway, ran to the door and opened it. It was Squall with his car parked on their driveway. He was standing in front of her, looking very smart and adorable in his SeeD uniform.

"Oh, Squall!" chirped Rinoa. "Come in!"

"Thanks," said Squall, stepping into Rinoa's huge house.

"Squall's here," Rinoa called.

"Good morning, General Caraway," said Squall politely as he met Rinoa's father.

"Hello there, Squall," said Caraway. "Here to take my Rinoa away from me?"

"Yeah, that's it," said Squall, trying to avoid any more small talk.

Caraway chuckled. "So, how's President Laguna?"

"He's fine," said Squall blatantly, not wanting to speak about his father.

"Excellent, excellent," said Caraway. "Anyway, do you mind waiting for Rinoa outside? Just some last goodbyes. Then you can have her all to yourself."

Squall looked at Rinoa, who shrugged. He went outside anyway.

"I really am going to miss you, angel wing," said Caraway.

Rinoa didn't say anything. _Miss me my foot_, thought Rinoa.

He got up and stood right in front of his daughter, holding her shoulders.

"Make me proud," said Caraway.

Rinoa smiled meekly. "I will," she said quietly.

Caraway put his arms around his daughter. Rinoa let him that time. She usually didn't get on with him, but she was leaving so it didn't matter to her. He hardly held her … he hardly acted like a father to her. She found it awkward that he had decided to act this way towards her, especially on the last day she would see him for a while.

"Take care."

"You too," said Rinoa.

* * *

"No, you can't leave me!"

Her mother ran outside to her car, ignoring the pleas of her daughter.

"Mother! Please, NO! I swear, I'll be a much better daughter if you let me come with you!"

She ran outside to the car, and started banging on the car window.

"Don't leave me here!" sobbed the girl.

"Be a good girl. I've had enough." The mother stepped on the gas pedal and drove out the gate without hesitation.

"MOTHER! NO!" the girl screeched and screeched.

Her brother sat on the doorstep, watching it all happen.

"Ashleigh, give it up," he said. "She doesn't care about us anymore."

"No, you're wrong!" cried the girl. "This is all ... this is all HIS fault!" She pointed into the small house, and through the window, sat a man at the table. That man was their father, the reason why their mother left. She'd had enough of him.

"I don't give a damn," said the brother. He stood up and walked into the house.

"You're so ungrateful, Seifer!" cried Ashleigh after her brother.

* * *

"A ponytail ... that's different to my Rinoa," said Squall, as he was driving to the Garden.

"Well ... I guess I'm different since I'm in Garden now, huh?" said Rinoa.

Squall snickered.

"What?" asked Rinoa. "I'm just ... scared."

"Why scared?" asked Squall.

"I'm not gonna fit in, am I?" said Rinoa with a deep sigh.

"Don't worry about it," said Squall, "You'll fit right in. There are a lot more people like you, new and just beginning training. They're all feeling the same thing."

"If you say so," said Rinoa nervously. He had somewhat made her feel a bit more at ease, but even Squall's words couldn't take away the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach.

Squall drove into the parking lot and parked his car. The two of them walked into the Garden together. Rinoa knew the place very well, but that day, it all seemed so new to her. It was as if she had never been there before. As she walked through the Garden gates and into the main build of the Garden, students scurried past in panic, not noticing Rinoa at all.

At this, Rinoa felt a little better. She was afraid that as soon as she walked through the gates, everyone would know she was the new girl, or even so, _Commander Leonheart's girlfriend_. As much as she_ liked _being Squall's girlfriend, she didn't want people to judge her by it. She wanted them all to treat her like an equal, not as _the Commander's girlfriend. _It might have been different to Squall, she knew he would've expected special treatment for her _because_ she was the Commander's girlfriend, but Rinoa didn't want that at all.

_The commander's girlfriend_. The thought made Rinoa think. It was funny … Squall was the type of person to stay distant from girls, stay away from other people. He was such a closed up, mysterious guy. Rinoa had never heard Squall refer to her as his girlfriend before, it was always '_Rinoa'_. She learnt to get used to it, she didn't mind at all. She knew it was hard for Squall to say something like that … but the commander was opening up ever so slowly. She was grateful, and it appeared that Squall's comrades were too – they were always saying she was a miracle worker for getting Squall to even say something other than 'whatever'.

Squall read the worried look on her face. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. If anyone mistreats you, they can answer to me."

Rinoa smiled and looked at Squall. She didn't say that was what she was afraid of. She didn't want anyone to answer to Squall because they had treated her badly. It gave her a sense of _relying on someone. _He had always said that she was his strong girl, but he didn't realise that he was so protective of her, not giving her any room to _be _a strong girl.

He smiled a small smile back at her. "Here's your class," said Squall. "You'll be okay."

"Okay," said Rinoa nervously. She gave Squall a gigantic hug, as if she was never ever going to see him again, as if she was going into class and never coming back out again.

"Whoa there, hurry up or you'll be late," said Squall, patting Rinoa on the back.

Rinoa nodded enthusiastically, and ran into the classroom. Squall snickered and left to get to his own class.

_-One Year Later-_

"Congratulations on finishing your course," said Quistis.

Quistis, Squall, Zell, Selphie, Irvine and Rinoa were hanging around Balamb after school that day

"Thanks," said Rinoa, grinning, "I'm so happy! Seems like yesterday that I just came here, shaking in my boots ... now look at me, I've got my first rank!"

"Congrats," said Zell, chewing on his hotdog.

"Yeah, keep up the good work!" said Selphie brightly.

"You'll be just like us in no time," said Irvine.

"Thanks guys," said Rinoa. "Going home for the summer now. What a thrill."

"Why not stay here with us?" asked Selphie.

"Caraway wants me home," said Rinoa. "I don't see the point, though."

"Oh, well it's not that long," said Quistis, "We see you every other day of the week anyway."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Rinoa, nodding in agreement. Quistis was always right.

"Get us some souvenirs, wouldn't you?" said Irvine.

Rinoa giggled. "But of course."

"We'll come visit you as well," said Zell.

Rinoa nodded enthusiastically. "I'd like that."

"Of course you would," said Irvine, grinning.

"Why so quiet, Squall?" said Rinoa, suddenly noticing Squall hadn't said a thing since they got there.

"As an expert Squall observer," said Quistis, "I believe he's going to say—"

"...I don't have anything to say," said Squall, with Quistis saying it at that exact moment as well.

Everyone laughed, save for Squall, who seemed a tad bit annoyed.

"Whatever," said Squall.

"Oh lighten up, Squall," said Quistis, punching her friend in the arm playfully.

Rinoa smiled, trying to hide the fact that she was slightly thwarted with Squall's secretive behaviour. She never liked this side of Squall.

"Don't worry, I bet he's just sad because you're leaving," whispered Quistis, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Rinoa laughed. Quistis always made her have hope in Squall. She once told her 'Squall's been like this for years. Ever since you walked into his life, you've made him become the boy he once was … not this _man_.' Rinoa took those words to heart; she always believed in them … she always believed in Squall. But somehow she wasn't in the mood that day. She didn't know why, she usually would have tried her hardest to get Squall to soften. But there was something in the back of her mind bothering her … it must have been the anxiety of going back home. She didn't want to, but she knew when respect was needed, and she had to pay her respects her father, as much as she disliked him. He wouldn't have called her home if there wasn't anything important on … he would have been too _busy _anyway.

"Anyway, I'd better get going," said Rinoa with a sigh. "Caraway is expecting me back any minute. I'm already late as is."

"You want me to give you a lift?" Squall offered.

"Oh, it's okay, Squall," said Rinoa with a smile. "I'll just take the train home."

"Are you sure?" said Squall.

Rinoa nodded. "Positive."

"Aww, the year's gone by so quickly," said Selphie.

Rinoa smiled. "You'll see me again soon."

She said her goodbyes and caught the train back to Deling. From Deling station, she caught a bus to her house. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer patiently. She didn't have the keys to her own house, but she wished she did. She found it stupid to be knocking on the door of the house she lived in ever since she was born.

The door swung open, and a middle-aged woman was the one who opened it. She was about a head taller than Rinoa, and she wore quite expensive clothes and about a tonne of make-up was slopped all over her face. She had long, wavy brunette hair and she looked quite confused.

"Uh ... am I at the right house?" said Rinoa, completely confused.

"Who are you?" asked the woman.

"I'm Rinoa," said Rinoa slowly.

The woman's look of confusion turned into a look of glee. "Oh, so _you're_ Rinoa! Sweetheart, Rinoa's home!"

Rinoa blinked in puzzlement, and before she knew it, Caraway was at the door, standing next to the woman.

"Rinoa," said Caraway, "You're home." He walked to his daughter and put his arms around her, holding her tight.

"Uh ... nice to see you too," said Rinoa, not knowing what else to say.

As Caraway let her go, he stood next to the mystery woman again.

"Rinoa," said Caraway, "This is Sera. She's your new mother."


	2. New Family

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 2 – New Family**

Rinoa's mouth fell open, and she suddenly dropped her books with surprise. So many thoughts were already running through her mind at those mere words. Never had she expected such a thing from Caraway … maybe because she never wanted to hear those words. _New mother_. She never wanted a new mother … she never even hinted to her father she wanted one. No woman could ever have replaced Julia. The mere thought of having a new mother frightened her.

Sera looked alarmed, and quickly helped Rinoa pick her books up.

"Uh … uh … okay … then," said Rinoa quietly as she held her books tightly. "That's … that's a bit of a shock."

That was definitely an understatement. By no means was this _a bit of a shock_. Heck, it had to be the shock of a lifetime.

"Your father has told me so much about you," said Sera with a sweet smile. "I finally get to meet the famous Rinoa Caraway."

"_Heartilly_," said Rinoa in a sharper tone than she had intended. "Rinoa _Heartilly._" Hopefully, the statement would have pinned her point across perfectly.

At first, Sera looked troubled, but her troubled look turned back into a welcoming smile. "You seem like a nice girl."

Rinoa forced her confused face to turn into a smile. _I seem like a nice girl_, thought Rinoa. What has this man been telling her? That she was an angel who did well in her studies, always respected her elders and was polite?

"C-Can I talk to you … uh … _dad_?" said Rinoa, restraining herself from calling her father _Caraway_.

Caraway nodded, knowing exactly what his daughter was going to say. He moved out of the way as Rinoa stepped into the house. She ran upstairs and her father followed her up slowly, almost nervous with the conversation that waited beyond the staircase.

"I know what this is about," said Caraway as they walked into her room.

"And so you should," said Rinoa, throwing her bag and books on the bed, showing no emotion. She sat on the bed and looked up at her father with an impatient look. She tried to act calm and rational before she had an outburst.

"I know, I should've told you," said Caraway.

"How long have you known this woman?" demanded Rinoa, her anger rising too quickly.

"I've known her for ages," said Caraway. "A couple of years at least."

"And you never even _told_ me that you've been seeing this woman?" said Rinoa furiously.

"She was just a friend then," explained Caraway. "She recently got divorced with her husband. She's been depressed since then … I thought I could help her."

"You can't just _do_ that," said Rinoa, frustrated. "Every time a woman feels depressed, you can't just keep marrying them! What about … what about . . . what about…" Rinoa clutched at Julia's wedding ring that hung around her neck.

Caraway sensed what Rinoa was about to say. "Julia is gone, I know," he said, sitting down next to his daughter on the bed, "But I did this for you. I'm never around for you. You didn't have a mother … I wanted you to have a mother again. I wanted you to have a parent who could be there for you. You were so distant from me ever since Julia died. Rebellious, almost hating me. I thought…"

"So you thought that if I had a mother again that I would respect you?" said Rinoa. That one statement just made her even angrier.

Caraway didn't say anything, knowing that he had just made his daughter even angrier.

"How can you be so selfish?" cried Rinoa. "It's your fault mum died in the first place!"

Caraway looked shocked. "What…?"

"Yes, I know what happened that night," growled Rinoa, "Just because I was five didn't mean I was deaf … or stupid, for that matter."

"Rinoa, you clearly misunderstand…"

"No, I don't misunderstand anything," snarled Rinoa. "You … you were yelling that night. You told mum that she was _using _you … using you to get over her first love. You made her feel…" Rinoa thought back to that night her mother left, replaying her thoughts. "You made her feel _sad_." She didn't exactly remember what happened, but that was what Rinoa had always told herself.

Caraway gripped at the bed sheets, trying to keep his anger from rising. "You _misunderstand me_, Rinoa."

"Don't lie!" shouted Rinoa. "You made her feel sad so she left! I asked her why she was leaving and she told me she was only going for a while, to think about things … she _said she would come back_. She _promised me_. But did she come back, _dear father_? No, she _did not_."

Caraway's grip tightened on the bed sheets, his teeth clenching. He hated having this conversation with Rinoa. He always dreaded the very words that left her mouth. He always dreaded the way she left a sting of guilt at the back of his neck – it always did.

"And before she left, she gave me her ring … she gave it to me to keep until she came back," said Rinoa, closing her eyes, not bearing the horrible memories, "I didn't understand why she did … but now I do. She was ashamed, _dear father_. She was ashamed that you had said such poisonous words to her that she didn't want to hold onto a memory of you. And I don't blame her…"

Caraway was going to explode any moment. He would always let Rinoa have her way. He never wanted to argue or things would have gotten ugly. Sometimes he failed, and he would end up as angry as Rinoa – like father, like daughter.

"And so you left as well, _father_, you left for that damned _job _you had," spat Rinoa. "And then the nice policeman came. He asked me to identify the body of _my dead mother _from the car accident because you weren't around. Do you know how horrible that was, _father_? The last image I saw of her was her covered in 'red stuff'. I thought she was asleep, I thought she was asleep and I wanted to wake her up…"

Rinoa felt like bursting into tears of anger. She hated her father so much. She hated him with so much passion that she felt like killing him the way he killed her mother.

"And _now _you're expecting me to accept this … this _woman _as my mother?" said Rinoa. "How do you sleep at night, Caraway?"

Caraway stood up, his face already spread with rage. "Damn it, Rinoa, you don't understand. It was a hard day at work, I was darn right _pissed off_."

"That's what you always say," sneered Rinoa.

Caraway wanted to curse at his daughter for her ignorance. Instead, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one up to calm his stress.

"Do you want to know why I was pissed off that day?" asked Caraway calmly. "I was with President Laguna that day. He found out his wife was dead, and that was when the whole Sorceress thing was in place. He found out his wife was dead and he had to leave his kid behind, he had to leave his son behind to do his job. Yes, that's right, he had to leave Squall at the orphanage."

Rinoa paused and reflected on Caraway's words. He had never told her this before.

"Laguna was going on and on about how his life was so bad," said Caraway, "I felt sorry for the man. Having to save the world from a sorceress after leaving his son behind and finding out his wife was dead … it had to be rough. But then he brought up Julia in the middle of the conversation and I just lost it."

Rinoa didn't say anything. She didn't know _what _to say. She never knew. Why didn't he tell her? Why didn't he ever tell her? The mere mention of Squall made her freeze and think. She suddenly felt ashamed.

Both father and daughter were silent, aside from Caraway calmly inhaling and exhaling the tobacco.

"Have you ever thought about how _**I**_felt for a change?" asked Caraway quietly. "Don't think I enjoyed what happened. Don't think I wasn't in grief after your mother died. Don't think I wasn't sorry. I was as miserable as you were, Rinoa. I hated myself for it."

Rinoa didn't say anything. Her anger died down as she began to understand her father … for the first time in thirteen years.

"So I wanted you to have a mother again," said Caraway, "I want you to have what you couldn't have in your childhood. Because … I can't stand the pain anymore, Rinoa."

Rinoa remained silent. She wasn't angry anymore; she was just confused about what she wanted. What _did _she want?

"Is she nice…?" asked Rinoa quietly.

Caraway smiled. "She is a very pleasant woman. She recently quit acting … so she will be there for you."

"She's an actress now?" said Rinoa, surprised.

"Was," corrected Caraway. "I did this for you, Rinoa." He tried to make it clear.

Rinoa sighed. "I … guess. I guess it'll be nice to have a mother again."

Caraway smiled. "I knew you'd see it my way." He hugged his daughter.

Rinoa sighed and did not hug him back. Something in her wasn't as happy as she should've been.

Caraway let go and walked out of her room. He stopped at the door and turned around. "Finish unpacking and come down to meet your mother."

Rinoa nodded as Caraway closed the door. There was no point in unpacking; she was going to leave in two weeks again anyway. She just flopped onto her bed and took her hair out of the ponytail she was wearing. She kicked off her shoes and just stared at the ceiling for a while.

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad_, she thought. _Maybe having a mum again wouldn't be so bad. She must be nice … this was the man that married Julia._

After a while of just lying in bed, Rinoa got up and went downstairs. Caraway and Sera were in the living room, talking over coffee.

"And here comes my princess," said Caraway as Rinoa walked downstairs.

Rinoa was going to roll her eyes, but when she saw Sera, she simply smiled sweetly instead.

"Come and sit with us, Rinoa," said Sera, making space for Rinoa on the couch.

Rinoa obediently went to the couch and sat down next to her stepmother.

"So, you're a SeeD, are you?" said Sera. "What rank are you?"

"I finished my first rank," answered Rinoa.

"Oh, okay then." Sera smiled at her. Rinoa weakly smiled back. "Eighteen years old, hmm … you're at the age to find true love, aren't you?"

Rinoa laughed weakly.

Sera smiled.

"I'll leave you two girls to talk," said Caraway.

---

Ashleigh ate quietly, not looking at her father or brother at all. Her father was finally going to send her back to her mother after they found out she got married again. He wanted to take her and her brother after the school year, which was that day.

"Your mother can offer you a lot more than I can," said her father, "She's married a man with more than money than I do. She can provide more to you."

Seifer didn't say a word. He also ate quietly. He looked at his father, just sitting there, looking at his two children. He looked at his sister. She was trying to avoid any eye contact with the both of them. The fringe of her long amber hair fell on her bright blue eyes as she ate.

"I'll drop you off at her place," said their father.

The two teenagers said nothing and just kept on eating.

"You won't see me again after that," said their father.

Seifer would rather have stayed with his father than with his mother. He hated them both, but his mother treated him like utter crap. His father was an alcoholic who was also addicted to gambling. Seifer just wanted to get away from his whole family and live on his own. He recently got kicked out of Galbadia Garden because he was slacking off and was threatening to too many students. That was only because things were rough at home . . .

"Say something, god dammit!" Their father slammed his fist on the table.

Ashleigh jumped in surprise, but just kept on eating and ignored her father.

Seifer just kept on eating as well.

"If you aren't going to talk to me, I may as well just take you right now!" roared their father. He first grabbed Ashleigh by the arm and then grabbed Seifer.

Seifer snatched his arm away from his dad and just picked up his and Ashleigh's few belongings. He followed Ashleigh and his father outside to the car.

He pushed Ashleigh into the back seat of the car.

"Don't touch me!" cried Ashleigh.

He slammed the door shut. Seifer got into the car and threw Ashleigh's bag of stuff at her. He sat down and closed the door.

Ashleigh eyed him dirtily. _Damn you, Seifer … how can you be so calm in a situation like this? _She always found it annoying how Seifer would be so emotionless in times where emotion _should _have been shown. But then again, she would always feel jealous of it.

Seifer ignored her and just put his seat belt on. He didn't give a damn. Where he lived wasn't of concern to him, he was going to leave as soon as he finished his Garden course. Living with his parents was just the cheap way out – but living with his parents also had its price.

Their father slammed on the gas pedal and drove away from the house.

Seifer looked out the window and said goodbye to the place he grew up in.

---

"So, is there a lucky man in your life?" asked Sera with a smile.

Rinoa kept that weak attempt of a smile on her face. "Well..." She was going to say Squall was this 'lucky man' but at that moment, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get that," said Sera. "Excuse me for a second."

Sera got up and opened the door. "W-W-W-What…?" Her voice was filled with utter shock.

Caraway came down from his room upstairs.

"Who is it, Sera?" asked Caraway.

"I-I-I-It's..."

"Oh mother, I missed you so much," said a girl's voice.

Rinoa got up and walked to the door in curiosity. Her father did as well.

Two teenagers stood at the door. One was a girl with long, wavy amber hair. She was wearing faded denim jeans and a short-sleeved pink shirt that exposed her chest region. She was nicely tanned, and her eyes were piercing blue. But it was her eyes that scared Rinoa … something about them made her look threatening, like a scorpion.

The other was a guy. He had flaxen hair and was wearing a long white trench coat, and was holding a gunblade. He was leaning against the wall, away from the other girl, not even looking at what was going on.

"Why are you here?" asked Sera, shocked. "Who brought you here?"

"Father took us here," said the girl, "He ... he's sick of us. He doesn't want us around anymore. So he took us here." She began to cry, and hugged Sera tightly.

Rinoa saw the other guy roll his eyes.

"But I'm glad that I get to stay with you, mother," said the girl through sobs.

"Erm…" Sera let go of the girl. She looked at Caraway, not knowing what to do or say.

"Are these your children, Sera?" asked Caraway.

"Y-Yes … their father doesn't want them anymore," said Sera.

"Oh, well if that's the case … they're both welcome to stay here with us," said Caraway.

Rinoa blinked. More strangers in the house?

"Oh, thank you kind sir!" said the girl happily. She ran to Caraway and threw her arms around him.

He patted the girl on the back. "It's quite all right. And no 'sirs' please; you can call me father … or dad, or whatever you're comfortable with."

"Oh, thank you father," said the girl, letting go.

"Yes … well, why not all of us come on inside," said Caraway. "It's very cold out here."

The girl headed in excitedly. She eyed Rinoa and just pushed past her. Rinoa stumbled backward and quickly regained her balance. The other guy headed in after them. Everybody sat down on the sofa in the lounge, but Rinoa wasn't sure what her purpose there was.

"And what would be your name, young one?" asked Caraway.

"My name is Ashleigh," said the girl. "I'm seventeen years old, not _that_ young."

"Oh, you're one year younger than Rinoa then," said Caraway. He pointed to Rinoa.

"Then you are to call Rinoa big sister then, Ashleigh," said Sera.

Rinoa looked unsure at first, but smiled sweetly when Sera and Ashleigh looked at her. She stuck out her hand to Ashleigh.

"Nice to meet you," said Rinoa nicely.

Ashleigh just gave her a dirty look that only Rinoa could make out. Or maybe she was imagining it. But Ashleigh shook hands with her anyway and reluctantly said, "You too … Rinoa-san."

"And what about this young man?" asked Caraway, pointing to the other guy.

He looked uninterested and did not answer.

Sera cleared her throat.

The guy still did not answer.

"That's Seifer," said Sera, giving him a look.

"Oh, I see," said Caraway. "I see you have a gunblade. First class in Garden, are you?"

"Yeah," was all Seifer said.

"Ah, excellent," said Caraway. "Almost a SeeD. I think you'll get along with Squall."

Seifer didn't ask who Squall was.

"I'm in Garden too," interrupted Ashleigh.

"Really?" said Caraway.

"I only started last year," said Ashleigh, "It's my second year now. But everyone at Galbadia Garden thought I was pretty good for a beginner."

"Oh, just like Rinoa," said Caraway happily. "You and Rinoa are going to get along just fine."

Rinoa smiled again, but Ashleigh just gave her a dirty look again.

"I think you two will have to share a room as well," said Caraway. "And Seifer can have his own room. Our house doesn't have enough bedrooms, I'm sorry to say, most of the rooms are filled with junk."

_Share a room with this chick?_ He didn't even ask if it was okay yet, which it obviously wasn't. Rinoa was horrified on the inside. She was not used to sharing things, especially with a stranger. But she tried to be polite and simply smiled.

"Then I think I'll go to my room now, thanks," said Seifer. He went upstairs without another word.

"I think you'd better show him his room, Rinoa," said Caraway. "And while you're at it, you can show Ashleigh your room."

Rinoa nodded without saying a word. She ran up the stairs after Seifer, who was pathetically looking in all of the rooms to see which one was his.

"Um, it's this one," said Rinoa, pointing to the spare guest room.

Seifer eyed Rinoa and just went into his new room without saying anything. When he brushed past her, a shiver ran down Rinoa spine. Something about him made her feel … strange. It was an uneasy feeling, but it didn't seem bad.

"And where's my room?" Ashleigh asked from behind.

"Oh ... _our _room is over here," said Rinoa. She led Ashleigh down the hallway to her room.

Rinoa was glad that it was tidy that day, besides all bags and books left on the bed. Her room looked atrocious sometimes, given the right circumstances.

"There's only one bed in here!" said Ashleigh in shock.

"Oh ... then I guess until Caraway gets a new bed, one of us will sleep on the floor," said Rinoa.

Ashleigh didn't say anything.

Rinoa sighed, but then smiled meekly. "I'll sleep on the floor then."

"Okay then," said Ashleigh. She pushed all of Rinoa's stuff on the floor and put her bag on the bed. She sat on it and began bounced on it just a bit.

"This bed is so hard," said Ashleigh. "But it'll have to do."

Rinoa shifted her eyes in annoyance, but just cleared the stuff that Ashleigh pushed off the bed. The girl was already beginning to annoy her, and it had only been fifteen minutes since she walked through the door.

"You don't have to worry about calling me big sister," said Rinoa, setting out her sleeping bag on the floor. "Just call me Rinoa."

"Why would I call you big sister?" said Ashleigh. "You're only one year older than me."

_I'm glad you see it my way_, thought Rinoa.

Ashleigh sat and looked around the room. Her eyes landed on Rinoa's wardrobe, which happened to be open. She gasped and ran over to the wardrobe. She looked through all the clothes.

"Oh my gosh, these are such beautiful clothes," said Ashleigh, amazed.

"I'm glad you think so," said Rinoa, looking up. "Well, you know what, you can wear them whenever you want. Take whatever you want whenever you want."

She never even wore those clothes. Caraway would always try to buy her love by buying her clothes and things, but it never worked.

"Really?" said Ashleigh excitedly.

Rinoa nodded with a smile. "Sure thing. We're … we're sisters now, aren't we?"

The words left a dry taste in Rinoa's mouth. _Sisters _… she never thought she would see the day when she would call someone her sister. She was almost afraid to.


	3. Vacation Blues

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 3 – Vacation Blues**

Rinoa didn't have a really good sleep that night. Ashleigh snored and talked in her sleep, and sleeping on the floor wasn't the most comfortable position. She sung herself to sleep in her mind, and it worked. The next morning, she woke up bright and early. Everyone was still asleep, and the sun was going to rise soon.

Rinoa sat in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate and looking out the window. She wanted to go back to Garden ... she'd be away from home and away from all this stuff. She wouldn't have had to worry about Sera and her father … all she had to worry about was herself and her friends, and that was all she wanted.

Caraway came downstairs, in his uniform. He was obviously working that day.

"You're up bright and early, angel wing," said Caraway. He kissed Rinoa's forehead.

Rinoa didn't say anything and acted as if he hadn't shown any sign of affection, like she always did.

"So how was your night?" asked Caraway.

"Get another bed in the room, please," said Rinoa with a sigh.

Caraway laughed, not sensing that Rinoa had a miserable night. "All right, I'll work on it today."

Everybody gradually began to wake up. Ashleigh was searching through the cupboards for some breakfast food she'd actually like. Sera was sitting at the dining room table, eating breakfast with Caraway beside her. Seifer was nowhere to be found.

"So what're you kids planning to do today?" asked Caraway.

"Nothing," said Ashleigh, sounding disappointed.

Rinoa's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Rinoa picked it up on the first ring.

"Hey Rinoa, it's Squall."

"Oh, hey Squall!" said Rinoa, suddenly feeling happy.

"Are you doing anything today?" asked Squall.

"Uh … nope, not a thing," said Rinoa.

"Oh, that's good then. The guys here miss you already. You wanna come over to Garden, just for today?"

"Oh, that'd be great!" said Rinoa happily. "I'll come by train, so don't worry about going all that way."

"Great," said Squall. "Then we can hang … um … around."

"That'd be great," said Rinoa, smiling, even though Squall couldn't see her.

"Yeah, it would," said Squall. "Anyway, call me when you get to the station so we can pick you up."

"Yep, sure!" said Rinoa brightly.

"Later," said Squall.

"Bye!"

Rinoa hung up and her day was already brightened. Caraway and Sera looked uninterested with Rinoa's conversation, but Ashleigh looked _very _fascinated.

"Who was that?" asked Ashleigh curiously.

"A friend," answered Rinoa. "Anyway, I'm heading for Balamb today. Won't be home until late, okay?"

"Sure thing, angel wing," said Caraway.

"Balamb?" said Sera. "That's where the Garden is, isn't it?"

"Um … yeah, it is pretty close," replied Rinoa.

"Ah, well that's wonderful," said Sera. "You can take Ashleigh to her orientation day at the Garden today. That goes for Seifer too..."

Rinoa was slightly disappointed. She wanted to go on her own.

"Oh, would you, Rinoa-san?" said Ashleigh innocently.

Rinoa pursed her lips together. _I thought she wasn't going to call me big sister,_ thought Rinoa.

"All right ... I guess I should," said Rinoa, deciding it was the better thing to do.

Ashleigh squealed with delight. "I'll go upstairs and get changed."

"So ... where's Seifer?" asked Sera.

"Right here." Seifer came down the stairs as Ashleigh brushed past him. He was already dressed in that white trench coat and the clothes he was wearing the other day.

"Oh, well Rinoa is going to take you to the Garden for your orientation," said Sera.

Seifer shrugged, not really caring.

"Do you want a lift to the train station?" asked Caraway.

Rinoa was about to say 'no it's okay' but Ashleigh came downstairs and answered the question for her.

"That would be great, father," said Ashleigh.

Rinoa looked at Ashleigh. She was wearing the clothes from her wardrobe. A black mini skirt that was short enough to be a belt, and a black leather tank top ... something that Rinoa wouldn't be caught dead in. It was her normal, blue princess outfit for her.

"Ashleigh, you look … wonderful," said Sera.

Seifer coughed, which somewhat sounded like "cough-slut-cough".

Rinoa bit her bottom lip to stop herself from saying anything that was on her mind. She didn't want to sound intrusive with what Ashleigh wanted.

"All right, let's head off then," said Caraway.

Ashleigh excitedly followed Caraway outside. Rinoa grabbed her backpack and tagged along with a sigh.

Ashleigh hopped into the front seat, leaving Rinoa having to slide into the back. Sera went outside to see them off, still in her bathrobe.

"Take care, all right?" said Sera.

Seifer walked out of the house also. He glanced at the car, but just walked on.

"Don't you want a lift, Seifer?" said Caraway, pulling down the window.

Seifer didn't look at Caraway and just kept on walking.

Caraway looked at Sera, who shrugged.

"He'll be fine walking," she said.

Caraway started the car and drove to the point Seifer reached. "Come into the car, Seifer."

Seifer glanced at the car. Rinoa looked curiously out the window as the young man continued to just keep walking. She wanted to get out of the car as well and just _walk _to the station … it was better than staying in a car with two unpleasant people.

"Just leave him," said Ashleigh bitterly. "He was always ungrateful."

Caraway shrugged and drove straight to the train station, leaving Seifer behind. Ashleigh turned the radio on. It was some weird, jumpy pop song. Ashleigh started singing along ... it was as if it was a battle cry for the start of the Sorceress War II.

Rinoa tried to hold in fits of laughter, but looked out the window, and tried to block out Ashleigh's singing. She couldn't understand why her stepsister enjoyed making herself look like a complete idiot out of herself.

Pretty soon they arrived at the train station. As usual, Deling station was hustling and bustling with people late for work and people just bumming around.

"Do you want me to pick you up afterwards?" asked Caraway.

Don't you have somewhere you have to be? Rinoa wanted to say. So far, he proved to have _a lot _of time on his hands ever since Ashleigh and Seifer moved on.

"Oh, it's okay father, we can take a bus back," said Ashleigh.

Rinoa turned away and rolled her eyes. She walked into the train station without waiting for Ashleigh or saying goodbye to her father.

She bought her ticket and sat on one of the benches, waiting for the train to come. She listened to the music of trains braking at the other platforms and announcements over the speakers.

Ashleigh's high heels clicked on the ground as she ran towards Rinoa.

"Why did you leave me like that?" said Ashleigh angrily. "I could have gotten lost!"

_I wouldn't mind that_, thought Rinoa, but she didn't say anything.

The train for Balamb arrived in about five minutes. Rinoa and Ashleigh got on the train and sat down on the seats by the door.

The ride was in total silence. Ashleigh was looking out the window with a constant frown stuck on her face. Rinoa kept playing with Julia's ring that hung on her neck, making the cold metal warm with her touch.

Rinoa's cell phone rang again.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rinoa, it's Squall."

"Oh, hi, Squall," said Rinoa, seeing in the corner of her eye that Ashleigh was already deeply interested in Rinoa's conversation.

"Where are you now?" asked Squall.

"I'm on the train," answered Rinoa.

"Oh okay, I'll send the gang up to pick you up," said Squall.

"What about you?" asked Rinoa.

"I've gotta do something for Headmaster Cid," said Squall. "But I'll see you sometime during the day."

"Promise?" said Rinoa.

"Promise," said Squall.

"All right, that's good enough for me," said Rinoa, grinning.

"Zell, Selphie and Irvine are coming to pick you up," said Squall, "Quistis is getting ready for the new students' orientation."

Rinoa glanced at Ashleigh. She was still watching Rinoa speak.

"All right then," said Rinoa. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," said Squall, and he hung up.

Rinoa closed her flip phone and put it back in her bag.

"Who was that?" asked Ashleigh curiously.

"A friend," answered Rinoa patiently.

"A boyfriend?" said Ashleigh, tilting her head to the side.

"A friend," Rinoa repeated, wanting Ashleigh to know as little about her as possible. Something in the back of her mind told her that Ashleigh wasn't one of those people she wanted to get to know.

Ashleigh shrugged, and at that moment, they reached Balamb station.

Rinoa spotted Irvine, Selphie and Zell chatting on the other side of the platform.

"Guys!" Rinoa yelled, and ran up to them excitedly.

All three of her friends turned around.

"Hey Rinoa, we missed you!" said Selphie.

"Yeah, one day sure is a long time," said Zell.

Ashleigh came running up to Rinoa, huffing and puffing for air. That short run had tired her out.

Irvine's eyes almost popped out as he looked at Ashleigh. "Whoa, who is _that_?"

Rinoa turned around to find Ashleigh's tiresome face turn into a smile. That smile was the same smile she always gave her father … how she hated that smile.

"My name is Ashleigh," said Ashleigh, smiling. "I just transferred here from Galbadia."

Rinoa couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Right," said Irvine, nodding his head up and down, scanning Ashleigh's body.

Ashleigh giggled. "Do you mind showing me to Balamb? I'm here for my orientation."

"Well, sure thing, missy," said Irvine, taking off his hat and bowing.

Selphie poked her tongue out at Irvine.

Zell started coughing, but it suspiciously sounded like disguised laughs.

"Let's go to Garden then … with our new friend," said Rinoa. She didn't want to say that Ashleigh was her new stepsister. She just pretended that she didn't know Ashleigh. She wanted her friends to have as little to do with Ashleigh as possible. It might have been fear of sharing friends with her sister, but the sorceress didn't want to admit it.

From Balamb, they headed to the Garden. Rinoa was merrily engaged in conversation with her comrades, and Ashleigh would also add her two cents once in a while when she felt the urge to. Rinoa would always ignore her comments and continue conversation as if she wasn't there.

"Wow, this place is so huge," said Ashleigh, looking around.

"The orientation's on the second floor classroom," said Rinoa, wanting to get Ashleigh away from her as soon as possible.

"Where's that?" asked Ashleigh.

"Uh ... on the second floor," said Rinoa, getting annoyed.

"Take me there, please guys?" said Ashleigh innocently.

"Oh, we have plans…" Rinoa trailed off, wanting to get rid of her annoying sister.

"It'll only take a sec," said Irvine.

"Yeah, we've got plenty of time," said Selphie.

Rinoa gave in to her friends and ended up agreeing. _It will only take a second_.

They took Ashleigh to the second floor classroom, where about another twenty new students were out in the hallway, chatting. Amongst them, Seifer was leaning against the wall alone, examining his gunblade.

"Well, we'll be off now," said Rinoa.

"Yeah, you can come and meet us at the cafeteria later if you like!" said Selphie.

"Hands off the hotdogs," said Zell.

Rinoa cringed.

"Oh, but I don't know anyone here," said Ashleigh, sounding sad.

"You'll make new friends, missy," said Irvine.

"Oh ... big sister, can't you come into the orientation with me?" said Ashleigh.

"But ... I don't need any orientation..." Rinoa tried to throw off what Ashleigh had just called her.

"Big sister?!" exclaimed Zell.

"You never told me this little lady was your little sister," said Irvine.

"We didn't even know you _had _a little sister!" cried Selphie.

"It's ... it's a long story," said Rinoa, sighing.

"Please, big sister, come with me to the orientation?" said Ashleigh. "I'm sure the instructor won't mind."

"But..." Rinoa looked at her friends.

"Help out your lil sis, Rinoa," said Zell.

Rinoa sighed. It was as if Ashleigh didn't _want _her to be around her friends.

"All right," said Rinoa finally.

Ashleigh gave Rinoa a sweet smile, but to Rinoa, it looked like a smile of triumph.

"We'll meet you guys later," said Irvine.

"Have fun!" said Selphie.

_Yeah, I'll have heaps of fun,_ thought Rinoa.


	4. Silent Grudges

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 4 - Silent Grudges**

Quistis got out of the elevator and looked around at the new arrivals. She smiled to see the excited faces of the new students. She could already pick out the people who were going to do well and who were going to slack off. There was a common saying … "Never judge a book by its cover". But Quistis had a talent to look at a person and see deep within their soul … just like she had with Squall. Or _tried _to.

There was a common murmur going around Garden all the time. _Is Quistis still in love with Squall_? Ever since Rinoa came to Garden, the rumour and gossip rate had only risen. No, Quistis was not still in love with Squall. She once was … but people fall in and out of love. No, that was never true love. You could never fall out of love … if you did, then it wasn't really love.

Squall never returned her love. It took two to tango … if only one was loved, then it _still _wasn't really love. Quistis learned from this. She moved on … Quistis Trepe was not the type of person to dwell on the past, only care about the present and look forward to the future. She was no more than Squall's big sister, as well as Rinoa's.

Yes, Rinoa and Quistis got along fine. They never had once fought. Quistis would lecture Rinoa sometimes, and Rinoa would indeed get frustrated with Quistis's guilt-stirring, but in the end, Rinoa always knew that the instructor was right.

Quistis headed into the classroom and was surprised to see Rinoa sitting at a desk with her head on her hands, looking bored.

"Rinoa?" said Quistis, lifting her glasses.

Rinoa looked up at Quistis. "Oh, hey Quistis."

"I thought you were going home?" said Quistis, confused.

"I was," said Rinoa gloomily, "I wanted to head up here to visit you guys. But it ends up that I gotta baby-sit my little 'sister'..."

"You have a sister?" said Quistis, raising an eyebrow.

"It's a long story," sighed Rinoa.

"In that case, you can tell me another time," replied Quistis, "But it's orientation day today. You don't need to be here."

"Looking after my little sister," answered Rinoa dully.

"Really? She's new here?"

Rinoa pointed to the group of teenaged girls standing at the doorway of the classroom. In front of them all was Ashleigh standing tall, arousing excitement by showing off to them all that her mother used to be an actress.

"Ah, I see," said Quistis. "That's quite nice of you to stay with her."

"Yeah, maybe," said Rinoa dully, "But I'd rather be hanging out there with the others…"

"True," said Quistis, nodding. "But, hey, so would I."

Rinoa smiled weakly. "Yeah, I guess. I'll keep you company then. It mustn't be fun having to look after a bunch of newbies every year."

Quistis laughed. "It's not that bad once you get used to it." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Hmm, it's time to start. You mind calling them all in?"

"Yeah, sure," said Rinoa. "I may as well make myself useful."

"That's the spirit," said Quistis brightly.

Rinoa hopped off the seat and went out into the hallway, pushing past Ashleigh and her posse. There were about two dozen students there, ranging from children aged from five years old to adults in their mid-twenties.

"Okay, guys, the orientation's starting," said Rinoa loudly over the loud chatter. "Just come into this classroom and we'll start."

"Hey, who're you to tell us what to do?" said a voice from behind.

Rinoa spun around, and ironically, it was Ashleigh who spoke.

"Um, I happen to be the instructor's ... umm ... assistant," said Rinoa. "For ... umm ... today."

"Wow, some instructor's assistant you are," said Ashleigh, rolling her eyes.

Ashleigh's group behind her giggled.

Rinoa bit her bottom lip to avoid saying anything nasty. Why was this girl so two-faced? She would be so nice to her and call her 'big sister' in front of her father and her friends, but she sure had a bad attitude everywhere else.

_She's probably trying to make her look cool or superior, or some crazy teenaged thing that I don't even want to begin to understand, _thought Rinoa. _I'll just keep being nice to her ... maybe it's some stress or something that's making her like this..._

"I suggest you get into the classroom before you get a detention on the first day." Quistis stood at the doorway, leaning against the wall with her arms folded.

Ashleigh turned around to find Quistis, and obediently headed into classroom. She snickered and muttered something that sounded like 'Teacher's pet' to the rest of her friends.

All the other new students headed into the classroom also.

Rinoa sighed. "Sorry, Quisty."

"No problem, kids are a real hand-full," said Quistis, "And that sister of yours seems..."

"Two real hand-fulls," said Rinoa.

"Right," said Quistis, laughing.

Rinoa smiled weakly, and headed into the classroom. She sat at the very back of the classroom, behind Ashleigh and three other girls that looked about her age. Two desks away from her to her right sat Seifer, looking bored.

"Good morning, everyone," said Quistis at her desk. "Welcome to Balamb Garden. I am Instructor Trepe, I'll be leading the orientation today, and I might be teaching some of you next year."

"_She's _an instructor?" whispered Ashleigh. "She doesn't look any older than us..."

"I am in fact, nineteen years old," said Quistis brightly. "I joined Garden at the age of ten, officially became a SeeD at fifteen and got my instructor's license at eighteen."

"Show off," muttered Ashleigh.

"Anyway," said Quistis, clearing her throat, "The purpose of today is to direct you around our Garden and teach you about our Garden. I'll explain to you the rules; put you in classes, that kinda stuff. And like every other Garden, we've got _uniforms, _with _uniform regulations_, so there will be no inappropriate dressage."

Everyone immediately looked at Ashleigh.

_And to think those clothes are mine,_ thought Rinoa.

"Anyway, let us begin..."

The day went by slowly. Rinoa stayed well away from the new people, but would help those cute little kids when they asked her a question. Most of the time she would hang around Quistis and converse with her at every possible chance, to keep her sanity.

The orientation day came to a close. Rinoa sighed with relief and got up when Quistis excused them all. She never thought the day would end.

Ashleigh and her new friends rushed out the door.

"So where're you going now?" asked one of the girls.

"Home," one of them answered.

"Me too," the other said.

"I'm gonna be hanging with these cool guys I met today," said Ashleigh. "They're all from SeeD!"

"Wicked!" said one of the girls.

They headed to the front gate.

"You're so lucky to be hanging with SeeDs on the first day," said one of the girls dreamily.

"Yeah," said Ashleigh, nodding.

"Oh man, it's raining!" cried one of the girls.

"I didn't bring an umbrella!" shrieked the other.

"Neither did I!" shrieked the other.

"I didn't either," said Ashleigh, worried. "And I blow-dried my hair this morning!"

"Oh, gosh..."

A nice car pulled over on the front of the Garden, into the VIP parking space. All four girls gazed at the car, wondering whom it could've belonged to. The door swung open, and a _really hot guy_ stepped out. He didn't look really happy, but he didn't look angry either. He pulled out an umbrella and held it over his head. He went up the steps of the Garden and stood nearby Ashleigh and her friends, as if he were waiting for something.

Ashleigh and her friends were staring at him profoundly.

The guy looked around, glanced at Ashleigh and her friends, then looked away.

"He ... is so ... ooooooh..."

Ashleigh grinned sheepishly. She walked up to the guy and started twirling a lock of her hair around her index finger. She was sure she could impress him with her charm.

"Hi, I'm new," said Ashleigh in what meant to be a cute voice.

The guy didn't even look at her.

Ashleigh cleared her throat.

The guy turned around and looked at her. "Oh, you're talking to _me_."

Ashleigh's sheepish grinned widened. "Yeah ... so what's your name?"

The guy wasn't really listening to her; he was kind of looking into the Garden.

"My name's Ashleigh," said Ashleigh sweetly.

"Oh ... I'm..." The guy was still looking into the Garden. He all of a sudden bolted off into the Garden.

Ashleigh raised an eyebrow, not knowing what went wrong, and followed him. He was running towards a gloomy-looking Rinoa.

"Rinoa!" called the hot guy.

Rinoa looked up and grinned. "Squall!" She ran towards him and gave him a huge hug.

Ashleigh eyed her jealously, and stepped back to where her friends were.

"What happened?" asked one of the girls.

Ashleigh ignored her and watched as Squall and Rinoa headed out of the Garden together, chattering away. She eyed them both, as they walked straight past her, not even noticing she was there.

Squall covered Rinoa with his umbrella and opened the front door of his car for her. She hopped in, and he hopped in into the other side.

Ashleigh just glared as the car drove away.

"I didn't think you'd come," said Rinoa.

"You really think I'd forget about you?" asked Squall, looking offended. "I promised, after all."

Rinoa giggled. "Of course. Anyway, where were you today?"

"I was doing something for the headmaster," said Squall.

"Oh, interesting," said Rinoa, nodding.

The two of them hung out at Timber, after Rinoa insisting that they did. They had coffee and walked around, and just talked.

It was almost seven o'clock, and Squall drove Rinoa home. The storm had cleared up, but it was still really grey, if not dark.

Squall dropped her off at her house. As Rinoa said goodbye and was about to run into the house, Squall called after her.

Rinoa turned around. "What's wrong?"

Squall got out of the car and ran towards, her carrying a flat box, wrapped with ribbon.

"Wow, for me?" said Rinoa, clasping her hands over her mouth.

Squall nodded with a small smile.

Rinoa lifted the lid to find a pretty, white dress folded in it.

"Oh my gosh, thanks, Squall!" cried Rinoa. She closed the box and threw her arms around him.

"Wear it to the opening dance when we go back to Garden," said Squall, "I have a surprise for you."

"I promise I'll wear it then," said Rinoa, crossing her heart.

Squall smiled. They said their good-byes and Rinoa walked into the house as Squall drove away.

Ashleigh was watching from the upstairs room out the window at what Squall and Rinoa. She watched as Rinoa entered the house. She quickly bolted out of the room, and headed to Seifer's room and hid, which was okay because Seifer wasn't there.

Ashleigh could hear Rinoa's footsteps head into her room and the door closing. Rinoa's footsteps were heard walking down the stairs again.

Ashleigh darted out of Seifer's room and into Rinoa's room again. She saw a box in pink wrapping paper with a red bow tied around it. A card was attached to it. Ashleigh picked up the card and read it.

I hope you like my present. I'm no good at this stuff; I bought it in Esthar a while ago but wasn't sure when to give it you. Wear it to the start-of-the-year dance. You'll look more of an angel than you really are. I have a surprise for you then. –Squall

Ashleigh closed the card and slid it back under the ribbon carefully. She took off the lid and pulled out the dress and held it up. It was about knee-length and it was white, with thin white straps. On the side was a white lace rose.

It's so pretty, thought Ashleigh.

"What're you doing?"

Ashleigh jumped. Rinoa was standing at the door, looking annoyed. She headed towards Ashleigh, snatched the dress off her, folded it up and placed it gently back in the box.

"I was just looking at it," said Ashleigh earnestly.

"Okay, you've seen it... so I'm going to put it away now," said Rinoa. She slid it under her bed.

Ashleigh shifted her eyes, not wanting her eyes to meet Rinoa's. Rinoa just sat on her bed, watching Ashleigh.

Ashleigh groaned and just got out of the room.

**A/N: **Okay, another dull chapter ... I'm trying to keep Squall in-character as much as possible, but it's kinda hard 'cause I'm trying to make him a Romeo at the same time! I mean, he doesn't usually smile, if not at all ... ugh, this is very hard. Well, don't lose hope yet, there's still more to come! Oh, and please review! I appreciate it!


	5. Day Three

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 5 – Day Three**

"So how was your day today?" asked Sera at dinner that night. "Did you two have fun?"

"I guess," said Ashleigh.

"Hmm," mumbled Rinoa in response. She didn't exactly have fun…

"What about you Seifer?" asked Caraway.

Rinoa noticed that he's been home a lot of the time ever since _Sera _moved in. What a coincidence…

Seifer didn't answer and just kept picking at his food.

Caraway decided not to pursue asking him. "Are my angel wings doing anything tomorrow?"

_I thought I was the only angel wing_, thought Rinoa.

"No," answered Rinoa.

Ashleigh shook her head.

"Great," said Caraway, "Because I've reserved us a table at the finest restaurant in Deling."

"Ooh, _finest_?" said Ashleigh excitedly.

"The best in the area," said Caraway, nodding with pride. "It's really hard to make a booking there, but I got one easily. But they didn't have a table of just five left, so we had to go with the table of eight instead. You can bring your little friends, if you like. One friend each."

The first person that popped into Rinoa's head was Squall.

"Oh, only one?" said Ashleigh, disappointed. "But I made _three _new friends today."

_So what_, thought Rinoa bitterly.

"Oh ... well isn't that a pity," said Caraway. "I know, you can take all your new friends, then. Rinoa, you don't mind, do you? Since Ashleigh is new and she should start to get to know her new friends..."

_Oh yeah, it's absolutely fine that she can have exactly what she wants_, thought Rinoa sarcastically.

"I don't mind," Rinoa heard herself say, looking down at her plate.

_What on earth possessed me to say that?_

"Oh, wait, what about you, Seifer?" asked Caraway.

Seifer didn't say anything. He didn't really care. He didn't even want to go to the stupid restaurant, let alone bring any friends.

Sera narrowed her eyes down at him.

"I don't think he's made any new friends yet," said Sera for him.

All of a sudden, Seifer toppled off his chair and landed on the floor with a loud _thud _on his backside. He blinked long and hard, trying to refocus his hazy vision.

"Seifer?" said Caraway, worried, getting out of his seat and rushing towards his side.

Sera gasped and also rushed to his side. Rinoa and Ashleigh just gazed at them in curiosity.

"Seifer? Are you all right?" said Caraway.

Sera picked up Seifer's glass and sniffed it. "This isn't soda, it's wine!"

"And he's had like, eight refills!" cried Ashleigh.

Rinoa just turned around and began eating again. She was beginning to not care anymore.

---

As Rinoa brushed her teeth the next morning, she thought about what she would've worn that night. She was going to show up to this fancy family dinner, even if she didn't want to.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

Rinoa jumped and twirled around. Seifer had rushed in and started throwing up in the toilet.

She quickly abandoned her toothbrush and rushed outside of the bathroom, slamming the door shut and leaning against the wall, eyes widened. _Is he blind or something? I was in there! _She waited for the throwing up to stop, then heard water running.

As the door opened, Seifer walked out, looking like a mess. He stopped and looked at Rinoa.

Rinoa blinked and just stared at him, without a word.

Seifer turned around and just began walking away, without saying anything.

_Okay, that guy is just beginning to scare me,_ thought Rinoa, as she walked back into the bathroom and resumed freshening up.

When Rinoa was finished in the bathroom, she headed out and into her room, feeling clean. Her cell phone began to ring at that moment.

Rinoa rushed to her bed and picked up her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rinoa, it's me, Squall."

"Oh, hey Squall!" said Rinoa brightly.

"So, are you doing anything tonight?" asked Squall.

Rinoa frowned. "Y-Yeah, I am, actually. I'm going out to dinner with my family."

"Oh, okay then," said Squall, sounding slightly disappointed.

"I'm so sorry!" cried Rinoa apologetically.

"It's okay," said Squall. "So, what time do you finish? Maybe afterwards we can go somewhere with the others."

Rinoa's frown turned into a smile. "We'll finish around eight maybe. We'll be at some fancy restaurant in Deling."

"Okay, I think I know what you're talking about," said Squall. "I'll see you then."

"Bye!" said Rinoa happily. She hung up and put her phone down. Her day wasn't going to be so bad after all.

---

"I'm going for a walk," Rinoa said to her father at six that night.

"Are you going to make it back in time for dinner?" asked Caraway.

"Yeah, and if not you can just go on ahead without me," said Rinoa, "I'll walk there later."

"Are you sure?" asked Caraway.

"Positive," said Rinoa, "It's not even that far..."

"That's my strong little girl," said Caraway with a smile.

Rinoa shook her head with a smile and headed out the door, closing it on the way out. She smiled out at the open world in front of her and snuggled closer into her jacket. As she headed out, she noticed that Seifer was sitting out on the porch, watching the world go by.

"Aren't you a bit ... bored, just sitting there?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer eyed her, but didn't say anything.

"Why not come for a walk with me?" asked Rinoa happily. "I'm sure it's better than just sitting here."

Seifer just glared at her, not even having to say anything to pin his point across.

Rinoa pursed her lips together nervously, but then smiled. "Okay, I'll just go on my own..."

Seifer kept on glaring at her until she walked away. As Rinoa walked, she could feel his eyes on her, following her … it was almost scary.

---

"It was so nice of you and your family to let us come," said one of Ashleigh's friends. The four of them were hanging out in Rinoa's room, gossiping and chatting about Garden and other things like that.

"Yeah, my big sis kept on insisting that she brought her friends," said Ashleigh, "I let her, even though I wanted to bring you guys ... but daddy thought she was being selfish and let me bring you guys."

"Oh, you're so nice!" squealed Ashleigh's friend.

"Oh, and did you manage to get a hold of that hot guy we saw yesterday?" asked another one of Ashleigh's friends.

Ashleigh frowned. "No ... but I will. He just doesn't know exactly who I am, but when he does, he'll be all over me."

"Yeah, who wouldn't?"

---

It began to rain again and Rinoa was caught right in the storm. She didn't bring an umbrella, and she was quite far from home. The cold raindrops fell from the sky, making Rinoa flinch. She was somewhat drenched, and wanted to take cover somewhere.

She ran into one of the nearby stores to get out of the rain. She didn't want to catch a cold. As she walked in, she could feel the shop owner's prying eyes on her as she left a drippy trail behind her.

"Buy something and get out," grumbled the shopkeeper.

Rinoa twirled around. "Oh, sir, is it okay if I just stay in here until the rain—"

"Buy something and get out," the shopkeeper repeated grouchily.

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously to hold back any arguments or nasty words she had in mind. She glanced at her watch. She was already late for the dinner...

She began to pretend to browse around the shop, avoiding the suspicious death stares from the shopkeeper. As soon as the rain began to slow down, she picked out a random greeting card, quickly paid for it, and ran outside.

The pouring rain had died down to a mere drizzle, but Rinoa was still getting wetter by the second. She glanced at her watch and noticed that she was already half an hour late.

Rinoa kept running as fast as she could, pushing past all the pedestrians and madly pressing the buttons at the traffic lights. She slipped once or twice but she would pick herself up and keep running until she got home.

As soon as she got into the house, she realised that all her family members had left already. Rinoa ran up the stairs and dried herself off, tending to all the wounds she acquired when she had slipped. She considered taking a shower, but found that she was already late enough _without_ one. Instead, she quickly blow-dried her hair and decided to get changed.

She rushed into her room and dove under her bed, looking for the dress Squall had given her. She decided to wear it that night, since she was going to see Squall anyway.

But all she found was an empty box. She felt around to see if it could've fallen out, but it wasn't under her bed.

She bolted to her wardrobe and began furiously flipping through the clothes that were on the rack. Maybe she had hung it up and forgotten about it. But still, she couldn't find that angelic white dress.

After ten minutes of searching for the dress, she gave up. She didn't know where it was.

_Oh well, it was meant for the opening dance anyway ... Squall wouldn't mind if I don't wear it today, _thought Rinoa

Rinoa grabbed the shimmering golden dress that she usually wore on special occasions. She grabbed a long coat to protect her from the rain and the cold, her handbag and rushed out the door. She signaled for a passing cab on the road.

She hopped into the backseat and told the driver where she wanted to go. She looked at her watch and she was forty-five minutes late...

When Rinoa arrived at the restaurant, she paid the driver, and got out of the cab, shielding herself from the light drizzle with her handbag. She rushed to the door of the restaurant, where a staff member with a checklist stood.

"Name?" asked the man.

"I'm Rinoa, my father is General Caraway—"

"Have you got any proof of that, miss?" asked the staff member.

"Isn't my face proof enough?" asked Rinoa, annoyed.

"She's with me."

Rinoa looked over the man's shoulder to find Caraway standing there, not looking very pleased.

The man looked at Caraway, whom nodded, and moved out of the way as Rinoa passed through.

"You're late, Rinoa," said Caraway.

"I-I'm sorry, I got caught in the storm—"

"You shouldn't have gone for a walk then," said Caraway. "You should've just stayed and come with the rest of the family."

Rinoa quickly tried to think up an argument, even though she knew her father was right. "Well, how was I supposed to know it was going to rain? I'm not some walking weather bureau…"

Caraway just shook his head as if it were nothing, not wanting to start an argument with his daughter, and led her to where they were sitting.

Rinoa's mouth dropped open to see Ashleigh. It wasn't Ashleigh that surprised her; it was what she was wearing. She was wearing the very dress Squall gave her.

Ashleigh stopped talking with her friends and looked at Rinoa.

"Why so late, big sister?" asked Ashleigh innocently.

Rinoa glared at Ashleigh with pure poison in her eyes.

"Isn't what she's wearing so gorgeous?" said one of Ashleigh's friends dreamily.

Rinoa's glare died down to just a stare. It wasn't a dirty stare; it was just a stare of disappointment.

"Where'd you get it from, Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh looked at Rinoa, and then looked back at the friend who asked her. She just smiled and didn't say anything.

"Ashleigh ... can I talk to you?" asked Rinoa.

Ashleigh smiled up at Rinoa, and then looked back at her friends. "Excuse me for a second."

Ashleigh got up. Rinoa grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the bathroom.

"Why are you wearing my dress?" asked Rinoa.

"Why can't I?" said Ashleigh, almost carelessly.

"Because it's _mine_," said Rinoa firmly.

"So what?" said Ashleigh, "You were the one in the first place who said I can wear your clothes whenever I wanted."

Rinoa just stared at Ashleigh blankly. _I cannot believe this girl,_ thought Rinoa.

"But this dress means something to me," said Rinoa, "A friend of mine gave it to me..."

"What makes you think I care?" snapped Ashleigh. "You said I can wear your clothes whenever I wanted, and now you get angry when I didn't even break any of your rules?"

"I know, but—"

"Listen to me," interrupted Ashleigh, "Haven't you realised? I don't _like _you, okay? So don't give me any of your bull crap and don't try and act nice to me. Because I know you're just _pretending. _In fact, I bet you're always pretending to be nice so everyone can like you. Well, guess what? _I don't._"

Rinoa's blood began to stir. "How would you know? You don't know me. Don't act like you know me, because you _don't_."

"Maybe I don't know you, but I can see right through you," snarled Ashleigh.

Rinoa wanted to throw something at her stepsister in frustration. She was about to yell back in response, but didn't want to cause any trouble.

"Just give back that dress when you're done with it," Rinoa said simply. She walked out of the bathroom and sat back down with the rest of the family.

_Stupid girl…_


	6. Claws

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 6 – Claws**

At dinner, Ashleigh kept throwing death stares at Rinoa. Rinoa tried not to take any notice of it. She wasn't going to stoop down to her stepsister's level and try to cause trouble while their family was eating. Seifer found it amusing, and everyone else just didn't seem to notice.

Rinoa excused herself and went to the bathroom.

"Well, I think it's time to leave now," said Caraway. "We'll just wait for Rinoa to come back out..."

"Dinner was wonderful," complimented Sera.

"Yeah, thanks for the dinner, General Caraway!" said all three of Ashleigh's friends together.

"Aren't you girls charming," said Caraway with a chuckle.

"I just want to go outside for some fresh air," said Ashleigh. She abandoned the table and wandered outside. When she stepped out, she felt the cool breeze against her face, a nice change to the somewhat stuffy and crowded atmosphere inside.

A familiar-looking car pulled over.

_Oh my god it's him,_ thought Ashleigh. She tidied herself up a bit and made herself look pretty.

Squall got out of the car and walked towards the entrance of the restaurant, twirling his car keys around his finger carelessly. As he walked past Ashleigh, he glanced at her, but when he saw her wearing the dress, he took a second glance.

Ashleigh smiled and walked up to him.

"Hi," said Ashleigh with a smile.

"Uh ... hey," said Squall slowly. "Do I ... know you?"

"Yeah, I'm the new girl from Garden," said Ashleigh in a cute voice.

"Oh ... right," said Squall. "Hey ... where'd you get that dress?"

Ashleigh giggled. "This old thing? It was just lying around. Why, do you like it?"

"Uh ... yeah, it's really pretty," said Squall, nodding.

Ashleigh giggled again. "Why, thanks."

"Hey, do you know a girl named Rinoa?" asked Squall.

Ashleigh slightly frowned, but then smiled again. "Yeah, I know Rinoa. I'm her younger sister."

Squall stared at her in shock. "You _are_?"

Ashleigh nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh ... uh ... okay then," said Squall, scratching the back of his head. He decided to ask her about it later. "Say ... do you know where she is?"

"Um, she's..."

"Squall!"

Squall looked over Ashleigh's shoulder, and found Rinoa rushing out the door. The commander nodded at her in acknowledgement, and walked away from Ashleigh and towards Rinoa.

Ashleigh turned around acidly and glared at Rinoa as she came rushing towards Squall.

"You came," said Rinoa happily. She glanced over at Ashleigh, ignored her, and then looked back at Squall again.

Ashleigh folded her arms and went back into the restaurant angrily.

As soon as Ashleigh was inside, Squall said, "You never told me you had a sister."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "How...?" She scrunched her nose to hide her embarrassment "It must've slipped my mind..."

"It _slipped _your _mind_?" repeated Squall, raising an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like you…"

Rinoa laughed nervously. "Well … I didn't think it would matter. But I'll tell you anyway. Caraway married some lady and that's her daughter."

Squall nodded slowly.

"Yeah … tragic, isn't it?" Rinoa grinned at him jokingly, even though it wasn't a joke.

"She's ... wearing your dress..."

Rinoa silently cursed at Ashleigh. "Oh, that's not _my _dress," she lied, not wanting to disappoint Squall. She sounded very convincing, though. "She just thought it was really pretty when she saw it. She looked at it and said she saw one like that in some shop and went to get it."

"She ... went all the way to Esthar to get it?" asked Squall, unconvinced.

"N-no, of course she didn't," said Rinoa quickly, "She told my father to get it. He was heading to Esthar for work the other day, that's all."

Squall nodded understandingly. "Oh, okay then."

"Well, enough about that, let's go have some fun," said Rinoa, not wanting to talk about Ashleigh anymore. She grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the restaurant.

---

Squall dropped Rinoa off back at her house. It was eleven o'clock, but everyone was still awake. Her father was of on a job somewhere and Sera was sitting on the sofa, watching television.

She went upstairs and into her room. Ashleigh was already changed out of Rinoa's dress and in her pajamas. She was lying on her bed, reading one of Rinoa's magazines.

Rinoa set her handbag on her dressing table, grabbed her pajamas from her wardrobe and got changed in the bathroom. She came back and hung her dress up. She began brushing her hair in front of her dressing table mirror.

Rinoa saw Ashleigh get up through the reflection of the mirror, but paid no attention to her. The redhead was giving her a dirty look. She got up and walked to her schoolbag, rummaging through it. She found something … a bottle of ink. Rinoa's stepsister walked back to the bed and sat herself down.

Rinoa began to watch Ashleigh suspiciously through the reflection of the mirror. Ashleigh opened the bottle of ink and spilled it on something that was lying nearby. Rinoa's dress.

Rinoa dropped her brush and ran up to Ashleigh, ink bottle in hand. She looked at the dress Squall gave her, and simply stared in horror. There was a giant black stain on the waistline.

"Why did you do that for!" demanded Rinoa angrily.

Ashleigh continued to spill the ink on Rinoa's dress.

"What are you doing!" yelled Rinoa in horror. "That's not going to wash out!"

"I don't care," said Ashleigh grouchily.

Rinoa snatched her dress from Ashleigh. She ran to her dressing table and started spraying water on the stain, trying to rub off the ink vigorously. It didn't come off.

"Why in Hyne's name did you do that for!" screamed Rinoa angrily.

"So you can't wear that fricking dress anymore," answered Ashleigh simply. "It's ugly. I'm doing you a favour."

"What the hell is wrong with you!" screamed Rinoa. She threw the dress on the floor in anger. "Why are you doing this to me!"

Ashleigh just looked at Rinoa emotionlessly. Then she said, "I. Don't. Like. You." She was just saying that. Truly, she was just jealous of Rinoa. She didn't know why. Was it because she had Squall? Was it because she had a father that loved her so much? Was it because she had real friends who cared about her?

Rinoa rushed towards Ashleigh, blood boiling. She gathered all her bottled up anger and released it all on Ashleigh … she slapped her right across the face. "What the HELL is wrong with you? That dress meant something to me! I don't care if you think it's ugly, it's MY dress!" She continued to slap her stepsister across the face…

Ashleigh grabbed Rinoa by the shoulders. "Stop it!" she shrieked.

Rinoa wriggled free from Ashleigh's grip and pushed her down on the bed. She began slapping Ashleigh furiously, releasing all her anger.

Ashleigh was in tears. She kept on screaming, "Stop it!" but Rinoa just kept on bashing the heck out of her.

The door flung open and Sera rushed in, horrified.

"Stop it! Stop it, both of you!" Sera pulled Rinoa off Ashleigh.

Rinoa glared at Ashleigh in fury. She restrained herself from hurting her any further.

Ashleigh sat up and kept on crying.

"What is going on here?" demanded Sera. She picked up the dirtied dress and stared at Ashleigh. "This is Rinoa's dress. Say sorry to her, right now. This stain won't wash out."

Ashleigh continued crying and hugged her mother. "It was an accident!" Ashleigh sobbed through tears. "I kept saying I was sorry, but big sister just kept on hitting me!"

Rinoa's look of fury disappeared and disbelief took its place. She stared at Ashleigh in disbelief and just kept that stare fixed. _You little…_

Ashleigh kept on continuing to cry.

Sera's angry look turned to Rinoa. "Is this ... true?"

Rinoa whirled around and stared at her stepmother with utmost look of disbelief. "No! Of course it's not true!"

"She's lying!" wailed Ashleigh, "I swear, it was an accident!"

Sera said nothing. She was unsure of who to believe … but seeing as how she trusted her own daughter more, she decided to believe Ashleigh silently. She just stood up and put the dirty dress down, and walked out of the room.

Ashleigh stopped crying and looked at Rinoa.

Rinoa turned around and clenched her fist, but didn't hit Ashleigh.

The two of them were left staring at each other, with putrid hatred smothered across each other's faces.

---

"Mother, I hate her so much," said Ashleigh to her mother the next day. The two of them were sitting on the lounge, while Caraway was away and Rinoa was still sleeping.

"Why does she have to be in this family?" cried Ashleigh.

"You may hate her but you have to live with her," said Sera.

"Her boyfriend is a SeeD," said Ashleigh jealously. "I don't know what he sees in her."

"A SeeD?" repeated Sera.

"Yes," pouted Ashleigh, "His name is Squall ... or something. She's meeting up with him _again_. I swear, she is so stuck on him."

"Squall?" said Sera, her eyes widening. "Why, that's the name of President Laguna of Esthar's son!"

"It is?" said Ashleigh, amazed. Then she became green with envy again. "That just makes it worse."

Sera thought carefully. "You said she's meeting up with him today?"

"Yes," said Ashleigh, frowning.

"Well ... why not tag along with her?" suggested Sera.

"I'll look like an idiot," said Ashleigh grumpily. "I want to see him alone. Without her. She's messing my life up, mother! She doesn't deserve Squall!"

"What's she ever done to you?" asked Sera. "She seems like a nice girl."

"Nice!" cried Ashleigh. "Didn't you see the way she was slapping me yesterday? It was so painful! She's a lot stronger than I am, and I bet she would be since she's friends with so many SeeDs! She always leaves me behind as well! She deserted me at the train station on the orientation day. I could have gotten lost! And she didn't want me to accompany me that day. She always leaves me out and never introduced me to any of her friends. I'm miserable because of her."

Sera seemed to be intrigued by this news. "Well, if that's the case, you go on and meet this Squall. I'll make sure she doesn't come along."

Ashleigh brightened. "Really, mumsy?"

Sera nodded. "She doesn't deserve what she has. She _is _ungrateful. She never calls you little sister or Fury her father and she certainly does _not_ call me mother!"

Ashleigh squealed with delight.

"You're both evil, aren't you?"

Sera turned around and saw Seifer leaning against the wall, eating an apple carelessly. It seemed that he was listening intently to what the two of them were saying, and picked up on it quite easily. He actually knew about Ashleigh and Rinoa's little rivalry going on, and that Rinoa was actually the victim. He chose to remain neutral, finding the two girls' quarrelling rather entertaining.

"Why, you...!" Sera narrowed her eyes.

Seifer snickered. "I'm not deaf, y'know."

Sera stood up in anger and marched right over to him.

"You little swine, why are you listening to personal conversations?" demanded Sera.

"I don't remember you stating anywhere that that conversation was personal," said Seifer with a snicker.

"Ugh! You are so much like your father, you little worm!" shouted Sera.

"Uh ... point being?" said Seifer lazily.

"You won't tell Rinoa, will you?" asked Ashleigh nervously.

"Maybe I will ... maybe I won't," said Seifer with a mischievous grin.

Sera fumed in anger, fury flickering across her eyes, and grabbed Seifer by the ear like a misbehaving child.

"OW, whaddaya think you're doing?" growled Seifer, pissed.

Sera dragged Seifer by the ear to the closet. "I've had enough of you," she said, her temper rising rapidly.

Seifer pulled his mother's hand off his ear.

"Don't touch the merchandise," said Seifer, rolling his eyes and straightening his collar. He thought he was off easy, but he let his guard down.

Sera opened the closet and pushed him in it, slamming the door and locking it.

Seifer began banging on the door, clueless about what had just happened. "What the hell? Let me out, bitch!"

Sera ignored his constant yelling and went back to Ashleigh.

"Now that that's been taken care of," said Sera, "Why don't _you _get ready for your meeting with Squall?"

Ashleigh grinned. "I will."


	7. Wait For Me

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 7 – Wait for Me**

Rinoa's eyes fluttered open to the sound of movement in the room. She squinted her eyes, trying to see what was happening without getting up. All she was met with was the hazy ceiling of her room in bright light. She turned to the side silently and saw a figure in her room. For a second, she thought it was a dream because the person in her room was wearing her clothes. Her trademark blue princess clothes. But then she realised she wasn't dreaming, and it was in fact Ashleigh who was wearing those clothes...

Rinoa suddenly wide awake. She bolted upright and stared at her stepsister.

"What are you doing?" demanded Rinoa.

Ashleigh spun around and was surprised to see that Rinoa was awake. She looked puzzled momentarily, and didn't know what to do. Then she just grinned sheepishly and darted out the door without a word.

Rinoa got out of bed and rushed downstairs after Ashleigh, messing up the bedsheets in the process. Her temper was beginning to rise. Something weird was definitely going on, and she had a feeling it wasn't good...

"What're you doing!" called Rinoa again.

As Rinoa reached the bottom of the stairs, she was taken by surprise when somebody grabbed her from behind. She shrieked and tried to break free, but couldn't. She watched helplessly asAshleigh headed out the front door and closed it with a loud slam.

Rinoa turned around to see who was holding her. It was Sera.

"What's happening—?"

"Get in the cupboard," interrupted Sera sharply. With one hand, she unlocked the closet, but held it tightly shut.

"What...?" Rinoa blinked in confusion, but Sera thrust the door open and pushed her in.

Rinoa stumbled and was quite confused at first. She suddenly realised that she was meant to be meeting Squall soon. She began banging on the door, wondering what kind of game Sera was playing at.

"Sera! Please! Let me out!" Rinoa shouted, banging her clenched fists on the door.

"That won't work."

Rinoa jumped in shock and turned around. She found Seifer sitting way at the back, hiding behind the coats that were hanging up. He gave her an amused smirk when he saw Rinoa's desperate face.

"Seifer!" gasped Rinoa. "Why...? Why has she locked us in the cupboard?"

Seifer kept a cold gaze. "Because she's a bitch, that's why."

Rinoa tilted her head, still confused. "But ... why?"

Seifer rolled his eyes in irritation. "You can blame Ashleigh."

Rinoa groaned. He didn't have to say anymore. That explained everything. She sighed and slumped down against the door of the closet, and sat on the floor. She decided to make herself comfortable, knowing that she was going to be in there for a while.

"So, what're you in for?" asked Rinoa.

"I'm in here because they hate me. And I hate them."

"Oh c'mon, they can't be that bad," said Rinoa, weakly smiling.

"Pssh, you believe what you want to," said Seifer, rolling his eyes.

Rinoa laughed nervously. She looked down at her fingers and decided to just not say anything anymore. There was no reasoning with this guy. _And I'm stuck in a closet with him ... great_, she thought.

* * *

Ashleigh was at the mall by herself, waiting for Squall to arrive. She was having trouble adjusting to Rinoa's clothes, because these clothes were something she wouldn't wear in a million years.

_But Squall probably likes Rinoa because of her fashion sense,_ thought Ashleigh. _Well if I can prove to be the same as her, and much better, then Squall will definitely like me._

"Uh..."

Ashleigh whirled around at the familiar voice. Of course, Squall was standing there, looking awfully confused. She pasted on a sweet smile, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger innocently.

"Hi!" said Ashleigh happily.

Squall raised an eyebrow. "You're not ... Rinoa...? But ... uh..."

Ashleigh faked a giggle. "_Of course_ I'm not Rinoa, silly. I'm her sister!" She flipped her amber her to the side and winked.

"Oh ... you," said Squall, sounding disappointed. "Where's Rinoa?"

"Oh, are you meeting up with her?" asked Ashleigh, pretending as if she didn't know anything.

"Yeah," answered Squall, "I'm a bit late ... don't tell me she went home because she thought I wouldn't show."

Ashleigh shrugged. "I don't know, I just came here and was going to meet my friends. But it turns out they didn't show up."

"Oh," said Squall quietly.

"Looks like we were both stood up, huh?" said Ashleigh.

_Stood up? But Rinoa would wait for me,_ thought Squall.

Squall didn't want to think about it, so he quickly changed the subject. "How come you're wearing Rinoa's dress?"

"Oh, Rinoa's dress?" said Ashleigh nervously. "She ... got bored of it. She thinks it's ugly now and would rather wear something else. I thought it was really pretty, so I asked if I could have it instead."

_But I loved this dress on Rinoa,_ thought Squall.

"Say, why don't we both hang out together instead?" suggested Ashleigh.

"I'd rather wait for Rin—"

Ashleigh glanced over Squall's shoulder and her smile widened. "Oh my gosh, there's an ice skating rink!" she said excitedly. "I've never been ice skating before! Have you?"

"Uh ... yeah, I have—"

"Ooh, cool!" said Ashleigh excitedly. Before Squall could say anything, Ashleigh grabbed him by the hand and ran over to the ice skating rink enthusiastically.

"Uh, if you don't mind, I'd rather wait for—"

Ashleigh stopped as they entered the rink. She grabbed some skates for herself and grabbed another pair and thrust them into Squall's stomach. He tried not to make a face.

"Just one go?" said Ashleigh, pulling an innocent face.

Squall sighed._ I don't want to be rude to Rinny's sis,_ thought Squall, _She'll hate me._ "One go," he said, hesitantly taking hold of the skates in front of him.

Ashleigh squealed with delight and put her skates on. She enthusiastically walked onto the ice and tried to keep her balance. "Come on!" she called, beckoning Squall to come onto the ice with her. She grinned at him sheepishly.

Squall put his skates on quickly. He was going to make this 'one go' fairly fast so he can get back to the meeting place, just in case Rinoa was just simply late. Heheaded onto the ice and paced around slowly with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Ashleigh grinned and began to skate, but her balance wasn't so good. After two seconds, she fell flat on the ice on her butt.

"Owww!" cried Ashleigh in pain, rubbing her backside.

Squall tried to smile, skid over towards Ashleigh and held out his hand.

Ashleigh's distressed look soon turned into a cheerful one. She grabbed Squall's gloved hand and he pulled her up. She smiled and decided to heat things up a little. She wobbled a bit and pretended to slip, and landed straight on top of Squall, her arms holding him tight so she wouldn't fall.

Ashleigh looked up at him. He was so tall ... and so beautiful...

Squall didn't know what to do. He didn't feel comfortable with Ashleigh's arms around him, so he quickly helped her off. Ashleigh smiled.

Squall tried to smile ... he didn't want to ... but then again, he didn't want to make a bad impression...

"Okay, I think I should get going," said Squall quickly.

"No, not yet!" said Ashleigh innocently. "We really haven't started yet!"

Squall was about to just go, but Ashleigh grabbed his hand again.

The commander turned around, placidness in his eyes. He looked down at her, and couldn't help but notice her girlish smile as she blinked her hazel eyes.

"Please don't go," she said innocently.

Squall sighed. What was he supposed to do? As Rinoa's sister, he felt obligated to be nice to her. He just wanted to walk away ... but what if she told Rinoa? He'd be hearing from her for days... Or so he thought.

Ashleigh started trying to skate again, still holding onto Squall's hand tightly. But she only found herself falling down again, this time bringing Squall with her. The redhead fell face first, but this time she happened to land _on _Squall's chest.

Squall groaned, beginning to get annoyed.

Ashleigh lifted her head and stared into Squall's stormy eyes. She smiled, but it was a somewhat seductive smile that time.

Squall didn't even try to smile back that time. He just got up, helping Ashleigh up too.

"Thanks," said Ashleigh.

"I'm going back now," said Squall finally.

"Ooh, do you really have to?" said Ashleigh, a little bit of a cute whine in her voice.

Squall nodded.

Ashleigh frowned, but before she could say anything, he skated off the ice and left the rink, leaving her staring after him with disappointment.

* * *

Rinoa sat in the closet, twiddling her thumbs. She and Seifer had been sitting in the closet for more than an hour without a word. She stopped trying to make conversation hours ago when Seifer would give her a sad excuse for an answer. The silence was defeaning. Rinoa would frequently glance at Seifer to see what he was doing, but most of the time he was asleep. 

_I wonder what that little brat is doing now,_ thought Rinoa bitterly.

That thought would always strike into her mind every five minutes or so and new answers always came up every time.

Suddenly, Rinoa heard the door unlock. The closet door swung open, pushing Rinoa out of its path. She quickly sat up, rubbing her forehead. She turned around to find Sera standing in the doorway, looking somewhat pleased.

Rinoa stood up, trying to keep an emotionless face stuck on.

"Get out," said Sera.

Rinoa blinked a couple of times and walked out of the closet, without looking at Sera. She wanted to argue but couldn't think of anything to say. She had to admit, she was looking forward to breathing real oxygen again.

"What, are you going to stay in there forever?" said Sera.

Seifer still seemed to be asleep.

Sera rolled her eyes and just closed the closet door, locking it again.

"You can't make him live in there forever," said Rinoa, beginning to walk up the stairs to her room.

"You wouldn't know anything," said Sera bitterly.

Rinoa just shook her head. She really didn't care about what Sera had to say. She walked upstairs and went into her room, only to find Ashleigh already in there, reading more magazines. She was in her normal clothes then, and it looked like she was there for a while.

Rinoa glanced at the clock. It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon. Her date with Squall was supposed to start five hours ago...

"Where have you been?" asked Rinoa.

Ashleigh looked up. Then she smiled that wretched smile, the bittersweet smile that meant that she was lying and trying to cover it up with her innocence. "Nowhere, _big sister_. I've been here the whole morning."

"Don't lie," hissed Rinoa.

Ashleigh just continued to smile innocently. "Don't you believe me, _Rinny?_"

"You don't have any right to call me that," muttered Rinoa.

Ashleigh shook her head. "Tsk, tsk ... is that any way to treat family?"

Rinoa narrowed her eyes and glared at her.

Suddenly Rinoa's cell phone rang. She rushed to her dressing table and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rin, it's me," said Squall's voice.

Rinoa glanced at Ashleigh, who was tentatively listening to her conversation. She decided to counter Ashleigh's nosiness and took her cell phone into her father's office and locked the door, where she knew she would have her privacy.

"Hi Squall," said Rinoa, and before he could say anything she quickly started explaining. "Sorry I couldn't make it today. I..." She wasn't going to tell him she was thrown in a closet and locked in ... he would think she was some kind of weakling being over powered by an old woman. She was meant to be his strong girl. She didn't want him to worry or take any action against her family, as much as she disliked them...

"I ... kind of slept in," she said finally.

"But I tried calling you ... like eight times," said Squall.

Rinoa bit her bottom lip to avoid any unwanted words coming out of her mouth. She wasn't going to tell him the truth. Not yet.

"I must've not heard it then," said Rinoa hesitantly, "I'm so sorry, Squall ... I..."

Squall sighed. "It's okay. At least ... your sister was good company."

"_What?_" Rinoa burst out suddenly. "I mean ... you met ... her?"

_Just try to be nice, _thought Squall, _Don't say anything that'll make her angry._

"Yeah," answered Squall, almost carelessly, "She was pretty cool. She ... uh ... wanted to keep me company until you came. Which was nice of her."

_I am going to shove a knife down her throat one day,_ thought Rinoa angrily.

"Um ... I'm glad you think so," said Rinoa with a nervous laugh. "But ... oh I feel so guilty now for not coming. How long did you wait?"

"I'm still here," said Squall.

"_What?_" said Rinoa again. "Why? You've been waiting for so long and you're _still_ waiting for me?"

"I'll wait here until you come," said Squall.

"Squall, you can't do that," said Rinoa, "From now on, if I don't show up for a long, _long _time, go home, okay? Don't wait around for me."

_That's going to be happening a lot, _Rinoa wanted to say to him.

"Rin, I'll always wait for you no matter what," said Squall, Until you come, I won't leave."

Rinoa smiled. "But what if I never come?"

"I'll still be waiting here until you come," repeated Squall, dodging the question.

"But what if I _never _come?" said Rinoa teasingly.

"I'll wait."

Rinoa beamed.

"I'm still waiting for you to come right now," said Squall.

"What?"

"Come right now," commanded Squall.

"No," said Rinoa playfully, "I'm not going to show up."

"Why?" asked Squall.

"Because I know you won't wait!" cried Rinoa.

"Fine, don't come," said Squall simply, "I'll be here forever if I have to."

"Fine, I won't." Rinoa hung up and grinned to herself, amused with the situation. She wondered what Squall was going to do.

Seconds later, her cell phone rang again and she picked it up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Come here right now or I swear I'll do something really bad," said Squall threateningly.

Rinoa laughed. "Okay, okay, you win. I'll be right over."

She unlocked her door and walked out of her father's office. She went back into her bedroom, grabbed her blue princess outfit and headed for the bathroom.

On her way out, Ashleigh asked, "Where are you going?"

"Out," said Rinoa simply.


	8. Happiness

**A/N: **This chapter is gonna be a happy sappy one so don't worry about Ashleigh ruining it all, hehe. And, well, I really suck with descriptions ... and some of it may sound corny too (I just tried to bunch everything that happened altogether in one go so it wouldn't turn out so long) so I am so sorry if the chapter feels empty, I tried to make the happy chapter one of the best ones :)

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 8 – Happiness **

Rinoa headed for the front door when she saw that Sera wasn't sitting on the sofa watching TV. But then she quickly rushed back into the house and headed for the closet. She felt somewhat guilty leaving with her stepbrother stuck in a closet. She unlocked it and opened it, only to find that Seifer was still asleep.

"Seifer!" called Rinoa.

Seifer opened his eyes and glanced up at Rinoa, a stony gaze in his hazel eyes.

Rinoa smiled and left the door open. She didn't want to hurt his pride by saying anything, so she left. She walked out the front door and headed to Deling mall.

When she got there, she found Squall leaning against a wall secretively. He had his arms folded and was staring off ahead, lost in thought. Rinoa smiled and headed toward him, a slight skip in her walk.

"Hey, you!" called Rinoa playfully.

Squall looked up and smiled when he saw Rinoa walking towards him. He got off the wall and walked towards her, hands in his pockets. He never failed to look mysterious.

"It's about time you came," said Squall.

Rinoa smiled. "I'm so sorry..."

Squall shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He put his arm around her. "Let's just go have some fun."

Squall led Rinoa out of the mall, in wonderous thought about what Squall was planning. It wasn't like him to have fun willingly. She knew him as the 'work-hard-play-hard' type of guy. She tried not to doubt his sense of fun and played along.

"And what exactly did you have in mind?" asked Rinoa.

"Something different to just hanging around stores all the time," said Squall.

"You're only saying that because you hate shopping," said Rinoa playfully, as Squall opened the door for her, she slid in and accomodated herself.

Squall hopped into the driver's seat and started the car. "I think you'll like it."

"I bet I will like it, mister spontaneous!" said Rinoa.

Squall laughed quietly. "You'll see."

The drive seemed short, as it was filled with conversation and laughter. Rinoa forgot about all her troubles and simply enjoyed Squall's company, as she chattered away mindlessly. She felt even more pleased when she got more than a couple of words strung together from Squall.

"We're here," said Squall at last.

"Oh, we're at Balamb," said Rinoa, smiling. She looked out of the window in wonder. Not what she had in mind, but Squall put thought into it so it was good enough for her. "Are we here to see the others in Garden?"

"You'll see," said Squall with a mysterious smile.

Rinoa tilted her head to the side and smiled too, but it was a very curious smile.

They got out of the car and Squall walked her across the field and onto the sandy shores of Balamb beach. At the sound of crashing waves and the smell of salty air, Rinoa beamed and threw her arms around Squall.

"Oh, we're going to the beach!" said Rinoa excitedly. She looked up at the sky. It was perfect beach weather; it was sunny and warm and the sky was its normal Balamb blueness. It lacked any cloudy blemishes - only seagulls were occupying it, flying around and calling out to each other merrily.

"Hey, Rinoa's here!"

Rinoa looked into the direction of the voice and found Quistis, Irvine, Zell and Selphie soaking up some rays. She couldn't help but smile, and was very impressed Squall came up with something so different and fun.

"Wow, everyone's here!" said Rinoa. She ran up to her friends, pulling Squall along with her.

"We've been waitin' all day, Rin," said Irvine in his beach chair. He looked different with his long trench coat off, showing off his bare chest. He tipped his hat at Rinoa.

"What took you so long?" asked Selphie. She was in a yellow bikini, showing off her petite figure and sunbathing on a bright red towel.

"Apparently she slept in," said Zell, sitting next to Selphie.

"Sorry guys," said Rinoa apolegitcally. She tried to drop the subject. "But this is wonderful! It's really brightened my day."

"And to think Squall planned it all," said Quistis in the beach chair next to Irvine. She was wearing a shorter skirt than usual, and instead of boots she was wearing sandals and cool-looking designer sunglasses.

"Oh, aren't you sweet, Squall," said Rinoa with a giggle.

Squall scratched the back of his head. "Well ... these guys helped..."

Rinoa smiled. She forgot all about Ashleigh and Sera and Seifer, and all the rest of it and was glad to be spending the day with her friends. Their smiling faces and the change of pace made her feel lighthearted and warm.

"Hey, enough of that! Let's go catch some waves!" said Selphie keenly. She got up and ran off towards the ocean, diving in and getting wet. Her cute head popped up from under the water and she waved to the others energetically.

Rinoa giggled. "Me too!" She ran after Selphie into the water, not caring that she was getting her clothes wet. She started splashing water at Selphie, and Selphie splashed her back. The two girls giggled continuously.

"So, when're you gonna tell her, Romeo?" asked Irvine.

Quistis looked into Squall's direction. "It had better be soon."

"I will," said Squall. He looked over at Rinoa, innocently playing in the water with Selphie. "All in good time..."

"That's what you always say," said Zell, putting on a pair of sunglasses and lying on the towel Selphie was on.

For the rest of the day, the six of them had fun together, eating picnic food and having their turn in the water. It took them an hour to get Squall to even touch the water, and eventually he did, but only for a while. They would run around and chase each other, splashing water and throwing sand. Selphie kept stealing Irvine's hat and running away with it, forcing Irvine to do more exercise than he ever would. They also worked together to build a mongy-looking sand castle that ended up being crushed by the waves.

The sun was beginning to set, making the sky a harsh orange colour. Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie went back to the Garden early for some unknown reason, leaving Squall and Rinoa left at the beach alone.

The two of them walked along the sand with their shoes off, listening to the calm sound of waves crashing. Squall had her arm around Rinoa, and Rinoa was leaning on his shoulder. They had circled the beach three times already, just walking and talking and getting their feet wet.

"Today was such a wonderful day," said Rinoa quietly. She was glad to get away from Ashleigh.

"Yeah," agreed Squall.

The wind blew a soft breeze against them. Rinoa shivered, seeing as how she was just beginning to dry and the wind was cold, making it stick to her.

Squall held her tighter reassuringly.

"Rinoa ... there's something I want to tell you," he said.

Rinoa closed her eyes and felt the warmth of Squall's shoulder. "What is it...?"

"Well," said Squall, "I was gonna wait until the beginning-of-year dance to tell you ... but ... well..." He paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to say it."I'm going to be leaving Garden after this year."

Rinoa withdrew her head from Squall's shoulder and stared at him in shock. "What? Why!"

The two of them stopped walking.

"Well ... Laguna wants me back at Esthar," said Squall, "And I'd finished my Garden course long ago."

"So?" said Rinoa, a wave of panic in her voice. "You can't leave! I haven't finished _my _Garden course yet!"

"Hold on, hold on, let me finish," said Squall quickly.

_Why do I have to be so bad with words,_ he thought.

"Laguna wants me back at Esthar," continued Squall, "So he can teach me something Garden can't teach. He's ... going to teach me how to be president, so when the time comes ... y'know..."

Rinoa continued to stare blankly at him, a frenzy of emotions sweeping across her mind.

"I didn't want to," said Squall quickly, "But ... it's an obligation. He's my dad and stuff ... so ... I have to. And, I'd really like to see Sis again..."

Rinoa looked down at the sand. Her wonderful day had ended in misery. She looked up at Squall, trying to hide any hurt in her eyes.

"How long are you going to be gone for?" asked Rinoa.

"Four ... years..."

"_What_!" Rinoa burst out. "Four years! That's ... that is a _very_ long time!"

"I know that," said Squall, "But ... you know, it won't be such a long time. Because ... I'm asking you to come with me."

Rinoa's look of outrage disappeared, and a huge smile spread across her face. She threw her arms around Squall and squealed with delight. "Of course I'll come, Squall! How could I not?"

"Make sure you ask your dad and all," said Squall, "I don't want any disapprovals ... and I definitely do not want you running away..."

"Oh, Caraway's gonna be fine about it," said Rinoa, saying it as if it were nothing. "He'll let me out anywhere. But ... wouldn't the long absence effect my Garden record?"

"Don't worry about it," said Squall, "I've got it all covered. When you come back, you don't have to redo the course again. You're a strong girl, you don't need any Garden record to know that."

Rinoa beamed at him. "Thanks, Squall."

Squall smiled back at her. "Now, let's go home, now that I've told you."

Rinoa grinned cheekily. "You don't have to be so serious all the time." She grabbed Squall's hand and pulled his Griever ring off his finger.

"Hey, give that back," said Squall pathetically.

"I've always wanted a ring like this!" said Rinoa, looking at it in awe.

"Give it back," said Squall again with a bit of a laugh.

Rinoa looked up at him with her cheeky smile. "You've gotta catch me first!" She put his ring on her finger and ran off into the water.

"Hey!" said Squall. "You've got some nerve, Rin." He took off his jacket and ran after her, into the freezing water.

Rinoa giggled and ran further, plodding through the heavy water, waving her hand in the air. "Come and get me!" she called.

Squall shook his head with a laugh and trudged through the water slowly, trying to catch her. It sounded silly to him, but he was definitely in the mood to play along with Rinoa.

For about ten minutes, Rinoa kept running around with Squall's ring. She kept taunting him and encouraging him to come after her, but he would always be following her with an extremely low speed. When Rinoa got cold and tired, she ran onto the sandy shore and stopped. She started huffing and puffing, and when she turned around, she found that Squall was running up to her.

Rinoa screamed, and quickly found herself lying on the sand with Squall on top of her. She scrunched her nose, enjoying Squall's body warmth.

She started giggling. "So ... you've got me, huh?"

Squall stayed on top of her and grinned sheepishly, not letting her go.

She felt warmer against Squall, even if he was just as wet as she was. His calm breathing on her made her feel safe...

Squall's grin faded. He stared longingly into Rinoa's earthen eyes, and Rinoa stared back into his with an elusive smile. His face began to slowly inch closer towards Rinoa's, until their noses were touching. Rinoa closed her eyes, preparing for what was to come. She hadn't shared a kiss with Squall for so long ... her senses tingled, as Squall came closer to her. He was less than a millimetre away from her lips. He felt her warm shallow breathing on him and stared at Rinoa's pretty face with her eyes squeezed shut.

Suddenly, he laughed, withdrew his face away from Rinoa's closed eyes, and grabbed her hand. He pulled his ring off her finger and got off of her.

"Fooled you, didn't I?" said Squall with a laugh.

Rinoa opened her eyes at the sudden change of atmosphere, to see that Squall was up on his feet. She smiled, slightly embarrassed. Part of her actually wanted that kiss...

Squall put his ring back on and held his hand out to her. Rinoa grabbed his hand, and he pulled her up.

The two of them walked off the beach, Squall grabbing his jacket and putting it on. Rinoa shivered as the day wore out. The sun was almost set; it was almost dark.

Squall took off his jacket and put it on Rinoa, sensing her coldness.

"Today was definitely ... a good day," said Rinoa with a yawn. She leaned against Squall's shoulder and closed her eyes again as he put his arm around her.

They walked around the beach once more until they were dry. By then, it was dark, and Rinoa was getting tired.

"Come on," said Squall. He took his arm off from around Rinoa's shoulder and went in front of her, his hands behind him in a welcoming motion.

Rinoa looked at him curiously.

"Come on," said Squall encouragingly. "It's a long way to the car."

Rinoa laughed softly and realised that he wanted to give her a piggyback ride.

"Typical Squall, always knowing how to act in a difficult situation," said Rinoa jokingly. She climbed onto Squall's back and clung onto him tightly.

"Hold on tight," said Squall with a soft laugh.

"Huh...?" But before she knew it, Squall was sprinting across the beach.

Rinoa held on tight and screamed at the alarming speed Squall was running at. Then she started giggling madly between her yells.

"Yeah!" Rinoa yelled. "I'M RIDING ON A SQUAAAALLLL!"

Squall kept running, holding onto Rinoa tightly and smiling.

Rinoa was giggling like mad with her eyes tightly shut, holding back tears of laughter. _This is so much better than a roller coaster_, thought Rinoa happily.

After a while, Squall got tired and began walking instead.

Rinoa leaned her head on Squall's back and closed her eyes. All of a sudden she felt lethargical again.

"You're so light," said Squall. "And you say you couldn't eat those chocolates I gave you..."

Rinoa smiled as she felt Squall's voice vibrate in her ear.

"Squall..." she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"You're so warm..." she said tiredly.

Squall smiled and continued to walk.

_I'm so glad to have you ... Rinoa,_ thought Squall.

_I'm so glad to have you, Squall,_ thought Rinoa at the exact same moment.

The two of them had finally reached the car. Rinoa was half-asleep. Squall opened the door and sat her down in the passenger seat.

Rinoa opened her eyes. She rubbed them and looked around. "Oh ... we're going home now."

"Yeah," said Squall. He closed the door and went to the other side, getting in.

"It's a shame the day went by so quickly," said Squall, starting the car.

Rinoa nodded. She sighed tiredly as they got on the road.

"Home?" asked Squall.

"Yeah," said Rinoa, nodding.

The glove compartment caught her eye, as it was open. She really hadn't ever explored Squall's car, but maybe she should have started then.

She leaned over and looked into it. It was filled with papers and rubbish, and there was a tape recorder in there too.

"Wow, I love these," said Rinoa, pulling the tape recorder out of the compartment. "These are fun!"

Squall glanced at her and laughed. "Yeah, they're somethin', aren't they? I'd use them for my SeeD reports sometimes. There's a blank tape in there now. I'm just waiting for something interesting to happen."

"Oh, cool," said Rinoa. She examined the device carefully. "Hey, let's record something now! So we can listen to it one day and see how crazy I am."

Squall laughed.

Rinoa pushed the record button. "Okay ... so, umm, me and Squall are driving home right now. We just came back from the beach. Today was really fun, 'cause we got to hang out with Selphie, Irvie, Quisty and Zelly and get really wet. I stole Squall's ring and ... umm..."

"I got it back, thanks to my cunningness," said Squall with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, that's it!" said Rinoa cheerfully.

"Rinoa's fallen asleep," said Squall.

"No I haven't!" cried Rinoa.

Squall laughed. "Okay, but Rinoa looks really cute when she's asleep."

Rinoa giggled with a blush. "Squall is very open and cheerful and fun for some reason today."

"Aren't I always fun?" asked Squall.

Rinoa laughed. She loved him so much when he wasn't quiet and refined. She loved him so much when he was really ... him.

"It's so dark outside now!" said Rinoa.

"And little Rinny is afraid of the dark," kidded Squall.

"No!" cried Rinoa.

"Of course not. Little Rinny is my strong girl."

Rinoa giggled. "Okay, that's enough for now – I'm turning this off!" she said into the speaker. "Bye Squall!"

"Bye Rinoa," said Squall with a laugh.

Rinoa stopped the tape and re-winded it. She pressed play when it stopped, and the two of them listened to what they recorded. They kept on laughing out loud at the wild randomness that was on the tape.

The rest of the ride was indeed pretty long. Rinoa fell asleep again with the tape recorder still clasped in her hands.

The rest of the ride was in silence. Squall kept glancing over at sleeping Rinoa, and smiled every time. They finally arrived at the Caraway mansion. Most of the lights in the house were still on.

Squall stopped the car and got out. He opened Rinoa's door, but didn't want to wake her up. Instead, he just carried her to the house, arms around her tightly. Rinoa was still holding on tightly to the tape recorder.

Squall knocked on the door with one hand.

The door opened. It was Seifer whom had answered the door.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Seifer.

"I might ask the same," murmured Squall. He cleared his throat. "I've taken Rinoa home."

"Wah—?"

"Get away from the door—"

Seifer was pushed away from the door, and it was Sera who came up instead.

"Oh?" said Sera, confused. "Oh! You must be ... err ... _Squall_." She smiled. "Are you here to see little Ashleigh?"

"Uh ... no," said Squall. "I just came to drop Rinoa off."

"Oh," said Sera, trying to hide any disappointment, "Well ... just wake her up and we'll take her upstairs."

"Oh ... I don't want to wake her up," said Squall, "If it's okay, I'd rather take her up myself..."

Sera stared at Squall, but gave into him in the end. "Um ... yes, yes, all right..."

Squall nodded in thanks and stepped into the house.

At that moment, Ashleigh ran down the stairs and when she saw him, she beamed.

"Oh, hi!" said Ashleigh happily. "Oh, have you come to—"

"Drop Rinoa off," finished Squall. He walked on straight past Ashleigh, who was looking quizzical, but then bitter to see that Squall carrying Rinoa.

He headed up the stairs and to Rinoa's room. When he had opened the door, Rinoa had awoken.

"Hmm...?" She yawned. "Oh, I'm home."

Squall put Rinoa down. She stretched and yawned.

"Thanks, Squall," said Rinoa. "I had a great day today."

"No problem," replied Squall.

Rinoa noticed she was still carrying the tape recorder. "Oh, here you go." She handed the recorder back to Squall, but he shook his head.

"Keep it," he said, "I can always buy another one."

Rinoa smiled. "I'm just gonna freshen up. I'll only be a sec – wait here so I can say bye, okay?"

Squall nodded.

Rinoa opened the door to her room and put the tape recorder on her dressing table. She left the hallway and entered the bathroom.

When Squall heard the sound of water rushing, he decided to take a trip to Rinoa's room. He hardly came into her house, and he had never been in her room before.

Squall walked into her bedroom and flipped on the light switch. He looked around. It was neat and tidy, and the pale teal colour scheme of the room made him feel relaxed. He walked to Rinoa's dressing table. He looked at himself through her mirror. He then picked up the tape recorder Rinoa was playing with earlier.

He pushed the record button and hesitated as to whether he should say something or not. But in the end, he did.

"Hey, Rinoa," he started. "I'm in your room now. I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me. But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too. But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."

Squall laughed weakly at how pathetic and corny that sounded. He pressed stop and put the tape recorder back onto the dressing table, and got out of Rinoa's room, thinking about whether or not he should've did what he just did.


	9. Back to School

**A/N: **Thank you for all your reviews! Sorry I'm a bit late but I've been a bit busy with school lately and I'll try update more frequently. Anyways, it's midnight on a school day over here and I've decided to write another chappie ... so sorry if it's a bit rusty. Updates will be a lot quicker, judging on whether I can get a hold of the Internet or not... v.v But anyways, hope you haven't fogotten about me! Please review!

Lost Memories of My Love  
  
Chapter 9 – Back to School

Rinoa waited until Squall's car was completely out of sight before she went back inside. She plodded upstairs and went into her room. As she flipped on the light switch, she saw Ashleigh sitting on her bed, as if she was waiting for Rinoa.

Rinoa just ignored Ashleigh's stares and began brushing her hair in front of the mirror, pretending as if she didn't exist.

"Where were you today?" asked Ashleigh.

Rinoa just kept on brushing her hair. "I was locked in a closet. Where were you?"

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes. She didn't want to tell her sister that she was hanging out with Squall while she was locked in that closet.

Rinoa smirked but didn't say anything.

Ashleigh rolled her eyes and just lay down, burying herself under the blankets.

She ruined my day, thought Ashleigh.

Rinoa put her brush down and switched off the light. She hopped into bed and thought about the day's events, looking forward to her trip to Esthar with Squall.

---

"Oh! Um, dad!" called Rinoa, rushing out the door the next morning before Caraway left for work.

He turned around. "Hmm? What is it, angel wing?"

"Well, before you go," said Rinoa, tidying her hair, "I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?" asked Caraway.

"Well," said Rinoa, twisting a lock of her around her finger, "Squall's heading up for Esthar next year..."

Caraway nodded slowly. "And..."

"And, well, he asked me to come with him," said Rinoa. "So, umm, can I go?"

"Whoa, slow down there, angel wing," said Caraway. "Give me the details."

"Well, he's leaving after this year," said Rinoa, "To, like, see Mr Loire and learn how to be president and stuff."

Caraway nodded. "Okay then, how long?"

"Um ... four years?" asked Rinoa. She squeezed her eyes shut, afraid that his answer would be no.

"Four years?" repeated Caraway in amazement. "That's a long time."

"I know," said Rinoa slowly, "But ... I really want to go..."

"What about Garden?" asked Caraway.

"Don't worry, Squall's got it all covered," said Rinoa reassuringly.

Caraway nodded and smiled. "If you say so. Of course you can go."

Rinoa grinned. "Thanks a lot."

---

The rest of the vacation went by quickly. Rinoa was home a lot of the time, but occasionally she would go out with Squall and the others. Finally, the day to return back to Garden came.

Rinoa was packed and ready to go. Ashleigh and Seifer were too. It seemed that they were all glad to leave the house and get away from the place.

Caraway was going to drive them all to Balamb. Rinoa only had one suitcase while the Ashleigh had four of them. Ashleigh and Rinoa were both in their uniforms looking sharp, but Seifer, however, did not wear the uniform for some odd reason.

Rinoa sat in the front seat next to her father while Seifer and Ashleigh were sitting behind. Seifer was going to walk to the train station again, but Caraway wouldn't hear of it.

The ride was long and silent. All three of them spent the whole time staring out the window at the passing scenery. Caraway didn't say anything, not because he had nothing to say, because he didn't know _what _to say.

As they reached Garden, Rinoa hopped out of the car and closed the door. Ashleigh made Seifer carry two of her suitcases as she got out of the car as well.

"Well I guess this is goodbye for another year," said Caraway. "Be good and do well, okay?"

Rinoa nodded.

"Of course, father!" said Ashleigh brightly. "Anything to make you proud!"

Caraway smiled at his stepdaughter. By then Seifer had already left to go into the Garden.

"Well, bye," said Rinoa.

"I'll really miss you, father," said Ashleigh, "Take care of mother!"

Rinoa felt that she was going to puke, so she just left Ashleigh to brown-nose her father.

"Rinoa!"

She looked up as she walked through the front gate, to find Selphie and Irvine conversing.

Rinoa smiled and rushed up to the pair of them.

"Welcome back, Rin-Rin!" said Selphie happily.

"Been kinda dull without you around," said Irvine, tipping his hat.

"Yeah, I've been itchin' to come back," said Rinoa. "So, what're you guys doing out here?"

Selphie grinned. "Well, I'm just getting ready to set up for tonight's dance!"

Rinoa's heart skipped beats. The dance ... I've forgotten all about it, she thought. What am I supposed to wear now?

"Yeah, no classes for us today," said Irvine with a smirk.

"Aww, I wish I could help," said Rinoa, her mind still set on what she was going to do.

"Nah, I've got it all worked out," said Selphie, "And the Committee's enough help anyways!"

Rinoa smiled.

The first bell rung for class.

"Oh damn, there goes the bell," said Rinoa. She handed her suitcase to Selphie. "Do you mind throwing this in my dorm?" She handed her the key to her room.

"Sure, no problem," said Selphie.

Rinoa nodded. "Well, I'll see you guys later."

She withdrew from Selphie and Irvine and headed to the elevator for class. I didn't even get to wear that dress once, thought Rinoa as she scanned the panel of buttons on the elevator. She had to get used to it again.

Seifer headed into the elevator at that moment and smirked when he saw Rinoa trying to work the elevator.

"It's this one, smartass," said Seifer, pressing one of the buttons.

The door closed and the elevator headed up.

"Oh," said Rinoa, slightly embarrassed, "I gotta get used to the place again..."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "You're not gonna get really far if you don't even know how to work the elevator."

Rinoa laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess."

As the elevator came to a halt, Seifer abandoned the elevator in a hurry. Rinoa blinked and just headed out slowly.

"Oh, Rinoa."

Rinoa looked up to find Quistis heading towards her, a bunch of files in her hands.

"Hey Quistis," said Rinoa. "Back to work again, huh?"

"Ugh, yes," said Quistis, "Cid better give me a raise for this lot."

Rinoa laughed.

"Well, I'm your instructor for this year," said Quistis.

"Great!" said Rinoa, "Go easy on me!"

The two of them walked to the class together. Rinoa was disappointed that she hadn't seen Squall yet, but she was sure she'd see him at lunch or something.

Ashleigh was sitting at the desk Rinoa usually sat at. She tried to take no notice and head to another desk, but Ashleigh's posse had occupied the whole back row.

Looks like I'll be sitting at the front this year, thought Rinoa.

She headed to the desk that was on the far right and sat down quietly. The whole class was making a huge ruckus, throwing paper aeroplanes at each other and chattering about the vacation.

"Okay, that's enough," said Quistis loudly.

The one order quietened the class.

"Welcome back to another year at Balamb Garden," said Quistis. "I'll be this class's instructor for this year. I can see some old faces and some new faces, nevertheless you all know the rules and are expected to follow them. That includes no gum in class."

Quistis shot a look at Ashleigh.

Ashleigh rolled her eyes as the whole class turned towards her. She took out the gum from her mouth, and when Quistis's attention turned away she stuck it under the chair.

"Now, as you know tonight is the opening dance for the year," said Quistis. "You are all expected to dress formally and good behaviour is required..."

"Do you know what you're wearing tonight, Ash?" whispered one of Ashleigh's friends.

"No, I was going to wear the dress from the dinner we went to together, but my big sister spilled ink all over it," hissed Ashleigh back. "She said it was an accident, but I bet she did it on purpose. But I forgave her anyway..."

Rinoa bit her bottom lip and restrained herself from turning around and yelling at Ashleigh. Instead she tried to continue trying to listen to Quistis.

"Jeez, what a bitch," whispered another one of Ashleigh's friends.

"But at least you're nice..."

Rinoa couldn't take it anymore. She didn't mind them talking about her and Ashleigh lying all she wanted as long as Rinoa wasn't there to hear it.

She turned around and glared at Ashleigh.

"What do you want?" hissed one of Ashleigh's friends.

Rinoa just narrowed her eyes and turned back into Quistis' direction, not wanting to cause any trouble.

"Why is she eavesdropping on our conversations?" asked one of the girls.

"Don't worry, she has a habit of doing that," whispered Ashleigh, making sure Rinoa heard it.

Rinoa did indeed hear it. She turned herself around, giving Ashleigh the dirtiest stare.

"Will you stop _talking about me_ as if I wasn't _right in front of you_?" hissed Rinoa angrily.

"Well don't listen then!" said one of the girls.

"Yeah, after all Ashleigh's done for you!"

"SHUT UP!" cried Rinoa angrily, forgetting where she was.

Quistis looked over at Rinoa. "Is there a problem over there?"

Rinoa completely ignored Quistis and was prepared to tell Ashleigh off.

"You haven't done anything for me, you little brat!" shouted Rinoa. "Just stop your little game, okay? I don't want to play it!"

"Rinoa, is there something—"

Quistis was cut off short as Rinoa stomped out of class angrily. All eyes followed Rinoa out of the room.

Ashleigh smiled triumphantly. "Don't worry, Instructor, she'll get over it. Don't go too hard on her, she's just got serious attitude problems."

Quistis eyed Ashleigh suspiciously.

Ashleigh just smiled sweetly when everyone in the classroom turned towards her.

Quistis shook her head, deciding that she would go talk to Rinoa later.

"All right, attention here please," said Quistis, "I'll talk to Miss Heartilly. In the mean time, please keep your comments to yourself, Ashleigh and company."

---

Rinoa stomped to the girls' dorms angrily. She wasn't planning to go back to class for the rest of the day. She hated Ashleigh with so much passion that she didn't even want to attend class.

Rinoa spent the day in her room, unpacking all her stuff from the suitcase Selphie set down for her. She was amusing herself by rearranging the room, of which she had rearranged four times already until she decided on the one style.

She heard the lunch bell go after a period of time. She decided to get up and see what everyone else was up to.

As she walked down the corridor, she bumped into Quistis.

"Rinoa," said Quistis.

She looked up at her, her face nervous. "Quisty, I'm so sorry for stomping out of your class like that. I—"

Quistis shook her head. "It's all right. I have a feeling little Miss Ashleigh said something horrible to you?"

Rinoa looked down at the floor. "Yeah ... yeah she did." That wasn't exactly it, but she didn't want Quistis knowing exactly _what_ it was.

"I suppose she doesn't know that I know you pretty well," said Quistis. "She said you had some attitude problems."

Rinoa stomped her foot on the floor angrily. "That's what I mean!"

Quistis nodded. "Well, she isn't my favourite student in the world. I'll watch out for her. Just don't worry about her, if she takes it any further I'll have a bit of a chat with her."

There we go again, I need someone to back me up, thought Rinoa. I can't do anything without help. I'm meant to be a strong girl.

Rinoa nodded. "Thanks, Quistis."

Quistis smiled. "It's all right. Now, let's get some lunch and forget about her."

Forget about her, mused Rinoa, I don't think that's possible.

**A/N: **Okay, so boring chapter, I didn't know how to start off the school year –sweat drop- Sorry if it's a bit rushed, I can tell it is o.O Anyways, please review! I'm appreciating them!


	10. The Last Dance

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay in updating. I've been busy with exams and assignments and a whole lot of other things ... so, I'm so sorry guys! Thank you for your support, I really do enjoy reading each and every one of your reviews :)

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 10 – The Last Dance**

Rinoa stood in the middle of the ballroom, staring up at the glass ceiling. She watched the stars and listened to the beautiful music as she wondered when Squall was going to show up.

The dance had begun half an hour ago. Rinoa had arrived pretty early to help Selphie and the rest of the Committee with the setting up, hoping that she would see Squall soon. But her hopes had been crushed, because she hadn't seen Squall for the whole day.

Her neck began to ache from looking up all the time. She glanced around the hall to find couples waltzing around all over the place. She spotted Seifer in the corner, talking to his new friends Fujin and Rajin. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Rinoa glanced over near the tables, where she found Zell stuffing his face with food next to a girl with pigtails.

Rinoa sighed and headed towards the balcony, her little place where nobody ever came to at dances. She stared at the night scenery, drowning out all her surroundings.

"So _there _you are."

Rinoa turned around and beamed when she saw Squall looking handsome in his SeeD uniform.

"Where were you?" cried Rinoa.

"I was planning everything with Laguna for our trip to Esthar," answered Squall.

Rinoa laughed. "Well, I guess that's okay. Caraway let me go! I'm so happy."

Squall nodded, but then frowned. "Now, I thought you were going to wear that nice dress I gave you..."

Rinoa cursed in her mind. She had to wear her normal golden shimmering dress that night...

"Oh, Squall I'm sorry," said Rinoa, "It was too ... small for me. I just tried it on today and it was _tiny_."

Squall just laughed. "Well then. It just proves how bad at this I am."

Rinoa laughed nervously. "No, it's not your fault." Stupid Ashleigh, she thought.

"Oh well, when we go to Esthar together I'll get you a nicer one ... that fits," said Squall.

Rinoa smiled. "All right, enough of that." She grabbed Squall's hand and dragged him back into the ballroom.

Selphie, Irvine and Quistis were together, Irvine playing with Selphie's video camera and filming the two girls. Quistis spotted Rinoa and Squall coming back into the ballroom and pointed to them.

"Oh dear, here they come with the camera," said Rinoa with a laugh as Selphie and Quistis approached them, Irvine following with the camera.

"So there you two are," said Quistis. She was also in her SeeD uniform, along with Selphie.

"Yeah!" said Selphie, "Say something for the camera!"

Irvine zoomed in on Rinoa as she smiled sweetly and waved.

"Um, well, it's the Garden dance!" said Rinoa. "And, um, everyone looks pretty! See, Quisty looks pretty, Selphie looks pretty, Irvie looks pretty, Squall looks pretty ... and Zell looks uh, kinda pretty!" Rinoa laughed as she saw Zell still eating next to a dazed girl with pigtails.

"Rinny looks pretty too," said Selphie, butting in front of the camera.

The five of them mucked around for a while with the camera. Ashleigh was sitting at one of the tables with her group of friends, watching Rinoa and the others.

"This is _so _boring," said Ashleigh, exasperated.

"Well, maybe if we get up and do something...?"

Ashleigh shot an angry look at her friend, but then eased. "You're right. Hey, I'll go call my cool SeeD friends over here, okay?"

Her friends seemed satisfied with Ashleigh's proposal.

Ashleigh stood up and strutted over to Squall and the others. As she walked up to them, she stopped and watched the group with keen interest.

"Oh, look, it's Rin's lil sis," said Irvine, tipping his hat at Ashleigh.

Rinoa looked at Ashleigh and frowned slightly as the girl giggled.

"What's up, guys?" asked Ashleigh sweetly. "It's just so boring ... just sitting around."

"Then why don't you do something?" asked Selphie, turning the camera to Ashleigh.

Ashleigh smiled and waved at the camera as Rinoa did.

Zell came up to the group and stood in between Selphie and Quistis, putting his arms around them both.

"So, what's happening?" asked Zell, swallowing what was left in his mouth.

"Oh, hello," said Ashleigh, smiling, "I'm just bored."

"How can you be bored?" said Zell, shaking his head.

Quistis watched Rinoa's face, sensing the irritation in her calm expression. Then she looked at Squall, who somehow looked less cheerful than he was before. She looked at Ashleigh, who was struggling to make conversation with the SeeDs, while eyeing Squall every three seconds or so.

"Squall," said Quistis, "I don't believe I have seen you dance in a while."

Everyone's attention turned from Ashleigh to Squall, who was quite flustered.

"Yeah, Squall! You _have _to dance!" said Selphie, zooming the camera in on Squall.

"C'mon Quistis, you know I don't dance," said Squall, scratching the back of his head.

"I meant you and Rinoa," said Quistis, glancing at Rinoa's brightened face. "Go on. Waltz with the Moon is being played next."

Rinoa smiled. "Come on, Squall." She grabbed Squall's hand and dragged him onto the dance floor as her favourite song came into play.

Ashleigh stared after the couple, as Selphie filmed them dancing and everyone else's attention was away from her.

Rinoa smiled as she danced with Squall. He had improved since last time she danced with him – this time he was much more smooth.

"You've really improved," said Rinoa, smiling as the song came to a close.

"Well, you were my teacher, what else could I expect?" said Squall.

Rinoa smiled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Seifer sitting in the corner, looking bored as his friends Fujin and Rajin were conversing. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him; just standing there and watching everyone go by.

"I'll be back," said Rinoa, winking at Squall.

"Don't be too long," said Squall.

Rinoa let go of Squall and headed towards Seifer. She stood in front of him and tilted her head, smiling in a friendly way.

Seifer looked up at her, his expression staying the same.

"What?" asked Seifer.

"You looked bored," said Rinoa, "Why don't you come and dance with me?"

"No," he said flatly.

Fujin and Rajin stopped talking and looked at Rinoa.

"The pretty girl's asking you to dance, man," said Rajin. "Don't disappoint her."

"AFFIRMATIVE," said Fujin.

"It's okay," said Rinoa, "You don't have to..."

"Oh, he has to," said Rajin. He winked at Seifer and pushed him towards Rinoa.

"Shut up, man," said Seifer, glaring at Rajin.

Rinoa smiled weakly, waiting for a real answer.

"Just as I thought, you're too wuss to even dance with a girl," said Rajin provokingly.

Rinoa could tell that he had hit a nerve. Seifer looked away from Rajin and looked at Rinoa, cold in his eyes.

"Well?" said Rinoa.

This time, Fujin pushed Seifer towards Rinoa with so much force that he almost landed on top of Rinoa.

Rinoa seized the opportunity to cheer him up and grabbed him by the arm and dragged him up on to the dance floor.

"What the hell—"

It was like a whole replay of the first time Rinoa and Squall danced. Seifer was confused and kept going out of time with the music, but Rinoa just kept helping him. Every time Seifer tried to escape from the dance, Rinoa would just pull him back with enthusiasm.

"Hey, who's that guy Rin's dancing with?" asked Selphie, turning the camera towards Rinoa and Seifer.

Squall was with them now, and he watched Rinoa and Seifer dance, a slight tinge of jealously inside of him.

"That's the guy that was at her house," murmured Squall.

Ashleigh looked at Squall in interest, sensing his hint of jealously.

"A guy at her house?" exclaimed Irvine in shock.

"The guy's name is Seifer," said Zell through clenched teeth, "He's not a real pleasant guy."

"Reminds me of the time you and Rinoa first danced," said Quistis.

At those words, Squall's jealousy expanded just a little. _I'm not supposed to be jealous_, he thought, _He's probably just a friend. Rinoa has lots of friends._

Ashleigh decided to not mention the fact that Seifer was her brother, and Rinoa was acting the way she was out of sympathy for the poor guy. She could read Squall so easily – he was obviously jealous.

"She's really teaching him, though," said Selphie in amazement.

Seifer had finally gotten the hang of the dance – but he tried to avoid Rinoa's eyes, full of cheerfulness and joy.

The song came to a finish, and Seifer let go of Rinoa's hands.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" asked Rinoa, smiling.

Seifer didn't say anything and just walked back to his two friends, wondering why he even played along with her.

---

The year was going by slowly. Rinoa couldn't wait until the year ended so she could go to Esthar with Squall. It was halfway through the year and the students of Garden were on vacation.

Rinoa stayed at Garden instead of going back to Deling. Seifer and Rinoa had slipped Squall's mind when he never saw her with him ever again, but Seifer and Squall didn't exactly get along with each other either.

Ashleigh was still trying to fit in with Squall and the others, but it never really worked. Quistis was the only one in the group who was just as annoyed with Ashleigh as Rinoa was, and she would always find a way to shoo her away from the group.

One afternoon, Rinoa and Squall were hanging out at the beach together. It was much too cold to go for a swim, so the two of them just had a long walk on the sand together.

They were both walking in an awkward silence, just thinking about ... things. Rinoa broke the silence.

"Squall?"

"Hmm?"

"What's ... what's love to you?"

Squall stopped and looked at her, surprised that she had brought up something so trivial ... well, what he thought was trivial, at the time anyway.

"Why do you ask?" asked Squall.

"Well ... I've been thinking," said Rinoa, stopping, "That I've never really thought about it."

"And you're asking _me_?" said Squall, raising an eyebrow.

Rinoa laughed. True, the last person anybody would ask about love would be Squall. "Well ... I just want to know. What is it to you?"

Squall paused and thought about it. He never thought about it either. And he never thought he would be telling anybody.

"Come on, Squall, you can tell me," said Rinoa encouragingly. "I won't tell anyone."

Squall thought some more. "Well..."

"Well?"

He looked at the Blaster Edge on Rinoa's arm. "Love ... it's like your Blaster Edge."

Relating everything to fighting, how typical, thought Rinoa.

"Oh?"

Squall nodded. "Shoot it for me."

"What?" said Rinoa, really confused.

"Shoot it," said Squall again, "Just shoot it into the air."

Rinoa, still not understanding what this had to with what she asked, did as she was told. She shot the pinwheel from her arm in front of her with a huge amount of force. It spun with great speed across the plains, and then returned to Rinoa's arm.

"There," said Squall. "Love is like your Blaster Edge."

"I'd hate to say it, but Squall, I don't understand," said Rinoa, shaking her head.

"Well," said Squall, "You shot it with a vast amount of force, and it took a while to come back to you."

"So?"

"So, the thing is, it still came back to you, even if it did take a while."

Rinoa blinked, still not understanding.

"The point is, love will always return." Squall smiled.

Rinoa slowly smiled, finally understanding what he meant. She was quite amazed that _Squall _had thought of that.

"No matter how far away you are, and no matter how much love you have ... it will always come back to you. Just like your Blaster Edge."

Rinoa grinned. "You never cease to amaze me, Squall."

Squall laughed. "Well, since I thought of this amazing philosophy, you have to remember it, okay? Remember that love will always return."

Rinoa smiled. "I will."

**A/N: **Okay, so I know what you're thinking, the chapters are getting really, really repetitive and really, really boring now, right? Well, worry not, my friends, for the next chapter is a very serious turn of events ... pointless chapters will end NOW ;) So, just bear with me guys, and be patient ... next chappie should be up in about two days or so :)


	11. End of the Line

**A/N: **Thank you for your reviews! And, I'm sorry to say that Ashleigh isn't going to get a good kick in the butt for a very, _very _long time -evil laughter- A-hem. I'm not really trying to be evil, it's just that Ashleigh is probably just going to get worse until I set her straight -dodges rotten tomatoes- Oh, and by the way, Seifer is going to have a major role in future chapters, so don't worry, he's not just going to be some guy standing on the side :P Anyways, enough babbling, on with the chapter :)

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 11 – End of the Line**

Rinoa's cell phone rung on the way back to Garden. She looked at the screen, and to her amazement, Caraway was calling her.

"Hello?" she said.

"Rinoa?" came Caraway's voice.

"Yes?"

"Rinoa, come back home, please," said Caraway.

"But vacation's almost over," said Rinoa, "I can't stay for long."

"You don't need to," said Caraway, "You have to come home. Your mother and I need to speak to you."

_My mother _and him ... that doesn't sound like good news, thought Rinoa.

"Tell me now," said Rinoa.

"No, it's urgent," said Caraway.

Rinoa sighed. "Okay."

"Thank you, Rinoa," said Caraway. He hung up on her.

"What's wrong?" asked Squall.

"Caraway wants me home," said Rinoa. "He needs to talk to me about something. Sounds important if he couldn't tell me over the phone."

"Okay," said Squall slowly, "If it's important, do you want me to take you now?"

Rinoa smiled. "That would be great."

Squall turned the car around and headed for Deling City. Rinoa looked out the window in silence, wondering what was going to happen.

---

"I'm glad you came here as soon as you could," said Caraway, inviting Squall and Rinoa inside.

"What's so important?" asked Rinoa.

"Do you ... want me to go outside?" asked Squall, feeling awkward for entering the house if Caraway's business had nothing to do with him.

"No, it's quite all right," said Caraway, "This does involve you, Squall, in a way."

Caraway led Squall and Rinoa into the lounge room, where Sera sat with her legs crossed and her hands neatly placed on top, looking smug.

"Please, sit down," said Caraway.

Rinoa and Squall sat down next to each other on the couch, still wondering what was going on.

"What's so important?" asked Rinoa.

Caraway sat down next to his wife. "Well, Rinoa ... your mother and I have been thinking about it for a long time."

Oh Hyne, please ... don't tell me she's pregnant, thought Rinoa.

"And we've discussed about it in your absence," added Sera.

"And we just think that your Garden record is very important," said Caraway.

"What?" said Rinoa.

"Well, Rinoa, we ... we just don't want you going to Esthar with Squall," said Caraway.

Rinoa stared at them both, knowing straight away that it was Sera's doing. "No ... you can't! You have to let me go..."

Squall sat silently.

"Four years is a long time," said Caraway, "And in four years, you could earn yourself four ranks, and by then you could leave Garden."

"So?" cried Rinoa, "What does it matter?"

"Your grades are important," said Sera, "You can miss out on a lot of learning if you leave."

"If you let me speak on the matter," said Squall, "I've organised it with the Headmaster. Rinoa won't have to redo the courses."

"Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that she's missing out on schooling," said Sera. "If she just skips it altogether, then she'll miss out on learning vital things..."

"Then I'll just redo the courses," said Rinoa, almost in tears, "Please..."

"If you redo the courses, then you'll be at Garden until your twenty-six," said Caraway, "Do you want that?"

"No ... please, let me go," said Rinoa, "It was my choice to join Garden in the first place..."

"Exactly," said Sera, "You should have thought about it before you did so."

Rinoa tried to hold back tears, but failed. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't stand to let Squall go...

"I'm sorry, Rinoa."

---

Rinoa was miserable for the rest of the year. Squall had tried to cheer her up, but it just didn't work. He tried to get out of leaving, but Laguna wouldn't compromise. Rinoa tried to convince her father into letting her go, but Sera wouldn't agree.

She wasn't going, and that was final.

The rest of the year suddenly went by very quickly, and Squall was leaving in that day, and she was going to leave for the airport in a couple of hours' time. The others were also trying to cheer her up, and she would pretend to feel better, but she just didn't, especially when she found out that _all _her friends were going to Esthar as well.

They were going to surprise Rinoa, because at first she had felt sad to leave all her friends behind, so Squall organised with Laguna for all six of them to travel up to Esthar together. Laguna had agreed because he wanted to give them all special duties for the future of Esthar, so the situation was unchangeable. Finding out that they were leaving made Rinoa's heart ache even more, because even if Squall was leaving, she still had her other friends ... but now...

Caraway made her come back to Deling for the end-of-year vacation, which made Rinoa even more miserable that she had to spend her vacation away from her friends, away from Squall, and with the family from hell.

Rinoa sat in the living room as the whole family, excluding Seifer, were going through the yearly reports. She sat there in silence, feeling miserable, as Sera kept commenting on Ashleigh's _wonderful _progress in school.

"Wow, ninety-three percent in the yearly exams!" exclaimed Sera in awe. She looked at Ashleigh, who was looking proud.

"Ah, you really are my bright angel wing," said Caraway, patting Ashleigh on the back.

Sera gasped. "You received the second highest percentile in the year! I'm so proud of you!"

Ashleigh smiled triumphantly and looked at Rinoa.

Rinoa really hated to think what Sera would say when they read Rinoa's report.

"Don't worry, big sister," said Ashleigh, "Don't feel bad if I got a better mark than you."

Rinoa smiled weakly at Ashleigh, not knowing what else to do.

"Well, let's see what Rinoa got," said Sera, eager to prove that Ashleigh was better than Rinoa.

Sera opened the envelope and pulled out the Garden report. She and Caraway scanned down the paper. Sera didn't say anything, but Caraway looked quite amazed.

"Well?" said Ashleigh.

"Ninety-eight percent in the yearly exam," said Caraway, smiling at Rinoa.

Ashleigh looked utterly shocked.

"Placing my angel wing with the highest percentile in the year," said Caraway.

Sera looked at Rinoa with hatred and envy in her eyes, not believing that Rinoa had beaten Ashleigh.

Ashleigh couldn't believe it either. She didn't want to accept the fact that Rinoa was better than her.

Rinoa just smiled, finding the looks on Sera and Ashleigh's faces very amusing, and it was even funnier how Sera was gushing about Ashleigh's report, and she didn't even say a word about Rinoa's excellent academic achievement.

"I'm proud of you, Rinoa," said Caraway, when nobody said anything.

---

Two hours later, Ashleigh sat on the couch, reading magazines, while Sera had her hair in curlers, watching television. Rinoa was upstairs, Caraway was at work, an

They were both silent, until Sera's program ended and she turned off the television.

"How can you do that?" asked Sera.

Ashleigh looked up at her mother, unsure of what she was talking about.

"What?" asked Ashleigh.

"How can you get such a bad grade?" said Sera bitterly.

"I got the second highest in the year!" cried Ashleigh. "That's not so bad!"

"It is if Rinoa got a higher mark than you did," snapped Sera, "You want to be better than her, don't you?"

"Yes ... but..."

"Then you have to work harder to _be _better than her," Sera cut in.

Ashleigh was taken aback. She did want to be better than Rinoa, but she didn't want to _that _much. The only reason why she did was because she wanted Squall to be with her.

Rinoa overheard their conversation, and actually felt sorry for Ashleigh. She thought that Ashleigh would have been eager to be better than Rinoa, but judging by the conversation they just had, it didn't seem so.

"Don't worry about it, Sera," said Rinoa, coming down the stairs, "It was a pretty hard course and exam ... Ashleigh did great to be placed second."

Sera turned towards Rinoa. "Oh? So are you trying to brag that _you _were placed _first _in this _hard course and exam_?"

"No ... I'm just saying," said Rinoa slowly.

"Well, _don't_," said Sera sharply.

"But Sera..."

Sera, not able to contain herself any longer, slapped Rinoa across the face with great force.

Rinoa stood, flabbergasted, not looking at Sera. Her face throbbed in pain, but she didn't dare speak up.

"Why do you call me _Sera_?" demanded Sera.

"Because ... that's your name..." Rinoa said quietly.

Sera slapped Rinoa across the face again. "Don't act smart with me."

Ashleigh just stared at her mother in shock. She didn't think that she would ever do something like that.

Rinoa kept her face in the position where it was before, not daring to look at Sera.

"I'm your _mother_," said Sera angrily, slapping Rinoa across the face again. "Why do you never call me _mother_?"

Rinoa squeezed her eyes shut, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't know why she was crying – she had been exposed to much more extreme pain than that before.

"Say it!" yelled Sera.

Rinoa didn't know why she didn't say it then. Her teeth were glued together, and she just couldn't open her mouth.

"Say it!!" shouted Sera again, slapping Rinoa across the face.

"M-M-Mother..." Those words stung in Rinoa's mouth. She didn't want to call Sera her mother, because she _wasn't_ ... and she didn't want her to be.

Sera was satisfied.

Ashleigh just continued to stare in shock.

Rinoa bit her bottom lip, trying hard not to cry.

At that moment, the phone rang. Sera looked at the phone and let it ring twice. Rinoa knew it was for her.

"Pick up the phone," said Sera calmly.

Rinoa didn't want to. Why didn't whomever it was call her cell?

"Pick it up!" said Sera forcefully.

Rinoa inched to the phone and slowly picked it up.

"H-hello...?" Rinoa's voice was trembling.

"Rin?" It was Quistis. "Where are you?"

"I'm ... I'm at home," said Rinoa. She glanced at Sera, who was watching Rinoa like a hawk.

"Oh, we're at the airport now," said Quistis, "Our flight leaves in a couple of hours. Hurry!"

Rinoa nodded. She didn't want to miss them. "O...Okay."

"Okay, bye," said Quistis.

Rinoa put the phone down and walked past Sera to go to her room to go the airport.

"Who was it?" asked Sera.

"A friend," said Rinoa.

Sera paused, and looked like she suddenly remembered something.

"You're going to the airport, aren't you?" said Sera.

Rinoa didn't say anything and continued up the stairs.

"You aren't going anywhere!" shouted Sera, "I know you're just going to hop onto the next flight to Esthar without your father's approval!"

Rinoa turned around and stared at Sera as if she were delusional. "No, I'm not! I swear!"

"You can't fool me, you little wench," said Sera. She ran up to Rinoa and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her towards the closet.

"Let me go!" screamed Rinoa, trying to pull away from Sera.

Sera dragged Rinoa to the closet, despite Rinoa trying to pull away from her, and opened the door. She pushed her into the closet and locked the door.

Rinoa screamed. She screamed so loudly, her heart falling to bits. "NO! Let me out! LET ME OUT!" She continued to scream, banging on the door with all her might. Her screams slowly turned into sobs, and she broke into tears.

Sera turned around and looked at Ashleigh, who was still staring at Sera in shock.

"Come on, Ashleigh, we're going to the airport to bid Squall farewell."

Ashleigh's shock disappeared, as the mention of Squall brought a smile to her face.


	12. Goodbye

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 12 – Departure**

Rinoa banged on the door, crying so hard, yelling for someone to let her out. But there was no answer – and she didn't even know why she expected one.

She slid against the door of the closet and cried to herself quietly. Why were they so horrible to her? Why did they do this to her? What did she do to deserve all of this? She tried to be nice. She tried _so _hard to be nice. She never had a real family before ... and she knew now that she definitely didn't want one. She always wanted a mother. _Her _mother.

Rinoa gripped at Julia's wedding ring, hanging on the chain around her neck and closed her eyes.

I'm going to miss them, thought Rinoa, I won't even get to say goodbye...

She heard the sound of the front door opening, and then the sound of a car speeding off.

And they're going to see Squall, thought Rinoa, Why? What's wrong with them? They don't even know Squall. Are they doing this to make me feel bad? Nobody can be _that _evil, can they? Why do they torture me so badly? What's wrong with me that they don't like? _Why_?

She had the urge to blow the door down, but she had no magic on her. No _helpful _magic, anyway. _Angel Wing? _Rinoa thought about it. Being a sorceress had its advantages ... but she wouldn't be able to control her actions. And that was something that she did not want.

So she sat in the closet. There was nothing else for her to do.

---

"Where's Rin?" said Selphie impatiently.

Quistis glanced at her watch. "Our flight leaves in an hour."

"When did you call her?" asked Zell.

"I called her over two hours ago," answered Quistis, "She said she was coming."

"Maybe she's not," said Irvine.

"No," said Squall, "She's coming. She _is _coming."

You have to come, Rin, thought Squall, It'll be the last time I see you for a while...

"Call her again, Quistis," said Squall.

Quistis nodded and pulled out her cell phone. She dialled Rinoa's home number.

Back at the Caraway house, Rinoa heard the phone ring several times from the closet. As it did, she started banging on the door, as if there was somebody out there to pick it up.

"Please ... please!" Her dark hair clung to her face as she stopped hitting the door, admitting defeat yet another time. It had only been a couple of minutes and she was already a mess, already in tears.

After several rings and no answer, Quistis hung up.

"There's no answer," said Quistis. "She's probably heading here now."

"Hey look, it's Rinoa's lil sis," said Irvine.

Squall looked up and saw Ashleigh and Sera heading towards them. If they were there, then Rinoa had to be coming.

She _had _to be coming.

"Then Rinny should be coming too," said Selphie.

Ashleigh ran towards Squall and the others and looked at them sweetly.

"Hey, Rinoa's lil sis," said Zell.

Ashleigh ignored the fact that they couldn't even remember her name.

"What are you doing here?" asked Quistis suspiciously.

"Oh, I heard you guys were leaving," said Ashleigh, "And I just wanted to say goodbye."

"That's nice," said Irvine, "Where's Rin?"

Ashleigh frowned. "She's not coming."

"What?" said Squall, as if something had just woke him up. "Why?"

His ears listened to Ashleigh's words but his mind wouldn't. She _is _coming.

"She ... um ... had other stuff to do," said Ashleigh.

"Huh?!" said Selphie, surprised.

"Yeah, right," said Zell. "Where is she ... _really_?"

Ashleigh mentally kicked herself for believing that they'd buy it, but she stuck to her story. It was stupid to suddenly just change the reason completely.

"I'm serious. She did have other things to do. It ... it was important."

Quistis eyed Ashleigh suspiciously. "I called her a while ago. She said she was coming."

"And what could be more important than _us_?" demanded Zell.

"Well ... she changed her mind," said Ashleigh slowly.

Nobody seemed to believe her.

"I'm going to try calling her again," said Squall. He pulled out his own cell phone and dialled Rinoa's cell phone.

Ashleigh bit her bottom lip nervously. "She won't answer."

Squall ignored the girl's statement and waited patiently for an answer, but there wasn't any. He hung up the phone and sighed, only to be given a sweet smile from Ashleigh.

----

Rinoa was so miserable that she began singing to herself.

"Oh did you ... ever know? That I had mine ... on ... you..."

She would always sing her mother's song whenever she felt sad. The memory of Julia was enough to make her feel better. It always helped her, but this time, it didn't.

"Darling, so share ... with ... me ... your love if you have enough..." Rinoa closed her eyes, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "The tears ... if you're holding back..." Her voice began to tremble. "Or ... or pain if that's ... what it is..."

She buried her face in her hands. "How can I let you know...?"

_How_, Squall? _How_? How can I let you know...?

Suddenly, in the corner of her eye, she saw the tape recorder she and Squall had used so long ago. She stopped singing and remembered she had hid it in the closet to avoid Ashleigh finding it.

She looked up and grabbed the tape recorder, just staring at the simple machine's features ... inside it held a small, but precious memory to her. She ran her fingers over the speaker softly. The feel of the object brought back a sudden jolt of cheeriness in the atmosphere that day, that night.

She hesitantly pressed rewind and waited for it to stop, and she pressed play, wondering if just listening to the voice of Squall would make her ever so cheerful, or just sad ... pained that she wouldn't be able to see him again.

"Okay ... so, umm, me and Squall are driving home right now. We just came back from the beach. Today was really fun, 'cause we got to hang out with Selphie, Irvie, Quisty and Zelly and get really wet. I stole Squall's ring and ... umm..."

"I got it back, thanks to my cunningness," said Squall with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, that's it!" said Rinoa cheerfully.

"Rinoa's fallen asleep," said Squall.

"No I haven't!" cried Rinoa.

Squall laughed. "Okay, but Rinoa looks really cute when she's asleep."

Rinoa giggled. "Squall is very open and cheerful and fun for some reason today."

"Aren't I always fun?" asked Squall.

Rinoa laughed. "It's so dark outside now!"

"And little Rinny is afraid of the dark," kidded Squall.

"No!" cried Rinoa.

"Of course not. Little Rinny is my strong girl."

Rinoa giggled. "Okay, that's enough for now – I'm turning this off! Bye Squall!"

"Bye Rinoa," said Squall with a laugh.

Rinoa pressed stop and closed her eyes, remembering that day they went to the beach. It felt as if it was yesterday they had fun at the beach ... all six of them together, just at the beach and innocently having fun ... forgetting their troubles and just acting like normal teenagers having a good time. They needn't have to remember all their _abnormal _lives, the burdens they had to carry since childhood. They would just stay together, together as friends, _as family_.

_Family_. That word always brought shivers done Rinoa's spine, ever since Ashleigh and Sera came along. And then there was Seifer ... the young man she danced with, trying to make him feel cheerful. He did seem innocent to her. He reminded her of a one-time Squall, cold and distant and 'cool'. Maybe one day she would make him open up to her as she had made Squall.

One day... 

She pressed rewind on the tape and listened to it again, and she kept listening to it over and over again, keeping her memories close. Listening to the tape made her feel a lot better...

One day... 

The words clouded her mind again. _One day, _she would get away from all this madness. She will get away from the joke she called her family. _One day _she will leave her troubles behind, and just be with the ones she loved. The ones she _truly _loved.

"Hey, Rinoa."

Lost in her trails of thoughts, Rinoa had forgotten to press stop after the last 'Bye Rinoa.' Intrigued, she wondered why she had never heard this part of the tape before.

"I'm in your room now."

Rinoa's eyes widened, wondering when on earth Squall could've entered her room.

"I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me."

Rinoa smiled weakly.

"But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too."

Rinoa's weak smile became stronger.

"But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."

Rinoa was frozen with astonishment. Squall actually admitted that he loved her? He had never, ever done that before. He had never said it straight out ... _I love you_. But she had never asked for it, nor did she ever expect something like that from him. And at that moment, she _had _to see Squall.

The house phone rang again, and Rinoa felt so frightened that they had already left. She started banging on the door, hoping against all hope that somebody was out there.

"Please ... please! Let me out..."

The phone stopped ringing, and Rinoa stopped banging. She sat back down again, a teardrop rolling down her cheek.

----

"Our flight's leaving in forty-five minutes," said Quistis.

"Where _is _she?" said Squall, beginning to get worried.

"Maybe she's not coming," said Irvine.

"She's not," said Ashleigh quickly.

"She _is_," said Squall for the millionth time. "She _is _coming."

---

"Darling ... so there you are," Rinoa murmured to herself, clutching the tape recorder in her hands, "With that look on your face ... as if you're never ... hurt ... as if ... you're never ... down..."

Rinoa had resumed singing, but as she thought about the actual words she sang, the pain in her heart only pierced her even more.

Rinoa heard footsteps outside. Were Sera and Ashleigh home already? That would have only meant Squall had already left...

"...Shall I be the one ... for you...?"

Suddenly, the closet door unlocked and swung open, making Rinoa fall backwards because she was leaning against it.

Seifer looked down at her, a look crossed between disgusted and astonished.

Rinoa's heart raced. If it was Seifer who was home ... that meant that there was still hope for her.

Oh, sweet _hope_.

She stood up and brushed past Seifer quickly without a word, stumbling as her legs felt like jelly. She slipped on her boots and grabbed some money on the counter. She held onto the tape recorder tightly and ran out the door, signalling a passing taxi.

Please, I hope it isn't too late... Dear hope, don't fail me now. 

----

"The next flight to Esthar departs in thirty minutes," the voice over the PA system said. "All passengers please forward into terminal three."

"Oh ... I'd better go now," said Ashleigh, "Have fun in Esthar."

Where _is_ Rinoa? That was the only question running through Squall's mind.

"You'd better leave before it's too late," said Sera.

Squall looked up at the stern woman. He wasn't going to leave. He wasn't going to leave without seeing Rinoa ... not yet.

"Okay," said Squall, just to get her to leave.

Sera smiled. "Stay safe."

Sera and Ashleigh said goodbye and headed for the escalator.

"So ... are we going to leave yet?" asked Irvine.

"No."

I'm _not _leaving without seeing her.

----

Rinoa looked at the clock on the dashboard of the cab. She hoped it wasn't too late. Squall, don't leave ... please don't leave.

"Please ... can you hurry a little?" said Rinoa, urgency in her voice.

"Sheesh, any faster and I'll kill us both," said the cab driver.

Rinoa held onto Julia's ring, her fist clenched tight. _Please._

---

"The next flight for Esthar leaves in fifteen minutes. All passengers please head for terminal three."

"Squall, we'd better leave," said Selphie, "We're going to miss our plane."

Squall sighed. He didn't want to leave, not until Rinoa came. But it looked like she wasn't going to show up. What could possibly have happened? Was Ashleigh telling the truth?

_Not show up_? Why would she _not _show up? She had to have a damn good reason to _not _show up...

"I'm sorry, Squall." The commander felt Quistis's hand placed on his shoulder softly.

_Sorry? _She said it as if Rinoa definitely was not going to show up. But he knew he was in denial. How he hated denial, that awful feeling that throbbed in his head.

---

The cab finally reached the airport. Rinoa gave the driver three hundred gil, telling him to keep the change.

She rushed into the airport and looked around the airport for any sign of Squall and the others, but she didn't find any. She looked at the huge screen in the middle of the place and looked for the next flight to Esthar.

"Ten minutes!" she gasped to herself, her heart racing. She looked around for terminal three, but had no clue where to start looking in the huge airport. She had never been to an airport before, which only made matters worse.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where terminal three is?" Rinoa asked one of the staff.

"Terminal three ... go up that escalator and head right, then go up the elevator and you'll find yourself at terminal three."

"Thank you," said Rinoa.

She rushed off to the escalator, pushing past all the people there with quick 'I'm sorrys' and ran up the escalator, squeezing through all the idle people blocking the whole pathway.

Ashleigh and Sera were on the opposite escalator, heading down, and Ashleigh saw Rinoa rushing up the other escalator.

"Mum! She's here!" said Ashleigh.

"Who?" asked Sera.

"Rinoa!" gasped Ashleigh.

Rinoa ran across the marble floor, stumbling again, and ran for the elevator, but the security guards were roping it off.

"W-What?" gasped Rinoa, "Are they ... are they gone?"

"Yes, ma'am, the flight to Esthar is arriving very soon," said one of the security guards. "The last passengers just went up to terminal three."

Rinoa stared at the elevator, breaking a part inside. She had missed them ... she had missed them all by a minute.

_Why? _She had been too slow. If only fate had slowed down for her.

Sera and Ashleigh watched Rinoa stare at the elevator in shock, satisfied that she had missed her friends.

"Let's go, Ashleigh," said Sera.

----

Squall stood in the elevator, leaning against the wall, listening to the humming of the elevator.

_Why didn't you come? _He was so damn sure that Rinoa was going to show up. He kept checking his cell phone ever five minutes, just in case she had tried to message him or call him, but there was no sign of attempted communication at all.

No messages, not picking up the phone, not calling, _not coming _... what happened? What could have _possibly _happened to stop the sorceress from coming?

"DAMN, I left one of my bags on the other floor!" said Zell suddenly.

"Zell!" said Selphie, annoyed, "The plane leaves soon!"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault! I put my bag down so I could eat, and then Quistis was telling me to hurry up so I just stuffed the rest of my hotdog in my mouth and came up here," said Zell defensively.

"You're such a nit, Zell," said Irvine, rolling his eyes.

"Now, now, kids," said Quistis, "Don't fight. I'll just message the guy at the terminal to wait a second for us."

The elevator came to a halt. Quistis pushed the down button and pulled out her cell phone, tying away with quick fingers, and Irvine and Selphie groaned in annoyance.

Squall didn't care. His mind was still fixed on Rinoa.

As the elevator came to a halt again, the doors opened and everyone got out. Squall was the last to get out, and as he did, he stared at the marble patterns on the floor.

"Rinoa!" said Irvine in surprise.

Squall looked up immediately, his heart almost stopping, and found Rinoa on the other side of the rope on the floor with her knees huddled up to her chin, her eyes closed with a clear look of sorrow.

I _knew _she would come.

At the sound of her name, Rinoa opened her eyes and spotted all her friends in front of the elevator in a group, looking at her.

Rinoa stood up and ran towards the rope, smiling weakly.

Quistis smiled. "Go on, Squall."

Squall walked up to the rope and stared at Rinoa. He could tell she had been crying.

"Why are you crying?" asked Squall, wiping the tear on her cheek with his gloved hand.

Rinoa sniffled and kept smiling. She held up the tape recorder and pressed play to Squall's message he had left.

"Hey, Rinoa. I'm in your room now. I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me. But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too. But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."

Rinoa stopped the tape and pressed record. "I love you, Squall," she whispered into the recorder, and pressed stop.

Squall smiled. And he just _didn't _want to leave. More than anything in the world, he wanted to stay with Rinoa, stay with his _love_.

Rinoa wanted to push down the rope and stand right with Squall, but she knew she couldn't. She saw him, and that was enough for her. He was right in front of her, in the flesh, and she returned his given love. She knew that if she couldn't tell him, she would have died ... and _anything _could happen in four years.

"I'm sorry I'm late," said Rinoa, another tear rolling down her cheek.

Squall wiped her tear away again. "You're here, aren't you? It's enough for me." He didn't even need to ask _why _she was late; he was just so overwhelmed to see her one last time.

Rinoa held his hand against her cheek. "Please don't go ... please don't leave me..."

Squall's smile remained on his face. "It's only four years."

Another tear fell from her eye. "Four years is a long time..."

"Love will always return," said Squall.

Rinoa smiled. It made her feel so much better...

"I have something for you," said Squall. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring ... it was an exact duplicate of his own Griever ring.

Rinoa beamed at him. "I've always wanted a ring like this..."

Squall leaned over and opened the chain around Rinoa's neck. He slid Griever next to Julia's ring, and leaned over again and closed the chain for her. He leaned his forehead on hers, looking straight into her deep eyes.

Rinoa looked down, because she knew that if she looked at Squall, then she would have had an emotional outburst.

"You won't forget about me, right?" said Squall quietly.

Rinoa couldn't resist. She looked up, straight back into Squall's electric blue eyes.

"Of course I won't," whispered Rinoa.

Squall put his arms around Rinoa, the last time he would put his arms around her for four years.

Rinoa put her head on Squall's shoulder and cried silent tears, dampening his jacket. She put her own arms back around Squall, leaning over the rope.

Squall pat her hair soft her gently, sensing her sadness. He really didn't want to leave, especially leaving her all alone like this...

"I'll be waiting for you," whispered Squall.

Suddenly, the others came up to the couple.

"Don't hog her!" cried Selphie.

Rinoa looked up at her friends and smiled. Squall let go of her to let the others say goodbye.

"Rinny, we'll really miss you!" said Selphie.

"Esthar won't be the same without you," said Irvine, tipping his hat at Rinoa.

"Yeah," said Zell. He lowered his voice. "Why not just sneak on the flight with us?"

"Zell," said Squall warningly, but he wished she could have...

"Sorry, Commander," said Zell, standing up straight.

"Take care of yourself," said Quistis with a warm smile.

Rinoa smiled weakly. She was happy to have friends like them. If only they didn't have to leave...

"The next flight to Esthar departs in five minutes. Last call for passengers in terminal three."

Zell ran over to the elevator, picking up one of the bags beside it. "We'd better hurry."

Selphie stuck her tongue out at him and followed Zell, pushing the button of the elevator madly.

Irvine tipped his hat at Rinoa one last time, and followed Selphie and Zell, as the elevator doors opened.

Quistis smiled at Rinoa one last time, a reassuring smile, and headed into the elevator.

Squall leaned over the rope and whispered into Rinoa's ear. "I'll come back ... I promise."

Rinoa closed her eyes, and kissed Squall on the cheek softly.

Squall smiled at her and turned around, walking to the elevator slowly. All five of her friends stood in the elevator in a neat line, looking at Rinoa. Squall was in the middle, with Quistis and Zell standing to his right, and Irvine and Selphie to his left.

Selphie was waving wildly, whilst everyone else waved calmly. Squall, however, didn't wave at all. He stared at Rinoa with the softest eyes she had ever seen; with the most comforting smile anyone could ever give her.

Slowly, the elevator doors slid closed, and Squall was the last person who was visible to Rinoa. The metal doors fully shut in a second, and she couldn't see them anymore.

And she knew they were gone.


	13. Alone

**A/N: **Yay! is up again! Sorry for the major delay, the people wouldn't let me update -.- So in this period of time I've written three chapters, ready to go whenever. I've also been editing the first couple of chapters ... I read them over and I've noticed that they are extremely EMPTY. So I fixed things up, changed things, added things, took things out so it wouldn't look as bad as before. Anyway, here we go! And thanks for your reviews, I'm really appreciating them!

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 13 – Alone**

Rinoa stood behind the roped area for another ten minutes, bending on the floor with her knees huddled to her chest, just staring at the elevator Squall and her friends just left in. It was as if she expected them to just suddenly come back down and throw their arms around her and stay. But it didn't happen, and she knew it wouldn't.

Rinoa stood up and clutched onto Griever and Julia's wedding ring, never letting go of the platinum bands. She walked outside to the airport, taking her sweet time. Her eyes ran dry of tears once she stood up and left. Squall's words were glued in her mind, not ever escaping her memory. And _never_ would she let them.

'_Love will always return … I'll come back … I promise.'_

Rinoa signalled for a cab and slid into the vehicle silently, with a quiet 'Deling' in answer to the driver's question. She gazed out the window, watching the world go by. Already the world seemed different. Already she had felt alone in the world.

Is this what it's like to feel alone? Rinoa pondered. The girl had never experienced loneliness before – she always had someone to lean on. When she was a little girl, she relied on her mother. When her mother died, she relied on her father … for a short time. After that, she relied on her fellow Forest Owls. And after that, she had relied on her SeeD companions, along with Squall.

And now, she had nobody. She didn't want to rely on anyone, she wanted to be independent. But those thoughts just contradicted her own words … '_Everyone needs someone to lean on.' _Those words were never so true. Those words never haunted her … she _always _had someone to lean on.

Nobody could have ever understood her then. Nobody could even _think _about how Rinoa was feeling. How _was _she feeling? Lonely, upset, and most of all … _disorientated. _Caraway didn't even _know _her, even after claming so. Ashleigh and Sera were definitely out of the question. Seifer…

What about Seifer? He seemed to be alone as well, besides his Garden friends. But he didn't always have Fujin and Raijin. At home it must have been difficult for him – but she didn't know the whole story. Maybe she should get to know him. After all, he didn't seem so bad. The reason why he acted the way he did was because of the way things were at home.

---

Seifer put his gunblade and the book he was meaning to retrieve from the house. He couldn't help but grab a slice of chocolate cake that he had spotted Rinoa making the night before for her friends but never actually got to give them. Seeing as how it was his birthday that day, he felt it only fair to receive some form of gift.

The cake tasted horrible and he was somewhat happy for Squall and the others for not having taste the awful piece of work. He spent ten minutes trying to wash the dreadful taste out of his mouth until he heard the door open and the sound of Sera and Ashleigh's footsteps came clicking on the wooden floorboards.

Seifer cursed silently for not getting out of the house sooner, and now he had to face the two witches from the east.

He took a chance and tried to slip past them, unnoticed with his gunblade swung over his shoulder and the book in his other hand.

"What are you doing here?" demanded Sera when she saw Seifer in the house.

"I forgot something," mumbled Seifer, without looking at the woman. He headed for the door without another word, but Sera had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in front of her, not satisfied with Seifer.

"You come back here, then you stay here," said Sera sharply.

"I don't want to fricking stay here," growled Seifer.

"So is that what you use this place for?" demanded Sera, "A place to keep your things, and if you have nowhere else to go then you come here?"

"Basically," said Seifer carelessly, only to find that his arrogance was rewarded with a slap across the face. The mad woman was on a roll that day.

"How _dare _you," said Sera furiously, "How _dare _you be such an ungrateful _swine_? You are so much like that man I married."

Seifer smirked, not showing any weakness. "You mean that bozo, Caraway?"

Sera smacked Seifer across the face again in anger. "There really is something wrong with you."

Ashleigh snickered. She was used too used to the scene before her and decided to just retreat to her room.

Sera's outbursts didn't anger Seifer one bit, only amused him. He always found it amusing when she was angry with him, and he would play a game with himself to see how long it was until the woman decided to either give up or doing something that was supposedly _horrible_.

"That makes the two of us," said Seifer.

Outraged, Sera grabbed Seifer by the ear like a mother trying to discipline a misbehaved child, and dragged him to the infamous prison known as the Caraway closet.

Seifer cussed at Sera and was close to stabbing the woman with the gunblade, but even he knew it was wrong to murder his own mother over something so stupid.

Sera opened the closet and snatched her son's book off of him and threw it aside. Seifer dropped his gunblade in confusion, and Sera pushed him into the closet at this stage.

Seifer cursed even louder that time, as he banged his fist on the plywood, only resulting in a strong pain in his hand.

"You come back to this house then you _stay _at this house," said Sera in triumph, locking the door.

Seifer heard Sera walk away and he began swearing some more in anger.

"Firaga!" Seifer roared, focusing his energy on the wooden door.

The door burst into flames, however it didn't break down.

_What the hell is this house made of?_ Seifer thought to himself. _Is the crazy old dude afraid someone might steal from his closet?_

Seifer swore aloud one more time before reluctantly admitting defeat and sitting himself on the floor as he did once before.

---

Rinoa walked into the house after wiping her feet on the doormat outside. As she walked in, she found Sera unplugging the telephone from the socket.

"What are you doing?" asked Rinoa, concerned.

"What does it look like?" snapped Sera, winding up the cord.

"Why are you disconnecting the phone line?" asked Rinoa, more forcefully.

"I'm not _disconnecting _it," said Sera, picking the machine up. "I'm moving it to my room."

"_Why?_" asked Rinoa.

Sera didn't seem to be annoyed by Rinoa's questions. "So you can't use it, of course."

"But…!" Rinoa tried to protest, but the words never came out. If she wasn't able to use the phone then she wouldn't be able to even communicate with Squall.

"You'll be distracted from your studies," said Sera simply.

"How so?" cried Rinoa.

"You'll be talking to the Loire boy," said Sera.

It took a while for Rinoa to figure out who the 'Loire boy' was.

"Squall?" said Rinoa. "He's leaving for four years! I can't _not _talk to him…"

"Then the Loire boy will be distracted," said Sera, "He's learning to be president of a country for Hyne's sake."

"How do you know that?" demanded Rinoa.

"Don't think I don't know anything, Rinoa, _sweetie_," said Sera, her words poison. "I know everything about you. _You_ and the Loire boy."

"Stop calling him that!" said Rinoa, her anger rising. "His name is Squall. Squall _Leonhart_."

Sera ignored Rinoa and just headed up the stairs with the telephone in her hands.

Rinoa wanted to scream out loud until the walls bled. Instead, she slumped herself on the couch and sighed deeply. She was going to find a way to get the phone back. She couldn't just prance into Caraway and Sera's room whenever she wanted – that was suicide, and they kept the door locked most of the time as well.

Out of the corner of her eye, Rinoa spotted a gunblade on the floor near the closet. She stood up in curiosity and examined the gunblade, memories of Squall already flooding through her mind. She picked it up and held on the hilt, gripping it tightly until her knuckles turned white. As she picked it up, her other hand ran down the cold metal of the blade. It was pretty clean for a gunblade – there were hardly any traces of blood on the weapon and she could see her reflection in the metal.

Rinoa's trail of thought ended as she looked up at the closet. The door had been locked, and she knew immediately that someone was in there.

_Seifer_.

Rinoa unlocked and opened the door, peering inside. In the dark, Seifer was already glaring right at her with bitterness crystal in his eyes, as if he knew she was going to come. The young man did not say anything; he just stared at Rinoa like a hawk guarding her eggs.

"Don't you want to get out of there?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer didn't answer at first. "Apparently, I have to _stay at this house if I decide to come back_."

Rinoa could tell he was referring to Sera. She knew the tone well.

"Well, at least get out of the closet?" said Rinoa gently.

Seifer had his arms folded across his chest. He didn't remove his eyes from Rinoa at any stage.

"I prefer to stay as far as possible from the woman who apparently had given birth to me," snarled Seifer.

Rinoa understood how he felt. She did not argue, instead she handed him his gunblade that he had left outside.

Seifer snatched the weapon from Rinoa's arms without a word and sat it beside him.

Rinoa didn't withdraw from the closet. "Do you know Squall?"

Seifer snickered. "You mean Commander Puberty?"

Rinoa was almost afraid to answer.

"He's a joke of a SeeD," retorted Seifer, "And so is Chicken-Wuss Zell, his so-called friend."

"Hey," said Rinoa defensively, "Those _jokes _happen to be my friends."

Seifer smirked. "So I guess you're expecting me to take it back now, huh?"

"Why don't you have a go at becoming a SeeD if you're so jealous."

"Jealous?" outcried Seifer. "That's a good one. Apparently I have to be at this Garden for another four years, and only then can I qualify as a SeeD."

"So you _are _going to try out?" said Rinoa curiously.

"I never said I wasn't," countered Seifer.

Rinoa smiled. Something about him just made her smile. She just found it amusing to see him try to act so cool all the time. It might have worked a lot of the time, but she just found people like that amusing.

Seifer rolled his eyes, disguising his confusion for the reason why Rinoa had smiled.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather be alone right now," said Seifer.

"Alone, alone," said Rinoa, shaking her finger at her stepbrother. "You're the same, aren't you?"

"What?" snapped Seifer, "I'm not the same as anyone."

Rinoa giggled, flashbacks of Squall's same attitude coursing through her mind. "And I don't understand how you and Squall don't get along."

"No you don't, and you don't need to," said Seifer coldly. _Leonheart and I have a lot in common … we're the same people from different worlds, _thought Seifer. "Now please get out of my sanctuary."

"Sanctuary?" asked Rinoa curiously. "Funny place to set up a sanctuary."

"You'd be amazed how many times I've been locked in a closet," retorted Seifer.

Rinoa laughed and gave in. "Okay, I'll leave you in your little sanctuary." She stepped out of the closet, but peeked in once more. "Oh, and thank you, Seifer."

Seifer looked at her in a strange way. "What? I didn't do anything."

"Sure you did," said Rinoa, smiling, "You let me out of the closet this morning. I had a really important place to go to…"

Seifer scratched at the back of his head. "Well … I left something in the closet. I had no idea you were in there." That was a lie. He had seen the closet locked and he knew immediately that someone, _Rinoa_, was locked in there. The closet was never locked unless somebody was in there. Why he let her out, he didn't know … he just felt that he should have.

"Well … thanks anyway," said Rinoa, closing the door, leaving a little of it open for Seifer to have some light and some air.

She looked at the clock on the wall and noticed it was almost dinnertime. It was then that she felt hungry all of a sudden – the rush of events that day had kept her away from eating anything.

Rinoa took off her boots and put them on the shoe shelf on her way to the kitchen. Glad that it was unoccupied, Rinoa microwaved herself some lentil soup and sat at the counter, eating quietly. The hot taste on her tongue made her shudder strangely. The day was a rather cold one and the night air only made it colder.

The room was so silent that she could hear the clock ticking. Once she had finished her soup, she washed her bowl, her mind clouded with daydreams. After she finished washing up, she decided that Seifer must have been hungry.

_He can't live in there forever,_ she thought, _and I don't think he's getting out of his sanctuary any time soon._

Rinoa decided to make her stepbrother some hot soup and a glass of water. As she closed the refrigerator after collecting the cold water, she noticed on the calendar pinned to the fridge that it was Seifer's birthday.

_What a way to spend your birthday_, thought Rinoa.

She decided to give him some of the chocolate cake she had made the day before for Squall and the others but didn't end up giving them. She opened the fridge again and took no notice that one slice was missing.

She walked back to the closet with the tray of food in her hands and opened the door carefully, only to find that Seifer already had his eyes fixed on Rinoa.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," said Seifer.

"I just thought you'd be hungry," said Rinoa, walking through all the coats that hung up. She bent down to eye level with Seifer and handed him the tray of food. He did not accept her gift.

"I'm not hungry," said Seifer, brushing her away.

"Come on, you have to eat _something_ for dinner," said Rinoa. "Skipping meals is bad for you."

Seifer didn't say anything.

Rinoa just smiled and placed the tray down next to Seifer on the floor. "Promise me you'll eat. Lack of food makes you weak."

Seifer didn't say anything and waited for Rinoa to leave. The girl got up and was about to leave, but she stopped, turned around and smiled warmly.

"Happy birthday, Seifer," she said quietly, and left before he could say something witty to her.

Amazingly, Seifer did not want to say anything witty. He was merely surprised that somebody actually remembered his birthday – Rinoa was the first person all day to wish him a happy one. Not even Fujin and Raijin remembered it, let alone knew it, and how Rinoa knew was a complete mystery to him. Then he remembered … when they first met, Rinoa was trying hard to make conversation with him and asked him when his birthday was.

Seifer smirked at the memory, and at the fact that Rinoa had actually bothered to waste her breath on him. Ashleigh and Sera probably knew his birthday but just didn't bother saying a thing to him – that was how it was for the past fourteen years.

He looked at the tray of food beside him. The smell of soup wafted into his nostrils, and it was then that he remembered how hungry he was. Without hesitation, Seifer grabbed the bowl of soup and started eating it as if it were his last meal. He then spotted the slice of chocolate cake on a plate and a small card beside it saying 'Happy birthday – Love Rinoa.' Seifer decided to pass on the cake having experienced the taste beforehand. Instead, he slipped the card into his trench coat pocket, not really knowing why he did.

---

Days had passed and Rinoa was still trapped in the prison she called her home. Caraway had made her stay at home for the rest of the summer because she had hardly spent any of the previous year with her family. She hated staying at the place, because the reason why she hadn't stayed the previous year was because she didn't want to spend any time with the family in the first place. Then again, there was nothing left for her at Garden anymore. She joined Garden so she could be with her friends. And now they were gone.

It was as if wherever she went, there was nothing for her. She always felt like breaking down and crying at night when she thought about how little she had, but crying wasn't going to _give_ her anything.

Days turned into weeks, and Rinoa had heard no word from Squall whatsoever. Sera always kept her door locked and her cell phone had a call bar for international calls. She wasn't allowed outside, Sera and Ashleigh always made sure that she was in the house at all times. Both mother and daughter would watch her like a hawk and stalk her around the house, just to make sure she wasn't up to something.

She wondered why Squall didn't write to her – he said he would when he could. Rinoa had spent so much time writing letters to Squall and the others. She would sit in her room for hours, writing page after page after page, trying to keep her work out of Ashleigh's sight. She never had a chance to mail them though, as she would always be locked inside her own house.

Seifer was a little better off than Rinoa was. After a week, Sera couldn't stand him being in the same house so she kicked him out. The young man left without hesitation and went back to Garden. He would often come back to the house for some unknown reason, but Rinoa didn't care – she would cease the opportunity for some company, even if he wasn't the most pleasant person on the planet. She learned to get used to his sarcastic retorts and she could hardly notice them after a while – because there were hardly any.

Rinoa learnt to trust her stepbrother after a while. She didn't know so, but she felt she had a unique bond with him. She asked him to mail her letters for her and he would say he would, but little did she know that he never ended up doing so. For two months she expected a reply of some sort, but she never got one.

After two months, Rinoa had earned a little bit of money. She would live off borrowing money off Seifer and promising that she would pay him back, but he would only give her so much as about ten gil. Aside from that, she would pick up even a gil that was just lying around in her house. After two months she saved up thirty gil, and she was planning to blow it all on making an international call to Squall. It would have only bought her about a twenty-minute conversation, but it was well worth it to her.

One night, she woke up at three in the morning and glanced over at Ashleigh's bed. She was sound asleep, and Rinoa decided to use the chance to call Squall. Quietly, Rinoa slipped on her boots, grabbed her cell phone and her saved up money. She looked over at Ashleigh's bedside table, where her key chain sat, the moon reflecting on the metal. She crept over next to Ashleigh's bed and leaned over the snoring Ashleigh, grabbing the keys quickly. The bundle of keys clinked together briefly, causing Ashleigh to stir.

Heart racing, Rinoa held onto the keys tightly, ensuring that they wouldn't make another sound. When Ashleigh started snoring again, Rinoa took it as a sign that she was fast asleep again.

She walked down the stairs silently, her heart beating fast … she did not want to get caught, or it would've been the end of her. She reached the door without detection. She held up the bundle of keys and began trying every single key in the keyhole, cursing the fact that Sera had changed the lock on the door.

Finally, one of the keys fit. Rinoa turned the key and opened the door as quietly as she could, and sneaked out of the house, closing the door gently. Her heart soared when she found herself out of the house successfully, and she ran down the street and walked all the way to the shopping mall street to look for a payphone.

The streets of Deling were crowded with cars and people, even at three in the morning. Rinoa managed to slip by all the homeless and drug addicts who wandered the roads. They always seemed to frighten Rinoa.

Running as fast as she could, Rinoa embraced the night. She had forgotten what it was like to be outside. She gazed at the sky, watching the stars wink at her and the moon illuminate the darkness. She let the noises of the outside ring through her ears – the sounds of sirens wailing, dogs barking, cars braking, crickets chirping … she memorised each noise of the night time so she could play the music back in her mind when she was shut up in her room again.

At last, she reached the shopping mall street. As a bus departed, it revealed a telephone box that was lit up, like a sign from heaven. Esthar time, it had to be around four o'clock in the afternoon, which was good news for Rinoa.

She crossed the street and walked up to the booth and put in the whole thirty gil. She searched through her contact list on her cell until she reached _Laguna_. She punched the numbers in along with the area code, country code, and all the rest of it. Finally when she was done, she waited for an answer from the other line.

It had to be a long ten seconds until she realised that it wasn't ringing. Then, there was an answer.

"We could not connect your call." It was a prompted machine. "Please check your number and try again."

Dazed, Rinoa put the receiver down and retrieved the coins that came out. She shoved them back into the slot and this time dialled the number carefully, checking every digit as she pushed it.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously and tried again, being very careful to copy the exact number. She was only greeted with the same message.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

She tried again. And again. And again. And again. But she had no luck.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

"No," Rinoa murmured in the receiver, "No … _no._"

I have the right number, thought Rinoa, I'm sure of it. Squall gave it to me himself. Hell, _Laguna _gave it to me himself.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

"God … _no_. _Please … no_."

Rinoa slammed the receiver back into its pace and collected her money. She admitted defeat. Again.


	14. The Game

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, everyone. New summary! I wanted to take a more serious approach to this story. Everything's just too flat out, now that I think about it. But it's still the same story, save for the summary. Dammit, I didn't want to make Rinoa so OOC so early … it was meant to be a slow process -.- But don't worry folks, she'll return to normal … somehow … I hope…

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 14 – The Game**

Rinoa kept her hand on the receiver and hung her head. _Why? _Why couldn't she reach him? It had to be the right number. It _was_. She remembered Squall even putting it in her phone memory for her. But then _why_? Why had it been the wrong number?

Rinoa's grip tightened on the receiver until her knuckles turned white. She was not sad anymore, she was angry. She was damn right _pissed_. Already she blamed the whole incident on Ashleigh. It had to be her. There was no other logical explanation. She didn't even begin to think how Ashleigh could have caused the whole thing; she just knew it was her fault.

Rinoa finally decided to leave the phone booth. She made her way back to the Caraway house, but decided against it. She wanted to enjoy the fresh air one more time before being locked up in the house again.

She walked to the Deling Bridge that spread above the road. She walked up the stairs, the cold metal of the railing tingling against her fingers. She stood at the top, looking down at the busy city by night. Images of Squall ran through her mind again. She remembered the time when Edea had used an ice strike at him whilst he was trying to rescue her … she remembered that time when he fell off this very bridge.

'_No … Squall!' _

A shiver ran down Rinoa's spine. The memory seemed so real … she thought she saw Squall falling from the bridge with icicles pierced through his chest.

The cool night breeze tickled her skin, blowing her long hair backwards. Rinoa leaned on the railing, staring down. It was so high up … she was tempted to jump and see what would happen. She had never been afraid of heights, in fact, she loved heights. She would always imagine what it would have been like to fall from a high place … to feel the air rushing past her. Half the time she expected to sprout angel wings and fly away … fly somewhere else.

Rinoa's thoughts were broken when she felt someone tap her on the back. She turned around and found nobody behind her, but she looked down to find a young girl of about ten or eleven years of age in tattered clothing. She had ashen skin and messy red hair, tied into two pigtails on either side of her head. Rinoa knew straight away that this girl was a homeless girl and immediately she felt sorry for the child. She always cursed the president for not doing a thing about the poverty in the city.

"Hello there," said Rinoa, bending down to reach eye level with the girl. "What's wrong?"

"My … my mum told me to tell you that it's dangerous out here at night," said the girl, her voice quivering.

Rinoa smiled warmly. "That's very sweet of you. But it's okay … I've been up here before."

The girl didn't say anything.

"What's your name?" asked Rinoa.

"…Sierra."

"What a pretty name," said Rinoa, "My name is Rinoa. I live right here in Deling."

"You have nice clothes," said Sierra.

Rinoa's smile became a sad one. "Thank you…"

"I've never seen you before," said Sierra. "Where do you live?"

"I live … near the Caraway residence," said Rinoa.

"I live on the bridge," said Sierra. She said the words with pride.

"Oh, you're very lucky then," said Rinoa, smiling, "The view from the bridge is so pretty…"

"Yes, but I'm always hungry," said Sierra.

Rinoa looked into the girl's brown innocent eyes carefully. With Sierra's misfortune, Rinoa sensed hope for the girl's future. "Do you ever get lonely?"

The girl shook her head. "I'm never lonely. My mum looks after me. I don't have a dad. But big brother comes to visit me sometimes."

"That's nice," said Rinoa. The girl might have been poor, the girl might have been hungry … but she was never lonely. To Rinoa, Sierra was a rich person, and it was Rinoa who was the poor girl. "Well, Sierra, remember this. Whenever you're hungry, don't think about food. Think about your mum and your big brother. Thoughts of them will fill you up."

Sierra cocked her head in curiosity. Rinoa knew the girl did not understand, but one day she would.

Rinoa stood up and handed Sierra the thirty gil she was going to use on her phone call.

"Gil?" said Sierra, not yet accepting the money in Rinoa's hand.

Rinoa nodded. "It's not much, but it's all I have. Buy yourself and your mother something to eat."

"But what about you?" asked Sierra.

"I have lots of food at home," said Rinoa. _But I'm always alone … this money was meant to buy me a conversation with the people I loved…_

Sierra hesitated, but then accepted Rinoa's money. "Thank you, big sister Rinoa."

Rinoa smiled. For once, she was glad to be called _big sister_.

"Go on, buy yourself something … and get some sleep," said Rinoa.

Sierra grinned, dimples forming in her cheeks. Her smile lit a fire in Rinoa's heart, it made her feel warm. The girl ran away screaming, "Ma, ma! Big sister Rinoa gave me money!"

Rinoa smiled to herself and knew that her saved money hadn't gone to waste after all. She turned around and withdrew from the bridge, heading home before anybody noticed that she was gone.

---

Rinoa stirred at a quiet tapping sound. She ignored it at first and went back to sleep. However, she woke up with a start when she realised that the sound was the pushing of buttons … cell phone buttons. She looked over at Ashleigh's bed and found that she was playing with Rinoa's phone.

"What are you doing?" demanded Rinoa.

Ashleigh jumped in shock and looked at Rinoa, panicking that she was caught in the act. She didn't say anything.

"Why are you going through my phone?" asked Rinoa forcefully. She stopped and wondered if Ashleigh had caught her the previous night. "…So it _was _your fault, wasn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Ashleigh. She did sound convincing, but Rinoa didn't buy it at all.

Rinoa got out of bed and snatched her phone from Ashleigh's hands. She looked at the screen and found that it was off. _She must have switched it off as soon as I caught her_.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," said Rinoa, beginning to make her bed. The thought had occurred to her. "You've been doing this _every night_, haven't you?"

"I'm not that sad," said Ashleigh.

Rinoa was _certain _that it was a lie. The look on Ashleigh's face said so otherwise. Her evil stepsister had been going through cell phone at night and must have deleted all messages from her friends … nighttime in Deling was a convenient waking hour for her friends.

Rinoa turned around and glared at Ashleigh. "You … you changed Laguna's number!"

"What?" said Ashleigh, a look of genuine surprise on her face. "I did no such thing."

"Don't fricking lie!" said Rinoa, losing control of her temper completely. "_Don't lie_. I'm sick of your lying. Just … just _stop lying_."

"I'm not _lying, _dear Rinoa-san," spat Ashleigh, getting out of her bed. "I never changed your precious Laguna's phone number."

Rinoa didn't believe Ashleigh. She didn't know why she ever believed Ashleigh in the first place, ever since she walked into the front door.

"And how would _you _know?" demanded Ashleigh, "How would you know the number was different if you weren't able to call anybody? Why would I bother if I know you can't?"

Rinoa's anger drained and suddenly she became nervous. She just gave herself away – she just gave away the fact that she had sneaked out at some stage to call Squall. If Ashleigh figured it out … she would tell Sera … and Sera could do _anything_…

Goddamit, that bitch Sera, thought Rinoa.

"Unless…" Ashleigh was already beginning to figure it out. "You tried calling Squall … and it didn't work. _You tried calling Squall_…"

"No, that's not it—" Rinoa quickly tried to make up an excuse, but nothing came to mind.

"Mo-_ther!_" Ashleigh bolted out the door, ready to dob on Rinoa.

Rinoa swore to herself silently. She wasn't sure how she was going to get out of this one. If Sera took her cell phone away from her then all hope was lost. She didn't know what to do. Rinoa clutched her phone and thought about jumping out the window and just running away, but that wasn't going to do anything for her.

So she just sat on the bed. She sat on her bed and waited for Sera to come storming in and to do something bad. There was just no point in resisting anymore – Sera and Ashleigh were _always _going to win. There was never a time where Rinoa won, it was always her admitting defeat.

As if on cue, Sera and Ashleigh came back into the bedroom. Ashleigh wore a triumphant smile on her face and Sera looked cross and happy at the same time.

"Ashleigh has told me you've been sneaking out to call the Loire boy," said Sera.

Rinoa was about to lie and say no – but what was the point? Sera was going to make up some excuse and do something bad anyway.

"Yeah?" said Rinoa carelessly. She might have admitted defeat but she might as well have sounded proud.

"Ah, so you admit it, do you?" said Sera.

"Yeah?" Rinoa said again in the same careless tone.

Sera smirked. "It's about time you quit lying. You know you'll always lose."

"That's right," said Rinoa, "I'm always going to lose."

Sera somehow did not find any satisfaction with Rinoa agreeing with her. She expected some sort of emotional outburst – anger, screaming, crying … but she didn't get it. She was always looking forward to telling Caraway how stubborn his daughter was, but this time it was different.

"_But _I won't quit lying," added Rinoa with a careless smile. She knew very well that she had never lied to Sera before … well not that she could remember. But Rinoa knew that her ignorance was annoying her stepmother very much.

Sera really didn't know what to say. She decided to ignore her last remark and cut to the chase. "Hand over your phone."

This time, Rinoa didn't want to agree. She wanted to keep her phone … she didn't want to hand over her cell.

"What's the point?" asked Rinoa, "I don't even call Squall with it. If _that's _what you're afraid of."

"I'm not afraid of anything," snapped Sera, "Give me the phone."

Rinoa thought about her own words. She _didn't _even call Squall with it … she wasn't able to. What was the point of keeping it? She didn't even really use it on anybody but Squall and the others anyway … and they were gone now. So what _was _the point of keeping it? In case of emergency? In some life-threatening issue? It didn't matter, nobody would've cared if she died in a fire or was stranded on Cactuar Island anyway. _She _didn't even care. All hope was lost anyway.

_Hope_. She believed in hope so much. Hope let her down. Hope was crushed by Ashleigh and Sera. Hope was dead. There was no hope for her now … she already lost the game. She lost the game long ago … she lost the game as soon as it began, as soon as Sera and Ashleigh ever came into her life.

A game. That was all this was. It didn't matter if she lost anyway … it was just a game. A game with stupid rules and an even more stupid referee. Hyne, she never even wanted to play the stupid game.

So Rinoa gave in. She didn't try anymore. She didn't try resisting anymore because her hope of winning was lost. In fact, she already knew she lost. So why try to change the past? It couldn't happen. There was no such thing as a replay in this game.

"You know what?" said Rinoa, "Fine, I'll get rid of the stupid phone."

Again, Sera did not find any satisfaction with Rinoa's reaction. Perhaps she had won this round, but the game wasn't any fun if Rinoa kept on surrendering. She wanted to see Rinoa struggle, resist … she wanted to see how far her stepdaughter would go. She wanted her to suffer.

_Suffer? _Why did she want her to suffer? The thought never occurred to her. Maybe she was just evil. But there was something about Rinoa that she did not like … ever since she met the girl, she did not like her. Perhaps it was the fact that she had to share Caraway with her. Perhaps it was the fact that Caraway loved Rinoa more than he loved her. Perhaps it was that Caraway did not even see Ashleigh as his daughter. And she couldn't bear the fact that _Rinoa _was in the picture. The girl wasn't even grateful for her father and what he did for her. She was blind, and when Caraway would die, he would hand his fortune down to the girl he loved most … _Rinoa_.

"I don't need it anyway," spat Rinoa. She lifted her hand with her cell in it and threw it on the floor with great force. The delicate device shattered at first contact with the floor, but there were huge chunks of metal everywhere. Rinoa stepped on the remains in anger, as if treating the device as if it were Sera. She might have given the phone up, but she wasn't going to give the satisfaction to Sera of her _taking _it and making herself feel powerful. Oh no, Rinoa destroyed the thing herself – it wasn't Sera's act of power at all.

Sera smirked. This was a sign that Rinoa had not given up playing the game entirely. In her mind, Rinoa had won this round … but one round didn't make a difference. At least she was awarded one point for making the girl surrender her cell.

"That wasn't so hard, _was it_?" asked Sera with a smirk. She turned around and left the room without another word.

Ashleigh stared at the broken gadget on the floor, then looked up at Rinoa. She pulled a smug look as she watched Rinoa walk to the window and gaze out of it, as if in a trance.

Suddenly, Ashleigh heard the sound of the postman's motorcycle pull over at the house. She glanced out the window and found that she was right. Silently, she walked out of the room and brushed past Seifer, who happened to have been dropping by for _free food_. She rushed outside and took the bundle of letters in her hands, flipping through them to see if there was anything for her.

"Caraway … Caraway … junk … bill … bill…" Ashleigh murmured to herself, shuffling the letters. "Caraway … junk…" She came to a halt as she read the fine print on the airmail envelope. "_Rinoa_?"

The stamp was an Estharian stamp with a picture of some landmark or other. She flipped it to the other side to the return address. _'Squall Leonheart, Presidential Residence, Esthar.'_

A smirk spread across Ashleigh's face as she opened the envelope carefully, unfolding the fine paper, as she began to read the neat handwriting on the letter.

_Dear Rinoa,_

_How are you? Esthar is pretty good, but it's no fun without you. Laguna is…_

"Is there anything for me?"

Ashleigh jumped in surprise. She forgot that she left the front door open, and Rinoa had left the house to retrieve the mail. Ashleigh folded up the paper and kept a straight face on. She walked past Rinoa and back into the house saying, "No there's nothing for you."

Rinoa raised an eyebrow and something told her not to believe what her stepsister said. She turned around and went back inside the house, watching as Ashleigh set all the mail on the counter except for one.

"What about that one?" asked Rinoa, closing the door behind her.

"It's for me," said Ashleigh, holding the letter close to her chest. She headed up the stairs, and Rinoa followed, not convinced.

"Who is it from?" asked Rinoa suspiciously, following Ashleigh into their bedroom.

"A friend," said Ashleigh, getting annoyed that Rinoa stalking her.

Rinoa narrowed her eyes as Ashleigh sat on the bed and began to read the letter silently, as if Rinoa wasn't there.

Rinoa walked past Ashleigh's bed casually pretending to go to her own bed. But as she walked past, she snatched the envelope that was on the bed facedown. Ashleigh jumped with a start and turned around.

Rinoa read the envelope and her anger boiled when she saw that the addressee was _Rinoa_. She turned the letter around and she became even angrier when she found out the letter was from Squall.

"You lied," said Rinoa, her hand clutching the envelope in anger. "Give me my letter!" She dived at Ashleigh and tried to snatch the piece of paper from Ashleigh, but Ashleigh had jumped off the bed, causing Rinoa to fall face first on the bed.

Rinoa got up angrily and stomped after Ashleigh down the hallway. Ashleigh kept glancing behind her, and she was _very _determined to not let Rinoa get the letter.

"Give it to me!" shouted Rinoa, trying to snatch the letter again.

Ashleigh pulled the letter out of Rinoa's reach, turned around and ran the other way. She didn't know where to go next – she couldn't keep up the chase forever. She didn't want to rip it up because she wanted to read the letter before destroying it, but now that Rinoa caught onto her game, she didn't know what else to do.

Rinoa turned around and charged after Ashleigh. The younger girl glanced over Rinoa's shoulder and found Seifer coming out of his bedroom.

"Seifer!" yelled Ashleigh.

Seifer looked up and found the two girls looking like they wanted to kill each other. Ashleigh threw the piece of paper over Rinoa's head, and it slid across the floor at Seifer's feet. Curious, the young man picked up the piece of paper, unfolded it and skim-read through it.

Rinoa turned around. "Seifer! Please give me the letter?" She walked up to her stepbrother after Ashleigh yelled out, "No, don't give it to her!"

Seifer blinked and had a careless expression on his face. He turned around, pretending that Rinoa hadn't followed him, and went into his room, and continued reading the letter.

Rinoa ran into his room after him, not knowing what he was doing. She _desperately _wanted the letter back … she had to read it…

"Seifer?" said Rinoa.

Ashleigh entered the room. "Don't give it to her," she hissed again.

Seifer shrugged and folded the letter up – into a paper aeroplane. He walked out onto the balcony of the room and stood there for a second, looking out at sunny scene before him. As Rinoa ran after him, he aimed the paper plane out into the backyard and threw the piece of paper from the balcony.

"No!" cried Rinoa, running off onto the railing of the balcony. She watched as the letter soared against the wind, growing further and further away. Distressed, Rinoa pushed past a triumphant-looking Ashleigh and ran down the stairs and to the backdoor. She pushed it open and was surprised that somebody had left the door open.

Shrugging the fact off, she rushed into the vibrant garden and began searching distraughtly for the fallen letter. She looked under every plant – but she knew that looking under _ever _plant would have taken a lifetime. She looked on all the branches of the trees and got down on her hands on knees, fiddling around in the dirt to look for the piece of paper.

After fifteen minutes of continuous searching, Rinoa gave up. The garden was far too vast and the letter could have been anywhere. For all she knew, it might have floated over the fence … or flew far, far away…

Rinoa sighed and got up on both feet, brushing the dirt off her knees and shorts. She looked up at Seifer, who was still standing on the balcony, watching Rinoa struggle in amusement.

"Why…?" asked Rinoa sadly, "Why didn't you give me the letter?" She found it odd that Seifer had done what he did. It wasn't like him to listen to the likes of Ashleigh and make her miserable the way Ashleigh did. Seifer always did what Rinoa asked him to … why was this time any different? Then the way she put it made her feel guilty. _He always did what she asked her_. He _was _a good brother to her … not once did he do something against her. Maybe this was his way of saying he was sick of it. Maybe he was tired of being Rinoa's dog.

But, there was a sting of guilt clinging onto Seifer on the inside, but he didn't let it show. He wasn't going to say he was sorry, either. "Ashleigh told me to do it."

"So?" said Rinoa, her voice becoming forceful.

Seifer was put in an awkward position. He knew he did something wrong, but he just couldn't say sorry. "And Hyne knows what's going to happen to me if Sera finds out." He knew that wasn't the entire truth. Was it because … he really didn't want Rinoa to receive the letter? Not to make her miserable, but…

Rinoa narrowed her eyes. The reason still did not make any sense to her. Seifer was never afraid of what Sera or Ashleigh did to him. He was never afraid of _them_. In fact, he loved it when they got angry with him … she knew he found satisfaction every time he made them mad.

"You wouldn't have liked what it said anyway," said Seifer carelessly. That … that was a lie, and he knew it. He turned around and walked back into his room without another word.

Rinoa stood there, stunned. _I wouldn't like what it said? _The thought throbbed in her head. She was afraid … what could have happened?

**A/N: **Okay. So there's no Deling Bridge (I don't think so anyway) … but hey, this is fanfiction, where anything could happen! Hehe. Well, thanks for your reviews and keep them coming :)


	15. Changing Seasons

**A/N: **Thank you for all of your reviews, everyone! Wow ... almost 100 reviews, that's a real accomplishment for me! Hehe ... well, thanks everyone, and for your requests for a real bitch fight ... don't worry, you'll get it soon. Not this chapter, but soon. I just have to make Rinny suffer a little more XD

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 15 – Changing Seasons**

For the rest of the summer, Rinoa spent her days cooped up inside the house. Seifer left the day he threw Rinoa's letter off the balcony and didn't come back again. Ashleigh and Sera kept an even closer eye on Rinoa. The sorceress tried to take no notice of it, but it was hard. She found it so depressing that her only company was the two people she hated the most.

_Hated? _Yes, of course she hated them. She wanted to kill them … she wanted so badly to just _kill _them. But she knew she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had joined Garden to be stronger, to be more confident. Her intentions were never fulfilled … Rinoa was still afraid to harm any other living being. Even if it _was _Ashleigh and Sera, she couldn't bring herself to hurt them.

Nobody deserved that.

As much as she thought that they _did _deserve it, she knew quite well that they didn't. Nobody was naturally evil. Nobody is _pure _evil. There was always a reason for bitterness. A battered past, a bad experience … there had to be something Ashleigh and Sera must have been through something to make them act the way they did to Rinoa.

_Or maybe it's just me_, thought Rinoa.

The summer disappeared and the school year began once again. As speculated, Rinoa was alone. She knew most of the people at the Garden, and just about everyone knew her … partially because she was known as 'Commander Leonheart's girlfriend.' But nobody invited her to hang around with them, nobody asked her if they wanted to study with them, or train with them … it was like a curse. She figured it was because Squall wasn't around to set things straight, to get people to treat her properly.

But that wasn't the problem. The problem was, nobody was treating her as anything. It was as if she wasn't there, as if she didn't exist. Strangely, Rinoa didn't mind. She preferred to be alone … she couldn't have replaced her friends. Squall, Quistis, Zell, Irvine and Selphie were her only friends … they knew her the most. She could never establish a bond with them as she did with anyone else.

So Rinoa stayed alone. She remained invisible; she didn't want anyone to notice her. Occasionally she would pay her respects to Headmaster Cid, and Edea, if she was there. But the couple was just people she knew and respected … she couldn't talk to them they way she talked to her friends.

The more Rinoa stayed alone, the more she preferred to be alone. She stayed at Garden most of the time, not bothering to go out anywhere else. There was nowhere else to go. When she saved up enough money, she would try to ring Squall and the others, but only to be reminded that she no longer had her cell phone and the number she tried to ring was wrong.

She would write letters to Squall and send them via the Garden mail. She never got a reply. This was because Ashleigh and her friends would always break into the mailbox and steal all of Rinoa's letters. Rinoa didn't know this, of course.

Rinoa would visit Seifer when she felt she had to speak to someone. She tried to do this when his friends, Fujin and Raijin weren't around, but that was very rare. She wasn't allowed into the boys' dorms anyway, but whenever she saw him around alone, she would approach him and say a little 'hello' and leave moments later. Talking to him kept her sane.

The year dragged by very slowly. Rinoa spent so much time studying, that she aced her exams. The only thing she wasn't so good at was the practicals – she was still hesitant with them. Ashleigh had exceeded Rinoa's grades in the practical exams, but she didn't mind.

The school year came to a close. Rinoa was amazed that she had lasted so long alone, without anyone's help. Before she decided to take the train back to Deling, Rinoa walked to the beach shores of Balamb with her one suitcase of things.

The afternoon was a sunny one. The warm weather gave her taste of the coming summer's climate … and it also brought back a memory from the past. The feel of the sun, soaking in her skin made her remember the day she had fun with her friends at the beach a year ago.

Rinoa walked on the rocky crags alone, setting her suitcase on the ground. She stood on the rock, a lone figure in the distance. She wanted to have the beach all to herself, because she knew the next day, students from Garden would be flooding into the beach to celebrate the beginning of the vacation.

She stared off into the ever-going ocean, spreading across the horizon. She listened to the silence overpowered by the crashing of the ocean waves and the calling of merry seagulls. The ocean, crystal blue, was elusively calling out her name. She could hear between the crashes of each wave her name being called out to her, beckoning her to jump into the water.

Rinoa closed her eyes. The sound of the waves was mesmerising, almost hypnotising. Falling into the vague trap, she found herself jumping in the water, expecting a cool tinge of adrenaline overwhelming her. But it wasn't as she expected. The water was cold … _icy cold_. It stabbed her like a thousand needles pricking at her skin. Suddenly she was submerged underwater. She couldn't breathe. She tried to swim up, but the ocean pushed her down, not letting her get out.

"Rinoa…"

She screamed out Squall's name when she saw the man up ahead, in the water, standing on the sand bed. He was looking at her, smiling. He motioned for her to come closer to him, to get to him.

"Rinoa…"

But she couldn't … her body was frozen. She screamed out his name again, but there was no sound. The next thing she knew, she was choking on her attempt to breathe. It felt a dagger had slit her throat.

"Rinoa…"

The world turned black.

"Rinoa!"

Rinoa's eyes opened with a start, her heart racing with the wind. The first thing she saw was the world as she had left it. She was standing on the rocks again, looking out onto the horizon.

_What was that_? The hallucination was terrifying. She had pictured her own death.

"Rinoa…?"

This time, Rinoa turned around slowly, her heart still beating at high speed. To her surprise, it was Seifer that was standing before her, wearing a genuine concerned expression.

"S-Seifer," she stammered.

"Are you okay?" asked Seifer, "I called your name a couple of times and you didn't answer me."

Rinoa didn't know it, but she was looking terrified. "I … I'm sorry. I'm fine."

Seifer looked suspicious. "Are you sure?"

Rinoa recovered from her shock. "What are you doing here?"

Seifer suddenly looked flustered. "Uh … well, I'm…" He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "You're going to miss your train."

Rinoa raised an eyebrow. "Since when were you concerned about me?"

Seifer avoided her eyes. "Well … I'm your brother, of course I…"

Rinoa smiled. Then laughed. "What's the _real _reason why you're here?"

"Well…" After a bit, Seifer looked at his stepsister again. "I got my semi-SeeD qualification today." He held up an elegant certificate, which Rinoa recognised straight away.

Rinoa beamed at him. "See, I knew you'd do it!"

She was always encouraging him to go for it, to try his hardest to become a SeeD. She knew it meant a lot to him. She knew he was such a proud person that he wanted to prove himself. As much as she despised the way SeeDs lived their lives, she was sure that this opportunity was all the troubled young man had.

"I've got three years left," said Seifer pessimistically.

"But it's a start, isn't it?" said Rinoa brightly. "You have to tell Sera."

"What, are you crazy?" said Seifer, staring at Rinoa wide-eyed.

"Why not?" asked Rinoa.

"Firstly, I hate the woman," said Seifer bitterly. "Secondly, the woman hates me. Thirdly, I see no reason to tell her."

"Oh come on," said Rinoa, grabbing Seifer's hand in both her own encouragingly and pulling on it slightly, making Seifer even more flustered. "She'll be so proud of you that she'll earn all respect back for you."

"Doesn't mean I'll respect her," said Seifer smugly.

"But she'll be so proud of you!" said Rinoa encouragingly. "She should be honoured to have a SeeD as a son."

"Trust me, Rin, she won't care," said Seifer.

Rinoa shook her head, refusing to believe Seifer. "I'm pretty sure she'll be really proud. Come on, I would be proud of my son if he's an almost-SeeD."

"But you're _different_," argued Seifer.

Rinoa shook her head again. "I don't care. Come on, we'll miss the train." She picked up her suitcase and dragged him across the beach, leaving her memories behind … just for the time being.

---

Rinoa expected the worst when she went back to the Caraway mansion. The house was like a prison to both Seifer and Rinoa – but at least Seifer was allowed to leave whenever he wanted. Luckily for Rinoa, he had decided to be kind enough to keep Rinoa company for most of the summer.

As Rinoa finished unpacking her things, she saw Seifer walk past her room. Putting her suitcase aside, she ran out the door after him and caught him before he went.

"Where are you going?" asked Rinoa.

"Out," answered Seifer simply.

"To where?" asked Rinoa, "You're not leaving me here alone, are you? _Please _don't go back to Garden without me … I'm going to go mental here."

Seifer shook his head. "I'm going to the city."

"Deling?"

"Uh … well, yeah," said Seifer, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're not going out for booze, are you?" said Rinoa suspiciously.

"No…"

Rinoa put her hands on her hips crossly. "You said you wouldn't drink anymore."

"I'm not going out to drink," said Seifer, annoyed.

Rinoa kept her suspicious look on her face, half-heartedly believing him. Then she smiled, forgetting about her worry of him going out to drink. "Tell Sera about your achievement first, then I'll believe you."

"What?" said Seifer, "I thought I told you that she wouldn't care."

"If you're telling the truth about not going out to drink, then tell Sera that you earned your qualification," said Rinoa.

Normally, he would have just walked out without receiving Rinoa's consent. But he had made such a bond with her over the past two years that if he _did _leave, then he would have a horrible feeling of guilt stuck in the back of his mind.

"…Fine," groaned Seifer, "But I'm telling you, she won't give a damn."

Rinoa beamed at her stepbrother excitedly. She ran into his room and took down the framed certificate, hanging on the wall nicely. The two of them headed out onto the back porch where Sera sat, exfoliating under the warm sun with her bathrobe on and her hair wrapped in a towel.

Sera heard the backdoor sliding open, but she paid no attention to it. She kept her eyes closed, soaking up the heat relaxedly.

"Go on," muttered Rinoa, pushing him towards Sera.

Seifer didn't budge. He _really _didn't want to talk to his mother.

"What is it?" asked Sera, already knowing who was there without even turning around.

Rinoa cleared her throat. "Seifer has something to tell you." She handed the certificate to Seifer, pushing him encouragingly towards Sera.

Seifer groaned, not saying a thing. He was sure Sera didn't care. He didn't even know why he listened to Rinoa anyway.

_Because you always listen to her_, a voice in his head said, _and she always listens to you._

"What is it?" snapped Sera, still not looking at them, "Please make this quick. I don't have time to talk to you two."

_Oh, no time at all … she's sitting out here doing nothing, for Hyne's sake_, thought Seifer.

"Seifer!" hissed Rinoa threateningly.

Seifer groaned. "I … I earned my semi-SeeD qualification this year." He handed the certificate to Sera.

Sera didn't say anything, nor did she accept the document.

Rinoa frowned slightly. "Aren't you … going to say anything?"

Sera still didn't say anything, still keeping her eyes shut, as if the two of them weren't there.

"Sera…?" Rinoa narrowed her eyes.

"I _told _you," murmured Seifer.

"Your son is close to making it as a SeeD," said Rinoa informatively.

Sera, annoyed, opened her eyes. She sat up and looked at her two children. "What do you want me to say?"

"Well…" Rinoa didn't want to point out the obvious.

"_I'm proud of you_," hissed Sera bitterly, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Don't say it to me, say it to Seifer," said Rinoa defensively.

"That is the _last _thing I want to say to him," said Sera sullenly. "Because … I will _never _be proud of this … this _person_."

"He's your son," said Rinoa, trying to keep her temper under control.

"My son? Hah. He is a _sad _excuse for a son."

Seifer rolled his eyes. He knew something like this was going to happen. He couldn't care less.

"I don't understand how you can say that," said Rinoa sharply. "He has worked hard for this. The least you can do is to be happy for him."

"For this?" Sera grabbed the certificate. "I don't _care_. He is so much like his pathetic father, he _should _work hard. Be happy? He is making up for years of…"

Rinoa knew Sera was lost for words. "Years of _what_?"

"Years of inconvenience," said Sera. "_Years _of suffering. _Years _of having to tolerate another version of his _father_. Worked hard for this? Well that's _jolly good _for him." She threw the frame onto the ground with an immense force, making the frame shatter into a million shards of glass.

"I'm out of here," said Seifer, shaking his head in disgust. He didn't bother picking up his certificate. He just turned around and left.

Rinoa narrowed her eyes at the evil woman. "Why can't you just accept it?"

Sera turned around and went back to do what she was doing before.

"_Why _can't you just accept that he is doing something for himself, proving himself?" asked Rinoa. "You're so … _selfish_."

"Don't tell me what I am, missy," said Sera warningly.

"So what if he's like his father?" asked Rinoa, ignoring her last remark. "He's _not _your husband. He is your _son_. Why can't you love him like your son?"

Sera didn't say anything. Not because she was speechless, because she didn't care.

Rinoa shook her head in disgust. She leaned over and picked up the piece of paper, kicking through the shattered glass. She went through the back door, giving Sera one last dirty look, until she retreated to her bedroom. She walked in and headed for her small cupboard, the only thing in the house she had control over. She sat on the floor, reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver key; the key to her most scared and cherished belongings.

As she opened the doors, she took a good look on every shelf. There were only three shelves in the cupboard. On the top shelf sat three picture frames. One of them was of her, Julia and Caraway when she was four years old sitting at the piano. Rinoa's innocent brown eyes looked into the camera with the sweetest smile on her face. Next to her sat Julia in casual clothing with her arm around Rinoa. On Rinoa's other side sat Caraway, out of uniform. He was smiling, a common feat that occurred back in those days.

Rinoa smiled weakly. She remembered the day the photograph was taken. Julia was teaching Rinoa how to play the piano and Caraway would watch. Rinoa kept on crying because she was always messing up. But Julia was patient and kind about it … Julia kept saying '_Never give up, never give in. Be strong and keep trying.' _Rinoa always kept these words in her heart. As she grew older, she realised that Julia was not only talking about playing the piano – she was talking about _life_. Rinoa would always look at the piano in the den of the Caraway house and remember Julia's words … and she would play her mother's song, which kept her memory alive.

The second photograph was of her and all her SeeD friends. They were in front of Balamb Garden, posing for a picture for the yearbook. At this time, Rinoa was not a part of Garden and she had requested a copy of the photo in colour. All her friends were out of uniform, which didn't make Rinoa look like the odd-one-out. She stood in the middle of the picture, as she was one of the shortest in the group. She smiled sweetly, huddling up tight so everyone else could fit in the photo.

On her left stood Selphie with her arm around Rinoa also, winking mischievously and smiling brightly for the camera. Next to Selphie stood Irvine with his arm around Selphie, wearing his flirtatious grin.

On her right was Zell, doing the peace sign with one arm, and with the other, he had his arm around Rinoa with his infamous grin on his face. Next to Zell stood Quistis, her body tilted at an angle with her arms folded sensibly. She wore her mysterious smile, which also happened to be her reassuring one.

Next to Quistis was Squall, his gunblade swung over his shoulder, looking tough. He had asked to be put on the side. He hadn't even wanted to be in the photo, but everyone was harassing him to be in it. He was the only person who was not smiling. He wore the carefree, firm look on his face that he always wore.

In front of Rinoa sat Angelo. She missed Angelo so much. When she had decided to go to Garden, she was forced to give Angelo away because nobody was able to look after the dog, as Garden policy didn't allow pets. Rinoa hated to give Angelo to some person she didn't know, so she gave her companion to Edea. Edea had reopened the orphanage, and Rinoa knew that Angelo would have been a great companion to the children there.

This memory was particularly important to her. These were the days when Squall was heartless, cold and distant … but also the time when they were together the most. Not in Garden, but all over the world, travelling together and going on wild adventures. She enjoyed these times with her friends the most … she didn't have to worry about school or anything else. Just worry about her friends.

The third picture was of her and Squall together. The photograph was taken the day they went to the beach. Selphie was excited about the whole day and had taken a million snapshots of the day. However, she made two copies of a particular photograph … and that was the one Rinoa was looking at. The ocean wind was blowing her hair vigorously that day, as it had with Squall's. Rinoa was leaning her head on Squall's, and he had his arm around her. Rinoa was smiling her sweet, innocent smile that consisted in every photograph that stood on her shelf. Squall was also smiling … he was smiling a small smile. Rinoa hadn't made him smile that day … he had smiled on his own, which brought joy to her heart.

All of these photographs were held precious to her. Every person in every picture was important to her. But … all of them were gone. Julia was gone, Angelo was gone, her friends were gone, Squall was gone … even the Caraway she once knew was gone. But in all of these photographs, somebody had their arm around her. This mere fact made her feel secure … feel loved. She wanted to feel somebody's arm around her … she missed the feeling so much.

Next to the photo frames was the tape recorder that held Squall and Rinoa's messages. She reached over, picked it up, and played back the whole tape. She smiled after every sentence that was said … she couldn't help but feel happy, remembering every word that was spoken.

'I love you, Squall.'

Rinoa closed her eyes and clutched the tape recorder tight. She repeated the words in her mind over and over again. Never had the words meant so much to her. Never had the words been so true…

She stopped the tape and put it back on the shelf. She then began to rummage through the rest of her cupboard. There were stacks of photo albums, all of which she looked through carefully, staring at every picture and remembering all the events. She didn't miss one photo, replaying every memory in her mind. There were folders of papers … her mother's piano sheet music. Rinoa hadn't played the piano in so long … she promised herself she would some time soon.

After half an hour of reminiscing through her possessions, she remembered why she was in there. She picked up the picture frame of that held the photograph of her and Squall and slid out the picture and placed it on the shelf. Picking up Seifer's certificate, she carefully placed it in the frame.

Rinoa picked up the photograph of her and Squall, staring at it for an eternity. At long last, she decided to put it back on the shelf. She didn't want that photograph to be framed. She wanted it to be left open, left free. She didn't want it protected like her other ones … because it did not need to be protected. Her mother's spirit was always with her, her father was usually close to her. Her friends will always be her friends, no matter what happened. But what of Squall and her? Their romance needed to be free, their memory's armour had to be lifted. Not to be wounded, but to become stronger.

Rinoa closed her cupboard gently. She rarely went into the cupboard … some memories were good, but some were also painful. The more she looked at them, the more she yearned for them … it made her feel broken inside, made her feel incomplete and weak. She needed to put aside what she didn't have and look forward to what she was going to get.

She picked up Seifer's newly framed certificate and made her way to his room. She hardly entered his bedroom, if never at all. The room was extremely tidy – maybe because he was hardly in there. Everything was in its place; there was nothing that stood out. Rinoa made her way to his bed where all the nails were hammered in. She kneeled on the cushy surface and hung the certificate up, making sure it was perfectly straight.

Feeling her task was finished; she got off the bed and was about to leave, until something caught her attention. In the corner of the room was Seifer's desk, with a pile of books stacked up. Beside it was a pile of papers … bright pictures. Out of curiosity, Rinoa sat herself down at his desk and browsed through the pictures.

They were beautiful artworks – all hand-drawn and painted. Some were on normal pieces of paper, others were on canvases. The scenes of the pictures varied – some were of the landscape, some were of particular places in Deling, some were black and white pictures of Seifer looking smug. Rinoa was awed with the realism and detail in every picture; she had never seen anything like it. In the corner of every picture was a small 'S'.

"What are you doing?"

Rinoa jumped in surprise. She turned around and found Seifer at the door.

"I was reframing your certificate," answered Rinoa.

Seifer didn't say anything at first. "Okay, thanks. Now … do you mind getting out?"

Rinoa turned back to the artwork in her hand. "Did you draw these?"

Seifer, deeply flustered, walked quickly towards Rinoa and snatched the papers off her. "No, I didn't…"

Rinoa smiled. "You don't need to be embarrassed, they're really good!"

"I didn't draw _any _of these," said Seifer, frustrated, "Please leave."

Rinoa didn't believe him. "All right, all right." She got out of the seat and walked out of the room, leaving Seifer alone.

_He's way too proud_…

---

The summer turned into autumn, and the autumn turned into winter. Before Rinoa knew it, the winter turned into spring, and the summer came once again. The seasons were changing slowly, but they also seemed quick in a way. Rinoa passed the course with flying colours, once again making her father proud of her.

One sunny morning of the second summer, Rinoa was pegging up the laundry. Her number of chores had increased dramatically over the time, Sera making her do loads of work every time she came back for vacation.

She hummed to herself as she pegged up all the washed uniforms that she had washed herself. She was beginning to _like _doing chores. There was so little to do in the house that she had resorted to entertaining herself by doing work. It wasn't all that bad after a while.

Seifer sat on the balcony of his bedroom, watching Rinoa peg up the laundry in wonder. He didn't know why he was watching her … he just felt like it. The way she worked interested him … the way she flipped her hair, the way she played with her chain … everything about Rinoa suddenly became interesting to Seifer.

"You having fun there?" asked Seifer.

Rinoa looked up at him and smiled. "The time of my life."

Seifer interpreted her tone as a sarcastic one. He decided to cheer her up a little – doing so much work _couldn't _have been the time of her life. He went inside and picked up some of the artwork Rinoa admired on his desk.

He took the top piece of paper, a black and white sketch of Obel Lake. He folded it up into a paper aeroplane and yelled out, "Heads up!"

Rinoa looked up in confusion, and before she knew it, a piece of paper was heading her way. It landed in the laundry basket. She ran to the basket and picked it up, unfolding it and smiling in pleasure.

"It's beautiful!" she called out.

Seifer grimaced as he picked up the next picture – it was a charcoal drawing of Deling by night. He folded it into a paper plane and threw it into Rinoa's direction. She followed it and picked it up, admiring the beauty of the artwork. Seifer then began throwing countless numbers of artwork into Rinoa's direction. Rinoa cheerfully chased every floating piece of paper and caught them, putting them all in a neat pile by the laundry basket.

The last picture was thrown. The light breeze blew it further than usual, leaving Rinoa chasing far off into the back of the garden. She finally found it under the over-grown hedge that she was going to prune later … along with another mysterious piece of paper.

Rinoa reached under the hedge for the other piece of paper, her arms becoming itchy. As she retrieved it, she opened it up and immediately recognised it … it was Squall's letter that Seifer had thrown away a year ago.

Heart racing, Rinoa knelt on the soft grass and began to read it. She was amazed that it was destroyed by the weather – but then again, it was under the shelter of a hedge the whole time.

_Dear Rinoa,_

_How are you? Esthar is pretty good, but it's no fun without you. Laguna is well; he's been giving me light-hearted lectures about this and that, and Esthar, and history and some other stuff that I can't even remember. I don't feel under pressure … yet. I know I'm going to have to face a lot of hard decisions in the future with this whole president thing._

_I met up with Sis the other day. She's very well; she's also under study with Laguna 'in case anything happens'. I would rather give the role of president to Elle, but 'I'm Laguna's blood-son so it _has _to be me_.' _The others are training the Estharian troops, which is a bit creepy. Zell being in charge of something equals disaster. Quistis is doing a good job though. Apparently they're all going to be 'bodyguards' for the president._

_Anyway, enough about Esthar. How are you? I've been trying to contact you for ages. Whenever I ring your house, your stepmother picks up and tells me that you can't come to the phone, and then keeps talking about your sister. I've messaged you about a million times on your cell phone but I never get a reply. I've also tried ringing your cell but it's either off or nobody answers. Is everything okay?_

_Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Laguna's recently changed the presidential residence phone number for security reasons. I've been trying to call you and tell you that it's changed, but as you can see, I've failed miserably. The number is on the back of the letter, by the way._

_Anyway, we really miss you, Rin. Please keep in contact. And don't forget about us._

_Squall._

There were a million thoughts and feelings running through Rinoa's head at that exact moment…


	16. Emotion

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 16 – Emotion**

The summer ended uneventfully. Rinoa kept re-reading the letter over and over again, just for the hell of it. After reading it the first time, she felt several mixed emotions all at once, flooding her mind. The first one was joy. She was so happy to finally read the letter she was supposed to read a year ago. She felt happy that Squall and her friends were safe and well. The second was worry. This letter _was _written a year ago. Anything could have happened in a year … and she hadn't heard anything since. No more letters, no phone calls … nothing. Then again, she was sure that there were way more messages than this one – Ashleigh or Sera probably took them all away from her. Next was remorse. She was wrong about Ashleigh changing Laguna's number on her phone and had an outburst over nothing. No wonder she couldn't reach Laguna's house.

Rinoa put these feelings aside and tried to focus on fixing things up, tried to figure out a way to get in contact with Squall. But … there was nothing she hadn't tried yet. It seemed all hope was lost … she couldn't do anything about it.

So she gave up for the time being and just went back to school again. She just had to be patient. Only three years left until Squall came back … just _three _years. She got through the first pretty well … it seemed like an eternity, but there was way more time left.

So she waited.

Half of the year was pretty good, aside from Ashleigh and her friends picking on her once in a while. Rinoa had gotten used to it after a while and just didn't care anymore. She studied hard and tried not to think about Squall and the others … it would have just made her sadder. Instead she concentrated on her studies, like a good girl.

But this concentration was broken half way through the year. One morning in homeroom, her instructor had called her up for some unknown reason. Rinoa was hardly ever called up personally, except in exams. Something must have happened.

"What is it, instructor?" asked Rinoa.

"She's in trouble!" shouted Ashleigh from the back of the room.

Rinoa's instructor shrugged Ashleigh's comment off his shoulders and looked at the younger girl. He must have been about Quistis's age, maybe a little older. He was extremely tall, looking down on Rinoa, almost threateningly.

"You have received a personal letter," said the instructor flatly.

"Oh?" Rinoa wasn't sure why the mail came to her through her instructor instead of through the usual mail system.

"It is from Instructor Trepe," informed the instructor, "It is marked very urgent."

Quistis?

"Oh, okay," said Rinoa, taking the envelope from her instructor, "Thank you, instructor."

Rinoa went back to her seat and ignored Ashleigh's attempts to peek at the paper in Rinoa's hands. She kept the letter close to her until lunchtime, where she retreated to the library for some peace and quiet. She was almost afraid to open the letter, but she did anyway.

_Dear Rinoa,_

_How are you? This letter is meant to be concerning an urgent matter about Garden-related business, but nobody knows that. This is, however, relatively urgent. I hope this letter is issued to you without any interference and is for your eyes only._

Rinoa knew straight away Quistis was talking about Ashleigh. She bit her bottom lip nervously and continued reading.

_Well, I just want to know … are you okay? We haven't heard from you in over a year. We've sent you dozens and dozens of letters, made several phone calls to your house, but there is no reply. Is everything all right?_

No, everything is _not _all right, thought Rinoa.

_You can tell me anything, I'm here to help, remember? Squall doesn't know I'm writing this letter to you, or else he would lecture me about breaking regulations about abusing the 'Garden urgency letter system'. Please reply through this system if you can't reply in any other way. _

_Please Rinoa, I am very concerned about you _and _for Squall. He hasn't said a word for ages. I can tell he is worried about you, and upset you haven't kept in touch for so long. But I am very sure that there is a good reason for this. He is returning to his … old behaviour again. He won't speak a word, not even to me. _

_You're the only person who can snap him out of this. Please reply._

_Love always, Quistis._

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously and began fiddling with the rings on her chain. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't leave Squall the way he was … he was upset with her and that was going to bother her for the rest of her life if she didn't anything about it.

But what was she supposed to say? Hey Squall, I'm sorry I haven't replied, my nice stepsister and stepmother banned me from the phone and don't let me leave the house, and they don't want me ever talking to you ever again.

That was _not _going to do. If she said _anything _about Ashleigh and Sera not wanting her to be with him, then he would do what he thought was right and not see her anymore. He had a strong sense of duty … she knew that he wasn't going to mess with General Caraway's wife; it was in his nature to not upset the people he worked for. If he didn't do that, then we would march himself right back to Deling and beat the crap out of both Ashleigh and Sera, and possibly even Caraway.

As much as she wanted the latter, it was being selfish. She just wanted to get away from Ashleigh and Sera … and that was when she finished her Garden course, which happened to be the same year Squall came back. So she had to be patient.

But what was she supposed to do _now_? She couldn't just _ignore_ Quistis's letter. There was no valid excuse – the urgency mail system apparently never failed. She had to reply, she had to say something … _anything_.

Rinoa ripped out a blank page from one of her books and got out a pen. She was going to write back … this was her chance. To keep in contact with Squall and the others.

_Hello everyone,_

Rinoa paused. She couldn't address it to _everyone_. She thought about it for a second, and decided to address it only to Quistis. She was going to tell the instructor _everything_. She trusted Quistis like a big sister … she knew Quistis would keep her secret.

She scrunched up the paper and threw it in the waste bin. She ripped out another piece of paper and started again.

_Dear Quistis,_

_Thank you for writing to me. I've also been trying to keep in touch, but there were minor … setbacks. Thank you for taking advantage of your instructor powers, this might be the only way I can reach you guys._

_Quistis … I have a lot I need to tell you. And _YOU _only. Please don't tell anyone else, _especially _Squall. If he found out the truth … then who knows what will happen? So please, I'm begging you, as your student, as your friend, as your sister … please don't tell Squall. I trust you with my life with what I'm about to tell you. I am _begging _you not to tell Squall._

_So … the reason why I haven't kept in touch is because_

Rinoa paused. How was she supposed to word it?

_The reason why I haven't kept in touch is because I have been restrained from ever contacting you. I've been banned from the telephone, I don't have money to use a pay phone, I'm not allowed to go outside and the post office has a photo of me with the words 'do not let this girl send mail' under it._

_It's because of … well, you remember Ashleigh, my bright stepsister, right? Well, she and my stepmother have a grudge held against me for some odd reason. I mean, I haven't done anything to them … I wish I could, though. But Caraway … he's expecting so much from me, and he's so enthusiastic about being a father now. He's home a lot more often ever since they moved in, and I'd hate to say it, but I might actually like him being around more often. I can't tell him, it will destroy him completely. I don't even know if he'll believe me._

Rinoa stopped again. It sounded pretty good so far. She didn't want to exaggerate, or else it might have looked like she was trying to get attention.

_This has been happening for a long time now. I haven't told a single soul. The only person who knows is my stepbrother, Seifer … and now you. I just wanted to explain myself … so if you ever try to contact me again, you'll know why I can't answer. _

_Please don't tell Squall. He is going to go ballistic if he ever finds out. He kept on telling me how Ashleigh was such a nice girl and all … I bet if he found out, he's going to think I'm jealous or something. Just please don't tell Squall. Make up some excuse to the others, just please don't tell them anything I've told you._

_Thanks so much, Quisty. I don't care how much you protest, I already believe that I have your word that you aren't going to tell anybody._

_Love always, Rin._

Rinoa re-read the letter a couple of times to make sure everything was perfect. When she was satisfied, she folded the letter and put it in an envelope, enclosing her name and Quistis's on it. She headed to the office and waited at the front desk to give the letter to the secretary.

"Yes, how may I help you?" asked the secretary, peering under her half-moon glasses.

"I received an urgent letter from Instructor Quistis Trepe this morning," said Rinoa. "I've written a reply and I'm ready to send it off."

The secretary nodded and took the envelope from Rinoa's hands. "I'll send it off today. You do realise that if you receive a reply, that you aren't able to reply back again? It's Garden policy … no _real _urgent letter would need to drag on for so long."

Rinoa nodded slowly. "Yes ma'am."

"Good."

Rinoa left the office without another word. _Please Quistis, I trust you with my life._

---

A couple of days later, Rinoa received a reply.

_Rinoa,_

_Why didn't you tell me all of this before? You could have fixed it then. You shouldn't have left it going on for so long, this problem is almost unfixable now._

Yes Quistis, lecture me … I miss your lectures, thought Rinoa.

_I cannot believe that you made me promise such a thing. I can't _not _tell Squall about all of this. He has a right to know about it, doesn't he? You are always telling him to tell you what goes on in his life, how he feels. And look at you; you're betraying your own expectation. If you don't tell him any time soon, he is going to be extremely angry. But don't worry; I'm not going to tell him or any of the others. You have my word, because I am expecting _you _to tell him. He won't think you're jealous, trust me. _

Quisty … please don't make me feel guilty, thought Rinoa.

_I honestly don't know what's happened to you, Rin. You used to be so full of it, so optimistic, so … 'I-don't-care-what-everyone-thinks'. Your stepmother and stepsister must be really bad if they've done something like this to you. I don't know whether to believe you loving your father is a good thing or a bad thing. But things won't stop unless you tell him about it. I am sure he will continue being a fatherly figure after this, and if he doesn't, then at least things will be back to normal, right? Isn't that what you want?_

Maybe so, Quistis, thought Rinoa. But … things change, whether they are good or bad. All this time I took my father for granted, pushed him away when he tried to get close … but now that he is close, not exactly _very _close, but getting closer, I actually appreciate it. I'm beginning to understand the man, even learn to love him like I used to. But the only bad thing is, I have to share him with two other women.

_If you want my advice, I say you tell your father. I know that may be hard for you since you're growing closer to him, but if you really are close enough, then he will understand. But if you think you aren't ready to tell him yet, I suggest you take things slow. Stand up for yourself; don't let them push you around. I don't suggest going too far, but at least stand up for yourself. Sometimes it's better to ignore some things, but sometimes it isn't. When you're feeling alone, go to your stepbrother, he seems to understand you. _

_That's all for now. I've told Squall that you called while he is was out, and said that your phone was broken and postage stamps are at a ridiculous price in Deling. Yes, it's a stupid excuse, but he bought it, didn't he? Just make sure you tell him soon, okay? I'm already assuming that I have your word for it._

_Love Quistis._

---

The school year ended once again, and Rinoa took Quistis's letter very seriously. She wasn't going to tell her father yet … it was better if she left it later than sooner. She did go to Seifer for company whenever she felt down, but sometimes he just wasn't around. But one thing was for sure – she was definitely going to tell Squall. She had saved up thirty gil like last time, and was going to use the payphone at home to call the right number.

Two weeks of the summer passed, and Rinoa couldn't find a good time to sneak outside. Ashleigh was always awake when she checked, but soon she would have dozed off to find herself waking up in the morning again.

One afternoon, Ashleigh wasn't around. Rinoa felt tricky and decided to turn the tables – she was going to look through _Ashleigh's _stuff. Quistis said to stand up for herself, right? Maybe this was the first step.

Rinoa went to Ashleigh's bed and stuck her hands under it, pulling out a box that lay there. It was the same box that Squall had given the dress in … just the _box _brought back bad memories.

She lifted the lid, and to her amazement and horror, she found some items that were meant to be in her personal cupboard. There were dozens of photographs … they were all pictures of Squall and Rinoa, all in a messed up pile. The one that made her most angry was the one that used to be in a frame – the picture was torn in half, straight through Squall's arm that had been around her.

_Ashleigh, I am going to kill you_.

Rinoa snatched the photographs out of the box, only to find that underneath them was a pile of sheet music, messed up and out of order. Some were ripped up, some had huge black permanent marker lines going through them, and some were as they are.

Infuriated, Rinoa put all the stuff back in the box, picked it up and took it to her cupboard. She opened the door, which was unlocked. She hadn't noticed this before because she rarely went into her cupboard.

_How did the bitch get into it? _Rinoa searched her mind desperately. Then she remembered … the last time she opened her cupboard, she had forgotten to lock it. Rinoa mentally cursed herself for her carelessness.

She picked up the torn photograph of Squall and Rinoa, and joined it back together using clear sticky tape. The memory she wanted to take out of its shell was nearly destroyed … she had made a mistake to take it out of the frame. But then she tried to think positively, remembering _why _she took it out. This memory was supposed to become stronger, taking on as many slings and arrows as it could survive…

Rinoa put the mended photograph back on the shelf. She looked at the rest of the photographs, and then grabbed her photo albums off the second shelf. She flipped through the pages quickly, noticing straight away that many of them were missing from their slips.

She began to put all the photos back, not caring about the order anymore. She remembered when she got the photo album, she would add pictures in them as the events occurred, making the album like a storybook sequenced in chronological order. But she didn't care anymore … she just wanted the photos back in the slips.

When she was done, she looked at the totally destroyed sheet music. This added the cherry on the cake – Rinoa was flaming mad. This was just unfixable; she couldn't do anything to fix it.

"_What _are you _doing_?"

Rinoa turned around, already knowing who it was. She glared at her stepsister, who seemed to have looked annoyed and disgusted at the same time.

"What does it look like?" snapped Rinoa, "I'm putting the stuff you stole back to where it belongs."

"You're going through my things?" said Ashleigh, walking into the room angrily.

"_Your _things?" said Rinoa angrily, "These are _MY _things! _You _were the one who stole them!!"

"Shut your mouth, little girl," snarled Ashleigh, "You just left these things lying around. This is _my _room too. Whatever is in here is considered my property also."

Rinoa stood up in anger. "How can you say that!? You wouldn't destroy your own property, would you?"

"I didn't _destroy _anything," said Ashleigh, taking a step closer to Rinoa. "You're getting confused with the word _destroy _and _adjust_."

"ADJUST?" screamed Rinoa. "You flaming BITCH! You just don't know when to quit, do you? Is it your _duty _to make my life a living hell?!"

"How dare you!" shrieked Ashleigh. "You call me a _bitch_? Who's the little _whore_, two-timing your boyfriend, _Squall_?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" shouted Rinoa, "I'm not a _whore!_"

"WHORE!" shouted Ashleigh, much louder than she ever had before.

"Shut up!" screamed Rinoa.

"Whore! Whore! You're a little WHORE!"

Rinoa completely lost it then and there. She charged towards Ashleigh and knocked her down onto the floor, strangling her with passion. Ashleigh choked on her words, but the word _whore _could still be heard coming out of her mouth.

Ashleigh got a grip and pulled Rinoa's arms off her neck. She pushed Rinoa onto the floor and began slapping her face with all her might. She _did _beat Rinoa in all the practical exams.

Rinoa winced at the stinging pain in her cheeks. She got a hold of herself and grabbed Ashleigh's hair, pulling it in anger. For so long she wanted to do this to Ashleigh … exerting all this anger in a physical way was very satisfying for her, save for getting hurt herself.

"AGH! Stop that, whore!" Ashleigh grabbed at Rinoa's necklace and pulled the chain off with immense force. Griever and Julia's ring flew into the air and landed on the floor beside her. Rinoa looked at the rings and reached for them, but only ended up being tackled by Ashleigh and being hit in the face again.

Rinoa started screaming, no longer able to stand the pain. She was too busy concentrating on retrieving the rings that Ashleigh had overpowered her.

Finally, Rinoa reached the rings and closed them tightly in her hand. She pushed Ashleigh off of her and quickly yelled, "Sleep!"

Ashleigh, not expecting a spell coming from Rinoa, collapsed on her own bed and was soundly asleep. Rinoa picked up her chain and put the rings back on it, then secured it around her neck. She looked in the mirror and found a purple bruise forming on her cheek, as well as bite marks in her arm.

"Cure," she murmured, watching the marks disappear. She turned back to the sleeping Ashleigh, narrowing her eyes in hatred. She decided to keep Ashleigh's dignity strong for her by also casting a cure spell on her, but left her alone to sleep.

_Please just leave me alone_.

---

Lay in her bed that night, staring out the window that she left open, letting the moonlight shine in the room. She sat up, unable to sleep and glanced at her alarm clock. The bright red numbers read 12:03 am.

Rinoa opened the draw on her bedside table and pulled out the torn photograph of herself and Squall. She decided to keep the picture close by at all times, to keep it safe and keeping Squall close to her all the time.

She looked at it with sadness in her eyes. She felt so alone all of a sudden … she hated Ashleigh so much. It was her that took everything away from her. She was the reason why she was stuck in Deling alone. She thought back to everything that has happened to her … every single little thing that Ashleigh and Sera had made her go through.

The dress, trying to take her father away from her, the lies, trying to take her friends away from her, the two-faced-ness, the stealing, trying to take Squall away from her, stopping her from going to Esthar, locking her in the closet, banning her from the phone, not letting her outside, physically abusing her as well as verbally…

The list could have gone on forever.

A teardrop rolled down her cheek and dropped onto her pale hand. She ran her hand over the creases of the sticky tape, staring at Squall's elusive smile. She wanted his shoulder to lean on … she wished he was there for her to cry on, for her to embrace in a time like this…

Was it really her fault? Was it really her fault that Ashleigh and Sera hated her? There must have been some serious flaw in her to make them treat her the way they did. Were they jealous? They couldn't have been … there was nothing she had that they wanted.

She had _nothing_.

Rinoa heard footsteps outside her bedroom and fell on her bed again, closing her eyes shut to keep the tears from flowing. She kept the photograph clasped tightly in her hand as the bedroom door swung open.

Caraway walked into the room, looking at his two sleeping daughters. They looked peaceful. He couldn't remember the last time he walked into Rinoa's room just to make sure she was asleep. It must have been a good fourteen years ago.

He walked over to Ashleigh's bed and lifted her quilt, covering her whole body. He kissed her lightly on the forehead. _Two daughters_. He hadn't bargained for it. Now he could make a new start. He ruined his relationship with Rinoa; he wasn't going to let the same happen with Ashleigh.

Caraway made his way over to Rinoa's bed. He sat on the side of the mattress and patted her raven hair softly. She stirred a little bit, and then sat up, rubbing her eyes as if she were sleepy, but really she had been crying.

"Rinoa, you're still awake?" asked Caraway.

Rinoa looked at her father. "No … you … you woke me up," she said quietly.

He put his hand on his daughter's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Rinoa shook her head. "It's … it's okay."

Caraway smiled warmly at her. He had forgotten how angelic she looked in the moonlight … just like her mother. "Good night, Rinoa."

"No … please don't go," said Rinoa quickly.

Caraway looked at Rinoa strangely.

"It's just…" Rinoa didn't know why she was acting so nice. She had just been thinking about her father … she never stopped to appreciate him. Now that she had to share him, she felt sorry for not appreciating him before. "I'm sorry … dad."

Caraway tilted his head in confusion. "Am I dreaming?"

Rinoa smiled weakly. "I'm just … so sorry…"

"For what?" asked Caraway, puzzled.

"For … for everything…" A teardrop fell from her earthen eyes. She couldn't believe it. It was like … her life was falling apart. She just noticed everything she really cared about … and it was too late. When she was a little girl, she always thought her mother was going to be there forever. How terribly wrong she was. But then when she met Squall and the others … she _knew _they were going to be there forever. But … she was wrong about that too. She never thought about her father. She just didn't care. But the one thing she didn't care about ended up being one of the most precious things to her. But why? Why hadn't she felt this way before? Now it was just beyond repair. She couldn't ever have a proper relationship with him now; Ashleigh and Sera were obstacles that she could never pass.

Caraway wiped away the tear from Rinoa's cheek. "Oh Rinoa, don't say that. Don't be sorry for anything. You shouldn't look back … just look forward. What's there, and what's going to be there … that's all that matters. Memories are just fragments of our minds … as much as we need them, we don't."

Rinoa smiled. The man didn't know a thing about what was going on, but it didn't matter to her. "Dad…?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you…"

Caraway smiled back at Rinoa. He never expected something like that to come from Rinoa any time soon. He must have been doing something right for once. "I love you too, angel."

Rinoa threw her arms around her father, holding him tight. Another tear slid down her face. She couldn't control her tears. She used to be so good at restraining herself from crying. But … things were different now. Very much different.

Caraway wrapped his arms around Rinoa. The feeling made her feel light. She hadn't felt someone's arms around her for so long. She missed the feeling so much. She missed the old feeling of security, reassurance … warmth.

"As much as I don't want this embrace to end," said Caraway, breaking the embrace, "I have to get to work."

Rinoa sniffled and nodded slowly, her eyes red with tears. She didn't mind this time. When she was a little girl, she would scream and cry whenever her father had to leave for work. Sometimes he wouldn't come back for days, weeks even, and it always brought distress to her. When Julia died, she felt even more scared … scared of being alone. But after a while, she just didn't care anymore. But this time, she didn't _mind_. There was a difference.

"Love you," said Caraway, getting off the bed and heading to the door.

"Dad…?"

He turned around and looked at Rinoa.

"Can I … can I go outside?" asked Rinoa, "Just for a walk?"

Caraway raised an eyebrow. "At this time? It's kind of dangerous out there, isn't it?"

"Dad, I'm a student at Garden," said Rinoa earnestly, "_And _I'm a sorceress…"

"Okay, okay," said Caraway quickly, "Don't get started. Just don't tell your mother. And promise me you're not going to the airport to fly to Esthar."

Rinoa was taken aback with the fact that Caraway still hadn't trusted her. "Of course I wouldn't…" She wasn't going to break her promise, to both Squall and Caraway. She was the kind of person who took vows seriously.

"Sure," said Caraway. "I'll leave the front door open." He said goodbye one last time and left the room. As his footsteps grew softer, Rinoa got out of bed and put on her boots. She grabbed Squall's letter with Laguna's new number on the back of it from her cupboard, took the thirty gil she saved up, and left the room.

She walked downstairs and stopped in her tracks when she found Sera sleeping on the couch. She didn't know why this was. _Caraway let me out_. Did he just do this because he had an argument with Sera and didn't care what she thought? Angered by the thought, she lost a little respect for her father.

She walked to the door and opened it quietly, careful not to wake Sera up.

"_Where _do you think you're going?"

Rinoa jumped in fright. _Oh crap. _She turned around and faced her stepmother slowly. "Outside."

"I clearly stated that you are not to leave the house at any time," said Sera sharply, "You would be so bold as to disobey me?"

Rinoa didn't say anything.

"Go back to your room," said Sera.

Rinoa didn't say anything at first. "…No."

Sera looked shocked. "Excuse me?"

"I'm going for a walk," said Rinoa simply. "I need some fresh air."

"Get back in here, missy," sneered Sera warningly.

"Or what?" asked Rinoa, challenging her, "You're going to my dear old father? Well get this, he was the one who let me out."

"Shut your trap of lies," hissed Sera, "And even if he did let you out … it was probably because he wanted to get rid of you."

Rinoa glared at the woman before her.

"Yes, angel, kidnapped maybe?" suggested Sera carelessly, "Run over by drunk hooligans on the road?"

"Sh-Sh…" Rinoa did not know why the words hurt her so much. She knew they weren't true … yet they hurt her so badly.

"Raped?" Sera laughed to herself. "No, who would want to rape you? You're as ugly as your whore-mother."

Rinoa lost it again. "Don't you dare talk about my mother! You have no right!"

Sera laughed again. "You're just like her. Always seeking attention … always wanting something or other. What, being a singer wasn't enough for her? She wanted to roll around in more filthy money, maybe?"

"S-S-Stop it!" said Rinoa. She wanted to just get out of the house and leave, but something stopped her. She couldn't move. It was like her legs were glued to the floor.

"No, she couldn't bear dying alone," said Sera, "Just like you. She lost that Laguna so she goes and marries another man rolling around in cash."

Rinoa clenched her fist tightly, her nails digging into her flesh. She wasn't going to do anything rash. She was going to control herself … she wasn't going to have an outburst as she had done with Ashleigh.

"Served her right being killed in that car accident," said Sera, "And what better than to have the most famous woman gone, and the next most famous woman known as the _most _famous? Oh yes, I'm damn _glad _I killed the little greedy whore."

Rinoa stared at Sera, wide-eyed. The woman was mad. She was obsessed with … with everything. Money, power, fame … she was a monster. She had no remorse _killing _the General's wife and then _marrying _him for his money. Now she understood why she wanted Ashleigh to get close to Squall … _for his money_.

"Oh, speechless now?" said Sera, "You couldn't shut up a second ago."

Tears streamed from Rinoa's eyes. She couldn't handle it anymore. It was just too much. So much pressure, so much suffering, so much loss. She couldn't take any of it anymore. She wasn't angry, she was now terrified. She didn't know if things were going to turn out good for her. She was sure she was cursed … cursed for life. Nothing good was going to happen to her anymore. She was sure more bad things were just going to keep occurring.

There was nothing more she could do. She opened the door and ran outside, down the streets and across the roads, shedding tears of silence and suffering as she ran for dear life.

**A/N: **Wee ... the actual fight you've all been waiting for. Not much, but it's a start :D But anyway, I'm going to try and update as much and quick as I can before I go on vacation, which is on Tuesday morning ... for about six weeks you probably won't hear from me, so I'm just going to try and get to the important bit :)


	17. Undying Desire

**A/N: **Guess who's back!!! Yeah ... six weeks since my last update ... boo hooo. I hope you guys haven't forgotten about the fic! And ... don't worry about any OOC-ness from now on for another two chapters ... it all falls down onto my evil plan ... muahahahahahaha ... cough.

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 17 – Undying Desire**

She ran and she ran. She just wanted to keep running … to never stop. She thought she could just keep running, leaving all her troubles behind. She couldn't stand it anymore. Deling City held her worst nightmares, her worst memories. She hated them all. She just wanted to forget everything. Forget about her sorrow, her pain … forget _everything_.

She stopped when she reached the payphone in the middle of the shopping mall street. She fell onto it, her palms landing flat on the cold metal. Silent tears streamed down her face as the night breeze blew her hair back, making some strands stick to her lips. She got a hold of herself as she set Squall's letter down and picked up the receiver, dialling the numbers in front of her.

_Stop crying_, she told herself. She didn't want Squall to hear her like this. She wanted to sound happy to hear his voice, to be able to talk to him. But … she was going to tell him the whole story. She had to. She promised Quistis … and Quistis always knew best.

"Hello?"

Rinoa stopped thinking and her heart beat faster when she heard his voice. "S-Squall…"

"Rinoa?" Squall's tone of voice lifted. "Is that you, Rin?"

Rinoa smiled weakly and nodded. "Y-Yeah … it's me."

"Oh Hyne, Rin," said Squall, his voice full of concern, "I thought you'd forgotten about us. Why haven't you been in touch?"

Rinoa sniffled. "I'm sorry … Squall." Another tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't control her tears. She didn't know whether it was the past occurring events or just hearing Squall's voice again that made her cry. But something inside her was full of sorrow.

"It's okay," said Squall, "Is your phone fixed?"

Rinoa sniffled again. "N-No … I'm using a payphone."

"Rin! That's going to cost a fortune!" said Squall suddenly.

"I … I don't c-care…"

"Rin? Are you crying?" asked Squall.

Rinoa burst into hysterical tears at that moment. _Oh, Squall…_

"What's wrong?" Squall tried to keep his voice comforting rather than sharp. He was worried about her … he didn't want to make it worse by sounding edgy. He had been feeling very moody lately.

"I…" Rinoa was beginning to tell Squall about it all. She was going to come out with it all. But … what stopped her? No words left her mouth. It was as if she lost her voice. She just couldn't tell him … something stopped her. She didn't want him getting upset because she hadn't told him before. Or worse, she didn't want him to be confused as to what he should have been doing. She knew he wouldn't know what to say or do … and she just didn't want that.

"Rin?" said Squall again when he was met with silence.

Rinoa sniffled again. "I … it's just…" She paused as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just … miss you so much, Squall."

It was partly true, wasn't it? She _did _miss Squall so much. But she cursed herself for not coming out with the whole, real story. She wasn't sure how long she was going to last without telling him, if _ever _telling him. Maybe when he came back the whole thing would blow over and she could just forget about it.

_I just want to forget_.

"Oh," said Squall in relief, "I miss you too, Rin."

As much as his tone was unconvincing, the words lifted her head up high a little. Rinoa knew he must have missed her, even if he didn't really sound like it. She glanced at the little screen on the payphone. She had used up ten gil of her credit already.

"Rin?"

Rinoa sniffled again. "I'm … I'm sorry."

"Rin, are you okay?" asked Squall in concern. It couldn't have _just _been the fact that she missed him. There had to be something else.

"I…" Rinoa couldn't stand listening to his voice anymore. The more she heard it, the more she wanted him by her side. She missed him so much … she missed _everything _so much. She just wanted everything to be fine again. She just wanted everything to be the way they used to be…

"I'm s-sorry, S-Squall," she said through gasps, "I … I'm running out of credit."

"What?" There was a little bit of panic in his voice. "Rin, you just called me … you can't go yet. I haven't talked to you for two years…"

"I…I'm sorry," she whispered, "I m-miss you …just two more y-years…"

Before Squall could say anything, she hung up the phone and collected the remaining gil she had. She wasn't going to call him again, not now, not ever. She was going to wait until he came back. Then, she would tell him. She knew every time she called him she would have been in emotional distress and just burst into fits of hysterical sobs. She didn't want that.

_When he comes back, everything will be fine_, thought Rinoa. _Everything will be great … everything will return to the way things were. I won't have to worry about anything. Squall will make everything better. He … he always does._

Rinoa left the phone booth and walked away to a place she always went to when she had the chance. She walked to Deling Bridge, climbing up the steps. Every step was a giant one, and with every step, the top of the bridge seemed further away. She tightly clutched onto Squall's letter, almost scrunching it up.

She finally reached the top of the bridge. She walked to the railing on the side and leaned her elbows on it, placing her chin on her hands. Looking out from the bridge made her feel a lot better. Staring at the beauty of Deling City by night took her pain away and dried her tears. She felt the wind on her shoulder. It was like the wind was embracing her, wrapping itself around Rinoa, making her feel secure, like she always felt when someone's arms were around her.

"Big sister Rinoa!"

The voice seemed unfamiliar at first, but as Rinoa turned around and saw the bright little face staring up at her, she remembered right away.

"Oh, hello there…" Rinoa searched her memory for the girl's name. "…Sierra!"

The girl smiled up at her. She looked a little older than the last time she met her. She was a little taller, her hair a little longer, but her eyes were as innocent as ever. Rinoa bent down to reach eye-level with the girl, and flipped a strand of Sierra's hair behind her ear.

"I haven't seen you in a long time," said Sierra.

Rinoa smiled. "How are you, Sierra?"

"I'm good," answered the girl, "I'm trying to get a job, but everyone says I'm too little. Mum wants to get a job but she's sick all the time, and we don't have enough money to take her to the hospital."

"Sick?" said Rinoa.

"Yes," said Sierra, nodding, "She has cancer. Eye cancer. She can't see much."

"Oh, I'm sorry…" Rinoa ran her fingers through Sierra's fine hair. She pitied the girl, but she knew nothing of pity. She knew Sierra didn't want her pity, but Rinoa couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

Sierra shook her head. "It's okay. Big brother is trying to make money for us."

"That's nice," said Rinoa.

"How come you're out here?" asked Sierra curiously, "I haven't seen you for ages."

Rinoa smiled. "Just going for a walk. I'm feeling a bit down."

"Ooh." She paused. "Don't be sad. You don't get anything from being sad. That's what big brother told me."

Rinoa stood up and looked down at the girl. She reached into her pocket and handed her the remaining gil she had from her phone call. Now she _knew_ she wasn't going to call Squall again. She vowed she wouldn't.

"Again?" Sierra looked up at Rinoa disapprovingly.

"I don't need it," replied Rinoa. "Please take it. It'll make me happy."

Sierra frowned. "You can't keep giving me money."

"_Keep _giving you money?" said Rinoa with a soft laugh. "This is only the second time, missy."

"But … what do I give you in return?" she asked innocently.

"How about…" Rinoa paused to think. "Give me a hug. A huge, tight one."

Sierra beamed up at Rinoa. "Deal!" She took the money from Rinoa's hand and threw her arms around Rinoa, holding her tightly. Rinoa bent down and embraced held her back just as tightly, smiling silently to herself.

"This isn't the last you'll hear from me, Rinoa," said Sierra, letting go of Rinoa.

Rinoa laughed. "I'm sure it isn't, Sierra. Hold your head up high … and don't look back, all right?" Rinoa mimicked her father's words … those words meant a lot to her.

Sierra nodded slowly. "And don't be sad. It won't do anything for you."

Rinoa believed the girl's words, and with that, she said goodbye and went home, feeling slightly better with herself.

---

The rest of the summer passed by. Rinoa avoided Sera at all costs, just not daring to look her in the eye anymore. She knew she was showing cowardice, but she didn't know what else could come from the woman. But she didn't care. At least nobody that mattered was there to see her acting so weak. Maybe Seifer could tell, but even Seifer didn't know her well enough to see her pain that she hid away from everyone else. She was always cheerful around everyone at home, even to Ashleigh then, but nobody knew about the tears she shed at night.

_Nobody_.

It was the last night of the summer, and Rinoa was packing her things for Garden. She was under-packed, with nothing she really needed to bring. She didn't need much to get through the year. But she was almost there … she was so close to the time Squall and the others came back. The hardship was almost over … it was almost finished.

When she had finished packing, she made her way to her balcony, staring into the night horizon ahead of her. The backyard looked dull and lifeless at night, but the darkness made it look fantastical. She took a deep breath and was mentally prepared to face the challenges of the year. Nothing could have been worse than what had already happened in the past few years.

"Suddenly a night-time person, huh?"

Rinoa glanced around her balcony to find that nobody was around. Then she realised that it was Seifer on _his _balcony, which happened to be right next to hers.

"How did you know I was out here?" asked Rinoa curiously.

Seifer leaned on the wall separating the two balconies. "I'm not a top-class SeeD for no reason, you know."

Rinoa smiled. "I'm just enjoying the last night of Deling…"

"You _enjoy _Deling now?" retorted Seifer, "Even with everything this place lies, you still _enjoy _it?"

"Maybe so," said Rinoa, "But … this is the place I grew up in. Sure, it holds bad memories … but there are also the good ones. What place has good memories alone?"

Seifer smirked. "I have something for you."

Rinoa turned her head to the right in curiosity. "Really? How intriguing. I wonder what it could be."

Seifer got off the wall and leapt over his balcony and onto Rinoa's, taking Rinoa by complete shock.

"Don't you_ ever _do that again," said Rinoa, stepping back from him.

Seifer smirked. "It really does cut it, you know."

"Huh?"

"Being an almost-SeeD," said Seifer.

Rinoa smiled. She spotted a piece of paper in his hand and her curiosity grew. "What's that?"

"My present," answered Seifer. He handed Rinoa the large piece of paper. "Well, not really _mine_."

Rinoa smiled as she took the piece of paper. She looked at it, and to her amazement, it was a beautiful piece of art. It was a profile image of Rinoa, sitting on the ground with huge white wings from her back. She had her eyes closed with her knees huddled up to her chest and her chin sitting on top. She looked sad, but so beautiful at the same time. She sat in a field of flowers, with the sky a patchy grey. Around the sitting Rinoa were flowers and feathers, scattered across the ground. It was very realistic and life-like, but that wasn't exactly what had made her so happy.

She turned the paper around and on the back, there was a message.

_Big sister Rinoa,_

_I told you that you wouldn't hear the last of me yet. This is my present for you for the times you gave me money. I drew it for you because you had angel wings on your clothes and you reminded me of an angel. Please don't be sad. _

_Love Sierra._

"Sierra?" said Rinoa in shock. "_Sierra _drew this?"

Seifer nodded.

"But … but she's…"

"Eleven years old?" said Seifer, "Yeah. But her artwork is so enticing. She has the skills of a thirty-year-old, the eyes of an infant, and a heart of gold. Age doesn't mean anything to her."

Rinoa couldn't believe it. It was so hard to believe a girl like Sierra could draw with such amazing skill … it was amazing. She turned the paper around and saw the picture in a whole new light.

"Wait … you know Sierra?" said Rinoa.

"Uh … well, yeah," said Seifer, "All those artworks you saw weren't mine. They're _Sierra's_. I just buy her paper and paints and stuff. She's a really bright kid."

"Wait…" Rinoa paused. "_You're _her 'big brother', aren't you?"

Seifer grinned sheepishly.

Rinoa grinned. "And to think … careless, tough, almost-SeeD _Seifer _looks after homeless kids with blind mothers? I never expected that!"

Seifer shrugged. "I'm unpredictable."

Rinoa laughed. "I knew there was a heart somewhere in there."

Seifer loosened up a little. He took a step closer to Rinoa and put a hand on her shoulder, looking down at her earthy brown eyes.

"Seifer…?" Rinoa looked up at her stepbrother, puzzlement on her expression.

"Yes, Rinoa … I do have a heart," said Seifer. He paused. "Rinoa…"

Rinoa blinked. "Is there something wrong?"

"I need to ask you something," he said.

"Shoot," said Rinoa openly.

"Do you…" His voice lowered all of a sudden, with a sudden softness in it. "Do you love me?"

Rinoa looked up at him, her eyes still filled with confusion. "Of course I do … you're my brother."

Seifer sighed in irritation. "Not … not as your brother."

"Then what then?" Rinoa did not like where this conversation was leading.

Seifer kept his straight face on. "As … as a _guy_."

Rinoa's heart started pounding madly inside her chest. How could she let this happen? _Why _was this happening? For a second she wasn't sure if she heard right. But her ears never played tricks on her, nor did her mind. So _why _was she so confused? She wanted Seifer to learn to like her … but not like this…

"I…"

"I love you, Rinoa Heartilly." Before Rinoa could reply, she felt his lips pressed against hers, kissing her passionately. Rinoa's eyes bulged in fear and confusion at the same time. His lips were cold like ice … she pulled away from Seifer, a million thoughts running through her mind.

"S-Seifer!" she cried, pushing his hand off her shoulder with more force than she had intended. "You're … you're my stepbrother…"

Seifer, not ready to accept the rejection, was ready to plead his case. "You don't like me, Rinoa Heartilly?"

"It's … it's not that," said Rinoa uncomfortably, taking a step back from him. "I do like you … just not in that way…"

"You're mocking me now?" demanded Seifer.

"I'm … I'm not!" said Rinoa, almost in fear. She _was _afraid of what was going to happen next. "Why … why, Seifer? Why do you _love_ me? I'm sure you don't … you just think that…"

"How can you say that?" said Seifer, "You … nobody's ever acted the way you have towards me. All my life, nobody has ever treated me with respect. Somebody is always pushing me, pulling me … but I'm strong. I never let it get to me. _Nothing _ever gets to me. But you … _you _have gotten to me. You talked to me when nobody else would. You cared about me … you made me forget about the hellhole that I called home. You remembered my birthday when nobody else would. You stood up for me … you stood by me. _That _is why I love you, Rinoa."

Rinoa's breaths became quick and shallow. She didn't know what to say. She never intended something like this to happen. She only did what her nature told her to, and that was welcome Seifer, be nice to him … care about him like a sister. But look where it took her … this wasn't what she wanted.

She didn't say anything to Seifer. She remained silent, staring at him in utter fear. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to say anything that could possibly wreck their relationship. Her thoughts were occurring too slowly. She couldn't think of anything to say to him.

"So do you love me or not?" asked Seifer.

Rinoa took another step back, afraid to answer. Say yes and tell a lie … say no and tear him a part. She didn't want either … so what was she supposed to say? She was going to say nothing. She wasn't going to answer.

"Answer me, Rinoa," said Seifer, his tone of voice growing desperate. Grabbing her wrist, making sure she wasn't going anywhere.

Rinoa didn't pull away and just stared at him in fear.

"Answer me!"

Rinoa remained silent. She wanted to get away … she wanted to wake up and see things they were yesterday. But she couldn't … this was reality, which just grew harder.

"Answer me, Rin—"

"What the hell?"

Seifer and Rinoa turned towards her bedroom, to find Ashleigh standing in there, looking absolutely mortified. To an outsider, the scene looked threatening. It looked as if Seifer was going to murder a terrified Rinoa at any moment, holding her in place for the crime.

Seifer swore aloud when he saw Ashleigh. He said nothing else, let go of Rinoa, and hopped of the balcony back to his own. Rinoa, for the first time, was grateful to see Ashleigh. Her look of fear disappeared as she walked back into her bedroom as if nothing happened.

"Is … everything okay?" asked Ashleigh, quite out-of-characterly.

Rinoa sat down on her bed and looked at her stepsister. "Everything is just fine, Ash. Just fine." _Fine _was a statement meaning _normal_. Nothing was _normal _in Rinoa's life. The strangeness and misfortune _was _normal, it _was _fine.


	18. Almost Here

**  
Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 18 – Almost Here**

The following school year wasn't exactly comfortable for Rinoa. Seifer would ask the same question at every chance he could. He tried to do it when nobody was around, but Rinoa would always avoid answering in some way or another. But how long could she keep the game up? She couldn't avoid him forever. But that time was later … when she felt the right time to answer.

When asking in private didn't work, Seifer took things on whole different level. He made it public … _very _public.

"Rinoa!"

Rinoa was in the classroom, packing up the rest of her things when Ashleigh tapped her on the shoulder with an urgent look. Her stepsister pointed to the classroom window, where about half a dozen girls stood gazing outside it and murmuring.

Confused, Rinoa followed Ashleigh to the window and squeezed through the girls and looked out. What was out there made her completely flustered. Seifer sat outside on the ground holding up a huge sign saying 'Answer me, Rinoa.'

"Ooh Rinoa, looks like the hottie has a thing for you," said one of the girls at the window.

"Looks like Commander Leonheart has competition!"

It seemed that nobody knew that Seifer was her stepbrother, and that was a good thing, or the gossip and rumours was just going to get worse than it already was.

"No … it's just something else that's … trivial," answered Rinoa, blushing furiously.

She moved away from the window quickly with a suspicious glare following her from Ashleigh.

A few weeks later, Rinoa walked into the girl's bathroom, pushing past a smug Fujin. As she washed her hands, she glanced up at saw in black marker 'Answer me' written on the wall. Embarrassed, Rinoa walked out of the bathroom as if she didn't see anything.

She had countless encounters with Seifer for the rest of the year with the same question held up against her … "Do you love me, Rinoa?" She avoided answering the question at all cost, even if it meant tagging along with Ashleigh. Yes, Rinoa had resorted to hanging around Ashleigh for protection, because she knew Seifer would never run into her with Ashleigh around. The two stepsisters were slowly getting to know each other better because of this.

_I'm losing the respect of Seifer but gaining the respect of Ashleigh_, Rinoa always thought to herself. Why did it have to be so double-edged? Why couldn't they _all _just get along? But she knew that wasn't possible.

On the last day of the school year, Rinoa avoided catching the same train as Seifer. She decided to catch the next train to Deling instead, so she went to the beach once more, just as the other year before it was crowded with students. It was a good day to be there … the sky was a patchy grey and it was pretty cold for a summer day. Black clouds scorched across the sky, giving warning of rain any second. She stood on the same rocky crags, staring off into the ocean.

_When I need you … you're almost here, and I know that's not enough…_

Rinoa sighed. Almost here … everything was almost over. The four long, lonesome years were almost over. She had experienced many new things … a feeling of loneliness, sadness, pain, discovering things she never knew, relationships being broken and made … she couldn't say that she detested it all, because she didn't. It all taught her something.

_And when I'm with you … I'm close to tears, because you're only almost here…_

She hadn't kept in touch with Squall for so long. Did he worry about her like she worried about him? She tried to keep the thought of him and the others off her mind, but it was too hard sometimes. She kept him close to her heart, which was just like him being with her. The symbol Griever reminded her of Squall … which made her feel secure, knowing that he was close by.

But not _there_. And the thought made her weak in the knees.

"Do you love me, Rinoa?"

Rinoa's train of thoughts stopped at the voice. She dreaded to hear the voice. No, not the voice … just the question.

She turned around and found Seifer standing behind her. There was no escape this time. He caught her off guard and alone…

Rinoa put a fake smile on her face. "How did you know I was here?"

Seifer smirked. "I know you better than you think."

There was silence between the two of them. All that was heard was the crashing of the ocean waves. Rinoa scratched her arm uncomfortably. She had to say something. But sometimes silence said everything.

"Please answer me, Rinoa," said Seifer. His voice was no longer harsh and desperate. It was soft and calm, matching his expression perfectly. "Please."

Rinoa sighed deeply. "Seifer…"

"Please," said Seifer. "You can't just keep walking away from me. I need to know."

"…What if I do?" said Rinoa quietly.

"Then I'll be the happiest, luckiest guy on the planet," said Seifer with a smirk.

Rinoa looked down at her feet as it began to drizzle. The raindrops tingled at her skin; sending cold shivers down her spine. She was afraid to say anything else.

"And … what if I don't?" asked Rinoa, looking up at Seifer.

Seifer frowned slightly. "Then … I'll leave you alone. I probably won't be able to look you in the eye ever again."

The rain began to pour on the two of them, but neither party minded. The sudden rush of water was like an adrenaline … cleansing Rinoa's dark heart filled with guilt and confusion. As the rain grew heavier, Rinoa grew colder, but Seifer did not move and neither did she. He was expecting an answer then and there, no matter what the weather was. Rinoa was just afraid to answer.

"Please answer me."

Rinoa closed her eyes as the wind whistled on her shoulder. She shivered in coldness and could taste the rain on her lips. She did not love him as a lover … she knew that. Her heart belonged to Squall, and his with her. Seifer was her brother, her friend. He was there when Squall wasn't … but there was no spark between them. She had a strong suspicion that Seifer was only _thinking _he loved her … when really, he felt the same way she did about him, and that was a strong friendship.

But she did not want to hurt him. She had turned down many guys in the past, because they were all teenagers with raging hormones. In a way, she was too, but she hadn't cared much about boys in those days. True, she was much more a teenager than Squall ever was, but all of those dates were just child's play, it was nothing real. Besides, those boys were only physically attracted to her. They wouldn't know jack about her if she paid them.

But Seifer … he was different. He had known her for about four years, and he knew her very well. But even those feelings took time to evolve, and it probably wasn't true love. She loved Squall from the start; from the very moment she laid eyes on him. Her love for him only grew stronger with every passing second. To her, this was true love. Maybe she _was_ a little young to know this … but _you're never too young to feel this way._

She opened her eyes again, the raindrops on her eyelids rolling away slowly. She was drenched and cold, but the pressure and fear inside her couldn't compare. But when she opened her eyes, her vision was somewhat blurry. For a split second, she thought it was Squall who stood in front of her, but her senses knocked in and Seifer was once again in view.

_I'm going insane_, thought Rinoa.

There _was _a great similarity between both Squall and Seifer. Squall and Seifer may have been alike, but there was only one Squall and only one Seifer. Both men were important to her. She didn't want to hurt either. Lose a brother or lose the love of her life? The thought frightened her.

"Answer me now, Rinoa."

Her vision became blurry again as more heavy raindrops fell onto her. She rubbed her eyes softly, but the friction only burned her eyes. She blinked long and hard, and when she opened her eyes, she found herself falling backwards from the cliff and into freezing ocean. The water didn't sting her as it did last time, in fact, her body was numb with cold.

"S-Seifer…!" she cried out as the waves violently pushed her under the water.

Rinoa tried to raise her body above the water, but she failed. The waves kept pushing her down. Her eyes stung as the salty water nipped at her face. She held her breath as she tried to get out of the water, but the tide washed her further and further away. Her chest throbbed as she felt her heart pounding inside her chest.

Then suddenly … Squall was there again as he was the last time she was hallucinating. Was this a hallucination? It felt so real … she could feel every sting, every pound, as the violent ocean tossed her around. But Squall was there in front of her, in the water, growing further and further away. He was as dry as a bone, and he was smiling, beckoning for her to come towards her.

She screamed his name, only to find water entering her mouth. She screamed his name once again, and that was when it ended. Everything went black and she couldn't see, feel or hear anything. Nothing existed anymore.

"Rinoa!" Seifer roared in concern. She was acting strangely all of a sudden. She clutched at her chest tightly until her knuckles turned white. Her teeth were chattering and her eyes were widened in fright. Suddenly, her eyes drooped and were shut completely. Her grip released at her heart as she collapsed.

With quick reflexes, Seifer caught Rinoa before she hit the rocks. She was as drenched as he was. Her skin was cold and her lips were blue. The cold wind and rain must have made her cold and faint. She wasn't a physically built person, and Seifer was concerned.

He touched her forehead to find that it was freezing. He ran his fingers through her wet hair for a moment, slowly making his fingers trace over her cold, blue lips. Snapping out of his thoughts, he took off his white trench coat and carefully wrapped it around Rinoa for extra warmth. After that, he put her on his back as if giving her a piggyback, and made his way quickly back to Garden in search for a doctor.

As he ran back into the Garden, he pushed past a dozen confused and murmuring people, leaving a wet trail behind him. He rushed into the infirmary, holding onto Rinoa tight. Doctor Kadowaki looked up from her desk at the disturbance.

"Doc, I have a serious case here," said Seifer breathlessly.

"Nonsense, you look perfectly fine, Mr Almassy … besides wet," said Doctor Kadowaki, knowing Seifer very well for injuring several other students.

"Not _me_," said Seifer, irritated. "Rinoa."

The doctor stood up and examined the girl on Seifer's back, unconscious but looking tranquil and perfectly still.

"Lay her down, please," said the doctor.

Seifer obediently lay Rinoa down on the infirmary bed with his coat still wrapped around her. Her lip twitched once or twice as Seifer took a couple of steps back for Doctor Kadowaki to examine the patient.

"How long have you been standing out in the rain?" asked the doctor. "Which, might I add, is a stupid thing to do…"

"Twenty minutes … at most," replied Seifer, ignoring the doctor's remark.

After Doctor Kadowaki did all her doctor things – that was, using funny instruments, typing things in her computer, reading Rinoa's medical file … she finally cast a simple cure spell on the unconscious girl.

Seifer slapped his forehead when he realised that he hadn't thought about it himself. He was just so worried and was panicking madly when Rinoa passed out, he didn't know what to do.

Rinoa's eyes fluttered open. Her lips were still blue and she was still shivering, even in the warmth of the infirmary.

"What … what happened?" asked Rinoa, snuggling tighter into Seifer's coat. "All I remember is … falling into the ocean … and … and I couldn't breathe…"

Seifer and Doctor Kadowaki exchanged glances.

"You didn't fall into the ocean," said Seifer.

Rinoa shivered and didn't say anything.

"The cold was gnawing at your body," said the doctor, "Wind and water isn't a good mix. Your respiratory system isn't very strong."

"How long do I have to stay here…?" asked Rinoa.

"How do you feel?" asked the doctor.

"…Cold, but I'm getting there…" Rinoa wiped some of the rain on her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Stay here until you feel better," said Doctor Kadowaki.

Rinoa nodded. "I … I think I'll get some sleep." She didn't want to face Seifer's question again. Instead, she wordlessly unwrapped Seifer's jacket and handed it back to her stepbrother. When he took it, she lay down in the bed and closed her eyes, getting ready to sleep.

Seifer wasn't going to interfere with her healing, so he left the infirmary without another word. He still hadn't received and answer … and he needed one. He was going to pursue her at all costs.

-

Caraway had heard about Rinoa's pass out and let her stay at Garden until she got better. Rinoa decided to take this option to her advantage and ended up staying the whole summer, when in fact she was as healthy as ever. This way it was easier to avoid Seifer and his question asking. She knew of many places to flee to when she wanted to be avoided.

The summer ended and the school year began again. Rinoa was getting good at avoiding Seifer and she was beginning to respect Ashleigh at a limited level. She usually hung around her stepsister whenever Seifer was in sight, or whenever she knew Seifer could reach her. Ashleigh and Rinoa got along so much that she had convinced Caraway to let them both stay at Garden for the two-week vacations through the year.

The school year once again came to a close, and Rinoa was over the moon. She had finished her preliminary Garden course and the senior years were optional, but she felt she had learnt enough. Squall and the others were coming back in a week. The mere thought of it made her heart soar and she was always excited. She was imagining the whole thing in her head. They meet, they hug, they catch up … they move away, they live happily ever after … and everything is fine again.

Rinoa might have gotten away with staying at Garden for the whole year, but her father called her and Ashleigh home for the summer. Rinoa didn't mind, she didn't care at all … even if she had to meet up again with Sera; she didn't give a damn, because Squall was coming back soon and that was all that mattered.

It was one day before Squall came back, and Rinoa was sitting in the living room looking through lifestyle magazines, already planning her future. It was then that she had remembered that it was her turn to retrieve the mail. It was just Ashleigh and Rinoa home that day, and Ashleigh had been kind enough to leave the door open, on the condition that Rinoa get the mail for her … just this one time.

Her twenty-first birthday was a week ago, and she was taking her coming of age to advantage and was drinking more than enough booze than her mother would let her while the parents weren't home.

Rinoa reached into the mailbox and pulled out all the envelopes in there. She skimmed through all the paper, looking for anything for herself, and she was met with a letter for her with an envelope with an Estharian stamp on it addressed to her.

As she walked inside, Rinoa set the mail on the counter except her own. She opened the envelope, heart skipping beats when she saw Squall's name at the back of one of them.

_Dear Rinoa, _

_I really hope this letter gets to you. If it doesn't, then it's okay, it's not really important. But I'm just making sure. We're coming back a day earlier._

A day earlier? That was today! Rinoa was already grinning in glee.

_The flight was scheduled earlier than planned. If you got this letter, don't meet us at the airport. Meet us at Deling Bridge at around seven thirty at night, your time. We'll be heading there first because we have news for you and we need you in this. If this letter doesn't get to you, it's okay; we'll come to your house if you don't show up. We have heaps to tell you._

_Squall._

Rinoa's heart skipped beats even more. It was quarter to seven already, and it usually took about half an hour to walk to the bridge from the Caraway house. Excited, Rinoa folded up the letter and ran upstairs to her room. She rushed past Ashleigh, who had an empty bottle of vodka on the floor. She was sitting on her own bed, doing her nails.

"What's wrong?" asked Ashleigh, looking up.

"I'm going to meet someone," said Rinoa, slipping on her boots. She frantically fixed up her hair in the mirror, ignoring Ashleigh's quizzical looks.

"Who?" asked Ashleigh.

Rinoa, caught up in all the excitement, answered her without thinking. "Squall." She picked up her purse and ran out the door, leaving a stunned Ashleigh staring after her.

_Squall_. The mere mention of his name triggered back Ashleigh's memory. For so long, she had avoided the subject with Rinoa. The two of them never talked about him … the thought just never occurred. But at that very moment, Rinoa and Ashleigh's bond, weak as it may be, was completely flushed out of Ashleigh's mind. It was like it was four years ago. Ashleigh was jealous all over again. There were two main reasons why Ashleigh disliked Rinoa in the first place. One was because of her mother's hatred towards her, and the other was Squall.

Then her mother's words came back to her. She and Ashleigh had talked about Squall very frequently when Rinoa wasn't around. Ashleigh would always swoon over how mysterious and handsome and cool Squall was, and then act bitter because he belonged to Rinoa. Sera's words were … 'Don't worry, Ashleigh. The Loire boy and Rinoa won't last long … I have done all in my power to keep the two of them separated for as long as possible. Four years is a long time … in that time both of them would have moved on and forgotten about each other. Distance and time is always an issue. The Loire boy will be all over you … don't worry, Ashleigh, you will be together. If you want Rinoa out of the picture, you need to do whatever it takes to get rid of her. _Whatever it takes_.'

Ashleigh always thought that her mother really cared about the way she felt, but little did she suspect that Sera was actually only interested in Ashleigh and Squall being together because Squall had power and money … and Sera _loved _that.

Ashleigh believed in her mother. She ate up everything Sera fed her, and that was what made her weak. Squall was her motivation to hate Ashleigh … and Squall was back.

Ashleigh abandoned her manicure set and rushed out of the room, down the stairs and grabbed her mother's car keys.

-

Rinoa crossed the roads and streets of Deling. The sky was a harsh red colour, and it was almost dark. She fiddled with Griever on her neck, excited that Squall was finally back. She couldn't wait to see him and the others. She missed them more than anything in the world … she wanted nothing more than to reunite with them.

She opened her purse and pulled out a single photograph. _The _photograph … of her and Squall at the beach, torn right down the middle with sticky tape holding it together. She stared at Squall's smiling face … tranquil and truly happy. She was overwhelmed with joy, knowing that she could see him again.

She was almost at the Bridge. It was dark by that time, and the area was deserted, like usual. Everybody was on the bridge … that was, all the poverty-stricken people. She had to cross one more street, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the backs of Squall and Quistis on the bridge.

Her heart soared. "Squall!" She held on tightly to the photograph.

Squall and Quistis turned around, and then the faces of Irvine, Selphie and Zell were in sight. They looked off the bridge as Rinoa started waving furiously at them.

"Rinoa!" yelled Quistis, waving with a smile.

She just stood there with the biggest grin on her face. They all looked so different ... older, more mature. Even in the dark, she could see her friends' radiant faces. Four years was a long time … how she had forgotten how her friends looked like. She regretted not being there with them in this time of change. Anything could have happened in four years…

"You're looking as beautiful as ever, Rin!" yelled Irvine, tipping his hat at her.

Rinoa's grin widened. "Yeah? You're all looking pretty fine yourself!" She took a good, long look at them all from afar. They were all grinning and smiling, even Squall. In fact, it must have been Squall that looked the happiest.

"So, how's things, Rin?" yelled Zell.

"Absolutely, positively … wonderful!" shouted Rinoa. And how true those words were.

"Why are we still up here!" screamed Selphie. "And why are you still over there?"

Rinoa laughed. "I don't know!" _I'm so happy I can't even move…_

Ashleigh saw her. She was right there, on the sidewalk, screaming out onto the bridge. And then she saw _him_. Squall. Her heart melted when she saw him. He looked so charming, especially when he was smiling. His smile made her weak in the knees. But then she remembered why he was smiling. It was because of _her_. Her eyes darted back to Rinoa, narrowing her eyes down at Rinoa in hatred.

_Because of you_, thought Ashleigh, _Because of you … mother is always angry._

"I'm just so happy to see you guys again," called out Rinoa.

_Because of you … I have to share a father who can give me anything…_

"And I'm … we're … happy to see you too," called out Squall for the first time. The first words he said to her, face-to-face, in four years.

_Because of you … I cannot have Squall, the love of my life._

"Well … what are you waiting for?" yelled Quistis.

_I'm almost here … but you are in the way._

"Nothing!" cried Rinoa excitedly.

Sera's words popped into Ashleigh's mind again. _Do whatever it takes._

Ashleigh gripped at the steering wheel tightly.

Squall, Zell, Irvine, Quistis and Selphie darted off the bridge and began to run down the stairs to meet Rinoa in excitement.

Ashleigh squeezed her eyes shut, and as Rinoa took off from the sidewalk to run across the road to meet her friends, Ashleigh put as much force in her foot as possible and stepped on the gas pedal.

_Bam._

Ashleigh opened her eyes at the noise, and was completely horrified when she saw blood all over the windscreen. Her heart pounded in her heart madly, fear striking her. She couldn't believe it … she actually did it. She didn't think that there would have been any real outcome, but there was. But she did not receive the satisfaction she wanted. She was struck with fear … she did not know what to do.

Ashleigh got out of the car quickly, examining Rinoa's limp body, which was metres away from the car. She was covered in her own blood and knocked out cold. Her eyes were closed, and Ashleigh was way too scared to check if she was breathing. Instead, she anxiously picked up Rinoa's body off the road, the blood staining her clothes. The frightened girl tried not to worry about what she was wearing and opened the back door of Sera's expensive car. She threw Rinoa's body in the backseat and slammed the door shut, trying to forget the images she saw.

_She can't be dead._

Ashleigh's hands were covered in her stepsister's blood, but she tried to forget the feeling. With all her strength and willpower, she _tried _to forget the feeling of her own sister's blood on her hands. But the feeling was there forever, and she knew it. She was scarred for life. She had never expected that the first human being's blood that made contact with her hands would be the stepsister she despised. She never even _dreamt _of it. But this was no dream … this was reality.

The frightened girl got back into the car and turned the vehicle around, speeding away before anybody caught her in the act.

Squall was the first one to reach the bottom of the bridge, but what he saw flickered an emotion he had never felt. No, it was also what he _didn't _see. Rinoa was not there like she was a second ago … she had vanished. But there was a pool of red blood on the road that was not there before, and this made his insides churn.

Squall dared to make his way to the pool of blood on the concrete. He ignored the confused remarks of his friends behind him, and was finally at the crimson stains on the ground.

"Squall!" Quistis ran up to him in confusion, but let out a shocked gasp when she saw what Squall was looking at.

The others were soon to follow in confusion, but had the same reaction as Quistis when they saw the blood. Selphie screamed, and both Irvine and Zell started cursing in shock and anger.

Squall stiffly fell to his knees, feeling like jelly inside. The knees of his pants were now also covered in the blood, but it didn't bother him as much as the feeling throbbing inside his chest.

_It can't be…_

His quivering hand made his way to the photograph on the ground and picked it up. When he saw it, he _knew _his fears were confirmed, but he didn't _believe_ it. More than a million thoughts and feelings were whirring around him. He didn't know where he was anymore. He didn't know what he was feeling. But there was an empty feeling inside him, and the darkness of the night was consuming him.

_That smile._

He stared at the photograph. Rinoa and Squall, standing side by side, the both of them wearing pleasant smiles. He had his arm around her. But the picture was torn down the middle, but repaired with tape. What did this all mean? He ignored the crimson stains on the picture, because even through the blood, he could still see her angelic face.

_What's happening_?

Squall wanted to collapse with this overwhelming emotion eating at him. He did not believe it. Rinoa was not dead. How could she be? There was no body. There was blood … but there was _no _body. It didn't mean anything. But where was she? She couldn't have just been there one second and be gone the next, leaving a trail of blood behind.

_Where are you…?_

Squall ignored the discussion of his friends behind him. He rubbed the picture in his hands gently, continuing to stare at her angelic face in wonder. What was happening? He tried to piece it all together. There had to be a logical explanation for it all. She couldn't have been here one moment and gone the next. She had arms wide open, ready for him to be in them. But there were no open arms to greet him.

_There is this…_

Was she dead? She can't have been dead. Squall Leonheart refused to believe that Rinoa Heartilly was dead. It did not make sense. None of it made sense. His mind was overloading with thoughts. He did not let emotion take over … but it was difficult.

"Squall … I…" Quistis's arm fell on Squall's shoulder. The instructor was beyond words. Even she could not figure out what was going on. She couldn't believe what she saw.

Nobody there did.

Every single person present refused to believe it.

Zell cursed aloud. "This is messed up. This _shit _is all messed up."

Messed up … yes, it was.

It was then that Quistis pulled out her cell phone and dialled the emergency number. But what good would it do? There was no body to rescue. There was _nothing_.

Squall squeezed his eyes shut. He refused to let emotion take over. But it was Rinoa. She was the person who taught him emotion … she was the one who taught him everything. She brought this emotion. And where was she? The day he came back was the day she went? It didn't make sense.

It didn't make sense … nor was it fair. _Fate is playing a cruel joke on me_. A cruel joke? He wished it could have been so … but it wasn't. He tried to believe that it was just a stupid joke, and Rinoa Heartilly was going to jump out of nowhere and laugh and giggle about how she fooled them.

But it did not happen.

He wanted to open his eyes and find Rinoa there again, smiling at him and telling him how much she missed him. He wanted her to be there … to listen to him, to listen to his stories. He wanted her there so he could listen to her, for her to tell him what she was up to.

But it did not happen.

He opened his eyes again, and when Rinoa's beautiful face was not in front of him, a single tear dropped into the pool of blood, rippling the crimson.

_We were almost here, Rin … hell, we were almost here._


	19. Part II :: Lost Memories of My Love

**Lost Memories of my Love**

_**Part II : Change of Heart  
**_

**Chapter 19 – Lost Memories of My Love**

Ashleigh reached Deling hospital and pulled over in the car park. She left Rinoa's body in the car, hoping that a doctor or nurse could come out to the car instead of her carrying the body into the hospital. She did not want anyone to suspect that she was involved in the injury and possible death of General Fury Caraway's daughter.

Ashleigh rushed into the hospital; her horrified look still stamped all over her face. She was still was covered in Rinoa's blood, staining her expensive white suit that her mother had bought her for her twenty-first birthday. The hospital was busy and frantic, with doctors and nurses rushing in and out of emergency rooms in life-threatening situations, that nobody paid attention to Ashleigh walking through the corridors of the hospital, bloodstained and horror-struck.

After a little bit of wandering around, Ashleigh found herself in an empty corridor. A hospital bed on wheels lay in the hall with a white blanket on top of it. Ashleigh looked around to see if the coast was clear, and went over to the bed. She peeked under the white sheet and found a gruesome dead body in it, already beginning to smell foul. Horrified, Ashleigh withdrew her sight from it and looked around some more.

_Nobody will have to know_, she thought to herself. _She doesn't need to … be alive. Do whatever it takes … right?_

Ashleigh, deciding against her better judgement, was quick to act. She clutched at Rinoa's purse one last time and slid it under the white sheet, next to the dead body.

_Now everyone will think she's dead when they see her ID with this dead woman_, thought Ashleigh.

She was not guilty at all, she was just frightened. What was she supposed to do with Rinoa? She couldn't leave her to _really _die. She might not have felt guilty about everyone thinking Rinoa was dead, but _letting _her die … no, Ashleigh would have felt guilty all her life. She had to do something about it. Rinoa didn't have to live, hell, Ashleigh would've rather wanted her to just _die _already, but at least Ashleigh tried to prevent it from happening … and that was good enough for her.

At that moment, a nurse came walking down the hallway. Ashleigh quickly turned around and left before anybody spotted her. As she left the building, she saw the nurse wheel away the dead body that was meant to be Rinoa. She ran back outside into the car park and got back into Sera's car, glancing at Rinoa's still body in the rear-view mirror.

She drove away from the hospital and went to the person that she knew wouldn't have cared about what she did. Her father. She knew Seifer was going to be there, because he went to his father's to brag about how he was officially qualified to become a SeeD and had the next year to do the exam. Ashleigh did not care about Seifer, but she knew that Seifer would have been very determined to save Rinoa. She _knew _it all. She _knew _that he had feelings for his stepsister … it was so obvious. But she never said a thing; she just held her suspicions close … because Rinoa and Ashleigh were friends then.

Ashleigh shrugged the memory of her and Rinoa being friends off. She did not want to remember that … and she wasn't going to. If she was going to have a good life, she had to have no regrets. That was what her _father _always told her.

She pulled over on her father's driveway and ran towards the door, trying to keep a straight face. But it was just too impossible. Ashleigh was one hell of a good liar but she couldn't hide her fear this time. She was _terrified_. She knocked on the door, and was greeted with her father … looking extremely shocked.

"Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh burst into panic at that moment. "F-Father…! I … I…"

"Why are you covered in blood, daughter?" asked Ashleigh's father, looking at her suspiciously.

"I … father, I need your help," gasped Ashleigh.

The man looked shocked, but then looked angry. "You need my help? Why are you not running to your _mother, _then?"

"B-Because…" Ashleigh bit her bottom lip nervously. "Father, please … I think I killed Rinoa-san."

Her father's eyes widened in shock. "You mean General Caraway's daughter? Ashleigh, if you are found out…"

"Father, _please_!" she cried out in panic, "You … you used to be a doctor, didn't you? Please! You have to try to save her!"

"You cannot just show up to my house after five years of no contact and ask me to solve _your _problem," growled Mr Almassy. "Deal with your own dirty work." He was about to close the door on her, but Ashleigh held it open.

"Please … father…" Ashleigh was close to tears.

"Go home, Ashleigh _Caraway_," snarled Ashleigh's father.

"What's going on, old man?"

Ashleigh's eyes were filled with hope. "Seifer!"

As Seifer reached the door, he looked very surprised to see Ashleigh there. She was the last person he expected to be there.

"Ashleigh? What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Seifer.

"Seifer! Please!" cried Ashleigh, "Rinoa … Rinoa needs help!"

Seifer's hard expression suddenly turned into a concerned one. "Why? What happened?"

Ashleigh fell into Seifer's arms and burst into tears. "I … I think I killed her. Please, I didn't mean to."

Seifer pushed Ashleigh out of his arms in disgust. "Why do you sound so fricking sad? I bet you had every intention of killing her, don't come crying to _me _because you've done something wrong."

"Seifer, please, do you want her alive or not?" exclaimed Ashleigh, somewhat stalling. Maybe if she stalled on for long enough Rinoa would have been dead by then. Of course she wasn't thinking this exactly … but in the tiniest corner of her mind, she was hoping with all her might.

Seifer suddenly looked anxious. "What? You mean she's here?"

"Yes!" said Ashleigh hysterically. "She's in the car!"

"Why should I help you?" interjected their father.

"_Please, _father … I beg of you," said Ashleigh, "I promise … if you just try to help, I will never run to you again. I have never run to you in the past … this will be the first and last time. Please."

"You _have _to, old man," growled Seifer, "If not for her, then for me. For _Rinoa_."

The man narrowed his eyes at his son. Yes, Seifer was much more of a better child to him than Ashleigh ever was. _And _he promised twenty percent of his earnings as a SeeD when he became one…

"Fine … but I cannot guarantee that I will succeed," said Mr Almassy.

Ashleigh hurried to the car with Seifer and their father following. As she opened the door, Seifer's heart almost stopped at the state Rinoa was in. She was just lying there in her own blood, staining the leather seats of Sera's car. She did not move and her chest failed to rise and fall. He could have strangled Ashleigh to death for what she did, but he was far too worried about Rinoa.

The two men heaved Rinoa into the house. She was lighter than expected. They lay her on one of the beds in the house and the ex-doctor began to examine the unconscious young woman.

"What did you do to her?" demanded Seifer.

Ashleigh sat far away from them, just watching blankly as her father examined Rinoa. "I just … I was … I was drunk. I … ran her over…"

Seifer cursed out loud. "I have every intention of striking you down at this very instant. But my inner instinct tells me that I _shouldn't…_"

Ashleigh snapped out of her flabbergasted state and became aggressive again. "It's called a heart, Seifer, I'm glad you have one."

Seifer snickered smugly. "And look who's talking. Who's the one who did this again?"

"I told you, I didn't mean to!" That was indeed a lie … but if it got her out of trouble…

"Didn't mean to … yeah, my ass you didn't mean to," sneered Seifer.

"She won't survive."

The two siblings looked at their father.

"What do you mean, old man?" demanded Seifer.

"It's too late. She is suffering from internal bleeding as well as excessive external bleeding. She has at least five fractured bones … her brain seems to have stopped responding to her. She is still breathing, but only shallowly, her heart is going to stop beating soon and she is going to die."

Seifer cursed again. "Fuck this, there's still a chance! Don't just look at her, old man, do something about it!"

"Y-yeah…" Ashleigh mustered quietly.

Their father muttered something or other under his breath and went into the bathroom cabinet for some ointments and medicines, and other medical stuff. He came back and began repairing Rinoa's wounded body. He was once a practical doctor, one of the best in the country. He didn't need machines and modern day stuff; all he needed were his hands and his tools.

"Shut up," snapped Seifer, "Go home, Ashleigh. You've done enough here already. We don't need you here."

Ashleigh did not protest. She didn't want to hang around anymore anyway. "I only have one request. Please … don't tell anybody…"

Seifer stood up in rage and glared at his sister. "_Don't tell anybody?_" he hissed. "You're lucky I didn't tell _anybody _about all the shit you've been doing to Rinoa for the past five years. And now you're expecting me _not _to tell anybody about this? This is the last straw, _Ashleigh Almassy._"

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes at Seifer. "You can't tell anybody. It … it will ruin me…"

Seifer laughed hollowly. "It will _ruin _you? Where is that my problem? Take a look at what you did, Ash. _Ash _… my god, I just had awful flashbacks…"

"You don't seem to know that I_ know_," said Ashleigh tauntingly.

"What?" snapped Seifer, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know you have feelings for dear Rinoa-san," hissed Ashleigh, "It _is _kinda of obvious…"

Seifer glared at her. "So?" he said in a casual tone.

"So … I can just tell _mother _at any moment," said Ashleigh, "Or father … General Caraway. I wonder what they'll think? I wonder what … her boyfriend would think? Hmm?"

"She doesn't have a boyfriend," said Seifer flatly.

Ashleigh smiled carelessly. "Don't be so sure, big brother. _Don't _be so sure. You assume too much, did you know that?"

Seifer grit his teeth. Stupid Ashleigh …_ stupid_ Ashleigh. Why did she want to rain on his parade so much? He didn't want anybody knowing that he had a thing for Rinoa … everyone would _think _too much. Rinoa would get a bad reputation, and so would Seifer. And if Rinoa really did have a boyfriend … then what was _he_ going to think? He did not want people to persecute Rinoa … it was okay if people muttered thing about him, but Rinoa didn't deserve anything like that.

_Damn … why does this have to be so hard_, thought Seifer. But could he even trust Ashleigh? She was a damn good liar, just like he was. The whole fricking Almassy family was a family full of lying and cheating … they couldn't even trust each other. But lying and cheating put aside, Seifer knew that Ashleigh would keep her end of the bargain if he kept his. They will both keep each other's secrets and nothing was going to come from it.

As much as he wanted everyone to know that Ashleigh was a flaming bitch, he didn't need it. He had to wait for another time.

"All right," said Seifer finally, "I'll keep your secret if you keep mine."

"Deal," said Ashleigh, smiling smugly. She shook hands with her brother, sealing the deal. "And you won't ever hear from me again. You don't even have to live at the Caraway house anymore. You don't have to have anything to do with me or mother."

"Well, that's more than I bargained for," sneered Seifer. "So leave already. I don't want a mushy goodbye."

Ashleigh laughed weakly. "Same old Seifer. I'd hate to admit it, but I am really going to miss you."

Seifer rolled his eyes but couldn't help smirking. "Go on, get outta here."

Ashleigh got up and left with one last glance at her brother. For a second, they were both brother and sister instead of two kids forced to live with each other. The way that united them wasn't a good one, but both Ashleigh and Seifer had a feeling of satisfaction inside of her, believing that their quarrels finally came to an end. They disowned each other … and maybe in the end, that was the only way. Their relationship was beyond repair ever since Sera had become an actress, which was a good eighteen years ago. So, if you can't fix it, you'll just have to let go…

Seifer couldn't help but remember the times where he and Ashleigh _did _get along. It was as if the time never existed, but it was kept somewhere in the vast depths of Seifer's mind. Ashleigh would always look up to Seifer, especially when their parents sent them to Galbadia Garden because Sera was busy with her acting and their father was still a doctor at that time. Ashleigh didn't want to go to Garden because she didn't want to learn how to kill things. Seifer, on the other hand, was looking forward to it.

Seifer would always help his sister when she needed it. He was damn good at killing things, and Ashleigh wasn't. He would help her and was rather overprotective of her when it came to bullies. Ashleigh didn't want to make any friends at Garden because she hated it there so much. Seifer didn't really want to make any friends either, so the two of them stuck together.

It seemed impossible, but yes, there was a time where Ashleigh and Seifer got along. They were so close and they hardly ever fought. But then their parents called them back home again. Sera had changed – she was very famous and very wealthy. But she had resigned in the acting career to spend time with her children, which was when Seifer was about eleven years old. Their father had also changed. He was taking Sera's money to his advantage and began gambling all their savings away.

Sera, as infuriated as ever, did not leave the man; she in fact stayed with him just for the sake of her children. But she still hated her husband so much that she had to go as low as to stealing and cheating to earn everything back. Sera, never ever forgiving the man because he never ever once apologised, hated him … and then began to hate Seifer as well, when Seifer was annoying her so much to go back to Garden.

He had grown attached to the place and resented having to go back home. Sera then began to realise the resemblance between the son and father, and began to hate Seifer as well. She decided to give up on the boy and concentrated on Ashleigh, establishing a close bond with her daughter instead. Ashleigh grew further and further away from Seifer, and in time, she was becoming a lot like her mother.

She also began to hate Seifer and her father, for reasons even she did not know. She just did it because her mother did, and in her eyes, her mother _always _knew what was right. And ever since then, the siblings' relationship had been broken … the dispute only getting worse everyday.

"I never thought you two would ever make up."

Seifer turned around and looked at his father, whom he had forgotten was even there. He was sitting there with an amused expression on his face, turned away from bloody Rinoa.

"Is she going to be okay?" asked Seifer, not wanting to get into detail about Ashleigh.

Seifer's father shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not. I tried my best, son."

"Fuck you, old man, I always thought you were a better doctor than that," said Seifer angrily, walking up to the bed Rinoa lay in.

"Don't you talk to me in a tone like that," said his father warningly. "She's been in a critical condition for far too long. She's going to die. She is suffering from head trauma, so I suspect that she isn't going to be too bright when she wakes up."

"So what? She's not dead yet," hissed Seifer, narrowing his eyes down at Rinoa. He hated seeing her the way she was. He hated it so much. He wasn't going to give up on Rinoa, he was not going to just say she was dead and _leave_ her to die. She _wasn't _dead yet, and Rinoa did not deserve to die.

"I tried my best," said the man.

"Well your best isn't good enough," roared Seifer, "That's what you always said to me, old man. I would always try my best, and it's _never _good enough for any of you. You're so fecking lazy, I _know _you can do better than this sad attempt. So hurry up and give this girl a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. I gave you one, didn't I? That's what Rinoa Heartilly taught me."

"You'd better be shouting me drinks for the rest of my life for this," muttered the old man, turning back to Rinoa.

Ashleigh stood in the bathroom, frantically scrubbing off all the blood on her new white clothes. She wanted no memory of this incident whatsoever … nor did she want anyone to find out what she did. She scrubbed as hard as she could, adding more and more detergent. The stains would not wash out, there was still faint crimson marked on her blouse.

"Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh's eyes widened in fear as the bathroom door opened. Sera had come back from her outing with Caraway. She stared at her daughter in shock and confusion when she saw what she was doing.

"Ashleigh? What are you doing?" demanded Sera.

"I…" What was she supposed to say? There were too many thoughts rushing through her mind for her to make up something on the spot. She couldn't hide it from her mother. Her mother had to know … there was no other option.

"Mother, I … I did a horrible thing," said Ashleigh quietly, squeezing her eyes shut as she threw the cloth into the bathtub. She opened her eyes and looked at her mother, the utmost fear in her eyes. "There is blood on my hands, staining my clothes and … and scarring me. I can never get rid of it, because it will always be there."

"What's your point?" asked Sera, her voice shaking.

"I … I…" Ashleigh sighed. "This blood on my hands … it's … it's Rinoa's blood. I killed her…!"

Sera stared at Ashleigh in even more shock. "What are you talking about? You can't have killed her. I refuse to believe that you killed her."

"I … I did, mother," whispered Ashleigh in shame.

"What possessed you to do such a thing!" cried Sera. "Are you mad, daughter? If anybody finds out that you did this…"

"I'm so sorry, mother," said Ashleigh quietly, "I … I was drinking while you were gone. And then Rinoa went to see Squall, and then … and then it was _different_. I remembered what you said to me … you said to do _whatever it takes_. So I took your keys and I followed Rinoa in your car … and then … and then I ran her over…"

Sera continued to stare at Ashleigh. "_You are mad_. If _anybody _finds out that you've drink driving _without _a license and _killed _General _Caraway's _daughter … you are done for. You'll be put in jail … disowned by your father … _everything will fall_."

"But … nobody knows…!" interjected Ashleigh. "I took her to the hospital with her ID and everything … everyone will know she's dead, but nobody will know _how _she died…" She wasn't going to tell her mother about going to Seifer and her father for help, or her mother would have murdered her.

"Ashleigh, you dear child," said Sera, shaking her head sadly, "You are a wicked, but wise girl. Your wisdom has rewarded you. _You have Squall Loire to yourself._"

It was over. Seifer's father finally was finished, saying that there was a slight chance of Rinoa's recovery. He left the house with two hundred gil for Seifer for his nightly visit to the pub. Seifer sat by Rinoa's bed, waiting for her to wake up and smile at him. With every second that went by, the tension grew. Seifer grew impatient. But he was going to stay by her side until the very end … something that her _boyfriend _was unable to do.

An hour passed by, and Seifer was getting restless. He stood up and stretched. As he looked down at Rinoa's tranquil face, he couldn't stand it anymore. All of her blood was cleaned up and she was wrapped in bandages at her chest and head. Her chest was rising and falling _very _shallowly … about one breath every five seconds. Seifer could not stand her seeing in that condition. He wanted her alive and happy again, the way she was _supposed _to be.

"Curaga," murmured Seifer, as the blue magic sparkled on Rinoa.

There was no effect. His father would have disapproved of using magic, as his father was a _practical _doctor, detesting magic. He preferred using scientific knowledge over magic.

"Curaga," said Seifer again. When there was no effect, he cast it again. "Curaga. Curaga! Curaga! CURAGA!"

When Seifer was out of magic, he sat down and went back to the drawing board. He sat there again, watching Rinoa just lay there motionlessly…

She stirred. Seifer shot up with a start, hope in his eyes. She stirred again.

"Cure!" said Seifer, casting one of the weaker curative spells on the younger woman.

Rinoa's eyes fluttered open, and Seifer could have jumped for joy. She tried sitting up, only to be met with a sharp pain in her chest.

"Rinoa!" said Seifer, getting up quickly. "Don't move … it'll open your wounds."

"Rinoa…?" said Rinoa, blinking feverously, laying back down on her back. "Who's … who's Rinoa?"

Seifer looked at Rinoa awkwardly. She couldn't have…

"Am … am I Rinoa?" she asked.

Seifer's mind was racing with his heart. She had lost her memory. "N-No," Seifer said at last. "You're not Rinoa…"

Rinoa looked at him weakly. Even if she was weak, she still was able to muster a confused expression. "Then … then who am I? What's my name? W-Where am I?" Her hand went to her forehead, feeling the bandages. "My head hurts. What … what happened?"

Seifer didn't expect this. There were too many things inside of him – the truth and a lie was trying to rush out at the same time, only they were caught and stuck in his throat.

"You're … you're Sierra," said Seifer, the lie getting out before the truth. "Your name is Sierra Hearten." He tried to think of the first name that came to his head. _I'm so sorry, Sierra. _"There was a fire at your house and … and you were badly hurt. You're at my house now, and I've been taking care of you."

"Where's my family?" asked Rinoa, worried, "Are they okay?"

Seifer swallowed the lump in his throat. "No … I'm sorry. Your parents were killed in the fire. You're the only one alive."

Fright clouded Rinoa's expression. "W-What? N-No! That … that can't be right. I want to see my family … please…" She tried to get up again, only to be met with the same pain in her chest.

"Don't move!" said Seifer, a little to forcefully. He collected himself and tried to remain calm. "I'm sorry, Sierra. Your … your family is gone now."

Rinoa squeezed her eyes shut, trying as hard as she could to remember the events of the fire. But she couldn't, she couldn't recall a thing. She didn't know her name, what she liked, her past, her birthday … she couldn't remember _anything_. "I … I can't remember anything." She put her hand to her forehead again. "Ugh…"

"Don't worry," said Seifer. "I'll … I'll help you remember everything."

Rinoa smiled at him. "Thank you. But … who _are _you?"

Seifer hesitated for a moment. "Marcel. My name is Marcel."

"Oh … are you my brother…?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer hesitated once more. "No, Sierra … I'm not your brother."

"Then who are you…?" asked Rinoa. "My doctor…? You're wearing a white coat…"

Seifer shook his head again. Things were happening too quickly. He was only thinking about what _he _wanted, _his _desires. He didn't think about the consequences at all, and he didn't know whether he was going to regret it or not.

"I'm … I'm your boyfriend, Sierra."


	20. Forgotten

**A/N: **Thanks for your support! Well, the story isn't finished yet ... everyone thinks it's over, but really it's not! There's still a lot more to come :D As for those who are giving up on this fic 'cause it's too dramatic ... well ... thanks for your past support, it really does mean a lot to me :) Anyways, on with the show...

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 20 – Forgotten**

Rinoa's death was a shock to everyone that knew her. When General Caraway received the phone call from the hospital … that _one _phone call, it seemed as if time had stopped. It was at work when he received the call.

"General Caraway here," the general said, pulling his car over on the road. Duty called after his outing with Sera. He had promised to make time with her, but unfortunately it didn't last long. He was already late as it was on the way to the office.

"Ah … sir," said the woman on the other end. Her voice was shaking in fear, not sure how the man would react to the news.

"Yes?" said Caraway, "Who is this?"

"My name is Bernadette, I'm a nurse from Deling City hospital," said the woman.

Caraway's voice faltered. "Yes? What business do you have with me?"

"It's … it's about your daughter, sir," said Bernadette hesitantly.

"Yes?" said Caraway, unsure of what was happening. "Please make this quick, I am a very busy man."

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry sir," said Bernadette quickly, "We tried to get a hold of you in person, but you seem to be out of the area…"

"Please get to the point, miss," said Caraway impatiently, glancing at his wristwatch.

"Sir!" said Bernadette tentatively. "Your … your daughter, Rinoa Heartilly, yes?"

"Yes," answered Caraway impulsively.

"Well … I don't know how to say this to you … but…" The nurse cleared her voice. "Well, she was involved in an accident…"

Caraway's attention perked. "Eh? What happened? Is she all right?"

"Well … no, sir, she isn't," answered the woman uncomfortably, "Your daughter is dead."

Caraway was silenced with shock. He wanted to yell into his cell phone and tell the woman off if it was a joke, but it couldn't have been. There was graveness in the woman's voice that told him otherwise. But how could something like that have happened? Rinoa was not the kind of girl who would blindly get herself killed. Dammit, there had to be more to this story.

"Sir?" said Bernadette quietly.

Caraway snapped out of it. He did not believe it. He refused to believe it. Dammit, he was beginning to earn her trust and her love again … and now _this _happened. How could it have happened? It was just … wrong...

"Y-Yes…" Caraway stammered, a lump forming in his throat. "P-Please … when did you find her? How did she … how did she…"

"W-Well," said the nurse, "We found a body in the emergency room. An ambulance didn't bring it to us. Nevertheless, we tried to aid the girl … but … it was too late. We found her identification with her, saying that the victim was Rinoa Heartilly. We later got a call from an Instructor Quistis Trepe, inquiring about a missing Rinoa Heartilly. She and her friends were there with her … but when they went to meet each other, she disappeared. There was nothing but a pool of blood left on the side of the road and a photograph. We believe that she crossed the road carelessly and was hit by a car. The driver must have gotten out of the car to assist her and brought her to the hospital." She recited the assumption as if reading out of a textbook.

"_Carelessly_?" spat Caraway, his anger rising. "My daughter is not _careless._ You must have it all wrong. Something else must have happened, and your assumptions are wrong. I would know better than to trust a public hospital, you people did not try hard enough to save my daughter."

"I … I'm sorry, sir," said Bernadette quietly. It was true; they didn't know that the so-called 'badly-injured-dead-person' was General Caraway's daughter until they found the ID, which was _after _the failed operations. The body was just a mass of deceased body parts; they had not bothered to keep the body and disposed of it because it was far too gruesome. If they had known it was one of the most important political figure of Deling's daughter, they would have gotten a more experienced doctor to operate on 'Rinoa's body'.

"I am going to see to it that your service gets what it deserves," spat Caraway angrily. As he hung up on the woman, his face fell to his hands as he wept … he wept for the departure of his dear daughter.

-

Squall did not pay attention to the reverend's words. He just couldn't believe that he was attending Rinoa's funeral. He never thought he would see this day. The mere thought made him shudder. Up until now, he had handled news of Rinoa's death well. He showed no sign of emotion whatsoever, unlike his friends.

Zell and Irvine were both angry about the whole ordeal. The two men couldn't stop cursing – they even cursed about it in disbelief, right in front of Squall, who tried to pay no attention. It would be then that either Selphie or Quistis would tell the two of them to shut up. Squall acted as if he didn't mind, but really, he did. He minded like hell. He knew he would never get over this. It was going to leave a scar inside him forever.

Ever since he heard it officially … those words … _'I'm so sorry. She didn't make it' … _ever since he heard those words, he distanced himself from everyone. His mood always changed, it was like an on-off thing. But he knew he was not going recover from this. No matter what anybody said or did, it did not make him feel at ease.

Everything was going in fast motion. When he came back to reality, he found himself at Rinoa's gravestone, looking down on the tablet with disgust. This whole event … the mere thought of Rinoa being dead made him sick. It wasn't meant to be like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

_No one can see the future. There are no guarantees_.

Rinoa's words popped into Squall's mind. _Damn you, Rinoa, why do you have to be so right_?

He kneeled down at the gravestone and laid a single blue rose next to it. Blue roses … they were Rinoa's favourite flowers. She would always be thrilled when Squall gave her blue roses. Hell, that wasn't very often … blue roses were hard to find. But her gleeful face would always bring comfort to his heart.

Squall was amazed when he noticed that there was nearly every single flower on the planet _besides _the blue rose. Didn't _anybody _know _anything_? There were hundreds and hundreds of people who showed up to the funeral, but they were all there to suck up to General Caraway. None of them were there for Rinoa, and that just made Squall even more disgusted with the damn world.

"Rinoa always loved blue roses…" The familiar feel of Quistis's hand fell on the commander's shoulder.

Squall stood up but did not turn around to face her. He didn't need this. He didn't want anybody saying 'I'm sorry' and feeling sorry for Squall. He didn't want their sympathy … it was _Rinoa _that needed all of that.

"Humph," muttered Squall, "It doesn't really matter now, does it?"

"Don't say that, Squall," said the instructor gently. "It will always matter. Rinoa may not be here with us physically … but she will always remain in our hearts. Don't try to forget about her, because I know you will _try_. The guilt that rests on your shoulders isn't really guilt, please remember that."

Squall sighed and turned to face his friend. Quistis stood in front of him in an elegant ankle-length black dress with complicated bits of lace. She wore a black rich woman's hat with a short black lace veil over her face. Black was not a colour that suited Quistis. Squall, maybe, but not Quistis…

"Does it really matter?" asked Squall flatly, "I might _remember _this guilt isn't really guilt, but I will_ never _believe it. It was my fault that Rinoa ended up like this. If we didn't come back a day earlier … _that _driver wouldn't have been on the road. If … if we just let her come to the airport to meet us, then she wouldn't have had to come to the bridge. God, Quistis … this is all my fault…"

"Squall Leonheart, I don't ever want to hear that from you ever again," said Quistis sharply. "Blaming yourself will _not _do you any favours. This is all part of Fate's plan … things happen for a reason. Maybe Rinoa's death was not in vain…"

"Hyne, Quistis," growled Squall, "Enough with the Fate crap. I don't believe in fate. Fate, destiny … it's all a load of utter _crap_. Rinoa's death was untimely. She didn't deserve to die. If anybody was to die, it should have been me. Rinoa was pure … she was sinless. She had the arms of an angel, she had no regrets. But look at me … look at my hands. They are stained with the blood of others. I've killed so many since I was a kid … I am _impure_. Which one deserves to live, Quistis? Tell me, which deserves to live? I think _Fate_ made a bit of a mistake, don't you think?"

Quistis shook her head sadly at her friend. "Please … don't dwell on this. Don't … Rinoa wouldn't want it like this. She would want you to be happy, to be free. Isn't that what you want, Squall? Things revolve around so quickly … you have a whole life ahead of you."

Squall tried so hard to listen to Quistis's words of wisdom. But it was much too hard for him, he couldn't bear it. There was a heavy burden on his shoulders … the burden of knowing that Rinoa Heartilly was dead because of him. Because of his selfish desires. He wanted to see her so badly … he wanted nothing but to be met with Rinoa's open arms. He should have been patient; he should have waited that _one _day. If he had done just that … then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Quistis knew what was on Squall's mind. "Life isn't about _could have, should have, would have_. You could have, you should have, you would have … but you _didn't. _You can't change the past … look forward to the future … don't look back."

Squall shut his eyes, not bearing the pain anymore. He refused to let emotion consume again. He was not going to let his emotion out … he was supposed to stay strong. That was what Squall Leonheart did … he stayed strong. But it was too hard. _Trying _to hold it back would only prolong his pain. He knew this guilt was going to sit on his shoulders for as long as he lived … he was never going to move on.

Because Rinoa was the one. He was sure of it. She had done so much for him … she had opened his eyes and made him see things that were always there, that he was too blind to see. She had the key to his heart. She could read him like a book. She could make him laugh when the worst was in place. She made him feel … like him. So _why_? Why did it have to turn out this way? Was it some unwritten law that Squall Leonheart was meant to be miserable all his life? That everything he ever loved and cared about would some day slip from his very fingertips?

"Don't look back," murmured Squall, keeping his eyes closed. He turned back to Rinoa's grave one last time. The last time that he would ever look back.

Ever.

-

Exactly two years had passed since Rinoa's assumed death. Squall and the others headed back to Esthar. Squall wanted to head back to see Rinoa to talk to her about his becoming of president. Laguna had given a choice … to resume his position as president understudy and go back to Garden, or continue to stay in Esthar and become the vice president when he turned twenty-seven. Why twenty-seven? Laguna decided to shove a little humour into it and say that twenty-seven because it was a 'magical age', hoping that his son would give him a little credit for being 'thoughtful'. Unsurprisingly, it didn't.

The first thing that came to Squall's mind was Rinoa. He wasn't going to make a decision without her. She was an important part of his life … he wanted her approval of the whole thing. Squall didn't even want the position, but Ellone had begged him to do so. She thought that that way, Laguna and Squall's relationship would have become more father-son. Squall didn't see how that was going to work.

Despite Squall's thoughts against the proposal, he decided to fulfil the second option. He was going to take Laguna's place when he could. He didn't care anymore. He might as well have made some use of his life. There was no point in staying at Garden for the rest of his life when he had mastered the art of the gunblade over sixty million times already. He wanted to see how much he could surpass his father at doing the job. Squall was a natural-born leader … if he could lead an army of cadets, why couldn't he lead a country?

He was beginning to get over Rinoa's death. He didn't forget about her, he just stopped believing that it was his fault that Rinoa died. He just couldn't care less anymore … he just wanted to forget about her death, and remember _her._ He was moving on … with the help of his friends. Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie were also working for the Estharian Embassy. In fact, they accompanied Squall nearly everywhere he went. They were his bodyguards and assistants, but most of all … his friends. He acts as if they don't mean anything to him, but they really do. It was Rinoa who taught him about friendship...

Rinoa, on the other hand, still believes the story that Seifer fed her. The two of them had moved to the Trabia City together. According to Seifer, he wanted to move to Trabia because the other continents were way too hot for "Sierra" to handle after the accident, which made no sense whatsoever, but really he just wanted to go there because he knew nobody would recognise her there.

This meant, of course, that he had to sacrifice his chance of becoming a SeeD, but it was well worth it for him … living happily with Rinoa was better than anything in the world to him. The two had to survive on their own by making their own money. Rinoa had a tiny business selling winter clothes with a friend she had made in Trabia. Seifer applied for a place as an instructor at Trabia Garden, but was still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, he assisted real-Sierra in selling her artworks once in a while and often worked for people who had dangerous requests.

"Five hundred gil!" said Rinoa enthusiastically, trying to sell her merchandise.

"Five hundred?" repeated the small woman disapprovingly. "Four hundred."

"This is real fur, ma'am," argued Rinoa, "Real fur would usually cost double of what I'm offering!"

"Four hundred," said the small woman.

"Be reasonable, ma'am!" said Rinoa.

"No deal," said the woman, shaking her head and walking off.

Rinoa stomped her foot on the ground angrily and hung the fur coat back up. She hadn't made a sale all week, which was surprising, because Rinoa usually pulled some pretty good sales off.

"Did you make any sales?" asked Rinoa's business partner, Min, as she came back from buying new merchandise later that day.

Min was about Rinoa's age – turning twenty-four soon. She had chocolate brown hair that was always tied in loose pigtails, and she wore the same faded blue jeans and cream turtleneck everyday. The two women were independent business people, who had developed their own unique and effective trading skills.

Rinoa slumped down into the chair she was sitting in with a frown. "No…" Rinoa quickly buried her face into her white scarf to avoid listening to Min's lecture.

"_Sierra_!" groaned Min in distress, dropping the new bags on the floor. "We've got to start making sales! We're starting to go downhill and eventually will go broke! Do you think Marcel will be happy?"

Rinoa buried her hands into her crème coat pockets. "I don't even want to _think _about what Marcel will say…"

"When is he coming back?" asked Min, checking the cash register.

"He's coming back from Deling tonight," said Rinoa, "As much as I'm excited … I'd hate to think what he says when he finds out how bad I've been doing…"

"Really Sierra, you've really been slacking off lately," said Min, counting what little money was in the register.

"Hey, why don't you try selling real fur coats to little woman for less than five hundred gil!" argued Rinoa stressfully.

"Okay, okay," said Min, "Hey, why don't you go home early? Wait for Marcel to come back?"

"But what about…"

"I'll take care of the store," interrupted Min, "Just go. Go!"

Rinoa grinned. "Thanks Min."

Rinoa grabbed her bag and buttoned up her coat as she began trotting for the bus stop. Seifer had gone to Deling for a couple of days to visit his little sister. Rinoa had never met this sister … well, not that she could remember, anyway. Seifer wouldn't let her leave Trabia without him because he was afraid of her getting hurt … and someone finding her.

When the bus came, she hopped on and handed the driver five gil for the fee. She usually had to take a bus home if Seifer couldn't pick her up. Rinoa really did love him. 'Marcel' had done so much for her … he informed her of her past, but she never ever did remember a thing. She went on believing everything that he had told her – from her favourite flower to her birthday, which was also false.

As she got off at her stop, she entered the building and waited for the elevator. She entered the elevator and pushed the button to the eighth floor of the apartment building. She waited patiently and listened to the soft hum of the machine. As she reached the eighth floor, she walked down the hallway to the block she and Seifer lived in.

"Marcel!" she said brightly as she entered the room.

Seifer was sitting at the coffee table, looking at some pieces of artworks. When Rinoa came in, he looked up and grimaced.

"It's about time you came, Sierra," said Seifer.

Rinoa put her keys down on the counter and sat down on the sofa next to Seifer, throwing her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek softly.

"Min let me off easy today," she said brightly.

"Well, I'll have to thank Min, wouldn't I?" said Seifer quietly. He leaned closer to Rinoa, about to plant a kiss on her lips.

Rinoa quickly turned away and tried to change the subject. She didn't know why … even though 'Marcel' was supposed to be her boyfriend, she never felt comfortable when he tried to get _too_ intimate. It was just a reflex … when he tried to kiss her, she would quickly turn away and change the subject.

"Wow, you bought home more artworks," said Rinoa, leaning over and picking up the pieces of paper.

Seifer sighed softly at his failed attempt and shrugged it off. He turned back to the pieces of paper he was originally studying before Rinoa had come home.

"Yeah, my sister gave them to me," said Seifer.

"Oh, you mean the one in Deling?" asked Rinoa.

"Yeah," said Seifer, nodding.

Rinoa began flipping through each of the papers and canvases. "Well, we'll have to hang them up somewhere safe, wouldn't we?"

Seifer's expression suddenly became uncomfortable. "Actually Sierra … I was thinking of trying to sell them."

Rinoa looked at Seifer in shock. "What? Are you for real? But you _always _keep your sister's work!"

"Yeah … but we already have enough," said Seifer, "Look, our walls are covered with her artwork. I want to sell them."

Rinoa narrowed her eyes. "So is that what you're all about? So when you have enough of me, you're going to sell me?"

"That's not what I meant," snapped Seifer.

Rinoa glared at him and faced the front, showing that she was frustrated with him.

Seifer sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap." He slightly rolled his eyes, as the apology had hurt his pride.

"You've always been snapping at me lately," said Rinoa flatly, still not looking at him. "And don't think I didn't know that you rolled your eyes at that apology."

"Goddamit Sierra, you haven't let me finish yet!" said Seifer impatiently. "We're in desperate need of money. There hasn't been any crime lately, so I can't do anything for the people, and Garden hasn't gotten back to me about the instructor's position yet. Have you made any good business while I was away?"

Rinoa slumped down on the sofa as she sighed. "No … I haven't. I'm sorry."

Seifer tried not to yell and snap back at her by saying 'Ha, I told you so.' Instead, he sighed too.

"See," said Seifer, "If this keeps up, we'll be on the streets. We need money. Fast."

"All right, all right," said Rinoa finally.

She hadn't gone through any hardship since she came to Trabia until now. She didn't know if she'd pull through. But if she just knew what she had gone through before she lost her memory … she would know that a problem like this was nothing compared to it.

**A/N: **Okay, boring chapter. Just trying to introduce Rinoa's new life before I get back to the real plot. Thanks for the support :)


	21. Rendezvous

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 21 – Rendezvous**

Squall was sitting in the café, watching Ashleigh's lips move restlessly. The two of them had been in there for half an hour, and Ashleigh hadn't stopped talking ever since they arrived. She had moved to Esthar two months after the accident, and since then, she couldn't leave Squall alone.

"…I mean, it was so great … I never knew ballet could be so intriguing…" Ashleigh kept going on an on and on, and Squall would just simply nod. He didn't mind her constant chattering, he had nothing to say anyway.

Ashleigh sensed that Squall was getting bored. He wasn't exactly bored, just tired. He had been up all night the previous night doing paperwork because Ashleigh kept calling him every hour or so 'just to chat'.

"Squall?" said Ashleigh.

Squall just looked at her, which was his way of saying "What".

"I know … that you love Rinoa," said Ashleigh slowly.

Squall suddenly paid full attention to what she had to say.

"I know … that you're not over … her death yet," continued Ashleigh. "But … I want you to know, that I love you. I … I really do. But please, I have been living for the last two years … just wondering … please, I want you to tell me just once that you love me too."

"…I can't … Ashleigh…"

"Why?" asked Ashleigh, wounded inside, "Why can't you say it? How could you ask me to marry you … if you don't love me…?"

Marriage without love. That was what every girl feared of. Yes, Squall had asked Ashleigh to marry him a year after the accident. He didn't know why … but he always knew that she liked him from the start. But it was _Quistis_. She kept on saying things like 'Rinoa wouldn't want you miserable forever' and other things that just annoyed him so much. He just answered this statement with a short 'Rinoa is dead, it doesn't matter what she would want.' He didn't even know himself if he was over Rinoa … he tried to get over her death, but he wasn't sure if he succeeded. He wanted to believe his words, and in time, he did. Quistis kept on reminding him, day in and day out, to cheer up … and it just got to a point when he couldn't stand the constant reminder of Rinoa's death.

He knew he didn't love Ashleigh. But Ashleigh gave him her heart and her soul … he didn't want to crush her. He needed a second chance in life … Quistis kept saying that it was pointless to be miserable forever. And maybe he wasn't happy with his own decision, but at least somebody else was. That was what Rinoa taught him. She always gave up her own happiness for someone else, because in the end it would make her happy.

But it wasn't like that for Squall. He kept on telling himself that he was doing the right thing … it was the first step into getting over Rinoa. Or so he told himself. Deep down, he just wanted the hurt to go away … he wanted Quistis to get off his back to prove that he was over Rinoa, so she could stop bickering about what Rinoa would've wanted.

"Please, Squall," said Ashleigh, looking hurt. This was most definitely not an act. Ashleigh strived for Squall's affection … it was so hard. She _did _give him her heart and soul. She wanted Squall to love her. It used to be about Rinoa and getting back at her, making her mother satisfied … but it was different now. She was falling for Squall for real.

Squall sighed. _Whatever_. "I love you, Ashleigh." His words were empty. He felt no emotion when he said those words to her, nor did he feel any emotion when she said them to him. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone.

Ashleigh smiled weakly at him. "Thank you. At least now I know that our marriage isn't worth it."

_Whatever_. "I have to go now, Ashleigh. I need to go to Trabia for official business."

"_Trabia_!" exclaimed Ashleigh. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did," said Squall. _Only while you were going on about something or other…_

"For how long?" asked Ashleigh.

"I don't know," said Squall. "I have to go now, I'm running late." And with that, he got up and left Ashleigh.

-

"Are you sure you don't want us to come along?" asked Quistis.

"Yeah, you don't know who's plotting to assassinate you, man!" said Zell energetically.

"I'm a twenty-four year old SeeD," growled Squall. "I don't need you to hold my hand everywhere I go."

"But we're your bodyguards. Squall," said Irvine, "That's what we're here for!"

"You're my _bodyguards _because I felt sorry for you," said Squall coldly, "I didn't want you all to stay stuck in Garden for the rest of your lives. And just the thought of you holding my hand is a little disturbing."

Quistis shook her head. She knew that he was just saying that … she knew that Squall wanted them a part of the Esthar experience because he knew it would make Rinoa happy. She couldn't stand Squall sometimes … ever since Rinoa's death, Squall returned to his cold self. Even Ellone couldn't help him.

"And who in Trabia would want to kill Squall?" cried Selphie, "Nobody in Trabia is that mean!"

"All right, all right," said Quistis finally, "We'll let you go alone. It's only for a short time anyway."

"_Thank you_," said Squall sarcastically. He threw his leather jacket over his shoulder, readying for Trabia's cold climate. Usually, he stuck to his boring president suit, but he wore his old black leather that he always used to wear just for that one trip, where nobody knew him as an almost-president. It brought back memories … it kept him sane. He had to admit, he hated wearing that suit, and any excuse not to wear it was good enough. But he wanted to prove to everyone that he was going to be a much better president than Laguna, even if that meant being formal.

He left the office without another word and went outside to his car. He was going to _drive _to Trabia; he didn't care about the long ride or the bridge toll, as long as he was alone. He hated any of his friends driving him around, and he hated taking flashy president transport with flashy flags even more. He just wanted to be unnoticed, just for one day. He was going to Trabia without formalities, since nobody there probably even cared about him. He was going there for official Garden business. It frustrated him that even after he left Garden, he still had to do Garden favours once in a while.

"Ugh, I worry about that man," murmured Quistis in frustration, sitting down in Squall's comfortable office chair.

"Don't we all?" said Irvine, leaning against the wall. "But I _am _kinda glad that he didn't get so worked up when Selphie trimmed her skirt…"

Selphie stuck her tongue out at him. "I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't blackmailed me!"

Irvine smirked. The four of them weren't allowed to wear their laid-back clothes anymore, since they were official bodyguards they had to dress formally, just like Squall. Irvine and Zell had to wear black suits with ties and everything, but the formality just killed them. They couldn't help but untuck their shirts, loosen their ties and stand their collars up … until Squall scolded at them. They all knew Squall hated the formality too. Selphie and Quistis wore black short skirts, white blouses and black vests respectively. Irvine would usually egg the two girls on to abuse the attire to his liking.

"No, seriously guys," said Quistis, "Ever since … you know…"

"Yeah, we know," said Zell, "Don't we all? Damn, why the hell did Rinoa have to die? Things were going so well until she did…"

They would never speak of Squall and his life so freely like this because he was always around. But when he wasn't, there would always be endless debates.

"Well, at least _President Leonheart _is happy with the next best thing," said Irvine.

"Happy isn't exactly the right word," said Selphie thoughtfully.

"But it _is _the next best thing," said Irvine, "I mean … Rinoa's dead, and her sister is really trying her best to cheer the guy up…"

"And who would've thought that he'd ask her to marry him!" said Selphie.

"Yeah, it's so unlike him!" said Zell, "Knowing him, he'd probably sulk over the whole thing forever…"

"Maybe he really is getting over it," said Selphie brightly.

"I don't think so," said Quistis, shaking her head. She didn't want to admit it … as much as she kept hinting to Squall to get over the whole tragedy, she didn't really expect him to go as far and fast as to ask Ashleigh to marry him. She had been visiting him a lot lately and they would go so many places together … but Quistis wasn't exactly sure if he was _really _getting over Rinoa or just putting on a show. It was so hard to tell now.

"Getting over it?" said Zell in disbelief. "The girl drags him everywhere … the movies, the café, even the friggin' _ballet_. I don't think Squally-boy would've enjoyed that too much."

"Well, if he really was getting over it," said Quistis earnestly, "He wouldn't be…"

"...Such an asshole?" said Irvine.

"Yes, that's it," said Quistis, nodding.

"Well, it'd take time, y'know?" said Selphie, "You can't expect him to be so happy so quickly. It's happening slowly … I mean, just the other day I heard him laugh! That's a good sign, right?"

"Firstly, that was more of an arrogant snicker," corrected Zell, "And secondly, he _arrogantly snickered _because you kicked Irvine down the stairs for saying something or other about her extremely short skirt."

"Hey," said Irvine defensively, "_Firstly_, I didn't _say _anything about Selphie's skirt. _Secondly, _she didn't _kick _me down the stairs, she _pushed _me with her _foot_, and it wasn't even _that _funny…"

"Uh … yes it was," said Quistis, smiling.

Selphie giggled.

"…_Thirdly, _Sir-Try-A-Lot usually wouldn't snicker, he would tell Selphie off for making one of his staff look like an idiot, and tell me off for letting her, or something or other…"

"Irvine!" interjected Selphie.

"…And _fourthly, _a man wouldn't sulk over a woman forever. He would move on. He'd want the action ASAP. Take it from someone who knows."

"Irvine!" said Selphie even louder.

"Typical Irvine," said Zell, ashamed.

"You're wrong, Irvine," said Quistis, "Squall isn't like that…"

"Hey, how would you know?" argued Irvine, "Don't act like you know him better than any of us, Quisty, none of us know jack about this guy. Well, not anymore anyway."

"I never said I knew him better than all you guys," said Quistis calmly, "It's just that Zell and I have known him for longer…"

"Well, we've all known him for longer than Rinoa has," said Irvine, "And she _always _knew more than any of us. _Always_."

"Irvine, you don't understand," said Quistis, shaking her head, "Squall—"

"Is different now," finished Irvine, "You know that, I know that, we all know that."

There was an awkward silence. Quistis slumped back in the chair restlessly, Irvine still held his know-it-all face, and Zell and Selphie kept exchanging glances. It was always like this. Everyone _but _Squall would argue about his life, when really it was pointless. Only _Squall _knew what was going on inside his head, and it seemed impossible for any of his friends to figure it out.

"Whatever," said Quistis finally, "You're right. We may be his friends, but at this rate, nothing's going to go back to the way things were."

Irvine sighed. "I feel so sorry for the guy."

"Don't let him catch you saying that," said Zell, "You know how he hates sympathy…"

Selphie shuddered. "I don't even wanna think about it!"

-

"Oh, hell!" shouted Rinoa in anger, "Not even one sale … I can't stand this…"

"Calm down," said Min, "It's just a bad day."

"A bad day?" repeated Rinoa in aggravation, "More like a bad two months! If we don't get things running soon … I'm gonna…" Rinoa sighed. She didn't want to think about it.

"Don't worry about it," said Min, "We'll get back on our feet. What happened to the optimistic Sierra I know?"

"It's kinda hard to be optimistic right now," said Rinoa dully.

"Marcel isn't going to eat you," said Min.

"He will when he comes back," said Rinoa with a heavy sigh.

"Oh, where's he gone this time?" asked Min.

"He's gone to Timber to try and sell some artwork," said Rinoa with another sigh, "I wish he was around more … but we're both trying our best to survive … why does it have to be so hard for?"

"Oh, never mind it," said Min. She glanced at her watch. "Wow, it's almost five. You should get going."

"What if we get a customer?" asked Rinoa.

"I doubt it," said Min, "But if we do, I'll handle it. You're stressed; I think you should go back home. I'll clean up over here."

Rinoa smiled weakly at her friend. "Thanks a lot."

"Don't mention it!" said Min with a smile.

Rinoa picked up her bag and with another goodbye, she set back for her apartment. She couldn't wait to just curl up on the sofa with a hot chocolate and watch the time go by.

-

Squall walked down the frosty streets of Trabia. He had arrived there earlier than expected and had stayed at the hotel for a while. He had gotten so bored after fifteen minutes and decided he needed a bit of exercise. His meeting with the headmaster of Trabia Garden wasn't until tomorrow, so he had plenty of time.

He kept the bottom of his face covered by his woollen scarf and his gloved hands buried in his pockets. He had forgotten how cold Trabia could get in the winter, but he didn't mind. He liked the cold; it had always kept him moving. It was very hard for him to even feel cold though, unlike Rinoa…

Squall tried not to think about it and lifted his head. He pulled the black scarf down and sighed a cold breath, watching the cold smoke disappear from his mouth in the air. It was then that he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him … for he could've sworn he saw a woman that looked exactly like Rinoa standing on the sidewalk.

He closed his eyes, blinked long and hard, and then opened them again, only to find that she was still standing there. Dumbstruck, Squall just stayed glued to the ground and kept on staring at her. She began looking around, the wind whipping her raven hair around. And that smile … that familiar smile she wore … he hadn't seen it for so long. He couldn't even remember it … but when he saw that smile, it all came back to him…

It had to be her. Although she looked different through age, Squall recognised that smile anywhere. It _had _to be her. He didn't even _think _about her being dead, he just felt like running up to her and saying 'Hey Rinoa, what's up?' as if they hadn't seen each other for a day.

Just when he was about to, a bus pulled over by the footpath, covering the Rinoa look-alike. Squall looked alarmed, but was even more alarmed when the bus drove away and the Rinoa look-alike had vanished.

Before Squall could think, he found himself running after the bus at full speed. He didn't know what the hell he was doing … but he did get a lot of quizzical looks from the Trabian public.

"Wait!" shouted Squall. _What the hell am I doing? I look like an idiot… _"WAIT!"

He continued running after the bus, and when it began to slow down and stop, he quickly caught his breath and boarded the vehicle. He stepped up the steps and handed the driver a fifty-gil piece without bothering to think, seeing as how the fee was only three gil.

Squall wandered down the aisle, looking for the Rinoa look-alike. He finally found her, but she was gazing out the window in wonder. The seat next to her was taken, so he headed down further and sat in the vacant seat behind her. She didn't even notice him.

The bus began moving again, and Squall just kept on staring at the girl in front of him. The resemblance was so accurate … she was nearly exactly the same as the last time he saw her. He was so entranced at her image … he couldn't believe that she was there…

The bus passed two more stops and an elderly woman had sat herself down next to Squall. The soon-to-be president was still spellbound with the girl in front of him to even notice.

At the next stop, the Rinoa look-alike stood up and began to make her way down the aisle. As she was about to get off, it was then that Squall realised she was leaving, and hastily pushed past the elderly woman next to him, who then began mumbling something about how rude young people were.

Squall got off the bus and quickly looked around for the Rinoa look alike. When he found her walking away, he finally found his voice and decided to call her.

"Rinoa!" he yelled.

She just kept on walking as if she hadn't heard.

"Rinoa!" Squall called again. _Why is she ignoring me_?

Again, she kept on walking until he began to lose sight of her in the crowd. But he wasn't going to lose her … Rinoa always stood out in the crowd in his eyes.

He again began to run after her, and in no time caught up with her. He grabbed her arm and she jumped in fright.

"Rinoa!" said Squall, staring straight at her face. She … had to be Rinoa…

"W-What?" said the girl, looking mortified.

"Don't act like you don't know me, Rin, it's me, Squall," said Squall. He had totally forgotten that Rinoa was supposed to be dead.

"Um … I think you have the wrong person," she said, staring at him, "I'm not Rinoa … I'm Sierra."

Truly. Rinoa didn't even recognise him. Squall Leonheart was a complete stranger to her.

"No … you can't be," said Squall, shaking his head, "You're Rinoa Heartilly."

"I'm – I'm not," said Rinoa, staring at Squall. She tried to break free of his grip on her arm, but he was too strong. But she had to admit … he was quite good looking. "I'm … Sierra Hearten."

"What?" said Squall in disbelief, "Don't play games with me, Rin … I'm serious…"

Rinoa finally was able to snatch her arm away from him. "And so am I," her tone was beginning to sound impatient. "I'm really sorry, I'm not who you think I am."

Squall just stared at her in disbelief. What was she saying? This had to be Rinoa … she sounded just like Rinoa; she looked just like Rinoa … why wouldn't it be Rinoa? Then he noticed the chain around her neck. There were two rings on it. It had to be Rinoa.

Squall tried to grab at the necklace, but Rinoa misunderstood his intentions.

"Hey!" shouted Rinoa, slapping his gloved hand and putting her hand on her chest protectively, "You pervert!"

"What the hell?" said Squall, not even knowing what was happening anymore. "Please, just let me see…"

"You pervert!" she screamed, staring at him in disgust.

The people in the crowd turned to Rinoa and Squall because of the sudden outburst.

"What's wrong with this guy?" said a woman, "Women just aren't safe around men anymore."

"You're sick, man," said a teenaged boy.

Rinoa turned away in disgust as the people began making a fuss. Squall ignored the Trabians' comments and stared at Rinoa's back, walking away from him … she was leaving again…

_Rinoa ... don't leave me again ... please...  
_


	22. Whatever

**Lost Memories of My love**

**Chapter 22 – Whatever**

"…And we just request a little assistance from the existing Gardens to create a new Garden in Esthar…" Squall continued. He was with the headmaster of Trabia Garden, explaining his business. He was very well focused on the subject, but thoughts of Rinoa were rapidly running through his mind. During the previous night, he had finally come to his senses that Rinoa was dead. It was then that he was in doubt, but he didn't show it.

"I'm aware of that," said Headmaster Helena, leaning back in her chair. She was a typical Trabian - pale and thin with brunette hair. She was a little older than Squall by a year or two, and was acting headmaster while the real headmaster was ill. She was just as bitter and arrogant as Squall was. The young vice president never thought that there was anyone like him, but when he finally met someone just as cold as him; it annoyed him to the pits.

"What's in it for us?" asked Helena.

"Allegiance from Esthar," said Squall, getting more annoyed, "As you know, we have many skilled warriors. Garden is just what a noble country like ours needs."

"Allegiance?" repeated Helena, "And who exactly are you to make such a promise, Commander Leonheart?"

Squall tried not to roll his eyes. He wasn't going to blow this. "I'm in fact, _retired _commander of Balamb Garden and _vice president _of Esthar. SeeD, first class." He couldn't help but add a little more to make himself look better. He couldn't stand Helena's arrogance.

"Humph," said Helena, folding her arms. "Very well. I will have to discuss the matter with the headmaster first."

"What?" exclaimed Squall furiously; "I made an appointment with _you _last week. _You _are the acting headmaster, which means you have to _act as the headmaster_."

"_Acting_," emphasized Helena, "I can't make any rash decisions without the headmaster."

"Hyne, _you are the headmaster_," said Squall angrily, "If you make a mistake, then it's the old man's fault for putting someone so irresponsible in charge."

"If I am so irresponsible, then why am I here?" exclaimed Helena.

"Then make your god damn decision," said Squall bitterly. "I am a busy man, I don't have the time to be idling around here." True, but he just didn't want to meet that girl that looked like Rinoa … too many memories…

Helena thought for a moment. "All right. See me again in two days for the funds."

"Two days? Can't you make it one?" asked Squall.

"Do you want these funds or not?" said Helena sharply.

Squall sighed. "Whatever. I'll see you later then."

"Good day," said Helena.

Squall stood up and headed for the door, glad that he could finally leave. But as he got to the door, he couldn't help but think of the girl that looked like Rinoa once more. _Oh, whatever_. Something possessed him and made him turn around and ask about the Rinoa look-alike.

"Is there a problem?" asked Helena.

"I have a question … that's nothing related to my business," said Squall, walking back over to Helena's desk and sitting back down on the chair. He was completely ruining his professional image, but he didn't seem to care.

"Yes?" said Helena, blinking in confusion.

"Do you know this gir—woman?" Squall corrected himself from saying 'girl'. They weren't teenagers anymore.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He felt around in the back pocket of the wallet for the photo he kept with him at all times ever since the accident. It was the picture of Rinoa and Squall at the beach when they were both eighteen years old … Squall was slightly smiling with his arm around the beaming Rinoa. He would stare at this photograph for an eternity when he was alone and he thought of her. He knew it wasn't going to help him get over Rinoa, but he couldn't help it … he just couldn't…

Squall showed the picture to Helena and then put his elbows on the desk with his face buried in his hands, very unsure of the answer. He wasn't sure if in Trabia, everyone knew each other, but Selphie sure did. Half of him was hoping that Helena did know Rinoa, the other half wasn't.

Helena looked a bit puzzled at first. Maybe it was the fact that Squall was acting with something that had nothing to do with business. Or maybe it was the fact that Squall, the hard Squall that everyone found cold, was smiling with his arm around a girl.

"Uh … the picture is a little outdated, as you can see," murmured Squall uncomfortably. Six years had passed … of course they would both look different. A lot older, a lot more mature … but Squall still had his hidden boyish charm and Rinoa was still the cheerful girl she ever was. Well, he hoped so anyway. "But…"

"Yes … she does look quite familiar," said Helena, still looking at the photo. She tried to figure out where she had seen the girl in the photo before.

Squall raised his head at her answer. "She does?" he said, an obvious tone of hopefulness in his voice. He cleared his throat. "I mean … you do know her?"

"Well, I don't really _know _her," said Helena, still searching her mind for an answer. "I have seen her somewhere, but I can't recall…"

Squall could feel his heart beating in tension.

"Oh, that's right," said Helena, nodding and realising something, "She was with a guy who was applying for a job as an instructor here. Yes, I remember, she was with him when he came for an interview…"

"Really?" said Squall, trying as hard as he could to keep his cool, "Do you know … where I can find her?"

"Well," said Helena, leaning back on the chair, "I wasn't acting as headmaster at the time. I just saw him coming into the office while the girl was asked to wait outside … I was in the office that day and she approached me and we had a conversation…"

"And…?"

"And…" Helena tried to recall the events of the day. "We had a little bit of a talk … I think her name is Sienna or something…"

"Do you know where I can find her?" repeated Squall firmly.

"Yes … yes, I remember, she works at a clothing shop in East Trabia," said Helena, "But that's about all I can remember."

Squall picked up the photograph and his intentions were clear – he was going to look for this woman. "Thanks," he said to Helena politely.

"No … problem," murmured Helena. She cleared her throat. "Well, I'll see you in two days."

"Yeah, yeah…"

Rinoa sat at the counter, staring at the ticking clock. She still hadn't a single buying customer and let Min go home early for a change.

_Almost five … I'll be free soon… _

Rinoa sighed. She decided to give up. Nobody was going to come, and that was that. She stood up and began to pack her bag until she heard the doorbell of the store ring.

She spun around at the arriving customer, hoping it was a buying one. She was disappointed when it was a guy who walked in … after all, she worked in a women's clothing shop. But nevertheless, he still might have been buying for a girlfriend or something.

She smiled as the guy came into the store, and found that he was extremely good looking. But then it hit her – this guy was the same guy that had tried to touch her chest the other day on the street. She frowned at him.

"You again?" said Rinoa, narrowing her eyes at him. "Are you stalking me or something?"

Squall smirked, but did not smile at her. Although he had to admit, that smile that she gave him brought back more flooding memories…

"I need to talk to you," said Squall.

"Right, talk," said Rinoa doubtfully, "And then what, huh? Mr _Pervert_?"

"You misunderstand me," said Squall, "I'm not trying to be a pervert or anything…"

Rinoa laughed hollowly. "Right, I'm sure you're not _trying _to be a pervert."

Squall was beginning to get annoyed, but didn't want to get heated up. "I need to talk to you."

"I have a business to run, I don't have time to talk," said Rinoa haughtily.

Squall looked around to find that there was no one in the store besides the two of them. "Uh…" He was going to say something about no buying customers, but Rinoa cut him off.

"Don't worry, the customers will come soon," said Rinoa with a proud smile.

"Well, how about I buy the whole store?" said Squall, reaching into his pocket for his wallet, "Will you have time to talk to me then?"

Rinoa stared at the huge amount of money Squall had in his wallet, as he flipped through the crisp notes.

"So … how much is all of this?" asked Squall, looking around.

"These are _girls' _clothes," said Rinoa, staring at Squall in a funny way.

"I never said I was going to wear them," said Squall. He handed Rinoa ten thousand gil note. "Is this enough?"

Rinoa stared at Squall as if he were mental. This had to be some kind of stupid joke. "I don't have time for your stupid games. I bet that's fake money or something anyway…"

Rinoa turned around and continued packing her bag, ignoring Squall completely.

Squall rolled his eyes. "This money is as real as you and me…" He decided to do her a favour and quickly slid the note under the cash register. Even if this wasn't Rinoa … he still wanted to do a favour for her. Out of pity, of course.

Rinoa turned around angrily. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Squall just realised the other meaning to what he had just said. He seemed to be giving a bad impressions to her. He mentally kicked himself for being so bad with words.

"Nothing," said Squall, rolling her eyes, "Just don't worry about it."

"All right, I won't, so please leave," said Rinoa in frustration.

"Not until I talk to you properly," said Squall sternly, "And when you at least give me the respect I deserve."

"You don't _deserve_ any respect from me!" spat Rinoa, picking up her bag. She walked towards the door and locked it so that it would lock on its own when someone closed it.

Squall went after her and grabbed her arm, not letting her go so easily. As much as she was being so disrespectful to him, he still wanted to know for sure that she wasn't Rinoa. He wasn't convinced. Not even the fact that she was _dead _convinced him. "Wait…"

"Don't touch me!" said Rinoa, snatching her arm away from Squall. She quickly headed out the door into the cold.

Squall ran after her, but quickly ran back to the store to close the door. _The things I do for strangers…_

Rinoa knew that Squall was still following her and kept walking at a fast pace. The bus wasn't going to come for another ten minutes, and she didn't want to wait around while he harassed her. She decided to go to the train station instead and maybe catch a train to Min's place to stay for the night.

Squall ran after her, pushing through the crowds. He was determined to find out for himself. He never even believed that Rinoa was dead anyway … something in him told him that she wasn't … and maybe he was right….

Rinoa went through the electronic gates after inserting her train pass through the slot and proceeded to the platform. She could tell that she was beginning to throw Squall off.

Squall frantically tried to follow Rinoa and headed toward the electronic gates. He didn't have a train pass and he didn't have time to purchase a ticket, so he did what anyone would do, and tried to jump over the gate. When he got to the other side, the warden at the gate was not pleased.

"You need to purchase a ticket, sir," said the man in the uniform, grabbing Squall's arm.

"I don't have time to purchase a ticket," said Squall, trying to keep his gaze fixed on Rinoa's back, which was slowly getting away from him. He reached into his pocket without breaking his stare and pulled out his wallet, handing the man in the uniform his credit card.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" asked the warden, staring at Squall.

"Just take the damn card!" yelled Squall. "Or do you prefer cash?" He pulled out a hundred-gil piece and shoved it into the man's pocket.

The warden let go of Squall and looked into his pocket, amazed. Squall quickly darted away from him and ran after Rinoa. By then, there was a train at the platform and Rinoa was nowhere in sight. Squall assumed that she had gotten onto that train, and boarded it.

He went down all the carriages, looking for Rinoa in every single seat. After searching three whole carriages, he finally spotted her sitting by a window with a young schoolgirl sitting next to her.

Squall walked up to the two seats. "Hey, do you mind if I swap seats with you?" he asked the girl.

The girl looked up at him, and Rinoa turned to look at him, narrowing her eyes in disapproval.

"Please don't, I'll pay you five gil not to," said Rinoa.

"Okay," said the girl, looking at Rinoa.

"Please do, I'll pay you a hundred gil," shot back Squall.

"Okay!" said the girl excitedly, looking at Squall.

Once again, Squall reached into his wallet and gave the girl a hundred gil. He was feeling awfully generous that day. The girl stood up and walked to the back of the carriage, sitting down in a vacant seat, while Squall sat next to Rinoa.

Rinoa simply ignored him and turned back to the window. Maybe if she ignored him things would help.

Squall found this gesture quite unexpected. He expected her to yell at him and tell him off, but she didn't. He didn't know what to do, so he just stared at the seat in front of him in silence. He wasn't going to be the one to start conversation.

_Who is this guy? Why is he following me? Maybe he isn't some sicko who desperately wants me … maybe it's something else… _

The guilt inside Rinoa was painful. The first time she met him wasn't so good, but he kept on pursuing her. He must have been someone important if he kept paying people to let him talk to her. He must have something serious to say if he had gone this far…

"Why are you pursuing me like this?" asked Rinoa, looking back at Squall.

Squall didn't look at her. He hadn't been this close to her since the first time he met her the other day. He wasn't go to look at her straight in the face…

"I told you … I have to talk to you," said Squall.

"Then … talk to me now," said Rinoa quietly.

Squall shook his head. "No … it's not something I can say in five minutes…"

Rinoa stared at the man before her in curiosity. _There's something more to this guy … I can feel it…_

"What do you mean?" asked Rinoa.

Squall sighed. "…What's your name?"

"Sierra," said Rinoa slowly.

_I don't believe it…_ "Are you sure?" asked Squall, looking at Rinoa.

"Why wouldn't I be sure about who I am…?" asked Rinoa.

"Because…" _Because you're Rinoa … you're my Rinoa…_

Rinoa could read the hurt in Squall's eyes. It was funny … she hardly knew him (or remembered him) and could read him so easily…

"You don't have to say it," said Rinoa understandingly.

Squall looked back to the seat in front of him.

"What's … what's your name?" asked Rinoa.

_I can't believe I'm hearing this from Rinoa…_ "Leonheart. Squall Leonheart."

The name didn't ring a bell in Rinoa's mind.

Squall looked at Rinoa again. "Listen, I'm sorry for all of this. But … I want to ask you of something."

"Hmm?"

"Please … meet me tomorrow," said Squall, "I want to take you somewhere."

"What?" said Rinoa in sudden shock, "Are you out of your mind, Leonheart?"

"I'm not going to do anything to you," said Squall reassuringly. "I need to … confirm something. You say you're … Sierra?"

Rinoa nodded.

"You're not … Sierra," said Squall, "You're not…"

"Oh, don't start this again," said Rinoa, "I _am _Sierra…"

"You're _Rinoa_," said Squall, "Don't you remember? Please say you remember … that you're Rinoa…"

Rinoa felt sympathy for him. "I'm … I'm sorry. I'm not the girl you think I am. I am truly sorry…"

"Then take a look at this," said Squall. He reached for his wallet at pulled out the photograph of Rinoa and him that he had shown to Helena. He showed it to Rinoa and watched the expression on her face.

At first, she looked somewhat confused. That girl … it did look like her, but in a much younger version… _It can't be me; this looks like a time before I was in the fire. But then again it's also before I lost my memory … but it can't be me, I was with Marcel ever since I was fifteen … I don't remember any of this…_

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't remember this … this isn't me."

_Don't be sorry … you can't be sorry for me_. "Then come with me tomorrow."

"To where?" asked Rinoa.

"To your hometown," said Squall, "To _Rinoa's _hometown."

"I told you … I'm not the girl you're looking for," said Rinoa again gently.

"What have you got to lose?" asked Squall, almost fiercely, "I'll take you to your hometown, and only until then can you say you're not Rinoa. Only until then…"

What had she to lose? Nothing. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go … that way she can finally prove to this man that she was not 'Rinoa' and he would leave her alone. He must have been in denial … a missing friend or family member that he has lost … maybe he's looking for her, and maybe she just looked like the person he was looking for…

"You're not gonna leave me alone until you're satisfied, huh?" said Rinoa with a sigh.

Was he really looking that desperate? Usually he would say 'Whatever' and get on with his life if he didn't get his way … but this was different … this was very different…

Squall shook his head.

Rinoa sighed again. She turned back to the window. _Okay, whatever … I'll just go, so Leonheart can leave me alone…_ She noticed that the next stop was Min's suburb.

"This is my stop," said Rinoa, standing up.

"Are you coming with me tomorrow or not?" asked Squall.

Rinoa stepped into the aisle and smiled weakly to herself. "Okay, fine, whatever. I'll come with you … but only to prove that you're wrong!"

Squall snickered. _I won't be wrong… _"All right … I'll find you at the train station tomorrow morning. Be there."

"Oh, I will, Leonheart…" Rinoa walked down the aisle and got off the train, thinking about it all. _I am not Rinoa … this guy is in denial … poor guy…_

Squall was left on the train, also to think. _She has to remember … she will remember…_


	23. Memories

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 23 – Memories**

"So … tell me why you can't come to work today again?" said Min, staring at Rinoa on the train to the shop.

"I told you," said Rinoa, "There's this crazy guy … he says I'm some girl or other. But I'm not, I'm Sierra. So I'm gonna go to wherever he's taking me today to prove to him I'm not this girl he's looking for."

"Sierra, you've gotta be careful with him!" exclaimed Min, "What if he's some sicko and he takes you to his place or something?"

"I know, that's what I thought at first," said Rinoa, "But … I have a feeling it's not that. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I told him I wasn't … I don't know, whoever it was."

Min slowly nodded. "Well, I can understand that, Ms Intuition."

Rinoa smiled.

"Say … is this guy cute?" said Min.

Rinoa laughed. "No … he's not."

Min burst out laughing. "Right, Sierra, that smile on your face! I bet he's a total hottie!"

Rinoa stuck her tongue out at her friend. "All right, he's pretty good looking. But I'm faithful to Marcel, you know that."

Min simply laughed.

As the train came to a halt, the two friends got off the train and went their separate ways. Min went to the store while Rinoa walked out the south exit of the train station. She stood there in the cold, looking around for any sign of Squall. And then she found him, standing against a black sports car with his arms folded and eyes closed.

Rinoa sighed with a gentle smile and slowly approached him.

"Hey Leonheart, I'm here," said Rinoa.

"I know," said Squall, keeping his eyes closed and arms folded.

"You did?" said Rinoa curiously.

"I can tell by your footsteps … they sound exactly like they used to…" Squall opened his eyes and found that Rinoa was closer to him than he had expected. He looked past her without any emotion, opened the door to his car and got in.

Rinoa just stared at him as he closed the door. He looked at her and made a gesture for her to get in. She sighed again and went over to the other side, got into the car and closed the door behind her. She took note of the cushiness of the car and how comfortable and luxurious was. _This guy really must be loaded…_

The ride was in complete silence. Rinoa was dreamily gazing out the window, a lot of things on her mind. Where Squall was taking her was the least of her problems…

Squall, on the other hand, was totally concentrated on what was going to happen that day. He was taking Rinoa back to Deling, where he was sure some memory of her past would flicker. A lot of things lied in the city – even things he didn't even know of…

"Open the compartment," said Squall out of nowhere.

Rinoa looked at him curiously. "What, this one?" She pointed to the glove compartment in front of her.

Squall simply nodded.

Rinoa opened the compartment, wondering what Squall was playing at. All she saw were documents in a neat pile and a tape recorder sitting on top of it.

"Get the tape out of that tape recorder," said Squall.

Rinoa did as she was told and put the recorder back, and was left with a tape in her hands. It looked like a normal tape to her.

"Does it look familiar?" asked Squall, keeping his eyes on the road.

"No…" Rinoa shook her head. It was just some tape. It didn't mean anything to her.

Squall took the tape from her and put it into the tape player in his car, still driving perfectly safely at the same time. He pressed rewind and turned his attention back to the road in front of him.

Rinoa didn't know what to do or say.

"Press play," said Squall firmly.

Rinoa had trouble looking for the play button on the complicated board with buttons everywhere. When she finally found it, she pressed play, sat back and listened.

_"Okay ... so, umm, me and Squall are driving home right now. We just came back from the beach. Today was really fun, 'cause we got to hang out with Selphie, Irvie, Quisty and Zelly and get really wet. I stole Squall's ring and ... umm..."_

Rinoa's heart starting beating very quickly when she heard that voice. It sounded just like her. _Just _like her.

_"I got it back, thanks to my cunningness."_ This voice sounded just like Leonheart, though in a much more cheerful tone.

_"Yeah, that's it!"_

_"Rinoa's fallen asleep."_

_"No I haven't!"_

Squall's laugh was heard. _"Okay, but Rinoa looks really cute when she's asleep."_

Rinoa giggled. _"Squall is very open and cheerful and fun for some reason today."_

_"Aren't I always fun?"_

Rinoa laughed. _"It's so dark outside now!"_

_"And little Rinny is afraid of the dark."_

_"No!"_

_"Of course not. Little Rinny is my strong girl."_

Rinoa giggled. _"Okay, that's enough for now – I'm turning this off! Bye Squall!"_

_"Bye Rinoa."_

Squall pressed stop. "Does that mean anything to you?"

Rinoa slowly shook her head. She had to be honest … it meant absolutely nothing to her. She didn't recognise any of it. The girl sure did sound like her, but it couldn't have been her. It didn't ring any bells.

"I'm sorry," said Rinoa.

Squall shook his head. He was getting sick of hearing the words 'I'm sorry' from her. "Press play again."

Rinoa pressed play again, and found that there was more on the tape.

_"Hey, Rinoa. I'm in your room now. I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me," came Squall's voice. "But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too."_

Rinoa stared at the tape player in wonder. She couldn't believe she was hearing something like this. This thing had nothing to do with her. She didn't understand what was happening.

_"But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."_

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously. _This guy must have a lot of guts sharing something like this with someone…_

When she thought the tape had come to an end, it hadn't.

_"I love you, Squall…" _It was her voice again … it was a whisper, but Rinoa could hear pain inside this voice. The voice did sound familiar, but she knew it wasn't her own. It couldn't have been her own. _I don't talk like that … I don't say things in pain … because I don't feel pain like that…_

Squall pressed stop again and just continued staring at the road. It was obvious he was trying really hard to keep focused. He hated listening to this tape. He regretted even making something like that. Why did he do it? He had shown so much weakness in just a couple of sentences.

But the answer he received was well worth it…

Squall didn't say anything. He didn't want to make any comment about it.

"I'm sorry … I don't know what it is," said Rinoa, shaking her head. _He thinks I'm the woman he loves? This doesn't look good…_

Squall felt his heart drop. "It's … it's okay," his voice faltered. "She … she was really important to me. All of that was recorded before I left…"

Rinoa slowly nodded.

"…And then it happened," said Squall, trying very hard to focus.

Rinoa didn't ask what happened.

Squall shook his head, trying to get the thought out of his head. "Never mind. You're … you're the first person I've ever talked to about this…"

Rinoa slowly nodded again. She didn't know what to do or say, or whether to be flattered or concerned, and was afraid that whatever she _did_ say would get Squall angry or sad.

The rest of the ride was in complete silence. It was an incredibly _long _ride, and Rinoa had fallen asleep against the window after an hour's worth of driving. Squall couldn't help but glance at the sleeping Rinoa every once in a while. She looked like a sleeping angel … just like she always did…

At last, after a two and a half hour drive, they had finally reached the outskirts of Deling City. Rinoa was still fast asleep. Squall pulled over in front of the Caraway mansion and parked his car. He looked at Rinoa again.

"Hey, we're here," said Squall in almost a mumble.

Rinoa didn't seem to acknowledge him.

Squall cleared his throat. "Hey, we're here." When Rinoa didn't respond, he couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself_. Just like the old days… _Then he restrained himself from even thinking about the old days. These weren't the old days anymore.

Squall gently shook Rinoa. "We're here."

Rinoa stirred a little, and yawned. She stretched and opened her eyes. "What the? Where are we?" She looked out the window in dismay. "We're not in Trabia anymore!"

"No, we're not," said Squall, "We're in your hometown."

Rinoa just stared at him in shock. She had never been out of Trabia before for as long as she could remember. These new surroundings were already foreign to her…

"Come on," said Squall. He got out of the car, closed his door and headed for the front door of the Caraway mansion.

Rinoa hesitantly followed him out. She didn't know what was going to happen … she was quite curious as to where this would lead, but also worried. Deling looked very different to Trabia, and the climate certainly was very different. She took off her outer coat and stepped up on the porch next to Squall.

When she came up, Squall opened the door and walked in. Rinoa assumed that this was Squall's house and followed him in. She was in a magnificent hallway that stretched incredibly far. The carpet was red and the chandeliers were sparkling. She looked around in awe at the lavishness of the house, wishing that she could live in a place like this.

"Where … is this?" asked Rinoa, walking down the hallway and quickly glancing into every room.

Squall was disappointed that she did not recognise the house. "It's the house you lived in."

Rinoa stopped and stared at Squall, who just continued to walk. "Wait, wait … you mean … you're saying that _I _lived _here_?"

Squall stopped and turned around to look at her, nothingness in his eyes. "Yes, you used to live here."

"Hey … you can't just walk into someone else's house like this," said Rinoa earnestly.

_I'm vice president of Esthar_, thought Squall bitterly, _And this is Rinoa's house ... of course I can just walk into it like this..._

"Go upstairs," said Squall, pointing up the magnificent staircase.

"Huh?"

"Explore the place a bit … maybe you'll remember," said Squall.

Rinoa shrugged. _Probably not, but I can just lavish myself in this luxurious house for a while … maybe I should just play along with this guy so I can live here… _Rinoa smiled to herself at the sarcastic thought, and just went up the stairs as she was told.

Squall sighed and hoped to Hyne that Rinoa would remember something about this house. She had to. This place held everything she lived and loved … her entire childhood, all her memories…

He headed out onto the backyard and found General Caraway standing at the porch, looking out into the garden while smoking a cigarette.

"Those things are dangerous, you know," said Squall, repeating Rinoa's 'wise words'.

Caraway turned around at the voice, and looked quite at ease when he found Squall there. "Ah, Squall … what a pleasant surprise."

Squall smirked and decided to skip the formalities. "Good morning, General Caraway. Sorry to bother you today, sir." He couldn't help himself.

Caraway threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it as if it wasn't his own house. He walked up to Squall and shook his hand politely.

"Its fine," said Caraway, "Mrs Caraway went out with her friends for the day and I've got the day off … just spending the day thinking about … things…" Caraway trailed off in thought, but snapped back to reality again in an instant. "What ever brings you here? How is your father? How are things going?"

"Laguna's fine," said Squall. _Just as he ever was_, he silently added. "Things are going fine … but that's not the point right now…"

"Hmm…?"

Rinoa walked down the hallway on the second floor and peeked into every room. Most of the rooms didn't bring any interest to her, except for the last one down the corridor…

As she opened the door, she found the room to be bright. There were two beds in each corner, but they were covered as if nobody had slept in them for years. There were cute decorations hanging around everywhere, and the room was extraordinarily clean. Rinoa walked into the room in wonder and circled it three times, examining every corner of it.

She found that she was very fond of the arrangement and decoration, and that the room was very much to her liking. She found a cupboard in the corner of the room and decided to look inside it. She was awfully curious about this place, she didn't know exactly why.

She sat on the spotless floor and opened the doors. There was a lock on them, but it was broken. She scanned the shelves and found that there were photos and papers and books everywhere. There were just bits and pieces hanging from place to place – it was extremely messy, which was odd, because the rest of the room was relatively tidy.

But it wasn't the condition of the cupboard that made her stare. It was the _photographs_. There were photographs in frames, and in every one of them, there was one person that looked _exactly _like her. That person had the same raven hair with the golden streak, the same brown eyes, the same pale skin … everything about that person was exactly the same.

_What is this … some kind of joke? _Rinoa flipped through all the photo albums to find the same thing. There were plenty of strange people in them that she didn't know, but there was always one person that always took her attention, and that was the girl that looked like her. Leonheart was in some of them too.

_This has to be a joke, _thought Rinoa, flipping the page. _They must've Photoshopped me in or something and planted it in here … this is just ridiculous…_

She kept on flipping the pages, but the same girl appeared on every page. _Or maybe she just looks like me … I can see why he thinks I'm this girl … there's not even a subtle difference between us … except maybe the clothes though…_

But these things didn't mean anything to her. She didn't know any of the people or the places, except for the fact that there was a girl that looked just like her.

When Rinoa was done in that room, she went back downstairs to find Squall standing in the lounge room, staring into a glass cabinet. In curiosity, Rinoa walked up to him to see what he was looking at.

It was a whole cabinet full of the same girl that looked distinctly like her. There were photographs of childhood and adolescence, books and pieces of paper with writing on them, and a pinwheel. But what really grabbed her attention was a framed picture of the girl and Squall – the same one Squall had shown her. But this one was different … it had crimson stains on it and it was torn right down the middle, but held together again with sticky tape.

"Did you look in your room?" asked Squall, not looking at her.

"I looked in _a _room," said Rinoa correctively.

"…Did you look into the white cupboard?" asked Squall, as if she had said yes.

Rinoa slowly nodded.

"Does it … mean anything…?"

Rinoa shook her head sadly.

Squall, again, was disappointed. He pointed to the crimson stained photograph. "That photo … that's her copy … I found it when … when it happened…"

Rinoa nodded. She put her hand on Squall's shoulder in sympathy. "I'm … I'm sorry." These were the first real words of understanding she had said to him, and when she said them, they filled her heart with sadness. But not as much as it did Squall's.

Squall shook his head to shake the thought out. "Go out onto the back porch. There's someone who wants to meet you."

Rinoa nodded and headed back out into the hallway, walking out the back door. She felt very uncomfortable in this house … there was an eerie feeling that sent a chill down her spine that she didn't like. But Squall seemed so distressed … she didn't want to treat him badly. She knew it must have been hard for him, taking a walk down memory lane and seeing repeated images of the one he loved…

As she stepped outside, she found that a middle-aged man sat at a table on the porch, just staring out into the garden. He had his back to her, not noticing the company.

Rinoa took a couple of steps towards the man and cleared her throat as a sign that somebody was there.

The man turned around, and when he saw Rinoa, it was like seven years coming back into his life. For a split second, General Caraway believed that the young woman who stood before him was the daughter he had lost two years ago. He had dreamt this day to come … he would always dream that Rinoa Heartilly would walk through the door to see him. But it never happened.

"Um … hello," said Rinoa uncomfortably, not knowing what else to say

Caraway didn't reply for a moment, and snapped back to reality once again. "Yes, yes … please … sit down."

Rinoa slowly walked up to the opposite end of the table and sat down in front of him, folding her hands on her lap politely.

"I'm General Caraway," said Caraway, "This … this is my home."

Rinoa nodded with a warm smile. "It's a very nice house you have."

Caraway was pained to see that smile. He hardly ever saw that smile on Rinoa's face … but when this girl smiled, it looked exactly the same…

"Thank you," he said. "What's your name?"

"Sierra Hearten," answered Rinoa, hoping that he would believe her.

"I see … nice to meet you, Sierra," said Caraway, nodding curtly.

Rinoa smiled politely. "Likewise."

"How … how old are you?" asked Caraway hesitantly.

"I'm twenty-four years old," said Rinoa slowly.

Caraway looked down at the table. "Oh … you're the same age as my daughter. Or … you _would_ be. She … she looks a lot like you, you know."

"Y-Yes … so I've heard," said Rinoa quietly.

Caraway looked back up at her. "Rinoa … that was her name. She … she died in a car accident two years ago."

"I'm sorry," said Rinoa quietly. She didn't know how many times she would have to say that phrase that day.

"I'm … left with an empty space inside me now," said Caraway, his voice faltering. "She was all I had left … my wife had also died in a car accident … Rinoa was all in this world that I had left. I – I took her for granted … she would often get angry with me, sometimes for reasons I couldn't understand. But just when things finally looked good, she … she had to leave me…" Caraway looked away, pain smothered across his face. He didn't speak of Rinoa with anybody, besides possibly Squall.

He never mentioned her and never thought of her until this very day, when Squall turned up at his house with a woman that looked exactly like Rinoa. As soon as he saw her face, everything came rushing back. The fights, the screaming, the crying, the laughing … every part of Rinoa's life that Caraway was there for just rushed through his mind at such a speed…

"P-Please … will you let me touch your face?" asked Caraway. He usually didn't get this informal with strangers, but this was different.

_Why does everyone believe that I'm Rinoa? They are all so sad to see me … this is just killing me … I can't believe this…_

"Y-Yes … of course you may," said Rinoa quietly. It was painful to see this man that she didn't even know look so sad. He looked as if he wanted to scream in anger, frustration, but most of all sadness.

She felt Caraway's rough hands touch her delicate skin. Caraway shut his eyes in pain, as if trying to hold back tears. His arms were trembling, and Rinoa just felt so sorry…

"You're both the same," said Caraway quietly. He let go of Rinoa's face and clenched his fists under the table. "I'm sorry … it's not my normal nature to be acting in this manner…"

"It's all right," whispered Rinoa.

"Thank you for your company … but … if you don't mind, I would like to be alone now," said Caraway. "Thank you … you made me remember something important that I tried so hard to forget…"

Rinoa nodded in understanding. "It's no problem…" She nodded politely once again and went back into the house. Things were really tearing at her…

As she walked down the hallway, she heard the faint sound of piano music coming from afar. The melody was enchanting, grabbing Rinoa's attention straight away. She followed the sound of the music and found herself in a small room, with a grand piano in the centre, a bookcase in the corner, and a desk in the other corner. Squall was sitting at the piano, playing the piece perfectly.

Rinoa slowly walked up to him and sat down on the seat beside him, watching Squall's fingers move. He had taken off his gloves and she saw his hands, muscular and pure. He had long fingers and looked quite capable of playing the piano.

Somehow, Rinoa had recognised the song he was playing. The song was Eyes on Me, but Rinoa didn't know that. She figured that she must have heard it on the radio or something.

As the song came to an end, Squall didn't look at Rinoa. He remained silent and simply acknowledged her presence.

"You're very good," said Rinoa quietly.

Squall didn't say anything for a while. "She taught me that song…"

Rinoa didn't even have to ask whom he was talking about. The depressing day was growing on her and she could just recognise the signs.

"It was her mother's song," said Squall quietly, "She used to play and sing to me whenever she could. Then she taught me this song. She was patient with me, even though she knew I wasn't a music person … she was a great teacher … she was a great person…"

Rinoa didn't say anything. Instead, something possessed her and made her place her fingers on the keys. She then began mimicking what she had heard, the exact notes at the right time, playing a beautiful, melodic tune of Eyes on Me. She found this quite amazing, as it just occurred naturally and her fingers knew what to do on their own. After the second last chorus, she decided to stop, because Squall was staring at her in an unusual way. She slowly turned her head to face him. He stared at her in wonder, as if he couldn't believe what was happening.

She can play exactly like Rinoa… 

"You … know this song?" asked Squall.

Rinoa nodded. "I … guess."

Squall just continued to stare at her. The more he stared, the more Rinoa looked uneasy.

"How can you not be her?" asked Squall out of nowhere.

"S-Sorry…?"

"You look like her, you talk like her … you _play _like her," said Squall, "How can you not be Rinoa Heartilly? I thought she would never come back to me again … I thought I would never see her again … but then I met you, and all my thoughts had changed. You must be Rinoa … I just know it's you … I just know that you are my Rinoa, _our _Rinoa … the one that I've been waiting for for so long…"

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously. "I … am really sorry." She really was. She wished she could say 'Hey, I'm the long lost girl you people have been looking for!' and things would get better. But she couldn't say that, because to her, it wasn't true. Saying that would be a lie … to her.

"…I've been waiting for her since the day she left," said Squall sadly, "We _promised _we would meet again … I'm supposed to be her knight … I'm supposed to protect her … so how did this happen? _How could I let this happen_?" Squall closed his eyes in pain, the way Caraway did. "P-please … will you … let me hold you…?"

Rinoa nodded in hesitation. She didn't know what was going to happen. This whole day was just too unpredictable. She just wanted to go home.

Squall put his arms around her, embracing her as if she _was _Rinoa. He held her so tightly. He rested his head on her shoulder, as if she were Rinoa. She felt like Rinoa. She had the same warmth and cheerfulness that Rinoa had. Rinoa … Rinoa … her name echoed in his mind. He had lived for so long thinking that he could live without love, without other people. But Rinoa Heartilly changed his life forever. She made him happy. She made him _Squall Leonheart…_

Rinoa kept her hands to herself and let Squall carry on. She looked incredibly nervous. But she felt greatly saddened. She felt her shoulder dampen, and she knew straight away that Squall was shedding tears. This just made her even more emotional. When she first met Squall … he looked like the toughest guy on the planet. But even now … he was shedding tears for the one he loved most. Rinoa just _wished _she could make things better for these people. Even though she didn't know them for long enough, she knew they didn't deserve this suffering.

Squall let go of her and couldn't believe that he was _crying_. He seldom cried, if not_ ever_. The emotion that seared inside of him made him feel an emotion that couldn't be described by words. He swore to himself that emotion was never going to tear him a part … but it was. Emotion was burning at him, ripping him to shreds, piece by piece. He wasn't supposed to bleed or cry. It was not in his nature. But he found himself pouring his heart out to this woman. He found himself slipping, and said things he usually did not say. Some of these things amazed even himself.

"I never got to tell her to her face that I loved her. She died without knowing for sure that she was loved. I want to take those moments back … I want to at least be there when she was dying to say those words that I was supposed to say so long ago. Rinoa didn't deserve it…"

Rinoa pursed her lips together and couldn't stand to watch him like this. She was sure she was going to burst into tears soon. Listening to him was like watching a sad romance movie.

"She didn't deserve to die. She was pure. She was an angel. She did nothing wrong. Her only crime was loving _me_. I didn't deserve her. I would treat her like dirt on some days. I would regret those days but I … I'm too much of a bastard to even say _sorry_." Squall said these words nearly in anger. He closed his eyes again. His nose and eyes were red, a colour that didn't suit his sharp features.

"I'm sorry, Rinoa!" he shouted to no one in particular. He held his breath and clenched his fist in anger. "I'm … so … sorry…"

Rinoa didn't find him crazy. Usually, something like this would spook her to death. But she did not find him crazy. Her heart was bleeding to death. She wished … she wished so hard that these people would find this girl. She wished so hard that she _was _Rinoa, but she knew that she wasn't.

Out of heartily concern, Rinoa put her hand on Squall's shoulder. This slowly turned into a warm embrace. She could feel the beating of Squall's racing heart and the sorrow in his tears.

"I'm sorry too," she whispered.

**A/N: **Wai ... what a sad chapter. This has to be one of the best chapters I've written so far ... sorry for not making her remember. It's just getting too emotional for me -wipes virtual tears-


	24. Little Sister

**A/N: **Thanks for all your support, and sorry it took me so long to update! I promise I'll update sooner next time :) In the mean time, enjoy this chapter :)

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 24 – Little Sister**

Rinoa found herself in the car once again, for another car trip. Squall had collected himself and hadn't said a word for quite a while. It was two o'clock in the afternoon and she was starving. She hadn't eaten a thing all day – but she didn't want to say anything.

"Are you hungry?" asked Squall, as if reading her mind.

Rinoa looked at Squall, who was still concentrating on the road. She shook her head. "It's nothing."

"So you're hungry?" asked Squall.

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm fine." She didn't want to trouble Squall. Not yet anyway.

"I can hear your stomach rumbling from over here," said Squall, "It's not good to skip meals."

"Oh?" said Rinoa.

"Yes," said Squall, nodding sincerely, "My SeeD training does cover little things like these…"

Rinoa looked at him curiously. "You're a SeeD?"

Squall nodded. "Was. I was the commander of the Balamb forces, too. I still like to look at myself as one, though."

"Oh, what happened?" asked Rinoa.

"SeeD stopped doing things for me," said Squall shortly. "I realised that I couldn't live following someone else's orders for the rest of my life."

Rinoa nodded. "True. That's very wise."

He was about to say that Rinoa taught him about having to follow orders. _I'd better stop speaking about it … I'm sure Sierra is becoming uneasy listening about my stupid emotional life…_

"Wow! That's beautiful," said Rinoa, looking out Squall's window.

Squall glanced out the window. "Oh, that's Deling Bridge."

"Deling?" said Rinoa in shock, "You never said we were in _Deling_!"

Squall smirked. "Well, there, I said it."

"Can we go out and see the bridge?" asked Rinoa pleadingly, "Please? Pretty please?"

Squall snickered. "All right…" He couldn't ignore the Rinoa-like-pleadingness. He pulled over and parked the car, and watched Rinoa get out like an excited four-year-old on her first trip to the beach.

He locked the door and followed Rinoa towards the steps that led up to the bridge. He watched Rinoa run up and couldn't help but remember that this bridge was the last place where he saw her alive for the last time. Just feeling the coldness of the metal railing brought back intense memories … seeing the pool of blood on the road … the ripped photograph…

As he reached the top, he walked toward Rinoa, who was leaning on the edge, staring out into Deling City with an utter look of amazement on her face.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, as Squall came up next to her.

Squall nodded in silent agreement. "It's a lot better at night…"

Rinoa smiled. "I wish I could live here…"

"You could … I mean, if you wanted to," said Squall, fumbling with words all of a sudden. "Caraway … I mean, General Caraway wouldn't mind you staying … I mean, you'd have to ask him, but…"

Rinoa giggled, but her light-hearted giggles faded very quickly as she became serious again. "I know … but…"

Squall scratched the back of his head. _Damn … why am I slipping up like this_?

"…My home is Trabia," said Rinoa, feeling a cool breeze brush against her skin. "And I would love to live here … but the people here … General Caraway … he would be … pained to see me."

"No … he wouldn't," said Squall slowly.

Rinoa smiled weakly to herself. "Wouldn't he…? I'm … I'm just really afraid…" She paused. "That everyone who meets me will be sad. I don't want everyone to know me as 'Rinoa' … I want them to know me as Sierra…"

Squall admitted defeat again. She was right. It was undoubtedly true that she looked very much like Rinoa, talked very much like Rinoa, and acted very much like Rinoa. It was hard for anyone to believe that she _wasn't _Rinoa. He tried not to remember the scene back at the Caraway house where his emotions just got the best of him … but he was sure that if any of his friends were to see her again, things would be very much the same.

There was silence between the two of them as they simply stared out into the horizon of the afternoon. A lot of things were on each other's minds.

"Rinoa?"

Squall turned around, hearing the name. He knew it wasn't Rinoa's voice, but someone had definitely said her name. He found a teenage girl standing there, staring at the two of them against the bridge.

Rinoa also turned around. _Here we go again…_

The girl looked about seventeen years of age. She had ashen skin and long, silky red hair that fell on her shoulders. Her eyes were sea-blue with innocence. She was holding giant boards tucked under her arm in her right hand. Her clothes were worn down and dirty, and it took Squall a short while to figure out that she was poverty-stricken.

"It is you … big sister Rinoa," said the girl, staring at Rinoa. "I thought you were … dead."

Squall said nothing. Was she a friend of Rinoa's from childhood? Or something?

"I'm sorry, I'm not Rinoa," said Rinoa with a weak smile. The girl was almost her height.

"What?" said the girl in shock. She looked at Squall. "You, sir … is she…?"

Squall shook his head. "I thought the same thing. She isn't Rinoa."

"Oh?" said the girl, looking taken aback. "I-I'm sorry for my rudeness…" She curtsied politely and began to walk off in a fluster.

"Wait," called Squall.

The girl stopped and slowly turned back. "Y-Yes?"

"Come here … um … please," said Squall, not knowing how else to act with teenagers.

The girl came back with a shy and embarrassed look on her face.

"How do you … know Rinoa?" asked Squall.

"Oh … um," said the girl, her hands behind her back in a shy position, "She came around here once in a while before she ... left. She ... she was always sad, but I would try to comfort her sometimes. She would give me money, to help support my family. I just … called her big sister from then…"

_She was always sad? _

"How do you earn money now?" asked Rinoa quietly.

"Oh, well," said the girl, "I try to sell artwork. I also try to help around in the coal mines until the men would kick me out … but … at least I can scab a bit of charcoal once in a while…" She seemed to show no shame in what she did. Rinoa admired her way of speaking, as she could tell that the girl was trying not to make people feel sorry for her.

"May we see the artwork you're selling?" asked Rinoa.

The girl nodded. She pulled out the giant boards she was holding and stood them up on the ground, supporting them with her hands so they wouldn't fall and get ruined.

Rinoa skimmed through the boards and noted how beautiful they were. Every last piece of artwork was drawn down to the very detail, every stroke and line and colour counted. _They remind me of Marcel's sister's art…_

"Who drew all of these?" asked Rinoa, looking through the boards.

"Um … I did," said the girl, trying to sound modest.

"Wow!" said Rinoa, "You're … really good! Like … _really _good! I know someone who draws just as good as this…"

The girl blushed at the complimenting.

"Stop there," said Squall suddenly.

Rinoa looked at him curiously. He was staring at the canvas that Rinoa was up to. It was a colour picture of the profile of a girl, sitting down with her knees huddled up to her chest and her eyes closed, in a beautiful flower field. White wings came from her back, making her look like an angel. A sad angel.

"Who is that?" asked Squall.

"Oh … that's big sister Rinoa," said the girl slowly, "I drew one for her but my big brother made another copy and enlarged it for me so I could sell it…"

It was just as he thought. As soon as he saw that picture, it was undoubtedly Rinoa. If he had seen this picture six years ago, he would have declined the fact that it was Rinoa. She was angelic, but she definitely wasn't gloomy like that. But when this girl said that she was always sad … it changed what he believed…

"I'll buy it," said Squall. "How much?"

"Well … my work starts from fifty gil for two…"

Squall pulled out his wallet and handed her a crisp fifty thousand-gil note. This piece of artwork was worth a lot more than that…

"I-I-I said _fifty _gil!" she said, mortified at the huge sum of money in her hand.

Rinoa smiled weakly.

"Take it," said Squall, taking the framed canvas, "Take it and support your family."

"B-But…"

"What, it's not enough for you?" said Squall, not meaning to snap, "I'll make it a hundred thousand if you want."

"N-No, it's not that!" said the girl.

"Just take it," whispered Rinoa, knowing too well how 'generous' Squall was.

Sierra nodded quickly, her face stiff with shock. "Th-thank you very much, sir." She quickly collected her work. "Thank you … it means a lot to me…"

As she was about to leave, Squall stopped her once again. "Wait. Please tell me one more thing."

The girl looked at Squall, her innocent eyes filled with curiosity.

"Why … why was Rinoa always sad?" he asked, almost hesitantly.

Rinoa prepared herself for the worst.

"Well … um…" Sierra wiped the dirt from her face. It was obvious she had just come from the coalmines. "She was sad because … things were always rough at home for her. Her friends had left, and whenever she came out here, it was always to try to contact a man named Squall. She seemed very pleasant, but … I could feel the hurt inside of her. The way she spoke gave it all away."

_A man named Squall? _This information was coming out way too quickly for Squall to process. He hadn't even heard of her being sad and troubled. Rinoa was never sad … but not being able to contact him? Was that really a reason why she was sad? He would always think that he was never giving Rinoa enough, that he wasn't good enough for her. It was finally confirmed that he was right. But what troubled him most was that she had never _told _him. She never hesitated to speak what was on her mind … what happened? Things had changed more than he had thought. He didn't know Rinoa at all. He felt like a failure.

Squall was silent for a long time, and Rinoa was already concerned about his emotional-well-being. She could tell that he was being beaten up pretty badly that day.

"Okay," said Squall bluntly. He tried to hide his feelings. It always worked. He cleared his throat. "What's your name?"

"…Sierra," she said.

Rinoa gasped and beamed. "Hey, me too!"

Sierra looked at Rinoa. "Really?"

"Yeah, my name's Sierra," said Rinoa brightly. "What a coincidence!"

Sierra smiled.

There was a horrible feeling pecking at Squall, telling him that this wasn't merely a coincidence. He had nothing to support this, so he just shrugged it off.

"What's yours?" Sierra asked Squall.

Squall was silent at first. "Leonheart. Squall … Leonheart."

Sierra's eyes widened at this. "_You're _Squall?"

Squall nodded. _That's what I said, kid…_

"Oh … I … I'm sorry," said Sierra quickly, "I'm very sorry."

Squall shook his head. "It's nothing."

Sierra looked extremely uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. "Um … well, I guess I'll be leaving now."

Squall and Rinoa nodded.

"Thank you very much, Squall," said Sierra, "I'm truly grateful."

"Think nothing of it," said Squall, "I've got heaps of cash that I probably won't need. I'll come back another time to buy some more artwork."

"Oh no, it's really enough!" said Sierra, "Thank you very much. Big brother Squall."

Squall couldn't help but have a warm feeling inside of him. He hadn't felt like that for a long time.

"Now I know why Rinoa loved you so much," she said quietly with a gentle smile.

_Oh dear, now she's done it_. Rinoa wished that Sierra hadn't said something like that. Squall was definitely going to take it to heart, analyse it, think about it, be pessimistic about it, and sulk over it just for the rest of his life.

But, she was wrong. Squall didn't take this as a bad memory. He stored the statement at the back of his mind and would think about it later. He didn't have time to be angry or sad anymore. He had had enough of emotion. He didn't need it anymore.

"Bye," said Sierra one last time. She began to walk off as Rinoa waved and said goodbye. Squall said nothing.

"So … are we going to eat now?" asked Rinoa.

Squall had completely forgotten about his intention of taking Rinoa some place to eat. He looked at her and shrugged. "All right. We'll head off out of Deling first and find a café or something. Everyone here knows your face. I mean … Rinoa's face…"

Rinoa nodded in understanding. He didn't seem so hurt to speak about Rinoa anymore. She was relieved.

Once again, they were in the car on the way back to Trabia. When they were well out of the Deling region, they stopped at a café on the road. The sun was illuminating in the patchy grey sky, but the weather was still relatively warm. The café was practically deserted, with the teenaged bus boys leaning against the counter chatting up the teenaged waitresses.

Squall and Rinoa sat at a table outside under a pretty pink parasol and enjoyed the weather in silence. It wasn't until moments later that a teenaged boy came up to serve them.

"Can I take your orders…?" he said.

Rinoa scanned through the menu and found many exquisite southern foods on the menu. She wished she could order everything on the menu and just totally pig out, because she was really famished.

"I'll just have a pasta salad and a soda, thanks," said Rinoa brightly, as the bus boy scribbled it down on his notebook.

"Is that all?" asked Squall, "You can eat as much as you want, I don't mind." _Rinoa used to order everything on the menu and make me wait until she finished every last scrap of food … she wasn't even able to finish it all on her own so I would always have to help her eat the rest in the end… _It always annoyed him to the maximum, but it was only after Rinoa died that he began to miss her annoying habits. Her annoying habits were what made Rinoa ... Rinoa.

"Really?" said Rinoa, "Okay … hmm … give me some of your tempura and dimsims too … ooh, and I like the look of those…" Rinoa went on for a good three minutes, ordering more food and changing her mind every three seconds. She finally decided on a few simple dishes, a soda, and a large bowl of strawberry ice cream.

"…Is that all?" said the bus boy, staring at Rinoa in amazement.

"Um … yup, that's all!" said Rinoa happily. "What about you, Leonheart?"

"Just a coffee," murmured Squall.

"Just a coffee?" said Rinoa, mortified.

"I'll just share with you," said Squall. _You ordered nearly every dish on the list after all…_

The bus boy went into the actual café to place the orders. Out of the corner of Rinoa's eye, she could see the teenagers checking Squall out.

"Those girls have their eyes on you," said Rinoa playfully.

Squall had his head in his hands. "Don't care."

"Of course you don't…"

"I'm used to it," said Squall coldly. And indeed he was. He could just remember when he was still in his Garden years that someone would tell him that some girl had a crush on him. He was never interested. He never cared. He didn't even bother to ask who it was.

"Oh, sorry!" said Rinoa, sounding really serious, "I wasn't aware that Commander Leonheart, first class SeeD, was so popular!"

If this were Irvine or Zell, or someone else, Squall would have easily gotten annoyed. But for some reason, he didn't mind that time. He actually chuckled a little.

"Oh, you laughed … I wish I had a camera," said Rinoa. She was already getting into the mood of cheering Squall up. She was good at cheering people up, and Squall definitely needed some cheering up.

"_You wish_," said Squall.

"Yeah, that's right!" said Rinoa.

"If you could even get anywhere near me with a camera…"

"Hey, what've you got to worry about?" said Rinoa, "You said so yourself, you're definitely camera material!"

"I never _said _that…"

"Well, I bet you thought it, Mr Self Esteem."

"Self-esteem isn't exactly a priority of mine…"

"Oh, lucky you," said Rinoa dreamily, "Confident _and _collected. Nice."

Squall couldn't help but laugh again. He wasn't used to flattery in that manner. Well, not anymore anyway. Rinoa smiled at him, feeling pleased with herself.

The food came at last, and Rinoa was filled with delight once it did. She was going to die of starvation soon, and the scent, look and even sound of food got her taste buds tingling. She dug into the food, eating politely but as fast as her teeth could take her. Squall watched her in fascination. He had seen Rinoa eat like that many times, but it would never cease to amaze him at how much Rinoa loved food.

Rinoa had finished a third of the food in front of her and stopped to look at Squall, who had only had two or three sips of coffee.

"Aren't you going to eat?" asked Rinoa.

"SeeDs don't get hungry," said Squall.

"Oh, of course not," said Rinoa sarcastically, "SeeDs were born with super stomachs that never require any fuel. I can totally buy that."

"And so you should."

"Hey, a wise _SeeD _once told me that it was bad to skip meals," said Rinoa, "I'd hate to think that he was a hypocrite."

"He probably is," said Squall with a smirk. He missed Rinoa's meaningful jokes so much…

"Oh, that's too bad," said Rinoa, "He's always giving wise words and smart remarks … what a shame that he's a phoney…"

"Hey, I'm no phoney," said Squall warningly.

Rinoa laughed out loud. "Oh, pride is such a wonderful thing to play with." She was quite used to playing with pride; she constantly had to do it with Seifer. She mastered it as if it were an art, and knew everything there was to know about pride.

_I know too well_, thought Squall.

"Come on, just a little," said Rinoa, "Do it for me."

"For you?" said Squall, finding her to be amusing.

"Yeah, for me!" said Rinoa, "I mean, who could resist?"

Squall snickered again. "Oh, all right. If it's for you, then it _must_ be a worthy cause." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Rinoa laughed and chose to ignore Squall's sardonic tone completely. "Yay! I'm such a miracle worker!"

Squall rolled his eyes with a smirk. He did as Rinoa said and began to eat at a very slow pace, letting Rinoa eat as much as she wanted. The mood of being around someone like Rinoa – and who in fact _was _Rinoa – made him feel a teensy bit light-hearted. The cheerfulness was returning to him, and he remembered what it was like to be happy and have a real sense of humour.

And he loved it.


	25. Doubt

**i loveLost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 25 – Doubt**

Squall took Rinoa back to her apartment, and by then, it was almost nightfall. She had fallen asleep on the ride back once again, and when they finally reached Trabia, there was an awkward goodbye. They didn't know whether they were ever going to meet again. Squall told her he was leaving to 'go back home' the next day. Rinoa felt a tinge of disappointment inside of her, as she was only beginning to get to know him. She thought she was going to make a new friend.

"Well … goodbye, I guess," said Rinoa.

"Yeah … later," said Squall.

"Do you think that we'll … ever meet again?" asked Rinoa.

Squall shrugged. "Maybe. I live a long way." _Yeah, how about Esthar for you…_

Rinoa nodded. "Well … thank you for taking me outside of Trabia."

"It's okay," said Squall shortly.

"And … um … you know … I wish you good luck for the future," said Rinoa, not knowing what else to say. "Don't worry. You'll be fine." She smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Thanks," said Squall.

Rinoa gave him a quick hug. Squall wanted it to end as soon as possible, or else the memories would just come rushing through any second.

"Well … I'd better get going," said Squall awkwardly.

"Yeah…" Rinoa let go of him and smiled. "Later, Leonheart."

"Later." Squall got into his car and drove away, and couldn't help but smile when he saw Rinoa waving at him. He watched through the rear-view mirror as Rinoa got smaller and smaller as he drove … until she finally disappeared.

As he drove back to the hotel, he couldn't believe that he was leaving to go back to Esthar so soon. The past two days were like an emotional roller coaster to him. He hadn't felt so many feelings surge through his mind and heart so quickly in his life. He always tried to forget about Rinoa … he thought it would help if he married Ashleigh. But things had just gotten a lot worse when he met a Rinoa look-alike, who happened to be the same as Rinoa in every single way.

The memories were too much for him to handle. He couldn't believe that he remembered the tiniest things about Rinoa that he thought he had forgotten. Her warmth, the touch of her skin, the tone of her voice, the warmth of her body, the way she embraced … all of it was like a sudden rush of events happening.

And he cried. He shed tears for Rinoa for the very first time. He wasn't a man of tears – he didn't cry for no good reason. And he hated it. Rinoa always told him that it would help to cry if he felt angry or upset … it would help to release the sorrow and anger. But how she was so wrong. He hated the sting of tears in his eyes and the whirring of thoughts. It didn't help him at all.

"_If I died … would you cry for me, Squall?"_

Squall remembered Rinoa's words from so long ago. It seemed like it never happened, but the scene was played perfectly in his mind.

"_Squall…?"_

_He had remained silent when she had asked him this question. They were on the beach … the night before Squall was going to Esthar. They decided to spend it at Balamb beach, which was Rinoa's favourite place in the whole world. Just the two of them. Squall sat on the edge with his feet dangling off the side, while Rinoa laid her head on his lap, looking up at him._

"_I'm sorry, Squall." She realised that he wasn't in the mood for her question and looked away from his emotionless face. But just once, on the night before they would be separated, she wanted him to tell her that he loved her. Just once._

_Squall looked up at the starry sky, not knowing what to say. He honestly didn't know the answer. He was too distracted to think about the future._

"_Why do you ask?" he said._

_Rinoa smiled weakly, still not looking at him. "Because … what if I died when you were in Esthar? And you didn't know about it until you got back?"_

"_Don't be stupid, Rin," said Squall._

_Rinoa felt slightly hurt and closed her eyes._

_Squall looked down at her and read the look on her face. "I mean … you won't die while I'm gone. You're … you're my strong girl, remember? And even if you do die … I would know straight away." He looked back up at the sky again, not believing he said something like that._

"_Oh?" She opened her eyes and looked up at him. His gaze was still wandering with the stars._

"_Because … I can just feel you," said Squall thoughtfully. "And I'll come rushing back here to save you."_

_Rinoa smiled. "Like usual, huh…?"_

"_You're a strong girl…"_

"_So … if I pretend to die, will you come back here and stay with me…?"_

_Squall weakly laughed. "Nice try."_

_Rinoa's smile narrowed. "All right … but you still haven't answered my question. Would you cry for me if I died…?"_

_Squall remained silent at first. "Please don't die … Rinoa…"_

_His reply was good enough for her. She knew about him and his pride. She knew that he didn't want to admit weakness. It was normal for her…_

"_Please don't go … please don't leave me alone…"_

_Squall looked down at her, her earthen eyes staring up at him. "Since when were you afraid of loneliness? I'll always be here with you Rinoa…" He touched Griever at Rinoa's heart._

_Rinoa smiled and held his hand at her heart. "Remember the beating of my heart, okay? Because … it'll always belong with you…"_

_Squall weakly smiled down at her. "I'm grateful…"_

_And with the largest amount of hesitation ever, he bent his head down closer to her face. "And … and mine will be with you…" he whispered._

_Rinoa smiled and pressed her lips against his, not caring if he pushed away or stopped midway. But to her relief, she felt his soft lips press back._

_And Squall's heart was lifted from him and he felt that he truly had Rinoa's heart._

Squall stopped the memory then and there. He didn't want any recollection of something like that. It would only make him feel worse about himself. Deep down inside, he felt that he had lost his heart, and it had died with Rinoa. Not only that, but he had lost Rinoa's heart that she had given him. He had nothing. He had failed. He promised that he would come back to Rinoa and save her if she were ever going to die.

But he failed.

He didn't even think that she would even die. He felt like such a liar. _I bet she feels the same_, thought Squall bitterly. _Everything I said that night was a lie. _And he felt so awful about it.

_Rinoa … I did cry for you_, he thought, as if speaking to her if she were in heaven. _Did you see me cry for you…? I never thought I would see the day when I would cry again. My tears were for you … but I know that they aren't enough…_

"I'm sorry, Rinoa," he mumbled. _I failed you…_

He remembered when he said that to 'Sierra-Rinoa'. He remembered yelling it out with every bit of power in his body to her. Was his apology enough? He hardly ever apologised to Rinoa. She deserved an apology for all the times he mistreated her.

"_I'm sorry too_._" _Those were Sierra-Rinoa's words that day.

_There's so much more to this_, thought Squall. He felt that there was something else to this story, but he couldn't put his finger on it. _It's so stupid … I meet a woman that is just like Rinoa. She hears my story, she feels my tears, and she knows more about how I feel about this than anybody. I can't just let this all go now. There is so much more to this, I can feel it. I think Fate is giving me a sign … this woman is supposed to teach me something … she is the key to helping me get over Rinoa…_

Fate. He shuddered at the thought of it. Two years ago he had said to Quistis that Fate was a load of bull crap. He was beginning to doubt his own words. Maybe Quistis was right. Fate was laying out a journey for him to follow. He just didn't know which path to take.

And it was then that he realised something important. _I won't give up this journey. Not yet._

Min sat at the counter, reading her magazine for the third time that day. She hadn't a single customer, and without Rinoa, the day was quite boring. She had no one to talk to and there were only so many times you could read a fashion magazine.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and she jumped in fright. She put the magazine down and greeted her customer. Who happened to be the hottest-looking guy on the planet.

"Uh … hey there," he said, walking up to the counter.

Min stared at him in awe. At first she didn't say anything. "Hi," she said in the tiniest voice.

"Um … you and Rin – Sierra run this place, right?"

Min simply nodded, still staring wide-eyed.

"Yeah … I thought so. Anyway … my name is Squall Leonheart. I just happened to be in the neighbourhood and I noticed the … um … nice business you have here."

Min nodded again.

"So … I was wondering … do you want to work for my company?" asked Squall.

"Um … yes?" said Min in a small voice. "I mean … y-yes. I'll … I'll have to ask my partner first. I mean, if you don't want her then that's fine—" _Oops, I am such a mean person…_

"No, no," said Squall, almost too quickly, "It would be great for both you and your partner to work for me. I mean, the more the … uh … merrier, right?" He couldn't believe he was talking like this.

"Of-of course," said Min. "What does your company d-d-do?"

"Well, there's a Garden being established in Esthar right now," said Squall slowly, careful with his words, "And, well, we want someone to … design our uniforms. Yeah, that's it."

"Uh … huh…"

"Uh … yeah," said Squall. _What, that's not enough for you? _"And um … you're both good with commerce skills, aren't you?"

"Uh … huh…" Min nodded slowly.

"So, you could be like, our treasurers … or something," said Squall. _Damn, I should have planned this out. _"Oh wait, I have a better idea. You can be the Garden committee." _Yeah, you don't need any real skills for that … Selphie does it just fine… _"You know, arrange dances and … uh … stuff."

"O…kay," said Min softly. _Ahh, Min! Get a hold of yourself and stop it with your drooling! Be professional and get down into business here! _"How much … how muchdo you offer?"

"Uh … is five thousand gil a month good enough for you?" said Squall.

"WHOA!" Min couldn't help but have an outburst. "I mean … that's a joke! What do you take me for?"

Squall rolled his eyes. "Ten thousand, then."

"Keep going," said Min.

Squall rolled his eyes again. "Look, do you want this place or not?" _Oh dear Hyne, please say yes…_

"Oh now, don't be feisty," said Min quickly, "Ten thousand's fine, perfect. Uh … say, can I get your number and name?"

"Hmm? Why?"

"In case of any problems … and such," said Min, "I mean, I have to discuss this with my partner…"

"Oh, right, right," said Squall. "Uh … you don't need my name. I'll just give you my number."

"Huh?" said Min, not understanding why he didn't want to give her his name.

Squall ignored her and started saying the digits of his phone number.

"Wait, wait! Hold ON!" said Min. She reached into the draw and pulled out a pad and pen and jotted Squall's number down.

"So … where'd you say your company was?" asked Min, regretting that she didn't pay attention before.

"Uh … there's an establishing of a Garden," repeated Squall, "In Esthar."

Min's mouth dropped open. "_Esthar_? Are you like, crazy?"

Squall didn't say anything.

"How are we supposed to get there?" demanded Min.

"Well … I'll give you two plane tickets, of course," said Squall, shrugging. "And I'll give you an apartment … and … uh … whatever else you need."

Min blinked in astonishment. "Who _are _you?"

Squall laughed hollowly. "Just your average guy…"

"Oh, right," said Min, nodding, "Well … I'll get back to you, okay? Do you need our number?"

"No … I'm just going to assume that you're accepting the job, unless you call me and say you don't want it," said Squall flatly, "I'll be sending your plane tickets in the mail, so watch out."

"Wow, thanks," said Min, "This really means a lot to us."

_It means a lot to me, too._

Rinoa sat on the sofa, flipping through a lifestyle magazine, dreamily thinking about the house she wanted and the furniture it would contain, until all of a sudden, the phone rang. She snapped out of her thoughts and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Sierra, you're back!"

"Oh, hey Min," Rinoa sat back down. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home," said Min. "How was your outing?"

"Pleasant," was all Rinoa could say.

"Oh okay. Where'd you guys go?"

"Deling."

"DELING!" shouted Min, "Wow … that is, like, very far away!"

"Yes Min, it is. Did you make any sales today?"

"No."

Rinoa sighed.

"Something better!" said Min excitedly.

"Hmm?"

"We've been promoted!"

"P-Promoted…?" repeated Rinoa, "By _who_? It's OUR business!"

Min laughed weakly. "Well, not exactly _promoted_. But we are totally saved. Someone came into the store today and said that we had a nice-looking business, and asked us to come work for their company!"

Rinoa gasped. "Whoa! Are you for real? That's great! Did you accept the offer?"

"Well, not yet," said Min, "I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"_What_?" gasped Rinoa, "Are you crazy? You should have said yes straight away! What if they find someone else better than us!"

"Hey, I couldn't say yes straight away," said Min, "I mean, come on … even if we get ten thousand gil a month…"

"_Ten thousand?_" repeated Rinoa in complete shock. "Min!"

"Let me finish!" cried Min impatiently. "I didn't say yes because we have to work in Esthar."

"Esthar…" Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously. "Gee, that's a really long way from home."

"Exactly. So what do you think?"

"Marcel … I don't know if he'll like this," said Rinoa, "He doesn't like me out of Trabia…"

"Uh, hello Sierra," said Min, "You were in _Deling _today. And why should it be fair that he's allowed to work outside of Trabia and you aren't?"

"Yeah, but still…"

"And you need the money, right?" said Min earnestly, "Hell, we all need the money. Ten thousand gil a month is definitely enough!"

"But _Esthar_," said Rinoa in uncertainty, "We can't go to Esthar everyday and then come back!"

"Yeah, I know that," said Min, "That's why they've organised an apartment we can stay at until vacation."

"_Vacation_?" said Rinoa again. "What exactly is this job, Min?"

"Well, they're making a Garden in Esthar," said Min, "They want us to be staff over there."

"_Garden_?" _You got any more surprises for me, Min? _"Min, we are _businesswomen _who sell _clothes_. Occasionally design and make them, yes, but still they are _clothes_. Do you know what Garden is, Min? It's place where they train kids to kill things! Now, what do clothes and killing things have anything to do with each other?"

"Sierra, I'm not as dumb as you think, I know what Garden is, okay?" said Min in frustration. "That's what I thought at first, but he said we were going to design their uniforms!"

"Yeah, and that's it?" asked Rinoa, "Okay, let's design a couple of uniforms and then get kicked back here? Ten thousand gil a month … it's only going to _take _a month! And even ten thousand isn't enough to pay off all our debts…"

"Chill Sierra, chill!" said Min coolly, "I'm not finished yet. We're going to be a part of the Garden committee."

"And … what exactly is that?"

"I don't know!" said Min, "But it sounds important! And long-term!"

"Min!" exclaimed Rinoa.

"What?" said Min in annoyance. "Look, do you want this job or not? That's why I didn't accept straight away. I knew we were going to argue endless hours on this."

"I have to discuss things with Marcel first," said Rinoa. "And how exactly are we going to get to Esthar? That's going to cost a lot of money for just one seat on a plane."

"Don't worry, it's all covered," said Min, "Everything is all covered. Just discuss things with Marcel first, okay?"

Rinoa sighed. "What do you want, Min?"

"What?"

"You're my best friend," said Rinoa, "And you deserve a say in this too. We're partners. What do you want to happen?"

"Well…" Min paused. "Of course I want this job. I'm sick of this dull business in dull Trabia. It's good to try new things. And meet new people!"

Rinoa smiled to herself. "Of course."

"Oh, and did I mention I found ten thousand gil today?" said Min excitedly.

Rinoa gapsed. "You're serious? Where!"

"Under the register!" said Min, "How weird! Maybe we forgot to put it away or something..."

"Well, thats good then," said Rinoa, "We can use it to fix up the shop and sell it."

"So you want to go to Esthar?" said Min hopefully.

Rinoa laughed nervously. "I'll get back to you on it, okay? Marcel is coming back tomorrow … and I want to ask him … lots of things."

"Things?" asked Min.

"You know … just things," said Rinoa.

_Like my past._

"…Wow, that's great news," said Seifer after Rinoa told him briefly about the job. "That's great. So where's this new workplace?"

"…Esthar." And Rinoa went into great detail of what Min had told her, ignoring Seifer's extremely shocked look on his face. She explained every tiny little detail and repeated things to reassure him.

"And … we really need the money," finished Rinoa, taking a deep breath.

"…You're right."

Rinoa stared at him in confusion. "I am?"

"Yes … you are," said Seifer, "We do need the money. And I'm having lots of trouble selling my sister's artwork. My last mission was a total pushover and gave me a joke as a reward. I won't be starting my Instructor's job for another two months…"

"You got the job?" exclaimed Rinoa.

Seifer nodded with a sheepish grin.

"That's great!" cried Rinoa, "We're on a roll! And we'll both be working at Gardens … wow, this is so cool!"

Seifer laughed. "I'll be sure to prove that mine is better. Trabia will kick Esthar's ass in the internationals."

"Hey, you have no right to make the assumption," said Rinoa cheekily. "Esthar will definitely win, 'cause they'll have a way cooler uniform. Especially designed by _moi_."

Seifer laughed and seized Rinoa, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Yeah, I'll bet. But Sierra Hearten is no match for me!"

"Eh…? A-Ahh!" Rinoa started giggling madly when Seifer began to tickle her. She laughed so much and felt so happy, a great turn of events after the last few depressing days … she kind of felt glad that she wouldn't have to see Squall again with his sulking…

"S-Stop it!" cried Rinoa through fits of hysterical giggles, "I s-s-surrender!"

Seifer laughed and claimed victory. "Yeah, I win again."

Rinoa gathered herself and smiled weakly. There was an awkward silence for a couple of moments.

"Marcel…?"

"Yeah?"

"Well … I have something to ask you," said Rinoa, almost uncomfortably.

"What is it?" asked Seifer, sensing the graveness in her voice.

"Well … I know that you love me and all that," said Rinoa slowly, "But … I met somebody while you were away."

"What?" said Seifer fiercely, not knowing what she meant.

"No, no … it's nothing like that," said Rinoa quickly, knowing that Seifer thought she had met another man that she liked, "It's just that … well … it's what he said."

"Get to the point, Sierra," said Seifer shortly.

"Okay, okay," said Rinoa hastily, "Well … he thought I was someone else. He thought I was someone named _Rinoa…_"

At this, Seifer felt as if his heart stopped. This wasn't a good thing. Could she have been regaining her memory? If she did … then she surely would have never spoken to Seifer ever again.

"And he took me to … to somewhere," lied Rinoa, not wanting to say that she went to Deling. "And I met some people there … and they all thought that I was this other girl…"

"You got into a car with a stranger?" scolded Seifer, "Sierra, you know how dangerous that is? He could have done anything to you…"

"I know, I know," said Rinoa, "But he felt so damn sure. And I'm fine … he didn't do anything to me. But…"

"So what you're trying to say is that you think I'm lying?" said Seifer, looking taken aback.

"No, no!" said Rinoa. Was she? She wasn't even sure. "I'm just…"

"Come on, Sierra," said Seifer, "Are you saying you don't believe me now when I said that your family was killed in a fire?"

"No, I do believe you…"

"I wouldn't lie to you," said Seifer, "Why would I … lie to you?" He couldn't even believe what he was saying. He was a good actor, something he had acquired from his mother, but when he thought about it, he was regretting every word. It made him feel like he had sunken down to Sera's level … and that really disgusted him. But he wasn't a man to take back his words … once something is said, it's said.

But why couldn't he bring himself to tell the truth? Two years had passed already since the accident … far too long. If he told the truth now, then Rinoa would never speak to him again. She would hate him. And that very thought hurt him to the core. He loved Rinoa so much … but he couldn't help but feel wrong that he was lying to her about her own life. What she thought was her life was a lie.

But what if she had regained her memory someday? Then she would have hated him even more for not telling her. Then he decided what to do.

_I have to tell her … before she finds out herself._

But what his good judgement told him was crushed when his own selfish desires took over.

"I don't want you seeing this man anymore," said Seifer finally. "He's putting … stupid thoughts in your head."

_I'm such an ass._

**A/N: **Whoa … what a boring chapter. I was going to do that last scene with Seifer in the next chapter, but I felt this chapter was extremely boring so I decided to put a last zing into it. I hope I haven't lost you guys left … if you have any questions; I'm free to answer! Thanks for the support :)


	26. Renunion

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 26 – Renunion**

"Hey, Squall!"

As he walked down the hallway of the Estharian presidential palace to his office, and looked up when he heard his name being called out. Usually he would ignore whomever it was that was calling him, but the voice that had called him just then wasn't a voice he would usually ignore.

Ellone came walking down the hallway in her sleeveless pretty white dress that reached her ankles. She had stopped wearing her old clothes and decided to be a little more formal once she moved into the palace. Squall could tell that she had just been outside for her daily walk around the gardens with Laguna, as she was wearing her elegant chapeau on her head. She also had begun to grow her hair, abandoning the short hair she had for so long. It had grown as long as her waist already.

"Hey, Elle," said Squall, stopping when she approached him.

Ellone smiled warmly. "How was your trip to Trabia?"

"Fine," answered Squall.

Ellone nodded. "Oh, that's good. How is it down there?"

"Cold," replied Squall shortly. "Uh … hey, Elle … can we talk?"

Ellone nodded cheerily. "Of course."

"Um … somewhere more private," said Squall, not liking the fact that they were in an open hallway. "How about my office?"

"Sure," said Ellone, nodding. "Let's go."

Squall and Ellone walked to his office together in silence. Squall was used to silence. Ellone, however, wasn't … she had tried very hard to help Squall return to normal, but it was too hard. His cold and bitterness _was _normal now. She loathed it sometimes, but the fact that he actually said more than three words strung together that day made her happy.

Squall swiped his security card and punched in his code at his door. Esthar, being the futuristic place it was, had many high-tech gadgets and gizmos all over the place.

As the two of them walked in, Ellone adapted to the environment of the office very quickly. The room was extremely neat and tidy and very dull. The only things on the walls were his diplomas, licenses and certificates from Garden. The window was open, letting the bright sunny light into the room and all that was heard was the faint droning of the air conditioner.

There was something that caught Ellone's eye, however. A new portrait hung on the wall. It was very large and it looked to be hand-drawn. It was a painting of a girl sitting in a field of flowers with angel wings sprouting from her back. Ellone knew immediately that the girl in that picture was Rinoa, and it was then that she began questioning Squall's well being.

"Where did you get that painting from?" asked Ellone, pointing to the new picture on the wall.

Squall glanced at the canvas on the wall and looked slightly embarrassed. He was meaning to transfer that picture into his bedroom, where he knew nobody would see it and question about it.

"Oh … uh … I bought it when I was in Deling the other day," said Squall, scratching the back of his head, "I was … supposed to put it into my bedroom…"

Ellone nodded slowly. "Okay … then." She smiled warmly again. "It's a pleasing spectacle for this dull room."

"Uh … right," said Squall. He sat himself at his desk and sighed, as if he had just run a marathon.

Ellone sat herself down on the sofa on the far side of the room. She looked at Squall and sensed his uneasiness. "So … what did you want to talk to me about?"

Squall looked up at her and forgot that he had called her up to talk. "Oh … right. Well … I don't know how to say this…"

Ellone nodded in understanding. "Well … just tell me, how was Trabia?"

"That's just it," mumbled Squall, "I met … somebody…"

Ellone's tactic worked. She had discovered that Squall tended to speak more openly when she spelled things out for him. "Who did you meet?"

"I met a woman…"

Ellone raised an eyebrow. "Okay…"

"And she looked exactly like … like Rinoa," said Squall, finding himself handling things well. "She acted like Rinoa, she spoke like Rinoa … I was so damn sure that she _was _Rinoa."

"But Squall … Rinoa's…"

"I know she's dead," said Squall.

Ellone looked very surprised. Three days really wasn't much, but Squall had changed so much during three days. She knew that Squall was taking a walk down memory lane during these three days after meeting a girl that looked exactly like Rinoa. But his attitude sure changed with this walk…

Squall began to explain what had happened in Trabia. He told Ellone about how he encountered the Rinoa look-alike, how he reacted, and how he took her back to Deling. He didn't explain in great detail, but Ellone could easily read Squall's expression to tell how he was feeling.

"…But she just didn't know what the hell I was talking about," said Squall slowly, "She just … acted as if she was someone else…"

"Maybe she is someone else," said Ellone gently.

"I know that … now," said Squall, "I've just … been going through a lot lately."

Ellone nodded. "I can relate."

There was silence between them both.

"Do you believe … that she's still alive?" asked Ellone finally.

Squall thought for a second and knew already that she was talking about Rinoa. "No."

"Come on, truthfully, Squall," said Ellone quietly.

"She's dead, all right?" said Squall fiercely. "This woman didn't have a clue when I spoke to her. She probably thinks I'm some mental case now. I really thought that was her … but I was blind and didn't think straight. When I thought about it, I faced the facts. I was in denial when I saw this woman. Rinoa died two years ago … her body was found in the hospital with her ID. Don't tell me she just magically came back to life, because she didn't. There's no such thing."

"She's a sorceress…"

Squall stopped and actually thought about it. But he shook his head. "So? So were Ultimecia … and Adel … do you think that if they could come back to life, they would?"

Ellone took this into accord. "Well, if you want to go back to her past…"

"No," interrupted Squall, "Don't waste your energy … we need your power for more … important things…"

"Then why did you call me up here, Squall?" said Ellone quietly.

"Because…" Squall clenched his fist in anger. Why did he? Was it because he really did believe Rinoa was still alive somewhere? "Because I wanted someone to talk to…"

Ellone couldn't help but smile. He was getting better … usually he wouldn't have 'wanted someone to talk to', and if he did, he would've went and talked to a wall.

"I'll always be here for you, Squall," said Ellone. "Please remember that."

Squall looked away and nodded. "Thanks, sis."

Ellone nodded. "No worries."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Squall looked up and was slightly irritated with the interruption. Nevertheless, Ellone and Squall appeared to have finished having their little heart-to-heart talk.

"I'll get it," offered Ellone. She stood up and opened the door, only to be met by none other than Laguna Loire himself.

Laguna, who was a good fifty-something years old by then, still looked as young and buoyant as ever. He still wore his casual turquoise shirt and matching pants, with his long hair in a ponytail and pierced ear. He seldom wore formal attire, and nobody could really picture him in a formal manner anyway. Laguna hadn't changed a single bit, despite his coming of age.

Squall groaned to find his father at the door, and it annoyed him even more to see him so cheerful.

"Uncle Laguna!" said Ellone brightly.

Laguna chuckled and invited himself in, with his hands in his pockets. He tried to look cheerful around Squall – he tried so hard to earn Squall's respect. But it was harder than he thought. Since Rinoa's supposed death, things were a lot more difficult.

"Hello there, Squall," said Laguna, standing in front of Squall's desk. He tried not to look down on him.

"Sir." Squall stood up with an emotionless expression on his face.

"Oh come on, Squall, you don't need to call me 'sir', you know that," said Laguna.

_Well I'm not calling you dad, that's for sure. _"Why did you come here?" asked Squall.

"Just coming to pay a visit, that's all," said Laguna, "I can do that, can't I?"

Squall was about to reply with a smart-ass answer, but Ellone cut him off by closing the door and clearing her throat.

"Of course you can," she said, walking up to the two men.

"Wonderful," said Laguna with a boyish smile, "So how was your trip to Trabia? Quite good, I expect?"

"Humph, yeah, just perfect," said Squall, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Laguna ignored Squall's sarcastic tone. "Did they agree to the funds for an Estharian Garden?"

"Yes," said Squall shortly.

There was an awkward silence.

"All right then …uh, I'll leave the funding up to you then," said Laguna, when Squall didn't continue. He didn't want to have to ask for it. Just thinking about asking for it gave Laguna a million possibilities.

"Fine," said Squall flatly.

"So, have you hired some new staff yet?" asked Laguna.

"Yes," answered Squall, "I expect some of them coming in tomorrow."

"Ah, wonderful," said Laguna, "The building of the Garden is coming along just fine. They've gotten a lot done while you were gone."

"Yes, it looks really pretty!" said Ellone, knowing that Squall was going to bite back hard. "Almost done."

Squall didn't say anything.

Laguna cleared his throat. "Well … I'll leave you to it. Let me know if you need some help."

"I will," said Squall, rolling his eyes. _Not that I'll need any help. And if I do, the last person I'd go to is you…_

"See you both later, then," said Laguna. And with that, he left Squall's office.

Ellone sighed. "Really, Squall … when is this going to stop?"

"When is what going to stop?" asked Squall, sitting down again.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," said Ellone. "He truly does care for your wellbeing."

"Yeah, well if he cared so much then why did he throw me in an orphanage?" demanded Squall, "It sure _helped, _didn't it? _Helped_ my ass … it messed me up bad…"

"We've been through this a million times," said Ellone in exasperation, "He did what he did so he could save the world."

"Oh, right, so it's all right for his son to get messed up but it's not all right for the world?" said Squall angrily.

"You know exactly what I mean," said Ellone warningly. She sighed. "He loves you, Squall. He would do anything for you."

"Well it's too late for that," said Squall sharply, "What he did scarred me. He's the reason why I went through hell."

"And that was how you found happiness," said Ellone quietly.

Squall stopped and thought about what his sister said. She was right … he went to the orphanage, and from that he joined SeeD, and from that he met Rinoa, and from that he found himself again, and from that he saved the world. Maybe … maybe fate existed after all…

"I still can't forgive him," said Squall flatly.

Ellone threw her hands in the air in irritation. "You know what, Squall? Quistis is right. _Everyone_ is right. You dwell on the past way too much. You say you move on, but you don't. Because you're _afraid _of the future. You're so _afraid _of the future that you have to hang onto the _past_."

"I'm not _afraid _of anything," argued Squall.

"Yes, whatever Squall!" exclaimed Ellone. "You can keep your tough act on. You can pretend not be afraid all you want. It's not going to get you anywhere." She sighed and just walked out of the office, bumping into Ashleigh, who was about to head in.

"Hello Ellone, is Squall in there?" asked Ashleigh innocently.

"Please don't _talk _to me," snapped Ellone, walking past Ashleigh.

Ashleigh stared at Ellone in shock, then just walked into the office.

"What's wrong with _her_?" asked Ashleigh snobbishly.

Squall kept his face in his palms and did not look up. _I don't need this now. _Ellone never went off like that when they were younger, but lately she had been very irritable with him. Squall tried to ignore it, and he was pretty good at it. He never let what his friends or Ellone or Laguna, or Ashleigh said to him. But the words he tried to forget would come back to him later, and he would feel guilty about it. For about ten seconds.

"She's just in a bad mood," mumbled Squall.

"Uh huh…" Ashleigh smiled. "Come on, Squall, look at me. I haven't seen your face for so long!" It then came to her attention that there was a new portrait in the room – Rinoa's portrait. Ashleigh was very alarmed at this, but she did not question it.

Squall rolled his eyes and took his face out of his hands. He looked at Ashleigh with no emotion whatsoever. She looked quite the same. Her amber hair was no longer wavy, but dead straight. Her features were still sharp, and she still had that snobbishness in her eyes. She had lost a lot of weight and had a pretty figure. She also dished out some of her mother's and Squall's money to get implants to make herself look more 'visually pleasing'. That day she was wearing the white suit that she got from her mother for her twenty-first birthday – the same white suit that was covered with blood when she ran over Rinoa. She wore that suit everyday to work.

What was her job? She worked alongside Squall and the others. She was a part of the Estharian Garden project and played a vital role – the treasurer. She financed all the money and she was damn good at it.

"Oh, how adorable you are … you managed to keep your Estharian tan," said Ashleigh brightly, sitting herself on the edge of Squall's desk and forgetting about the painting. She pulled her short white skirt down to accommodate.

"I'm not in the mood," groaned Squall.

Ashleigh slightly frowned. _He's never in the mood… _"Oh, well, I hear you managed to receive the funds from Trabia. How much are they offering?"

"Fifty million gil," replied Squall. He found Ashleigh's position right in front of him on his desk to be quite disturbing. The least she could do was to sit on a seat, since they were discussing formal business. He might have been marrying the woman but he put his work before that.

Ashleigh looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Not the most generous of offers … but it'll be fine."

"How much do we have in our investments?" asked Squall, not looking at Ashleigh.

"We have almost two billion gil on us at the moment," said Ashleigh, as if she knew it off by heart, "This is after the building payments. The whole Garden is almost complete; it'll probably be about another two months. But you should probably ask Zelly about that, he's in charge of the building and maintenance and all that."

"And what about the staff?" asked Squall. "How much are we to pay them?"

"Well, we promised them a ten thousand gil salary per month … so it'll probably cost us around two and a half million gil a year for the staff."

"All right," said Squall, taking the information into accord. "Thank you, Ashleigh."

Ashleigh slightly frowned. "Is … that all?"

"Uh … yes…?" Squall pretended to look for something in his drawer to avoid looking at Ashleigh from such a position.

"Oh … okay…" Ashleigh got off the desk. "Squall…?"

"Yeah?" he said, still rummaging through his neat drawer.

"The wedding is in six months … are you sure that with his whole Garden thing that we'll have time?"

Squall sighed and looked up at her. "I don't know. You're in charge of that … I don't care about what happens."

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes at her fiancé. "I've made all the arrangements … how can you say you don't care?"

"If you've made all the arrangements, fine," said Squall. He definitely wasn't looking forward to the wedding - that was for sure. Especially after the recent turn of events.

Ashleigh decided not to argue. She didn't exactly feel loved, but Squall was marrying her. He had to love her, didn't he?

"All right … I'll see you later then, sweetie," said Ashleigh.

"Remember there's a board meeting tomorrow morning," said Squall. "All new staff and board members will be there, as well as the president. If our treasurer is missing then it's pointless."

Ashleigh smiled weakly. _At least he thinks I'm important… _"Don't worry, I won't forget." _I won't…_

_

* * *

_  
"Wow … it sure is warm today!" said Rinoa as she got out the apartment building. She and Min had arrived in Esthar the previous night, and already they were called for work. It was easy for her to adapt to the warm weather – she wore a baby blue nylon tank top and a black cotton skirt that came half way up her knee. Since she was going to such a formal place, she decided not to look _too _casual and threw a matching black blazer over her tank top, which only made her extremely hot.

"Get used it, Sierra," said Min, "We're going to be here for a _long _time." She was dressed similarly to Rinoa; instead she wore white and pink. Both of them had their hair tied up, Min's was in a tight ponytail and Rinoa's was in a loose bun. Both of them took off their blazers on their way to work – they walked to the presidential palace, where the meeting was held. They lived not too far away.

"We'll have to take this extreme weather into accord when designing the uniforms, huh?" said Rinoa.

"Yeah…"

The two women finally reached the palace and were simply stunned at the size of the building.

"Oh my god, I'm not going to survive here," said Min, blinking furiously.

"I bet we're working with billionaires…!" Rinoa gasped.

"We look like street kids," said Min. She shook her head and put her hand firmly on her stomach. "Ugh … I'm so hungry…"

"Didn't you eat breakfast?" asked Rinoa.

"No, I was too busy trying to get out of bed," groaned Min, "This time difference is going to kill me. I think I'll get something to eat. You go on ahead."

"All right, but don't be late okay?" said Rinoa, "The last thing we need is for you to be late on the first day."

"Don't worry, don't worry!" said Min sheepishly, "I'm not that stupid."

"Uh, right," said Rinoa, "Well enjoy breakfast. Please don't cheer over the amazing and different food they have here. You'll make yourself late."

"Sierra, you're crazy, I'm not like that!" said Min, looking offended. "Well, later."

Rinoa and Min parted ways. Rinoa climbed the stairs of the gigantic building and took a deep breath as she came to the front door.

"Here goes nothing…" She pushed it open and was met with the cool feel of air conditioning. Relived, she quickly cooled down and put her blazer on and approached the front desk, the heels of her shoes clicking on the polished tiles.

"Can I help you?" said the young woman at the desk.

"Um … I'm here for a board meeting for the establishment of the new Garden?" said Rinoa.

"Oh, right," said the woman at the desk. "Can I have your name, please?"

Rinoa went through the details and the woman checked everything up on her computer. She then had to hand her ID over to her, and go through a million things. Security must have been tight; after all, the president lived here…

"Okay, you're clear," said the woman, "Take the lift to the fourteenth floor and head straight until you see a room with 'Board Committee' on the door."

"All right, thank you," said Rinoa.

She headed for the elevator and pushed the button, patiently waiting for it to come. As the lift door opened, a young man with long brown hair in a ponytail and a black suit was there, and was about to step off until he looked up and looked really shocked.

"HOLY CRAP!" he shouted, getting off the platform, looking dumbstruck. Of course, he was Irvine, Squall's bodyguard.

Rinoa blinked. "Uh…?"

"You're … you're…!" Irvine restrained himself from saying 'Rinoa' because he knew she was dead. "…Beautiful!"

Rinoa laughed. "Oh, thank you."

Irvine stared at her for so long, not believing his eyes. "Do you … work here?"

"I do now," answered Rinoa, "I'm new here."

"Oh … right!" said Irvine, scratching the back of his head. "Well … the name's Irvine, you'll see me often. You?"

"I'm Sierra," answered Rinoa, "I … don't know if you'll see me often, but I'll be here."

"That's … that's great…"

"Irvine!" called a vibrant female voice from the hallway.

Rinoa looked over Irvine's shoulder to find a brunette in black, none other than Selphie, run up to the two of them.

"Who the heck are you talking – AHHHH!"

Irvine turned around and flustered. Selphie stared at Rinoa in horror, who looked very alarmed. She pointed at Rinoa, stuttering.

"That's … she's…!"

"Really pretty," answered Irvine, giving Selphie an urgent look.

Selphie blinked five times and burst into a huge smile. "Yeah! That's right! Pretty shirt, I like the colour."

Rinoa slowly smiled. "Thank you. I'm Sierra."

"And that's Selphie, great, we've met, let's go!" said Irvine. He grabbed Selphie by the arm and dragged her away from the baffled Rinoa.

"Byeeeee, Sierra!" shouted Selphie.

"STOP YELLING!" yelled the woman at the front desk, who seemed very far away.

Rinoa, bewildered, headed back into the elevator, not knowing what to think. _People here sure are … interesting…_

"Irvine, Irvine, did you see that?" cried Selphie, "She looked just like Rinoa!"

"Yeah, I know," said Irvine, "This is really scary. If Squall finds her … he's gonna…"

"Cry!" screamed Selphie, "Why did he hire a girl like that?"

"He didn't hire her, Quistis is in charge of staff members," said Irvine.

"But why would _Quisty _do that?" questioned Selphie.

"Let's ask her."

* * *

Rinoa stood in the elevator, fixing her hair up as she looked into one of the mirrors. She stopped when the elevator came to a halt, but noticed she was only on the eighth floor. As the doors opened, a young woman in a white suit with straight amber hair came onto the elevator.

She didn't notice anybody in the elevator until Rinoa said a polite, "Hello."

Ashleigh almost had a heart attack when she heard that voice. She focused on the woman in front of her and sounded as if she were about to scream when she saw that face. _It's Rinoa, there's no doubting it … shit, what the hell is she doing here?_

"Are you all right?" asked Rinoa in concern, when she saw Ashleigh's horrified look. She sounded as if she were about to cry.

Ashleigh found her voice and composed herself. "I'm … I'm fine." _What the hell … fuck, this is bad … she's supposed to be dead…_

"Are you … sure?" asked Rinoa.

"I'm fine, all right?" snapped Ashleigh in panic.

Rinoa looked taken aback. "I'm sorry."

It was only then that Ashleigh realised Rinoa acted as if she didn't know her. _What's she playing at_?

"No, I'm sorry for snapping," said Ashleigh apologetically. She cleared her throat and began her act. "Say … are you new here?"

Rinoa nodded slowly.

"Ah, I see," said Ashleigh slowly. "My name is Ashleigh Leonheart, I'm the treasurer of the committee."

Rinoa nodded again. _Leonheart … that name… _"Nice to meet you, Ms Leonheart. I'm Sierra Hearten."

"Ah, it's actually _Mrs_," said Ashleigh, beginning her test, "I'm getting married soon … I just like to call myself Mrs for the _happy thrill._"

Rinoa smiled politely. "Congratulations."

_She doesn't remember a thing… _Ashleigh couldn't help but smile to herself. Her fears were slightly lifted, although she still had a bad feeling inside of her.

"No, I remember, I didn't hire any woman that looks like Rinoa," argued Quistis, as she, Selphie and Irvine walked up the stairs together.

"How can you not?" asked Irvine, "You're in charge of recruitment. I saw that woman with my own eyes five minutes ago."

"Yeah, me too!"

"Well, it's not Rinoa, right?" said Quistis.

"Of course it's not Rinoa," snapped Irvine. "She said her name was Sierra."

"Then stop worrying," said Quistis, "It's not as if it's a ghost or anything."

"That's not the point," said Irvine, "When Squall sees her, he'll flip out like hell."

"Well, I didn't hire her," said Quistis, "I would know. There is no one named Sierra on my list."

"You don't understand, Quisty!" said Selphie, "This woman … looks _exactly _like Rinoa. And I mean like, _splitting image_."

"Oh come on, I don't believe that," said Quistis, "We haven't seen her _properly _for six years."

The three companions stopped as they reached the fourteenth floor. "No, you don't understand!" said Selphie, "She's got the brown streaks, the raven hair, the pale skin, the blueness … everything!"

"So what, it's probably a coincidence," said Quistis earnestly.

"Yeah, well let's see coincidence … she's right over there, heading out the elevator with Ashleigh," said Irvine.

The three of them headed up closer, and Quistis' heart almost stopped when she saw the woman exit the elevator. Irvine and Selphie were right; she _was _a splitting image of Rinoa, even if they hadn't seen her in six years.

"Oh my god, you're right," said Quistis, clasping her hands over her mouth.

"Yeah, see," said Irvine. "Now let's call her over for a _closer _analysis."

"Hey, Sierra!" called Selphie loudly.

Quistis collected herself and prepared herself.

"Oh, well I'll see you in the meeting," said Rinoa.

Ashleigh nodded and walked away from her. Rinoa headed over to the trio.

"Hello," said Rinoa as she approached them.

"Hey, Sierra, welcome to the crew," said Irvine, "Meet Quisty, she's the smart one."

Quistis smiled. "Hello, my name is Quistis."

"Nice to meet you," said Rinoa.

"Likewise," said Quistis, "Well … I have a couple of questions for you, Ms…"

"Hearten," answered Rinoa, "But just call me Sierra."

"Ah, of course Sierra," said Quistis. "Well … I'm the recruitment manager."

"I see," said Rinoa, "Well, I'd like to thank you for this offer. It's really going to help me and my partner."

"…Partner?" said Quistis.

"Yes, my business partner," said Rinoa. _Min you dog, what a great impressio you're making. _"Uh … she's looking for something to eat right now. She'll be here for the meeting."

"I … see," said Quistis. "Well, that is the thing. I don't recall ever hiring someone from … uh…"

"Trabia…" answered Rinoa slowly. _Oh crap, don't tell me I'm getting kicked off on the first day._

"Trabia!" shouted Selphie, "I'm from Trabia!"

"Wow, really?" said Rinoa, "Great."

"I don't know you, though," said Selphie, cocking her head.

"Oh … I only moved there two years ago," answered Rinoa.

Quistis cleared her throat. "As I was saying. I don't recall ever hiring someone from _Trabia, _so I'd like to ask who hired you?"

Rinoa looked uncomfortable. "I … I don't know. Whoever it was offered the job to my partner, and she only delivered the message to me. I don't know who offered the job, you'll have to ask her." _Min, I'm going to kill you._

Quistis nodded slowly. "I see. Well, I'll raise the issue later when your partner gets here."

Rinoa smiled weakly. "Thank you. Well … I'll see you in the meeting, I guess."

Quistis returned the smile. "Of course."

Rinoa walked away, blindly looking for the boardroom, whilst Quistis, Selphie and Irvine were left to talk.

"You're right," said Quistis, "She looks like Rinoa."

"See, told you so!" said Irvine gloatingly.

"But I didn't hire her, Squall is going to _die _when he sees her!" said Quistis, panicking. "He's getting over her death, this is going to shatter him…"

"Don't you think we know that?" said Irvine, "Why did you say _I'll raise the issue later _instead of just _kicking her out_? That would have made things a lot easier, and Squall would never have to meet her."

"Well that's just stupid!" said Quistis, "That's unfair."

"Well you're the boss, you have the power to kick her off," said Irvine earnestly, "I mean, she decided to strut herself in here without being invited. Sounds pretty unfair to all the other Garden worker-wannabes."

"But her name was listed on the computer," argued Quistis, "Somebody hired her. The security around here is really tight. You make sure of that."

Irvine nodded. "Yeah, I know that."

"You … didn't make any errors, did you?" asked Quistis.

"Hey, are you blaming me for this?" demanded Irvine. "It's not my fault, I check the records and give the names to the secretary! And that's not even the _main _part of my job. I'm in charge of the security guards and all that, the alarms, suspicious characters in the building."

"They come with photographs, Irvine!" said Quistis in frustration. "Surely you would notice a woman who is identical to Rinoa?"

"Of course I would!" snapped Irvine, "And I _don't _remember ever seeing someone that looked like her. That's _your _job! You're the one who checks the résumés and all that, I just check for criminal records! Maybe _you're _the one who screwed up?"

"I didn't _screw up_," argued Quistis, "I think _I _would know better than that."

"And you're saying I don't?" snapped Irvine.

"No, I'm saying—"

Selphie whistled loudly to stop the quarrel. "Guys! Stop _arguing_! We can blame each other later, right now we have to worry about that woman from actually getting anywhere near Squall!"

Quistis sighed. "You're right."

"Yeah, we have to drive her out of the building and make sure she never comes back," said Irvine, nodding.

"Yeah, got any ideas, brainiac?" asked Quistis in irritation.

Irvine nodded. "Yes, I _do _have a couple of evil schemes up my sleeve…"


	27. The Meeting

**A/N: **LoL ... change of summary again -sweat drop- Thank you for all of your support! I really appreciate it. As for the ending ... well, you'll have to find out, won't you? Keke. To tell you the truth, I haven't even seen the ending ... so, maybe that'll contribute something to it :P

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 27 – The Meeting  
**

_Min, I'm going to murder you. _

Rinoa sat in the boardroom, smiling nervously as she watched the other board members chattering before the meeting. Some approached her and asked about her, and she felt like an idiot when she said that it wasn't Quistis who hired her – and she would feel even more idiotic when she said she didn't know who did.

Somebody tapped Rinoa on the shoulder. She turned around to find Irvine standing there, grinning cheerfully.

"Hey, Sierra baby, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," said Irvine.

Rinoa blinked. "Why? The meeting starts soon…" _And Min hasn't showed up yet…_

"Uh, yeah, well about that," said Irvine, scratching his head. He turned around and looked out the glass doors, where Quistis and Selphie stood there, leaving it all up to him.

Quistis gave him a blank stare when he turned around. "What's wrong? Why is he looking at me?"

"I don't know!" said Selphie in panic.

She felt a little relieved when Irvine quickly turned back to Rinoa, talking as if he knew what he was doing.

"He'd _better _know what he's doing…"

"Who's out there?" asked Rinoa, trying to look in Irvine's direction.

Irvine quickly turned back to her. "Uh … nobody." He blocked her view of the outside world. "Listen, I'm serious, you have to get out of this building."

"Why?" asked Rinoa, a little more sharply this time.

"Because … because whoever called you up here made a mistake," said Irvine coolly.

"Mistake?"

"Yeah, uh, you see…" Irvine scratched his head, "Today's meeting is only for … um … _real _Garden staff members."

"I _am_ real!" argued Rinoa.

"Yeah, well what I mean is … well, y'know, like the actual committee," said Irvine. "Who … uh … teach, and are in charge of … um ... things. Not the finance … people."

"I'm in charge of the uniforms," said Rinoa, staring at Irvine as if he were the biggest loser on the planet. "And I _am_ a part of the commerce faction, but I just met the treasurer in the elevator and _she's_ over there…" She pointed to Ashleigh, who was at the other end of the table, speaking to another board member.

Irvine didn't know what to say. He was indeed corrected and rocked himself. Instead, he smiled in defeat with his eyes almost closed. "Right. My mistake." He nodded curtly and began to walk out, but quickly ran back to her because he thought of a better idea.

"Oh, oh! I mean ... you have to leave because ... because I ... uh ... like you?" Irvine laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head.

Rinoa simply stared at him in utter amazement. "What?"

"Uh ... forget it." Irvine shook his head, not believing he wasn't such a talker that day, and walked out of the boardroom, where he met Quistis and Selphie outside.

"Did you get her out?" asked Selphie.

"Uh, I encountered a couple of slight problems," said Irvine, nodding slowly, "She … just didn't want to go. She loves this job a lot…"

"Irvine!" scolded Quistis, slightly pushing her companion. "You can't talk someone out of a room if your life depended on it!"

Irvine collected himself. "Hey, I tried, all right? She's more like Rinoa than I thought! Stubborn, as always!"

Quistis sighed and glanced at her watch. "Oh, this is great, the meeting starts in sixty seconds. We'll have to get in there and face the music."

"Nooo, Squall is _so _going to flip out," said Selphie, as if the world was going to end.

"We'll get through it," said Irvine comfortingly.

The three of them went into the boardroom and took their places at the long, rectangular table. They all sat on the higher end of the table, as they were all the higher authority of the committee. Quistis was sitting on the right side next to Irvine. Opposite of Irvine was Selphie, who was sitting next to Ashleigh.

Quistis glanced out of the glass side door to see Ellone, Squall and Laguna approaching as they prep-talked for the meeting. She sighed and stood up to begin the meeting.

"Can I have your attention please," said Quistis professionally.

The boardroom fell silent as Quistis spoke.

"You're all here today for the first official meeting of the Estharian Garden Establishment project," she announced, "Today will be a series of discussions about finance, the way the Garden will run, and other pressing matters of the like." She looked back to the side door and saw Ellone, Squall and Laguna waiting for their cue to enter.

_Damn it Min, I'm going to kill you. _She looked around nervously, not knowing what to do.

"Please rise in respect for Ellone Loire, executive chairwoman of the committee," said Quistis, nodding in the direction of the side door.

Everyone in the boardroom stood up as Ellone entered the room with her serene smile, and took her place on the near left hand side of the table, at the very end next to Quistis.

"…Vice President of Esthar, Squall Leonheart…"

The name jogged Rinoa's attention straight away. _Leonheart is vice president of Esthar?_

Squall entered the room with a blank face. Rinoa stared at him with a look of utter shock and a weak smile as he entered the room. _He never told me that he was vice president of a country!_

As Squall walked in, he saw all his friends looking vague but took no notice of it. Then he saw Rinoa, giving him the shocked look of a lifetime with a confused but sweet smile. Squall couldn't help but smile a small smile back at her as he took his place on the opposite side of Ellone, right next to Ashleigh. Squall's smile made Rinoa's smile widen.

Nobody was more confused than Quistis, Irvine and Selphie. They were expecting Squall to see the Rinoa look-alike and keep his very blank expression and then later mope about it. But he didn't. He _smiled _at her, and this was very strange. Not only did he _smile_, but also he _smiled _at a woman who looked like Rinoa … and Rinoa was supposed to be dead!

Irvine was staring blankly at Squall in disbelief and Selphie was also. Quistis kept a straight face and elbowed Irvine to act professionally. She didn't even note that the seat next to Selphie was empty, which Zell was supposed to be occupying.

"…And the honourable president of Esthar, President Laguna Loire," said Quistis.

Laguna entered the room with a gleeful smile and sat on the very end of the table, in between Squall and Ellone, looking down at the rest of the board.

"Thank you, Quistis," said Laguna, nodding at the blonde. He looked down at the rest of the committee. Just about everyone was wearing formal black suits besides Ashleigh, who was wearing white, and himself, who was wearing is casual attire. They all held straight faces and the formality almost killed Laguna. "Please sit."

Everyone in the room took their seats, except for Laguna. He cleared his throat and began his speech. "Thank you, all of you, for attending today's meeting. I'm pleased to announce that we're only but a couple of small steps away from establishing the very first Estharian Garden. Okay, now I don't know what the heck I'm doing at this meeting, because I'm really not doing any work – Squall and Ellone, and all the rest of you guys are here, and nobody has told me a thing about this project. Why is everyone so mean to me?"

There was a murmur of laughter in the room. Everyone was afraid of being too rude or informal, as they were in the presence of the most important people of the country. They obviously didn't know Laguna very well. Rinoa giggled a little at Laguna's optimism and could tell she was going to like her boss.

"So, basically, I'm really not going to intervene with any of your thoughts and ideas today," said Laguna, "So don't be afraid to speak out, I won't bite. I'm just here to listen and see what's going on. Y'all got that clear?"

Everybody in the room was nodding. Squall rolled his eyes.

"I'm glad to see everyone enthusiastic about this," said Laguna with a chuckle, "So I'm going to hand it over to Squall now." He sat down and listened patiently.

Squall remained seated and glanced at the notes he had written in front of him beforehand. "All right. I would like to welcome all the new staff here and thank Ms Trepe for organising them. I expect that we will all become well acquainted and will face little complications." He quickly glanced at Rinoa for no apparent reason. "Ms Trepe, may I ask how many recruits we have on our team so far?"

Quistis cleared her throat. "Yes, we have approximately twenty hired instructors so far, excluding myself, sir." She was getting used to calling Squall her superior in front of an audience. She used to hate it, the words used to sting her with passion, but she was used to it now.

"How many are experienced?" asked Squall.

"We have five relatively experienced instructors, six retired SeeDs, and the rest are ex-students who have recently completed their Garden courses, sir. Of course, they are excellent achievers who are skilled in academic studies and practical studies."

"I see," said Squall slowly, taking the information into mind.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Zell and Min came running into the room, huffing and puffing as if they were running a marathon. Rinoa sighed and shook her head sadly as Min was almost a mess.

"Hey … Squall … I'm … sorry we're … late…" Zell said through wheezes as he bent down to catch his breath.

Squall looked at the pair of latecomers with his same emotionless expression. "I'm glad you've decided to join us, Mr Dincht and Miss…" He searched his mind for a name, but couldn't find one.

"Min ... I'm _Min!"_ cried Min, also huffing and puffing.

"Well … we were eating at one of the restaurants … and … then … we noticed we were late…" Zell caught his breath.

"So we … ran back to the building … but the elevator got stuck … and…" Min flushed a bright red colour as everyone was now looking at them both.

"And … we had to bust our way out … and now we're here."

"Thank you for that very interesting story," said Squall sarcastically, "Please take a seat. I'll deal with you later."

Zell nodded. "Thanks, _sir_. Hey Rinoa," he added, as he waked past Rinoa. He stopped and went back to look at her. "RINOA!"

Rinoa blinked in puzzlement, taking no notice of Min sitting down next to her.

"HOLY COW!" shouted Zell.

Irvine slapped his forehead in irritation, Selphie folded her arms in annoyance and Quistis shook her head in shame.

"Sit down, Mr Dincht," said Squall fiercely.

Zell took his seat next to Selphie, not taking his eyes off Rinoa in shock. Ashleigh looked nervous, as she kept shifting her eyes around the room. Laguna held an amused smile on his face while Ellone was trying to hold back laughter. Everyone else in the room simply stared at both Zell and a flustered Rinoa, not knowing what to think.

"As I was saying, before we were _interrupted…_" Squall continued to speak.

"Sorry, Sierra," whispered Min while Squall was talking. "It's just that—"

"I'll talk to _you _later," hissed Rinoa under her breath, hoping that nobody would notice her talking in the middle of the meeting.

The meeting continued, and Rinoa watched in silence as the other members of the board spoke about the future of Garden. She hoped that nobody would come to pick on her and make her speak, because she felt very low standard – all of the people she was sitting with were professionals, and she was just some fashion girl who was there for a reason she did not understand.

The meeting finally came to an end, and Rinoa was safe. She was almost relieved, and was very curious about Squall. She also wanted to scold Min for her tardiness.

"Thank you for joining us today," said Laguna, rising. "We have progressed very much. You will be contacted when the next meeting has been arranged. Dismissed."

Everybody in the room stood up and began chattering with each other as they packed up their files and briefcases. Rinoa looked at Min with a very disapproving face as she rose.

Min laughed nervously. "Sorry about that, Sierra."

"Please explain why you were so late … and why you had to make a big entrance about it!" cried Rinoa.

"Well, Zell explained already!" said Min, "We were eating, and we were so caught up in conversation that we were running late. Then we ran back to the office and got into the elevator, but we got stuck, so Zell did all these computer things but it didn't work, so he used his cool martial arts…"

Rinoa still stared, but then laughed. "Hah, I bet you had real fun with _him!_"

Min blushed. "Why … what ever do you mean?"

"Aw, stop the act Min," said Rinoa, playfully poking her friend in the arm. "I understand completely." She looked into the corner of her eye and saw Squall scolding Zell about being late.

"You obviously don't care about the way the committee is presented," said Squall. "You were late and you made a complete _ass _out of yourself."

"I did not!" argued Zell, "How else was I supposed to come in? I apologised!"

"Oh shut up, Zell, you came in and started saying god-knows-what," said Irvine, shaking his head, obviously referring to the whole Rinoa thing.

"Hey don't blame me, you're in charge of security, _Irvine,_" said Zell defensively, "Your elevators stuffed up on me."

"Yeah, and since when did elevators come under security?" said Irvine in disbelief. "_You're _in charge of building and maintenance."

"Yeah, _for the Garden_," Zell shot back.

"Guys, break it up!" said Selphie.

The two man glared at each other and turned back to Squall.

"I don't know who's fault it was, but I expect it fixed," said Squall, "As for you Zell…"

Quistis had a feeling Squall was going to be hard on him and suspend Zell or something. "Squall, don't be so hard on him…"

Squall ignored Quistis, for he wasn't going to be hard on Zell. "…Just don't do it anymore."

The four companions stared at Squall in disbelief. He was being awfully soft that day.

"Uh, sure Squall, whatever you say," said Zell slowly, "I mean … sir."

"Zell, we're not in the conference anymore, drop the formalities," said Squall bluntly. "I'll see you all later."

As he was about to move, Rinoa began scolding Min again. She didn't know why, she probably wanted to make herself look good. But there was hardly anybody left in the room, only herself, Min, Squall and his friends.

"…So, next time, be on time, Min!" said Rinoa.

"Yeah, I know, it won't happen again!" said Min, "Sheesh!"

Rinoa smiled as Squall walked past her and went out the glass doors. She felt somewhat disappointed when he didn't stop to talk.

"I'll talk to you later, I need to talk to that guy," said Rinoa quickly, walking out after Squall.

Min blinked and stared out after her.

Selphie, Zell, Quistis and Irvine were also still very confused. Squall was being soft on the day, which happened to be the day where he saw a woman that looked like Rinoa. He wasn't being colder than usual, he wasn't being bitterer than usual – in fact, it was the complete opposite. There was definitely something going on that they didn't know about, and their suspicions only rose when they saw so-called Sierra walk out after Squall.

"There's really something weird going on here," said Irvine.

"Is it just me, or was that _Rinoa_?" said Zell in disbelief.

"That's what we thought too, but come on Zell," said Quistis, "Rinoa's…"

"Yeah, I know, I know," said Zell quickly. "But god _damn_, she looks so much like her…"

"Yeah, but let's worry about that _later _when we're _out _of the conference room," said Selphie through gritted teeth. She suddenly grinned at Zell and looked over at Min, who was putting things into her purse.

"Who's you're new friend, Zell?" whispered Selphie.

Zell laughed out loud, almost nervously. "Oh her … she's Min … we met at the pizza place across the road…"

"Pizza," repeated Irvine with a laugh, "And I always thought you were a hotdog guy."

"Hey, I can like pizza too!" said Zell defensively.

Min looked up at the group. She could tell that they were talking about her meeting with Zell, and couldn't help but smile. "Hi, Zell!"

Zell laughed nervously and looked at Min, who was looking back at him with a sweet smile.

"Hey Min, still here?" asked Zell.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for my friend," said Min.

"Hey, are you from Trabia?" asked Selphie suspiciously.

Min laughed. "Yeah, I am. Why?"

"Because … you look really familiar," said Selphie slowly.

"Really? Who are you?" asked Min, walking up to the group of four.

"I'm Selphie!" answered Selphie.

"Selphie? Selphie … Tilmitt?" asked Min.

"Yeah!"

"Wow, oh my gosh!" said Min in glee, "Remember me, I'm Min, we were in prep-Garden together for a year! But then I quit when I turned six because killing people is wrong…"

"Oh yeah! I remember you, Min!" said Selphie excitedly.

Irvine elbowed Zell in the ribs with a mischievous laugh.

"Can I ask you … who's your friend?" asked Quistis.

"Oh, my friend?" said Min, "She's out there looking for some guy. Her name is Sierra."

"I see," said Quistis.

"Hey, you," said Rinoa playfully, stopping.

Squall stopped and turned around to find Rinoa. He smirked and walked up to her. "Hey. Looks like we both had our rounds with our tardy partners, huh?"

Rinoa laughed and nodded. "Yeah, Min can be a bit crazy sometimes. But more importantly … you never told me you were the _vice president _of _Esthar_!"

Squall snickered. "I guess it slipped my mind."

"Yeah, I bet, Leonheart," said Rinoa doubtfully. "One of your partners was asking me who hired me."

"Oh, you mean Quistis…"

"Yeah," said Rinoa, "And I was really confused and didn't know what to say. So, let me ask _Vice President Leonheart, _who was the one who hired me?"

Squall flustered. He didn't want to say that it was he who had hired her and Min. He didn't know why, he just felt that there was more to 'Sierra' that met the eye. Was it because of her undoubted likeness with Rinoa? He didn't want to admit it, but deep down inside, maybe that was a part of the reason. "Uh…"

Rinoa laughed. "Oh, cut it, Mr Self-Esteem. I know you hired us. The moment I heard _Vice President Squall Leonheart_, I knew you were the one who gave me … _us …_ this chance." She was going to ask _why _he did it. She knew she had no skill with combat or anything to do with Garden. But she decided against it. She didn't want to know just yet.

"Well … you know, I thought you needed it…" Squall scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "I mean, I thought you _wanted _it. I didn't think you _needed _it or anything…"

Rinoa laughed again, being familiar with Squall's skills with words. It was funny, he was so refined in the boardroom but when it came to personal conversations he was so _bad_. "Don't worry, Leonheart, I know what you mean. And I did need it. Thank you." She smiled.

Squall couldn't help but smile back.

"And I suppose you're the kind gentleman who left a crisp ten thousand gil note on the counter back at my store?" said Rinoa, smiling widely.

Squall scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. "Maybe."

"Oh, you!" Rinoa poked Squall playfully. Squall tried very hard to parry Rinoa's raid. Rinoa burst out laughing. "Thanks."

Ashleigh came out of the bathroom looking for Squall, and finally found him. She was mortified when she saw him speaking with Rinoa, and what was even more mortifying was that he was _smiling_. Why was he smiling?

"Squall, _sweetheart_," she said sweetly, walking up to the pair. She gave Rinoa a quick, bitter glance that Rinoa didn't seem to notice. "We have to get going."

Squall's smile thinned as Ashleigh approached. Rinoa looked at Ashleigh, who was smiling sweetly. She grabbed Squall by the arm, almost showing off her prize to Rinoa.

Rinoa, slightly taken aback, smiled back at Ashleigh. It was then that she remembered the name _Ashleigh Leonheart_. She was getting married to Squall … the thought somehow troubled Rinoa. But she couldn't say for certain that she was unhappy about the idea.

"I'll see you later, Sierra," said Squall, quickly waving as Ashleigh dragged him down the hallway.

Rinoa weakly waved back with a meek smile. "Later, Leonheart!"

"_Leonheart_?" Ashleigh hissed at Squall, "She has no right to address you so informally…"

"It's all right, Ashleigh," said Squall, almost irritably, "She's a friend."

"What? You've met her before?" said Ashleigh in what sounded like panic.

"Yes…" Squall rolled his eyes as the couple got into the elevator. "How else would I know her?"

Ashleigh felt nervous all of a sudden. _Why is he acting so calm about this…? Why is he acting as if this woman doesn't have a single similarity with Rinoa? Why is he acting as if Rinoa never even existed?_

Rinoa tried to keep her smile strong and real, but for some reason she couldn't. As Squall went into the elevator, Rinoa let out a short sigh. As she was about to go back into the boardroom to look for Min, she turned around only to find that Min was already standing there, smiling.

"Min!" Rinoa almost jumped in fright.

"Oh, don't try to wriggle your way out of this one, Missy," said Min, unbuttoning the top button of her vest.

"Why, what ever do you mean?" asked Rinoa casually. She picked up her purse and swung it on her shoulder.

Min laughed shortly. "That smile. That sigh. You can't say anything about that, can you? And vice president _Leonheart _is pretty swoon-able…"

Rinoa's cheeks flushed a faint red colour. "Min, I can't believe you're suggesting something like that. And why the _hell _where you watching me?"

Min laughed again. "Relax, I just came out and happened to see you sigh and smile … in that manner." She grinned mischievously.

"Uh-huh, right," said Rinoa doubtfully. The two of them began to make their way towards the stairs. "Well, I happened to be _smiling _because it's a friendly gesture. You know, friendly? It's not a crime, is it?"

"No, no, of course not!" said Min, "But the _way _you were smiling…"

"As a matter of fact, _Ms Novella_, I happen to already have someone named Marcel?" said Rinoa. "And _Leonheart_ happens to be _engaged…_"

"Yikes, that's gotta hurt," said Min. "Who's the lucky wench?"

"Min!" said Rinoa defensively, "It doesn't hurt. He's getting married to that blonde…"

"Oh, you mean Quistis?"

"No, not _her_," said Rinoa. "The treasurer. Ashleigh what's-her-name."

"Oh, _her_," said Min, nodding, as they walked down the stairs. "She sure knows how to stick out like a sore thumb. But how do you know the _vice president _personally, anyway? You forgot to mention that tiny detail of your life!"

Rinoa laughed weakly. "Remember how I skipped work that day? To see some guy who thought I was a girl who he was madly in love with? Guess who _he _was."

Min gasped and stared at Rinoa, who took no notice."_No way_. Are you _serious_?"

"Yes, serious as hell," said Rinoa. "He's the one who offered us the job. He's the one who left that cash for us!"

Min stared at Rinoa. "Like, whoa!" She thought for a second. "Yeah, now that I think about it, he does look like that hot guy that walked into our shop that day and asked me to work for him!"

"That's because he _is _that guy," said Rinoa. The two of them finally reached the bottom floor. Min was extremely tired already.

"Oh, well _no wonder_!" said Min, as if realising something obvious.

"No wonder what?"

"No _wonder _he offered the job," said Min, "And all this time I thought we were actually good for something. But no, it actually turns out that he offered the job because the guy has a _thing _for you."

"He does _not _have a _thing_ for me," said Rinoa defensively. "We're good friends. And he's getting married, anyway."

"Yeah, and you've got a boyfriend … do you think that means anything?" asked Min shortly. Before Rinoa could interject, Min spoke. "Anyway, I'll meet up with you later, I'm meeting Zell!"

Rinoa sighed and smiled at her friend. "All right. Have fun. And give me details."

Min laughed, waved and said goodbye. She parted ways with Rinoa, and she was left there to think. Min's words stung her like a swarm of angry bees. Was her friend implying that she had feelings for Squall, regardless of whether she had Seifer, and that he had feelings for her, regardless of whether he was getting married? That very thought troubled her. It just didn't sound right, and she just didn't believe it.

Yet.


	28. The Orphanage

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, everyone! I hope I'm not dragging this on for too long ... but things are just starting to build up :P As for Zell and Min ... it's not really a big thing, I just wanted some relief in it to make it more interesting. And sometimes I will say Seifer instead of Marcel ... because Marcel is technically Seifer. The only time I would call him Marcel is if one of the characters are directly speaking about Seifer AS Marcel ... if that makes any sense. I hope that answers some of your questions :)

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 28 – The Orphanage**

_Ring, ring._

Rinoa squirmed at the sound of the telephone ringing. She was having such a wonderful sleep, and some _person _just had to ruin it for her. She waited for Min to get the phone for her.

_Ring, ring_.

"Min…!" Rinoa groaned out loud, hoping that Min would hear her from her own room or that whoever it was would stop.

_Ring, ring_.

Rinoa groaned again and buried herself under the warmth of the blankets.

_Ring, ring._

"ARGH, fine…!" Rinoa got out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She limped out of her bedroom into the lounge. _Damn it, are you happy! _She picked up the phone and held the receiver to her ear.

"Hello," she mumbled, yawning.

"Oh, is that you, Sierra?" came Min's voice on the other end.

"Min?" Her voice was filled with sleepiness, but she the surprise in her voice covered the sleepiness entirely.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yes, Min, you woke me up … are you happy?" groaned Rinoa. She hated being woken up, regardless of whoever it was that had woken her. "Where _are _you?"

"I'm out, exploring Esthar a bit," said Min, "I was gonna go with you, but I remembered how much you hated being woken up."

"Gee, thanks for remembering," said Rinoa sarcastically.

"Well, I'm not going to be back for a while," said Min, "Thanks for understanding, bye!"

Before Rinoa could respond, Min hung up the phone. Rinoa blinked dully and put the receiver back on its hook. "Typical Min," muttered Rinoa through stifled yawns. _She's probably hanging out with that Zell guy she met … oh well, she needs a man anyway__…_

Glancing at the clock on the counter, she noticed that it was ten thirty in the morning. Seeing as how she was already up, there was no point in going back to sleep. She had a quiet breakfast which consisted of exotic Estharian cereal and an apple. She didn't feel like staying at home – it was much too boring on her own. She decided to get dressed and go for a bit of a walk.

* * *

"Yeah, there _is_ something fishy going on here," said Irvine as the four companions were taking the elevator up to the office. They were discussing, with interest, Squall and Rinoa, and how Squall didn't flip out or go cold after seeing her. Zell was in fact troubled that Squall let him off so easy for being late. Selphie thought it was a good thing, but Quistis and Irvine were both concerned – and also found ways to argue with each other. 

"Of _course_ there's something funny going on," said Quistis, "I mean, after the meeting yesterday … I saw the two of them _talking_. And Squall was _smiling_, and _laughing_, and this Sierra woman was also _smiling and laughing_."

"But that's a good thing, right?" said Selphie.

"By the looks of it, but what if the reasons are bad?" said Quistis, "What if something's going on that we don't know about?"

"Quistis, why are you so worried?" asked Irvine, "It's Squall's life, he's a big boy now, he can make his own decisions. We have no right to butt into his life like this."

"Yes, I know that…"

"If he likes talking to women that look like Rinoa, then he can," said Irvine simply, "Who are we to stop him?"

"I'm not trying to _stop _him…"

"I mean, come on, there's nothing wrong with that—"

"There's _a lot _of things wrong with that," said Quistis, "What if he falls in love with her?"

"And why would he do that?" said Irvine.

"Um, _hello_?" said Quistis, "Have you taken a _look _at that woman? She is _identical _to Rinoa … she talks like Rinoa, she looks like Rinoa. I mean _seriously _… why wouldn't he?"

"Because he's over Rinoa," said Irvine shortly.

"_What the hell are you talking about_?" Quistis threw her arms in the air in frustration as she got off the lift, "He's still so hostile, and cold, and _mean_…"

"He's also getting married," said Irvine, following Quistis.

"I don't believe he really loves Ashleigh," said Quistis flatly.

"Well believe it," said Irvine, rolling his eyes.

"I mean, come on, he's—"

"Guys!" interjected Selphie, stopping, "Can we please stop discussing Squall's personal life?"

Everyone else stopped as well.

"That's what I've been trying to _say _to Miss _Trepe_," said Irvine, irritated.

"I'm just worried about him," explained Quistis.

"Worried about who?"

Quistis and Irvine broke their death glares and looked up, only to find Squall standing there in his lovely suit and gunblade swung on his shoulder. His normally expressionless look was slightly adjusted as his electric eyes were filled with the slightest hint of interest.

"Oh, hey there, Squall," said Irvine, "We were just talking about—"

"Zell," said Quistis hastily, cutting Irvine off. "I'm just so worried about him. I mean, he's late, and he has an obsession with food, and…"

"Uh ... not here?" Squall offered.

"Yeah, that's right, right Zell?" said Quistis. She stopped and looked around, and laughed nervously when she found Zell wasn't there.

Irvine grinned nervously. "Hah, poor Quistis ... staying up too late again, huh?"

Squall nodded slowly.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" asked Selphie, steering the conversation out of the awkwardness.

"Oh, just going for a walk," mumbled Squall.

"But we were just going to—" Selphie was about to say that they were just going to see him in his office to 'body guard' him.

"Uh, you guys can have an early lunch break," said Squall, "You've been working so hard and … uh … stuff. Anyway, see you later."

Quistis, not believing her ears at all, quickly snapped out of her awe and called back for Squall before he left.

"Squall!" she turned around and ran up to him.

"Yes?" Squall looked at the blonde.

"I've got something to ask you," said Quistis, "Well … you know how I'm head of the recruitment…"

"Yes…" Squall nodded slowly.

"Well, you do know that Sierra woman and her partner, right?" asked Quistis, "Because, I certainly don't. I don't remember hiring them at all … do you know who did?"

"Uh, yeah, I do actually," said Squall, scratching the back of his head, "I kinda … hired them."

Quistis looked very surprised. "You did?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," muttered Squall.

"But … _why_?" asked Quistis, totally amazed. She didn't know what to think or say, or how to react to Squall's very unusual behaviour.

"Because I just did … they were in need of the money, and a job, and…" Squall trailed off.

Quistis knew immediately that there was more to story than that, and she had a faint idea of what the rest of the story would have been. She didn't ask, nor did she suggest anything, but kept her theories to herself.

"I see," said Quistis, before Squall could say anything else. "That's very kind of you, Squall. But do you mind telling me who you hire next time? I mean, I _am _in charge of recruitment…" _This ought to get him fired up…_

"Uh, yeah sure, Quistis … sorry about that," said Squall. "Anyway, I'll see you later."

Quistis blinked in sheer amazement. As Squall walked away, she weakly mustered a quiet "See you later…" and turned back to her companions, who looked just as shocked as she was. They all stood there; staring at Quistis blankly.

"Well I'll be damned," said Irvine, scratching the back of his head.

* * *

"…Really? How exciting!" said Sierra, staring out into the sunset horizon on Deling Bridge. 

Seifer laughed. "You'd be amazed with anything, sis."

Sierra smiled. "But it's so thrilling … Garden sounds like such an exciting place. I would really like to go there some day, but…."

Seifer shook his head. "Don't worry, I'm gonna work hard, okay? Me, and my girl, we'll work really hard so we can pay our dues … and then we'll send you to Garden, where you can get a good education. Living in this dump won't get you anywhere."

Sierra looked at Seifer. "Thank you, Seifer. It means a lot to me."

Seifer grinned at the sight of Sierra's innocent face. Although she was seventeen, she still held the innocence of a ten-year-old. He wiped the dirt off her face and laughed. "Yeah … you've been working your teenaged butt off too hard…"

"Well, my mother's gone now … I have to support myself," said Sierra.

"That just sucks," said Seifer, shaking his head, "And she couldn't even get decent treatment…"

Sierra slightly frowned. "Actually, Seifer, she did…"

Seifer looked very surprised. "She did?"

Sierra nodded. "Didn't I tell you?"

"Apparently not," said Seifer sarcastically. "Please do tell. How could you afford professional treatment?"

"Well … I sold a painting," said Sierra, "A nice guy bought it from me for fifty thousand gil."

"_Fifty thousand_!" exclaimed Seifer. "Holy crap, I have to say that I am _very _proud of you."

"Thanks," said Sierra with a laugh, "But anyway. I used this money to pay for mom's surgery … it was just enough. But it was such a waste … I was too late, and mom's eye cancer was so bad that she required an eye transfusion."

"Eye transfusion?" repeated Seifer curiously.

"Yeah, she needed a new good eye," said Sierra, "Like a blood transfusion, or organ donor."

"I see," said Seifer slowly. "And she didn't get one, did she?"

"Well, I was going to give her my good eye," said Sierra, "But it costed way too much. The chemotherapy and all that was already consuming the whole fifty thousand gil, and she refused to accept my eye…"

"I would too," said Seifer, "I mean, your art involves your sight, you can't do much without your eyes."

"True," said Sierra with a sigh, "I just wish I was in time. And that I had enough money."

Seifer put his arm around her in comfort. "Don't worry. She's gone to a better place."

Sierra smiled. "Yeah … I guess."

"But I have a question," said Seifer, "Which marvellous picture was it that was worth fifty thousand gil? Deling by Night? Balamb Beach, maybe?"

"Heartily Angel," said Sierra softly with a smile.

"Heartily Angel?" repeated Seifer, "You mean … the one of Rinoa?"

"Yeah, that one," replied Sierra, "The one that I made for her and you enlarged. The two of them found it a masterpiece."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Two of them? Who would buy … a picture of someone they didn't know?"

"Oh, that's right!" exclaimed Sierra excitedly, "It was this … man that claimed to know Rinoa before she left us. His name was Squall…"

_Squall_, thought Seifer, _Where have I heard that name before?_

"And he was with someone," said Sierra, "It was amazing. I even mistook her myself. She looked _exactly _like Rinoa … it was scary."

Seifer stared at Sierra. _No … it couldn't be… _"Really? Just like Rinoa, huh? Did she give you her name?"

"Yes, she did," said Sierra, "And that was even scarier. Her name was _Sierra_."

_Shit. What the hell was she doing in Deling? With some _guy _I didn't know? Anyone could have recognised her … Sierra recognised her. I'm in trouble now…_

* * *

Rinoa walked the busy streets of Esthar, looking around in awe. She definitely looked like a dumb tourist, wandering around and staring at everything. Her pale skin also suggested that she was from outside of Esthar. She noticed that she dressed differently to a lot of the people there … she was wearing a white v-neck sleeveless shirt with a blue denim skirt that came just above her knees, and flat-heeled sandals. Her hair was let loose that day, the air was cooler than usual and the sun was hiding away behind dusty grey clouds. 

As Rinoa crossed the road and got to the other side, she found a familiar-looking black sports car parked on the street up ahead. She then noticed that she was outside the presidential residence. She didn't even notice that she was taking herself there … it must have been the only place in Esthar that she knew of.

Rinoa walked up the street and found Squall, leaning against his black car and eating out of a Chinese take-away box with chopsticks. The sight made Rinoa laugh.

"So you _do _eat," said Rinoa, approaching him.

Squall looked up at her and looked flustered. "You caught me."

Rinoa laughed. "And I thought SeeDs didn't get hungry, let alone the vice president of Esthar. And I thought someone like you would be eating in your lovely home with preppy food with your fancy chefs at a long table, with candles lit and heavenly music in the background…"

Squall rolled his eyes.

"I saw that," said Rinoa warningly.

Squall smirked. "Can't the vice president of Esthar eat Chinese food at his car once in a while?"

"Not at eleven o'clock he can't," said Rinoa.

"Oh, this isn't lunch … this is breakfast," said Squall.

Rinoa laughed.

"What are you doing here?" asked Squall, "You don't have work today."

"The real question is what are _you _doing _here_," said Rinoa, "Because you _do _have work today."

Squall snickered. "I'm on my lunchbreak. Or breakfast break. Whichever you prefer."

Rinoa smiled. "Break is good enough. And to answer your prior question, I'm just exploring Esthar. I'm not having much luck though, because this seems to be the only place I know of, and I don't find it fun to get lost in a strange, new country."

Squall smirked again, not being able to help himself. "I'll show you around, if you like."

Rinoa raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah," said Squall, "I _do _know my way around, y'know."

"No, it's not that," said Rinoa, "It's just … don't you have president stuff to do?"

Squall finished up the rest of his food and got into the car. "I'm on my lunchbreak," he said with a small smile.

Rinoa shook her head and laughed, getting into the car with Squall. She sat herself down and enjoyed the comfort of the car … she liked the cushiness very much, she wasn't used to it. As she got in, she noticed the gunblade lying in the backseat and thought about Seifer.

Squall started the car and began to drive. He didn't say anything, basically because he didn't know what to say.

"Nice gunblade," said Rinoa, breaking the silence.

"Thanks," mumbled Squall.

There was silence again.

"You're a SeeD, right?" said Rinoa, breaking the silence.

"Retired SeeD," corrected Squall.

"Okay, _retired _SeeD," said Rinoa. As Squall nodded, she continued, "So all you SeeDs know each other, right?"

Squall shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you know a guy … named Marcel?" asked Rinoa.

"Marcel…" Squall thought about it, searching his memory thoroughly. In all seriousness, Squall didn't remember the name of any SeeD he had met in his lifetime, besides his friends. "No, I can't say I do."

Rinoa nodded in slight disappointment. "Well, he's not really a SeeD … he was close to becoming one."

"…What happened?" asked Squall.

"He relinquished his position and moved to Trabia with me," said Rinoa, "Now he's just an instructor at the Garden…"

"I see," said Squall slowly, and dared to ask, "…Who is he?"

Rinoa smiled weakly, staring out the window. "My friend."

"Your boy … friend?" asked Squall, not believing he was saying something like that.

Rinoa laughed weakly. "Yeah. Basically."

Squall nodded, and somehow his mind reacted to this new information. He had the feeling that his emotions were going to come into play soon, and quickly shrugged them off before they could.

"Oh, all right then," said Squall casually.

Rinoa kept her small smile on her face. She looked at Squall. "So, when are you getting married?"

_Oh great, the whole fricking world just has to know_, thought Squall bitterly. "In six months," he said quietly.

Rinoa laughed softly. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," muttered Squall ungratefully.

"I'm invited to the big wedding, right?" asked Rinoa with a quiet laugh.

Squall smirked. But it was a fake smirk. "Sure … one more wouldn't hurt."

Rinoa giggled softly. "How ... wonderful..."

As the two of them drove, Rinoa would constantly point out interesting things on the street and enthusiastically want to know about it. Squall would answer her and give her a couple of side comments. They would also talk about other things … their pastimes, what they liked … many random things.

In his mind, Squall couldn't help but notice the similarities between 'Sierra' and Rinoa. He kept on believing that it was Rinoa who was next to him … but previous events told him that it couldn't have been her. He just had to accept it … Rinoa was dead, he was getting married to her stepsister, and this woman here was Sierra, someone who he saw as a good friend. After all, she could make him smile and talk the way that nobody else could … she was different to everyone else. She was involved with someone else, and so was he. They were friends.

"OH!" squealed Rinoa in delight, looking out the window, "The _beach_!"

Squall smirked. _Rinoa's favourite place… _He looked outside and was almost shocked to see that they were well away from the Esthar capital. He looked at the time and noticed it was three o'clock in the afternoon, and that his 'lunchbreak' was over a long time ago.

Rinoa grinned. "I've been living in freezing Trabia for so long … I've never been to a beach before! Can we go there, Squall? Pleeease can we go there?" She gave him an innocent face.

Squall smirked again. "All right."

Rinoa squealed in delight, and as Squall pulled over, she got out of the car in excitement. Squall reached into the backseat of the car and picked up his gunblade. As he did, he spotted Rinoa's old Blaster Edge just lying there. He tried to remember why it was there … and then remembered that he was doing a weapon analysis program for the Garden a couple of days back. Caraway had lent it to him the day he and Rinoa went to Deling.

Squall, shrugging his negative thoughts off his shoulders, picked up the pinwheel in his other hand and got out of the car.

"Hey, hold this for me, would you?" said Squall, giving the weapon to Rinoa.

Rinoa took the pinwheel in puzzlement. "Ooh … a pinwheel." She laughed.

Squall rolled his eyes in not irritation but amusement. "Hold on, I have to make a call to the office."

Rinoa nodded and turned away.

Squall pulled out his cell phone and dialled Quistis' number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, Quistis," said Squall casually.

"Squall?" came Quistis' voice, "Where are you? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea," answered Squall wittily.

"Where are you?" Quistis asked again.

"Uh, well about that," said Squall, "Sorry for having such a long lunchbreak. But … I don't think I'll be able to return to the office until late."

"Why?"

"Just having a bit of a break," replied Squall.

Quistis sighed. "All right, Squall. You could have called earlier to tell us, though."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, it's okay. Well, you deserve a break anyway … you've been working overtime for too long."

"Thanks, Quistis. Tell the others I said sorry … and tell Ashleigh I said sorry, too."

With that, the two of them said their goodbyes and Squall turned back to Rinoa. "Come on, I'll show you something."

Rinoa cocked her head in curiosity and followed Squall into the beach. The salty sea air replenished her and made her feel at ease. The sound of crashing waves and the calling of merry gulls rung in her ears. The sun was still hiding behind clouds and the breeze felt cool on her skin. As she walked on the soft sand, she smiled at the feeling. Going to the beach was like something completely new to her and she was as excited as a four-year-old on her first outing to the beach.

"Wow … how pretty," said Rinoa in awe. The beach was almost deserted, giving Rinoa a kind of lonely feeling. But knowing Squall was with her made her feel less empty.

"These tides are nothing," said Squall, shaking his head, "The biggest waves you would ever get would be at night. You should go to Balamb Beach one day … it's a thousand times better there."

"Will you take me?" said Rinoa innocently.

"Maybe."

Rinoa laughed. "How do you know so much about Balamb?"

"I attended the Garden up there," answered Squall. "I was raised there … I never knew my parents."

"…Really?"

"Yeah," muttered Squall, "I was in put in an orphanage when I was a kid. Then I was stuck in Garden and became a SeeD. You see that lighthouse over there?"

Rinoa nodded.

"That's the orphanage I grew up in," he mumbled.

Rinoa smiled. "Is there anyone there now?"

Squall nodded. "Yes. Do you want to meet her? My Matron … she still runs an orphanage here."

Rinoa nodded with a small smile. "I think it would be polite to say hello." She would have rather went for a stroll on the beach, but if there was a lonely woman living here, then she should have been polite and visited her.

The two of them walked up to the lighthouse in silence. Rinoa continued to enjoy the quietness of the beach. It was a very soothing change of pace compared to the business and loudness of Esthar and Trabia. She liked the fact that she could actually hear her own thoughts.

Squall knocked on the front door and simply entered after a moment. Rinoa followed his lead.

"Do you go here often?" asked Rinoa softly.

"Not since I became vice president," mumbled Squall.

"Hmmm? Who's there?" Matron came into the room and looked pleasantly surprised to see Squall. She looked the same as ever – long, brunette hair and a black housedress. She didn't look a year older since they first saw her.

"Hello, Matron," said Squall, bowing curtly.

"Squall, what a pleasant surprise," she said quietly. She looked over at Rinoa and recognised her right away, though she didn't say anything awkward about it. "Ah … and you've brought a friend. How wonderful…"

Rinoa followed Squall's lead and curtsied politely. "Hello. My name is Sierra…"

"Hmm … what a heartily name," said Matron, giving Squall an obvious hint of question. "Nice to meet you … my name is Matron, I run this orphanage…"

Rinoa smiled. "Hmm … but where are all the kids?"

Matron smiled mystically. "They should be coming on cue…"

"Matron, Matron! Who's here?"

About seven or eight young children ran from outside into the room, screaming and yelling in excitement and curiosity. Behind them trailed a vibrant young dog, barking in as much excitement as the children.

"We have visitors … remember Squall, who visits us sometimes…?" said Matron.

Squall smirked. He never liked the little critters constantly asking him questions, but whenever he visited the orphanage with Rinoa, she would make them a little more fun and make Squall a little more polite. But since Rinoa's 'death', he hadn't even once visited the orphanage.

Angelo, the vibrant dog, came rushing up to Rinoa and almost knocked her over. The dog began barking cheerfully and licking Rinoa in affection. Rinoa, in return, was very flattered and giggling wildly.

_Looks like Angelo thinks Sierra is Rinoa too_, thought Squall.

"Wah, Squall, it's been so long since you came here," yelled one of the girls with blonde pigtails.

"Squall, where're your friends?" shouted a boy holding a wooden sword.

"Is that your girlfriend you came here with a long time ago?" asked a girl who was holding a stuffed doll.

"Now, now, children," said Matron warningly, "Squall will talk to you all later. Go outside and play with Angelo."

"Angelo! Get off of Squall's girlfriend!" screamed the girl with the doll.

Rinoa laughed and sat up, ignoring the recent comments and stroking Angelo with the palm of her hand. "You're a nice dog, aren't you?"

Angelo yelped cheerfully in response.

The children, Angelo and Rinoa somehow made it outside and began to play with each other. Squall was left, emotionless, with his arms folded and eyes closed.

"So, what brings you here, young Squall?" asked Matron, walking to the counter and boiling some water to make tea.

Squall pulled out a chair from under the table and sat down. "I was just showing my friend around Esthar and came across here…"

Matron nodded in quiet response.

"I know what you're thinking," muttered Squall. "She looks like … Rinoa, right?"

Matron nodded again. "Indeed she does. Not to mention _smell _like her. And what a loss, Squall … I saw you at her funeral. You don't seem to be at all … distraught … right now."

Squall shrugged. "It's a long story. But … she isn't Rinoa. I'm accepting that."

"That's good to hear," said Matron. She brought out the two teacups and sat down opposite to Squall. "So … you do admit you once thought of her as dear Rinoa?"

Squall shrugged again. "I guess … I did. But I was stupid … I wasn't thinking straight. I guess I wasn't really over her yet. But Sierra … she's really helping me cope."

Matron nodded again. "Interesting."

There was silence between them as the two of them drank their tea. Squall didn't know what to say anymore … he forgot what it was like speaking to Matron about such an emotional thing. Matron, on the other hand, knew exactly what Squall was thinking. But she didn't spell things out for him.

"Are you happy, Squall?" she asked.

Squall looked up at her, nothingness reflected in his eyes. "Yeah," he lied. He didn't think of it as lying, but it was definitely a lie.

"Come now, be honest with me," said Matron, "Are you truly happy with the way things are? Are you happy with Ashleigh? Are you happy with your father? Your friends…?"

Squall looked into his teacup. "I guess I am. But you know me … I don't know what happiness is. Not anymore…"

Matron took his response into accord. "Fear not, Squall. You can control what you want, and what you need. Look deep within yourself … you will find what you are searching for."

Squall didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but nodded. He didn't care what she was talking about. It didn't matter. Happiness … he didn't deserve happiness. He didn't need happiness. He was fine the way he was. There was nothing wrong with the way he was living. He didn't need love … he was marrying Ashleigh, what else could he want? He wasn't in love with 'Sierra' … that was just a disturbing thought that he didn't want. He didn't want dramas, he didn't want traumas … he just wanted everyone to leave him alone. It didn't matter. He didn't matter. Nobody cared about what he wanted … nobody cared about _him_.

…Or did they?


	29. His Return

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, everyone. I reached 300 reviews ... I'm so proud of myself :D In answer to Shootski's question, yes the orphan-type girl's name is Sierra, but was always Sierra ... Rinoa's fake name is just Sierra because Seifer said the first name that came to his head, which was 'Sierra'. Hope that answers your question. And updates may be a little slow, because I have school tomorrow ... sigh ... but nevertheless, enjoy this chapter ... don't worry, Rinoa will remember soon :D

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 29 – His Return  
**

Squall finished talking with Edea and went outside without a word. There, he saw the children speaking with Rinoa, who was sitting on the ground, stroking Angelo affectionately. She seemed very happy and so did the children.

"Sierra … you done here?" asked Squall.

Rinoa looked up at Squall. "Oh Squall, we were just talking about you…"

Squall raised an eyebrow.

"Yup, that's right," said Rinoa, nodding. "Fiona's going to marry you one day." She pointed to a little girl who was holding a doll. "Isn't that right, Fiona?"

Fiona nodded enthusiastically. "That's right. But Sierra wouldn't let me."

Squall smirked. "And why's that?"

Rinoa smiled mysteriously and looked at Squall. "Because I told her … that Squall is already getting married to another nice woman. And … that nice woman … must have done something so good in her childhood to win the heart of a young man like Squall. Something … very good…" She trailed off in thought, keeping her eyes on Squall.

Squall didn't know what to say. Rinoa's words … they made him feel somewhat guilty. Was that her intention? She _did_ see him cry over the death Rinoa, whom he once did love … she saw the way he acted about it. Was she rubbing it in his face that he was being hasty by marrying another woman, despite the obvious hints that he was _not _over Rinoa?

Squall found his voice. "That's right…"

Rinoa kept her eyes fixated on Squall, with mystic eyes and a mystifying smile. She was snapped back to reality when Matron called the children back inside. They said quick goodbyes to Rinoa and Squall, and galloped into the house once again like wild horses. Matron came out and bid them farewell.

"Thank you for dropping by," said Matron, "The children loved you."

Rinoa stood up. "It's no problem."

"Come, Angelo," called Matron, doing a gesture with her hand.

Angelo didn't seem to respond.

"Go on Angelo, I have to go home now," said Rinoa brightly.

Matron put her two fingers in her mouth and whistled. "Angelo!"

The dog's ears perked up, but she didn't want to return to Matron. She wanted to stay with Rinoa, her real owner. Squall found this amusing.

"Angelo." Rinoa bent down at pet the dog's head affectionately. "I'll come back soon, okay?"

"She seems to like you," said Matron, with a small smile.

Rinoa laughed. "Well, I'm a dog's best friend. Go on, Angelo. Go to Matron." She pointed to Matron.

Angelo's ears perked up and seemed to respond to this. She got up and walked back over to Matron, sitting herself down on the ground again, her tail flapping cheerfully.

"Thank you," said Matron.

They said goodbye, and as Squall and Rinoa left, Angelo began barking furiously. Matron held the dog back to avoid it rushing after Rinoa. As the two of them walked back onto the beach, Rinoa laughed in amusement.

"Cute dog," said Rinoa, "I wish I had a dog like her."

"Angelo isn't really Matron's dog," said Squall.

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Squall, "She once belonged to Rinoa."

Rinoa was silent at first, wishing that she didn't say anything. She was so damn sure that she was able to get through the day without a mention about her being like 'Rinoa'. But, it turns out she was wrong. She looked at Squall, who happened to look casual about the mention of his ex-girlfriend.

"I guess she likes you so much and listens to you because you smell like her and stuff," said Squall.

Rinoa smiled dully. "Wow … how great." _Is that the reason why everyone likes me? Because I'm like 'Rinoa'? Well that sucks … why does this Rinoa chick have to be so much like me!_

Squall sensed Rinoa's discomfort and decided to quickly change the subject. "I wanted to show you something before we left."

"Hmm?"

The two of them did not walk back to the car, but somehow ended up on the sandy shores of the beach. Rinoa wondered what Squall could possibly have wanted to show her. She stopped walking when Squall stopped walking and looked at him in curiosity. The wind was teasing, whipping his hair around. Rinoa pulled her jacket closer to herself and noticed that she was still holding the pinwheel. It suddenly clicked to her that she remembered seeing this very pinwheel at Caraway's house in the shrine-like cabinet dedicated to Rinoa. This only lowered her spirits even more.

"Does it have something to do with _Rinoa's pinwheel_?" asked Rinoa, almost bitterly. _And I thought this guy was over thinking that I was the love of his life … looks like he's just being sick and using me as a substitute. Bringing me to her dog, giving me her weapon … hell, I guess I was wrong. The sicko just can't get over her, can he? I wonder how his fiancée must be feeling … sheesh. What a bastard. _

Despite the fact that she thought less of Squall at that moment, she did not have an outburst, nor did she leave. She wasn't sure why.

Squall was surprised that she knew whom it belonged to, but didn't show it. "Well, yeah, it has something to do with the pinwheel. I just wanted to teach you how to use it."

"Well, maybe I don't _want_ to learn how to use it," said Rinoa flatly.

Squall didn't say anything, but did look mildly surprised.

"And maybe I didn't _want _to come here," said Rinoa through gritted teeth, "And you know what? Maybe I didn't _want _to take your crummy job, if I knew that you think I'm going to like you and bring comfort to you, just because I'm like your 'precious Rinoa'. Well guess what, buddy? _I'm not_, so accept it." She handed back the pinwheel to a flabbergasted Squall with force, and began to walk away in anger.

Squall, still mortified with Rinoa's reaction, collected himself and followed Rinoa.

"Wait, Sierra," he said, "I didn't mean to … upset you. In any way."

"Yeah, well guess what, you did," said Rinoa bitterly, stomping away.

"Wait." Squall grabbed Rinoa by the arm. _What the hell is wrong with me … I'm not supposed to care…_

Rinoa rolled her eyes and turned around. She was about to yell, but stopped when she saw a genuine concerned expression on Squall's face. "What? What is it you want from me, Leonheart?"

_Nothing. You don't want anything. She wants to be snappy then let her be snappy. I give her the opportunity of a lifetime and she's throwing it away. It's not your fault. Let her go, she doesn't mean anything to you. _Ditching his inner voice, he continued trying to sort things out.

"I know it must be hard to accept the fact that … people think you look like Rinoa Heartilly," said Squall slowly, "But you do … and it might take a while for people to get used to it."

Rinoa stared at him in disgust. "Why did you drag me out here, all the way to Esthar? I thought at first, I must have some kind of talent … I must be good for something. But when I came here and met you, I was a bit doubtful. But I pushed my doubt aside thought that you had _already accepted _and _already gotten used to _me. But how incredibly _stupid _I was."

Squall was beginning to get annoyed. "What? What did I do? I didn't do _anything _to you."

"Well, you see me as _Rinoa_, you sick bastard," spat Rinoa. "I'm _Sierra_."

"Hey, _Sierra_," said Squall, beginning to fire up, "I admit, I might have thought you were Rinoa at first and acted like it. But what did I do now? I treat you like a human being; I treat you the way you want to be treated. Hell, I even made an effort to be _nice _to you. But do I go moping around, telling people how Rinoa-like you are? Do I call you Rinoa? Do I compare everything you say and do to _Rinoa_? What the HELL did I do?"

Rinoa looked outraged. "Hah, well for one thing, you dragged me out to the beach, probably where you used to hang out with your little girlfriend all the time. You take me to her _dog _and claim that I _smell _like her. You give me that _thing _and want me to use it. That is pretty comparative, if you ask me. And oh, you _made an effort _to be nice to me? Since when do I need your respect? "

"Since I even gave you this stupid job," spat Squall, "There are plenty of other decent people in this world that I could've hired, but I hired _you._"

"Oh, right! And _why _did you do that again?" said Rinoa, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. "Hmm, let me think. Oh, that's right, so you can _see _me everyday and _compare_ me to your beloved Rinoa."

"Hah, _whatever_," said Squall, rolling his eyes, "Compare _you _to Rinoa? You're nothing _like_ her. Rinoa … hell, she wouldn't be so _snappy _all the time. She wouldn't _expect her way_ all the time." In his heart, Squall knew he was just messing with himself. Rinoa was exactly that. "She wouldn't _cry _over something trivial. She was a _nice_ girl. She was … a _strong _girl…" Squall narrowed his eyes, fury wisping in his expression.

Rinoa glared back at him. "Oh, yeah. I'm nothing like her. What ever happened to … 'you look like Rinoa, you talk just like Rinoa, and you even play like Rinoa … how can you not be Rinoa'?"

"That was before…" Squall murmured.

"Before, right," said Rinoa, nodding in doubt, "Then _why _did you hire me again? I don't believe I got an answer for that."

"Out of _pity_." Squall looked away and sighed. Arguing with her was like arguing with _Rinoa _… it got him nowhere. He looked back at Rinoa, who still looked outraged. She was trying to think of something to say back to him.

"I don't want your pity," she hissed at last.

"Then I won't give it to you…"

Rinoa broke her angry glare and cocked her head in confusion with the light response Squall had given her. "…What…?"

Squall sighed again. "I won't give you my pity. You don't need it. You probably have your own life … you don't need this life here in Esthar. You can leave if you want … I had a suspicion that this was the way it was going to turn out. But I really thought … pssh, forget it."

Rinoa slightly softened. "You thought … what?"

Squall turned his head away, hiding his expression. "I really thought … that with you around, I could finally forget about my life with Rinoa and focus on my life with Ashleigh. Because … after the events at Deling … you made me feel the way I did before she died. You reminded me … what it was like to be loved … and I've been neglecting everything – my friends, my family, Ashleigh … and with you around, I remember what it's like. You make me … realise how important they are. Just like Rinoa … but I know you aren't … Rinoa..."

_Why the hell am I saying this? This is the second time … she just has to know everything … she just has to make me slip and spill. What is it with her? She gives me a feeling that Rinoa is still alive…_

"You make me feel like Rinoa is alive," said Squall, not believing he just said what he thought.

Rinoa actually understood what Squall was saying. She could see the seriousness and pain in his eyes when he told her all of that. She sighed, and accepted what he said. She didn't want to argue anymore. She moved slightly so that she could see his face properly. At this, Squall turned back to face her and looked at her straight in the eyes, ready for her to yell again.

To his surprise, she didn't.

"Because she is alive … she's alive in you," she said gently, "Stop saying that she's dead … she's still alive inside of you, in your heart, and in your mind. When she was alive in body, she gave you her heart. But when her body died, her heart didn't. You still have her heart … and her heart is what makes me you feel her. It's not _me _at all. It's just that I remind you of her … and my reminding you makes you remember that you still have her heart. So don't throw it away, okay? Don't waste it … she gave you her soul before she died … don't disappoint her by forgetting about it…"

Squall looked into her eyes, full of sincerity and concern. Her words did reach him; he took what she said seriously. And maybe it wasn't the fact that 'Sierra' was so similar to Rinoa … maybe she was right…

Of course, 'Sierra' _was _Rinoa … but they didn't know it. They went on, continuing to believe each other's words. Their words were never so wrong, but in a way, they were right. And at this rightness, it is how the belief that Rinoa was truly dead sunk in.

"I'm sorry I burst out like that," said Rinoa, "I didn't mean it."

"No … I'm … sorry for snapping back," said Squall quietly.

There was silence between the two of them.

"It _is _kinda fun," said Squall at last, lifting up the pinwheel.

Rinoa laughed and gave in. "All right, all right … I'll learn how to use the stupid thing. But only because you said it was fun, Leonheart. If it's not … you owe me a trip to the ice cream parlour."

Squall smiled vaguely, and the two of them headed back to the beach. Squall handed Rinoa back the pinwheel, and taught her how to put it on. Finding the weight of the weapon lighter than expected on her one arm, Rinoa felt pleased with herself. She never thought of herself carrying a weapon.

"All right … now, stretch your arm out like this," said Squall, demonstrating with his own arm.

"Like this?" Rinoa imitated him.

"Yeah. Now you clench your fist, rotate your arm about ninety degrees … and pull back with a certain amount of force, depending on how far you want it to go … like this…"

Rinoa copied what Squall showed her, and was unsuccessful. The flying edge flung out of its compartment and flew straight down into the sand. Rinoa cracked up at her failure as she collected the edge and put it back in its place.

"Well, that was fun!" said Rinoa with a giggle.

Squall smirked. "You have to put your arm straight when you shoot it out. You're pointing too much to the ground." He demonstrated once again, this time holding Rinoa's arm the right away and making sure her posture was correct. This time, she was more successful. The edge flew straight ahead and made a three-sixty turn, coming back at a fast speed.

Rinoa screamed and thought that it was going to come back and chop her into tiny pieces, and ran away from it, causing it to land in the sand.

Squall snickered. "You have to _catch_ it again, Sierra. Come up closer to it and let it fly back into the compartment. It won't hurt you if you do it properly."

"_What_!" exclaimed Rinoa, "It's very likely that I _won't _do it properly…!"

"You'll be fine, come on," said Squall encouragingly.

Rinoa laughed and picked up the flying object, placing it back into the compartment. She sent it flying into the air, and when it came back, she ran up to it and let it fly into its place. She squealed with delight and _did _find this game very amusing.

"See, you did great," said Squall, taking his hands out of his pockets and applauding.

Rinoa giggled and did it again. And again, and again, and again, and again. She would fail sometimes, but she would get back on her feet and try again.

"You were right, Leonheart, this _is_ fun!" said Rinoa happily.

Squall smirked. "Yeah…" He cleared his throat. "You know what one of the most amazing things I had ever said was?"

Rinoa looked at him curiously. "What?"

"That love…" He paused, remembering not to mention anything about 'Rinoa'. "That love is like that Blaster Edge."

Rinoa laughed. "Yeah, that's amazing! Who would have thought, love comes from a weapon of mass destruction…"

Squall snickered. "That's not what I meant. Shoot it one more time."

Rinoa did as he said, but failed to catch it. She retrieved it from the sand and shot it one more time, that time catching it perfectly.

"You see?" said Squall.

"Uh … no, I don't," said Rinoa slowly.

"Love … it always returns," said Squall, "You fired the pinwheel with such an amount of force. The first time, you couldn't catch it … you missed getting your love back. But the second time … you made it go so far and so strong, but it still came back … and you caught it. That's the same deal with love…"

He remembered the time when he first explained the same thing to Rinoa, before heading off to Esthar.

"_Make sure you remember it, okay? That love will always return…"_

He couldn't have been more wrong in his life. Love didn't return to him … the Rinoa he knew and loved was not going to come back. He would often tell himself 'love will always return' when he was in doubt … but he just seemed like an idiot to feel that Rinoa was going to come back to life. He did, as he had said to 'Sierra', miss love coming back to him. And he felt like killing himself.

"_Make sure you remember it, okay?" _Squall squirmed at this line. _You don't remember at all, Rinoa … I'm looking at you right now, I'm telling you what I told you six years ago … but you don't remember … you said you would … why can't you? _Then he realised that he was doing something that he wasn't supposed to be doing. _I mean … I have no right to be thinking that. I'm not looking at you, Rinoa … I'm looking at … Sierra… _And that was the final judgement. With this, he finally accepted that Rinoa was dead.

"Oh … that's beautiful, coming from someone like you," said Rinoa with a smile.

Squall returned the smile. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? Sierra…"

_Rinoa is dead. And the thought doesn't hurt anymore._

* * *

That night, Rinoa sat in her apartment alone that evening, eating microwaved soup in front of the TV in her pyjamas. Min still hadn't returned from her outing yet, but the quietness wasn't so scary to Rinoa anymore. It gave her an opportunity to think. 

_Leonheart … it feels like I know him. And this feeling … it's so familiar. When I'm with him, I'm myself, but I'm more of myself … I feel happier, in a way, even if he can be a bit of a jackass sometimes. But it feels like I've known him for so long, longer than three months. He's so similar to Marcel … oh damn, don't tell me I'm falling for him?_

Rinoa felt her heart beating at the thought.

_No … I can't be falling for him. It should be _he _who is falling for _I. _I mean, I'm the one who looks like his ex-girlfriend, right? He used to think I'm her … he told me that I remind him of her, and that I'm helping him get over her … come on, as if that's not the most obvious hint in he world. He so likes me._

She was ignorant of the fact that Squall had mentioned all those other things, and even said so himself that she wasn't like Rinoa in any way at the beach. In a way, she was trying to convince herself that Squall liked her, even if she acted as if she didn't _want _him to like her.

_Oh, who am I kidding … I am falling for the guy … NOOOO!_

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

_Now who could that be?_

Rinoa put her bowl down on the coffee table and threw her robe over her pyjamas. She opened the door, and to her complete amazement, Seifer was standing there. Same old Seifer … with the white trench coat, and the gunblade, and everything…

"Marcel!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "What are you doing here? This is … _Esthar_!"

Seifer grinned sheepishly and hugged her back. "Aren't I allowed to visit my favourite girl in the world?"

Rinoa laughed and let go of him. Her thoughts about Squall and her feelings for him completely disappeared at that moment. _I don't have feelings for Leonheart … I love Marcel… _"Of course you're allowed! But … how…?"

"Well, I took the train," said Seifer, "It was one helluva long ride, let me tell you that. Nice place you've got here. Am I allowed to see it?"

Rinoa giggled. "Of course you can. Welcome to my humble abode." She stepped back into the house and Seifer followed her in, taking in his surroundings. Rinoa sat down on the sofa and switched off the TV as Seifer sat down beside her.

Seifer leaned back and put his arm around Rinoa, pulling her closer. "So, what have you been up to, my dear?"

Rinoa smiled. She didn't realise how much she missed Seifer until that moment. His company brought comfort to her. "Working … and seeing the place … it's all good. How long are you staying here for?"

"Not long," answered Seifer, "I just need a break from Garden."

Rinoa stared. "Really? Why?"

"Because I'll miss you too much!" said Seifer, poking her. It was that, and the fact that he was worried … worried that someone will convince her that she was really Rinoa and not Sierra. He had to watch over her and protect her from getting hurt … it was _he _who should tell her who she really was. But he didn't have the heart to say it … not just yet.

"Oh, you," said Rinoa, shaking her head with a giggle. "You shouldn't be thinking about girls when you're at work!"

Seifer laughed. "Well, that's easy for you to say. I bet you don't even _think _about guys."

Rinoa giggled. "You don't know that … and besides, I do."

"Really?"

"Really!" Rinoa laughed. "Where will you be staying?"

"Hmm … well I don't know," said Seifer, thinking, "Am I allowed to stay with _you_?" He grinned again.

Rinoa laughed. "Sure, of course you can! But there are only two rooms … I'll have to share with Min. Or I can share with you, if you like."

Seifer laughed. "Sounds great."

Rinoa laughed.

And the two of them stayed up all night, talking and laughing. They both forgot about their troubles … it seemed that with just each other, they didn't have to worry about anything. But how was it supposed to end? Seifer couldn't keep Rinoa's true identity a secret forever, and Rinoa still didn't know whom she had feelings for…


	30. Engagement

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 30 – Engagement**

"Hey, Sierra," said Squall when he saw Rinoa coming out of the elevator.

Rinoa looked up and smiled. "Hi."

"You're here early," said Squall. "Where've you been for the past few days?"

"Oh, Marcel just came into Esthar," said Rinoa, almost uncomfortably, "I just wanted to spend some quality time with him before he went back to Trabia."

A week and a half had passed since Seifer came to Esthar. Rinoa took some days off just to spend time with him. Nobody asked about her absence at all. Min had explained to them that she was seeing a friend who had just come into the country. Squall was a little suspicious, but didn't ask any further questions.

Squall nodded slowly. "Oh … all right then."

Rinoa smiled politely. "Yeah … sorry. I won't be taking anymore days off, promise."

Squall nodded. "All right. When is he going back?"

"Next week," answered Rinoa, "_After _the Grand Garden Opening. I was planning to take him … if you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?" asked Squall, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh … uh … y'know, just making sure that you … don't mind strangers coming," said Rinoa with a nervous laugh. _Well that was dumb…_

Squall nodded slowly and changed the subject. "Ashleigh and I are having our engagement party at the end of this week…"

"What? _This week_?" exclaimed Rinoa, "But I thought you two were getting married in six months!"

"Yeah … well, in all the confusion and havoc with work, we never had time to have an actual engagement party," said Squall. _Why am I acting so cool with this all of a sudden? Three minutes ago I was dreading this stupid party to come… _"So we figured the chaos and eventfulness would die down then, so we'd have the party then."

"Oh, I see," said Rinoa. "Well, congratulations." Her words were empty and lifeless, and the smile on her face was indeed very fake.

"So … yeah, I wanted to … invite you," said Squall, scratching the back of his head.

Rinoa laughed. "Wow, count on Leonheart to be formal about his wedding."

Squall smirked. "Well?"

Rinoa giggled. "Okay sure, of course I'll come. May I bring a friend?"

"Min? Sure, the whole company is going to be there," said Squall.

"Then why did you ask me personally?" asked Rinoa.

Squall looked rather flustered. "Uh … well…" _Damn, why didn't I think this through! I always think things through … stupid, stupid Leonheart…_ "Well, I know you personally. I mean, outside of work … so I thought it'd be more polite asking you … personally."

Rinoa laughed again. "Sure thing, Leonheart. But I didn't mean Min, I meant Marcel."

_If she meant Marcel then why did she call him a 'friend'? _"Oh, him. Yeah, of course he can come … I guess. And, uh, yeah … I was wondering … maybe sometime we could all do lunch? Or dinner? Or … something?"

"Hmm? What do you mean 'all'?"

"Well, y'know … I wanted you to meet Ashleigh," said Squall, scratching the back of his head again. "And, I don't know … get to know her better. And you can bring Marcel … I'd like to meet him. I'm sure Ashleigh would like to meet him too."

Rinoa smiled. "That's a wonderful idea. Meeting Ashleigh … she seems like a nice person." _I mean, she's pretty and everything … and if Leonheart likes her, I guess she must be nice…_

Squall nodded slowly. "Yeah … all right. Does next Thursday, dinner sound good to you?"

"Sounds great."

* * *

Seifer waited in the car for Rinoa to hurry up. The two of them were scheduled to meet Squall at six thirty at some fancy restaurant, and Rinoa had been getting ready ever since five. Seifer looked at the clock on the dashboard and groaned, as it was already quarter past six and Rinoa _still _wasn't ready. 

"C'mon, Sierra … I wanna get this over and done with…"

On cue, Rinoa came out of the apartment and into the parking lot, looking stunning. She wore a pretty, sparkling halter-neck blue dress that came halfway up her knees with a matching purse and shoes. Her hair was left down and she hardly wore any make up at all. Looking at her, it didn't seem like it should have taken an hour to look the way she looked.

"It took you long enough," said Seifer with a snicker.

"Oh, shush," said Rinoa, putting her seatbelt on. "I kept on changing my mind. But then I realised I don't really need make up or fancy hair."

"Y'know, I could've told you that!" said Seifer, starting up the car.

"Hey, we _are _having a formal dinner with the _vice_ _president of Esthar_," said Rinoa.

"Who also happens to be a good friend of yours," said Seifer with a smirk.

"Oh hush," said Rinoa.

"Well, you look stunning as usual," said Seifer.

"Why, thank you!" said Rinoa, "You are looking fine yourself."

It took Rinoa some skill to force Seifer into a tux. But in the end, Seifer looked rather elegant in his white tuxedo. However, he did refuse to gel his hair.

"He's not … old, is he?" asked Seifer.

Rinoa stuck her tongue out at him. "No, he is _not _old. He may be a retired SeeD, but he's about our age."

"Whoa, stand back," said Seifer.

"Marcel! He's a nice guy, really."

"I'll be the judge of that."

* * *

"Honestly sweetie, was this dinner necessary?" asked Ashleigh in frustration. She was looking forward to having a nice dinner in a nice restaurant with Squall, but when she heard that _other people _were coming, she almost lost it. But what made her even angrier was the fact that it was _Rinoa_ whom was coming. _Even after I run her down, she still has a way to be a nuisance…_

"She's a good friend of mine … I'd really like it if you two became friends," said Squall.

"Well, the least they could do is be punctual," said Ashleigh, rolling her eyes.

"Relax, it's only six thirty-five," mumbled Squall.

"Humph. Well, I guess it can't be that bad…"

"That's more like it," said Squall.

"I do look nice tonight, don't you think?" said Ashleigh conceitedly.

"Yeah … whatever…" muttered Squall.

Ashleigh frowned. She thought she looked gorgeous with her designer dress, but she failed to receive even a single compliment from Squall that night.

"Oh, here they come," said Squall.

Ashleigh looked up to find Rinoa coming into the restaurant. _Hah, I wonder where she got that tacky dress from … the corner store maybe? _She was looking vibrant and cheery, as she dragged someone else into the restaurant. But the person she saw made her eyes widen. It was none other than the stepbrother whom she swore never to be in contact with ever again.

_If those two are together … and Rinoa doesn't remember a single thing … then dear old Seifer must've…_

Sly glee flickered in Ashleigh's hazel eyes as the thought came to her. _Oh, this is sweet … I cannot wait to tell mother this… _She remembered when she rung her mother up to tell her that Rinoa was still alive. It wasn't pleasant, as Sera was just as horrified as Ashleigh, if not more horrified. But the fact that Rinoa had lost her memory brought ease to Sera, as it did with Ashleigh.

"C'mon, Marcel … it's not that bad," said Rinoa, pulling Seifer inside.

"Man … this place is way outta my league," said Seifer, shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it," said Rinoa, "You'll be fine…"

The two of them walked inside, and Rinoa's face brightened even more when she spotted Squall. They walked up to the table for four. Rinoa was very happy, but the flustered look on Seifer's face was completely swept away with a look of resentment when he saw Ashleigh.

_What the hell … Ashleigh! She's getting married to the president of Esthar! Oh shit … this is bad … she's not going to expose me, is she? But in order to expose me she'll have to expose herself for trying to kill Rinoa…_

"Hey there, Leonheart!" said Rinoa happily. She let go of Seifer's hand. As he offered her a seat, she sat down and smiled brightly. "Hello there, Mrs Leonheart."

Ashleigh had a sinister smile on her face. "Hello," she said politely, words of poison aimed at Seifer.

"Hey Sierra," said Squall, "You look great tonight."

Ashleigh felt a flicker of jealousy inside of her. _She's wearing a tacky old dress while I'm wearing the best of the best … how can he say she looks good and I don't?_

"Hello there, sir," said Seifer, sitting down. He looked at Ashleigh with a look of equal bitterness. "Madam."

"Just call me Squall," said Squall, offering Seifer a hand to shake.

Seifer shook his hand, but didn't introduce himself. _Squall Leonheart … where have I heard that name before?_

Rinoa elbowed Seifer in the arm, an obvious order to introduce himself.

"I'm Marcel," said Seifer, almost regretting the words.

Ashleigh tried to keep her laughter in. This was very amusing to her. But she wasn't going to expose Seifer … yet. She was just going to toy with him for a bit.

"Nice to meet you," said Squall courteously. "This is Ashleigh. Ashleigh, this is Sierra."

Ashleigh smiled innocently. "Yes, we've met. Nice to meet you too, _Marcel_." She looked at her brother with sardonic politeness.

"Hmm." Seifer didn't say anything else.

Rinoa gave him a quick glare but then turned back to Squall and Ashleigh. "So, how are you? Almost married, huh?"

"Yes, it's very exciting," said Ashleigh sweetly, eyeing a very bitter Seifer.

"Hmm," mumbled Squall in what seemed to be agreement. "Let's order now…"

As Squall called the waitress to place their order, Seifer looked at Squall and couldn't help but think that he looked very familiar. _Where've I seen this guy before? _He searched his memory for a face – and then it finally hit him. _This guy … he appeared at the Caraway house once with Rinoa … oh crap, this guy was her boyfriend before she lost her memory…_

And then it all came back to him. _Squall … he was_ _Commander Puberty_. Seifer never liked him at Garden, since he was the only one who matched up to his strength. But the two of them never really talked – they just knew of each other and steered clear of each other. It seemed that Squall didn't recognise him, and that was a big relief. Ashleigh, however…

"So, _Marcel_," said Ashleigh pleasantly, "What do you do for a living?"

"Well, _Ashleigh_," said Seifer sharply, "I'm an instructor at Garden now."

"Oh, are you now?" Ashleigh sipped some of her wine. "Didn't you ever become a SeeD? It must be horrible … working with little kids all the time…"

Squall eyed Ashleigh suspiciously. _Why is she being so snooty? _We _are going to be working with kids at a Garden soon…_

"He also sells works of art in his spare time," added Rinoa.

"I see," said Ashleigh. _Once a street thug, always a street thug_. "What kind?"

"His sister's," said Rinoa. "They're really beautiful."

_His sister's, eh? Last time I checked I couldn't draw a stick figure, even if someone paid me to. What kind of crap is he feeding her? _"Oh, I see. So that's what you do because you couldn't become a SeeD?"

"I was pretty close to becoming a SeeD," said Seifer casually. _You should know … it was our rotten mother that smashed my award… _"But I dropped out at the last minute."

"Oh? How unfortunate," said Ashleigh, "Squall here is a first-class SeeD, gunblade expertise, and is going to own the first Estharian Garden…"

Squall was used to Ashleigh bragging about how he was all these things in the past, but this time her tone was so much different. It was very irritating. But he didn't say anything and concentrated on the patterns on the tablecloth.

Rinoa, however, was rather irritated with Ashleigh's tone of voice. She gave Ashleigh a quick dirty look and also began to sip her wine.

"Oh, well _congratulations_," said Seifer with a hint of sarcasm.

Rinoa eyed Seifer.

"What happened, _Marcel_? How come you didn't fulfill your _**childhood dream**?_ Why the change of heart?" asked Ashleigh.

Seifer smirked. _I've got you here, sister… _"Oh, well Sierra was in an accident. She was _**run down** _pretty bad."

Ashleigh suddenly felt a wave of guilt and embarrassment. But the guilt and embarrassment faded as she glared at Seifer in anger.

"Accident?" asked Squall, looking up and suddenly sounding interested.

"Oh, honey, it's obviously none of our business—" Ashleigh was cut off as Seifer began to speak.

"Sierra had an accident a couple of years ago," explained Seifer, being careful with his words, "She was … looking pretty bad. I dropped my exams to take care of her."

Ashleigh laughed in a sarcastic way. "Oh, how sweet of you…"

"Really, it's nothing," said Rinoa, shaking her head. She didn't like herself being the conversation topic. "I'm just grateful to be alive. We moved to Trabia soon afterwards … I'm fine."

"How long ago was this?" asked Squall.

Seifer answered before Rinoa could. He didn't want to give an exact number, or else Squall might have been suspicious. "A while ago. Too long ago to remember."

Rinoa nodded. "Y-Yeah … it's something I'd rather forget."

Squall nodded slowly, finding this new piece of acquired information fascinating. "All right then."

The four of them ate in silence. Squall and Rinoa said nothing and concentrated on eating, but Ashleigh and Seifer would constantly look up at each other and shoot bitter glares. There was a silent dispute between them both, but they weren't going to expose each other. They vowed beforehand that they wouldn't uncover their secrets on account that they should never have to cross paths again. But now that they did … what were they supposed to do?

Seifer didn't say anything else about the matter. Obviously the two of them had their own little war that Squall and Rinoa weren't aware of. He didn't want to make anything too suspicious.

Ashleigh, however, was not backing out with Seifer having the last guilt victory. She was going to make him plummet through a hell of a guilt trip, being careful with what she said of course. But even she did not think before she acted rashly.

"Now that I think about it," said Ashleigh, breaking the silence, "Sierra … you look like someone I know. Don't you think so too, honey?"

Both Squall and Seifer gave her evil eyes, each with their own reason. Squall, having experienced Rinoa's outburst about how everyone kept thinking that she wasn't Sierra, didn't want Ashleigh to touch on the subject. Seifer, not wanting to be exposed for what he did, definitely did not want to touch on the subject. Rinoa just looked away in embarrassment.

"I don't know what you mean," said Squall monotonously.

"Oh come on … she looks so much … like Rinoa, no?" said Ashleigh, treading on thin ice.

_Ashleigh … what the hell do you think you're playing at? _Squall didn't look at his fiancée, for he was getting _very _annoyed. _Out of all days … you decide to say that when she's actually here?_

Squall didn't say anything.

_Oh Hyne, not again_. Rinoa tried not to take any notice of it. She tried to change the subject. "Hmm, Marcel … do I have anything on my face?"

Seifer kept his gaze on Ashleigh and shook his head without even looking at Rinoa.

"Say, Marcel, what ever happened to Sierra when she had that accident?" asked Ashleigh curiously. She was acting blindly. She didn't even think that Squall would question his values if he ever found out what Seifer did. All she cared about then was making Seifer suffer. She didn't expect him to slip up and confess, and she was sure he wasn't.

"She was in hospital for a couple of days," said Seifer through gritted teeth.

"Ah, I see," said Ashleigh, nodding slowly. "How did you feel, Sierra? It must be horrible being in hospital…"

"Um … yeah, I guess," said Rinoa, shrugging. "I don't really … remember…"

"Huh?" said Ashleigh. She was a very good actor. "You mean … you lost your memory?"

_You bitch, Ashleigh. I'm going to kill you with my own hands_. Seifer just simply stared at Ashleigh in disgust.

Squall saw both Seifer's and Rinoa's looks, and tried to get Ashleigh to behave properly. _Sierra obviously doesn't want to remember when she was in hospital … why is she touching the subject so freely? _"Ashleigh…"

"So, did you lose your memory?" asked Ashleigh, ignoring Squall.

"Well … I guess," said Rinoa uncomfortably. "I don't know … can we talk about something else?"

Ashleigh ignored her stepsister's request and looked at Squall. "Honestly … she looks _so _much like Rinoa, doesn't she?" She looked at Seifer. "Do you know who Rinoa is, Marcel?"

"No."

"She was my stepsister," said Ashleigh solemnly.

Rinoa looked up at Ashleigh and stared.

"She looks so much like Rinoa … it's hard to believe she _isn't _Rinoa…"

Rinoa couldn't take it anymore. She stood up and threw her napkin on the table. "I don't have to take this anymore."

Ashleigh, amused, looked up at her with innocent eyes. "What's wrong, Rin – I mean, Sierra?"

"I don't need your 'Rinoa' bullshit," she snapped. "I refuse to sit here and listen to you say things I'm sick of listening to." She pulled out her chair and walked out of the restaurant in frustration.

"Wait, Sierra…" Squall stood up and was about to go after her, but Ashleigh grabbed his hand and sat him back down.

"Let her go, if she has issues then let her have her little issues," said Ashleigh simply.

Seifer just glared at Ashleigh and walked out after Rinoa.

Squall, flabbergasted, looked at Ashleigh in disgust. "What the hell was that?"

Ashleigh ignored Squall and shook her head. "How can they just leave like that … they expect us to pay the bill…"

"What's wrong with you?" demanded Squall, "Why the hell did you say all that?"

"I was just stating the obvious," said Ashleigh innocently. "She didn't have to make a scene over nothing…"

"Nothing my ass," snapped Squall, "You don't go saying things like that." _I'm the lone wolf and even _I _know that…_

"Humph."

"Waitress," called Squall. He paid the bill and got up.

"Where are you going?" asked Ashleigh.

"Home," said Squall bitterly, "Go find your own way home." And with that, he left the restaurant.

Rinoa sat on the bench in the park nearby the restaurant by herself in the dark. _I am Rinoa? I'm so sick of this. My past … I don't remember my past at all, before the accident. I don't remember a thing. What's happening? I really want to know … I thought it would be enough, Marcel telling me my life. But I want more … I want to know for sure that I'm not this 'Rinoa' that everyone loves so much. Ugh, what am I saying? That I don't trust Marcel's word? _

She shivered as a cold breeze brushed against her shoulder. She suddenly felt warm as someone placed a jacket over her. Straight away she knew it was Seifer who had approached her.

"So there you are," said Seifer, sitting down beside her.

Rinoa smiled weakly as she snuggled up closer into his white vest. She didn't say anything.

"Park by night," said Seifer with a smirk, "I've always liked the night. More enticing than day, might I add."

Rinoa didn't say anything.

"I bet you're sick of everyone thinking you're someone else," said Seifer.

_How did he know? He hasn't been here for it all… _"Yeah."

"And that Ashleigh seems like a real bitch anyway," continued Seifer.

Rinoa laughed quietly. "Yeah."

"Yeah," said Seifer, trailing off. "So … I wanna take you away from it all."

Rinoa smirked. "How? Plastic surgery?"

Seifer punched Rinoa's arm playfully. "No."

"Then how?" said Rinoa, beginning to muse.

"Hmm … well, tonight didn't go as I expected," said Seifer. _Like hell it didn't. I thought it'd be a walk in the park_.

"That's for sure," said Rinoa, not looking at him.

"And, I wanted to take you away from it all on a positive note tonight," said Seifer. "But … y'know, while we're in nice clothes and everything…"

Rinoa laughed, looking into the starry sky.

"Oh, hell, I'll just get on with it," said Seifer. "Hey Sierra." He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "Let me take you away from it all."

Rinoa looked at him and was about to say something, but before she could, Seifer slipped a tiny gold ring with sparkling diamonds on her left hand, fourth finger. Rinoa stared down at her hand, her heart stopping. Seifer grinned sheepishly. "Marry me?"

Rinoa's eyes lightened up and she looked up at Seifer and grinned back. "Yes! Of course!" She squealed with delight and threw her arms around him, her heart feeling light. He was right … he did take her away from that misery she felt. She didn't want to worry anymore. She didn't want this wretched 'double life' anymore.

Seifer laughed. He was also happy. He had to be the happiest human being in the world. But he couldn't forget the guilt he held. He was supposed to tell Rinoa the truth first, _and then _ask her to marry him. Not that he thought she would say yes. But just the thought of her rejecting him made his stomach churn. He hated being rejected. All his life he had been rejected … but suddenly things were looking his way.

As an answer to his problem, Rinoa let go of him and smiled. "That's right. I want to be happy. I want to be free. You know, Marcel, I don't care about my past anymore. For so long I've wanted to remember my past, but it's not going to happen. So why bother wanting the impossible? I want to start again. I don't need the past." She pulled off the chain around her neck, the one holding Griever and Julia's wedding ring, the only thing from the past that she could hold onto. "I'm letting it go."

Seifer stared at her in concern at first, but then grinned back. "Good for you."

"Ready?" asked Rinoa. She stood up and turned around. "One … two … three!" She closed her eyes and threw the chain backwards, not caring where it landed.

And that was it for her. She refused to hang onto her curiosity about the past. She wanted to look forward to the future, start a new life. A new life with Seifer … a new life without Squall, or Ashleigh or anyone. And that was enough to make her happy.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Yup … I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Oh, I'm so evil… -sinister laugh- But hey, don't get angry with me yet! It's not the end yet! There's a lot more evil stuff coming up … I must tie the loose ends, and still haven't decided whether to make it a happy ending or not. The ending is coming soon, might I add. Well … thanks for the support, and look out for the new chappie!


	31. Untold Emotion

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 31 – Untold Emotion**

It was the morning of the engagement party, and Sera was in town for the week. Caraway couldn't make it to his own stepdaughter's engagement party because he had lots of work to do. Ashleigh was the first to greet her mother with open arms. The two of them were in the guest room of the presidential residence.

"Oh Ashleigh, how beautiful you are since last time I saw you," said Sera, kissing her daughter on the cheek. "No wonder Squall wants to marry you."

Ashleigh smiled at her mother, who was wearing a tonne of make up on her face to disguise her real age. "Thank you, mother. But I have news for you."

"Oh?" Sera sat down in a chair and began examining her nails.

"Yes," answered Ashleigh excitedly, "Remember how I told you Rinoa is still alive, but lost her memory?"

"Indeed," said Sera, a touch of annoyance in her voice.

"Well, I just found out that it was _Seifer _that changed her life," said Ashleigh.

"What?" Sera looked up at Ashleigh. "What do you mean?"

"Seifer nursed Rinoa when she was in the accident," explained Ashleigh, "And when he found out Rinoa lost her memory, he planted a lie on her. He made her think that her name is Sierra and _he _is her lover. He called himself _Marcel._"

Sera found this interesting. "Indeed?"

"Yes," said Ashleigh, nodding. "I told you that he had feelings for her … but I never thought he would go this far."

"Well he _is _that low," said Sera. "But let him have his fun. He has done us a favour. That way Rinoa won't be able to take Squall back. She's too infatuated with her own stepbrother to even notice. I assume she doesn't believe she is Rinoa, despite everybody thinking so?"

"Of course," said Ashleigh, "She's too stubborn, as usual. She refuses to believe she's Rinoa."

"I see," said Sera. "Well, that isn't a problem to us. We'll keep his little secret."

"But mother…"

"Ashleigh, if we expose him, he'll fight back by saying it was _you _who tried to kill Rinoa," snapped Sera.

"Yes, I know that," said Ashleigh, "But I'm just concerned that he'll confess. Knowing him, he would probably fess up and then tell everyone what we did."

"No he wouldn't," said Sera, narrowing her eyes, "He's too proud. He would never admit he was wrong. He will keep this charade up."

"But you never know … it's been three years," said Ashleigh earnestly. "He might have changed. I know for a fact that Rinoa changed Squall…"

"Hmm, good point," said Sera. "Will he be at the party today?"

"Yes, no doubt," said Ashleigh, rolling her eyes. "That twit Rinoa was invited."

"Who invited her?" demanded Sera.

"Squall did," said Ashleigh, sighing. "She and Squall are awfully close. I'm just afraid her memory would pop back any second."

"I doubt it," said Sera.

"Squall's angry at me now," said Ashleigh sadly. "I insulted Rinoa the other night."

"You fool," said Sera, "You're treading on thin ice. Squall will leave you if you keep it up."

"Yes, I know," said Ashleigh, "I'll apologise to him later."

"Fine, good," said Sera, shrugging Ashleigh's problem off. "Now we need to solve Seifer. What do you know about him?"

"I know he's an instructor at a Garden," replied Ashleigh, "And he sells 'his sister's' artworks. And that's about it."

"Hmm … he really did come up with a cock-and-bull story that would be hard to get out of," said Sera. "We'll have to get rid of him, even if it is for a while." She thought for a minute. "I know. Hand me the phone, Ashleigh."

Ashleigh handed Sera her cell phone, looking at her mother in curiosity. Sera took it and dialled. "Hello? Estharian police? Yes, I would like to report a crime. Someone is plagiarising famous artwork and selling it for outrageous prices. His name is Marcel and he's heading for the presidential residence tonight. Please put him away."

* * *

"Marcel, where are you?" Rinoa asked into her phone. 

"I'm just selling some artwork," said Seifer, "I'm on a roll here."

"The party starts soon," said Rinoa, "I don't want to go alone."

"I thought you didn't want to see that bitch," said Seifer.

"I don't, but we still have to pay our respects to Squall," replied Rinoa earnestly, "He's my boss, not to mention the vice president of Esthar."

"I know, I know, you've only mentioned it about a million times already," said Seifer sarcastically. "Don't worry, just go on without me. I'll meet you at the residence later. Save me a seat, okay?"

Rinoa smiled. "All right, but you'd better be there."

"I will," promised Seifer.

"Love you." Rinoa hung up the phone and sighed. She looked into the mirror and was happy with the way she looked. She was wearing the same sparkly blue dress as the night she had dinner with Squall and Ashleigh. Squall had told her it was a formal party, seeing as how Ashleigh loved the word 'formal'. She put on a coat and began to walk to the residence, screwing 'entering in style'.

She hadn't spoken to Squall since the dinner. She hadn't called him, and he hasn't called her. She wondered how he would take her arriving at his engagement party after she walked out on his nice dinner. She hadn't told anyone she was engaged yet, not even Min. But she wore Seifer's ring with pride. Not a single person had asked about it yet.

Rinoa crossed the road, avoiding all the fancy cars and elegant people in them. She headed into the residence and into the catered hall, where she saw some of her co-workers and some other important-looking people. She took off her coat and draped it over one arm and walked in nervously, not knowing where to go or who to talk to.

"Ah … Sierra, how nice it is to see you again," said a familiar drifty voice.

Rinoa looked up to find Matron and her husband looking at her. "Oh, hello Matron."

"This is my husband, Cid," said Matron.

"Nice to meet you," said Cid in a friendly tone.

Rinoa smiled and shook his hand quietly.

"You look beautiful tonight … Squall would be glad to see you," said Matron.

Rinoa nodded with a smile and excused herself as she walked deeper into the hall.

"Yo, Sierra!"

Irvine and Quistis in formal attire headed towards Rinoa. Irvine put his arm around Rinoa and laughed. "Looking great."

"Thanks," replied Rinoa. "Sure is a crowded party…"

"Yeah, I guess it's important for the vice president to invite every single person he knows," said Quistis with a chuckle.

Rinoa smiled. "Yeah. I guess."

"Did you come alone?" asked Quistis.

"Um … yeah, I did," said Rinoa, "I'm expecting someone soon. And I have no idea where Min is…"

Irvine pointed in the direction of the catered table, where both Zell and Min were gulfing down hotdogs and drinking soda.

The three of them laughed. "They sure look happy," said Quistis.

Rinoa nodded in agreement.

"Yo, Matron!" Irvine called out and walked up towards Matron. Quistis followed. While they went, Rinoa slipped away and continued on her search for … still something unknown.

"Oh, are you Sierra?"

Rinoa looked up at the sound of her name. It was Sera. "Y-Yes, I am."

"Oh, I've heard so much about you," said Sera, her eyes shining with interest.

"Really? From who?" asked Rinoa.

"Oh, from everyone," said Sera. "I'm glad you could make it tonight."

Rinoa smiled a small smile, not knowing what to say.

"Ah, sorry Mrs Caraway … can I borrow her for a second?"

Rinoa turned around to find Squall in his black tux, looking emotionless. _Mrs Caraway … Ashleigh's mother? _Rinoa couldn't help but already feel resentment towards the woman.

"Oh, of course Squall," said Sera politely. And with that, she walked away.

Rinoa looked at Squall uncomfortably. Squall somewhat avoided her eyes as well. The two of them were in awkward silence for a moment, not knowing what to say to each other.

"I'm sorry," the two of them said in unison.

Both of them laughed nervously. Squall looked into Rinoa's earthen eyes and saw his reflection in them. As he looked further, he saw a hopeless boy … one with no future. He wanted a future … he forgot what it was like to be happy. But he wanted happiness again. As Rinoa smiled sweetly, he suddenly felt a little light-hearted.

"I'm sorry I walked out on your dinner," said Rinoa slowly, "I guess … I guess I lost it. Again."

"No, really … I'm sorry," said Squall, "Ashleigh … she shouldn't have said those things. I guess she didn't know."

_Then why can't she come up to me and apologise herself instead of getting Squall to do it for her? _"Hmm, I guess. I want to repay you … for walking out. I mean, I did kinda eat a lot…"

Squall smirked. "No, it's okay. You being here is enough to pay me back. I was just afraid that you weren't going to show up today…"

Rinoa smiled. "Well, here I am."

"So … you don't hate me?" 

Rinoa laughed weakly. "Of course I don't." _I hate your fiancée, that's all_.

"Good," said Squall with a quiet laugh.

"Oh, Mr Leonheart … congratulations on your engagement." A middle-aged Estharian couple came up to Squall and the man shook the vice president's hand.

"Thank you," said Squall. He looked at Rinoa. "Excuse me for a second."

Rinoa nodded and stood to the side. _Where is Marcel? It feels so weird to be here … usually I would be talking and having fun with everyone else … but it doesn't seem so fun without him… _She walked away in search for him again.

As Squall ended the conversation with the middle-aged couple, he found that Rinoa was gone. He was about to go look for her until somebody grabbed him by the arm.

"Hey, Squall honey…"

Squall turned around but was met with a kiss planted on his lips from Ashleigh. He immediately felt uncomfortable and pulled away from her and turned around to look for Rinoa again.

Ashleigh, looking disappointed, turned him around and looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah … I'm sorry for how I acted the other night," said Ashleigh innocently. "I mean … I didn't know what I was saying, I was stupid."

_Yeah you got that right … and you decide to apologise now? You should be apologising to Sierra... _"Hmm," was all Squall mustered.

"Yeah … and I hate it when we fight," said Ashleigh, playing with his fingers. "I want tonight to be a nice night."

"Yeah okay," said Squall, wanting to get away from her as soon as possible.

"Yeah…" Ashleigh noticed Squall looking distracted. "So, you forgive me?"

"Yeah whatever," muttered Squall.

"Aw … how about a kiss?" asked Ashleigh.

"Not right now," said Squall, a twinge of irritation in his voice.

"Humph … all right, maybe tonight then," said Ashleigh, winking cheekily.

"Hmm." Squall walked away from her, not necessarily to look for Rinoa but just to _get away _from her.

Rinoa sat down, staring out the glass doorsfor any sign of Seifer. But he still hadn't arrived yet. _Where are you? You promised you'd come… _It was then that the hall quietened down and Laguna was speaking.

"I would like to thank you all tonight for coming," said Laguna, "The marriage of the vice president is a very special occasion. It means something to us all. To me, to Ellone, but especially to the birds in love … Squall and Ashleigh. So tonight, we will forget about business and work, forget about war and Garden … and celebrate the uniting of two families."

Rinoa continued to gaze out the glass doors, not paying any attention to what was going on. Any second … she expected Seifer to pop in at any second…

"…I am just so happy," continued Ashleigh, "So happy to be marrying someone as wonderful as Squall. I've loved him … for so long. And I would find pleasure in my heart if I could spend the rest of my life with him."

There was a round of applause as Ashleigh stepped out of the spotlight and it was Squall. He looked calm and collected, but didn't look in the least bit joyful or excited.

"Thank you for coming," said Squall, "Out of the havoc and chaos with the new project with Garden, I never had time to be thinking about my personal feelings."

Rinoa drew her attention away from the doors and looked up at Squall.

"My feelings … happiness, sadness … love. I didn't know what's what. I look at myself, and the truth is … all I see is a boy with no future. And I do want a future. I want a happy future. And I guess, the thing that would make me happy is … to spend my life with the person I love most."

Rinoa smiled, not believing that Squall could be such a romantic. Then suddenly she looked back out the glass doors, because something caught her eye. _Yes, Marcel you made it after all! _She continued to look out the glass doors with a smile, waiting for Seifer to come in.

"And I'm here tonight," continued Squall, "To ask the person I love most … to spend the rest of her life with me." _All right Leonheart, this is your only chance … it's now or never._

Ashleigh looked excited and braced herself.

Rinoa continued to look out the glass doors with a smile, but her smile shrunk when a couple of men came out and began to talk to Seifer.

Squall stepped out of the spotlight with the ring in his hand. And to everyone's surprise, he walked straight past Ashleigh and to Rinoa's side, his hand stretched out with the ring in it. Rinoa, however, didn't even notice as she was too caught up worrying about Seifer.

Everyone stared at Squall in shock, wondering what he was doing. Ashleigh looked the most outraged. She had never expected this to happen.

"Sierra," said Squall, "_You_ are the one I love most."

Every person in the room _but _Rinoa looked extremely shocked. Quistis narrowed her eyes, as she was somewhat expecting this to happen. Edea calmly smiled, as she was proud of what Squall had worked the courage up to do. Ellone looked quite the same. Ashleigh looked very frightened and angry at the same time.

"Will you marry me?" asked Squall.

Suddenly, the men grabbed Seifer violently and dragged him down the stairs. Seifer was trying hard to pull free of them.

"Marcel," murmured Rinoa. She got up, not even glancing at Squall, and ran out of the hall. She wasn't even aware that Squall had asked her to marry him and that everyone was looking at her. She thought that nobody would notice her leaving, but obviously, everyone did.

Squall, stood there looking absolutely stunned. It was shock on the outside, but on the inside, he was breaking apart. He had been thinking about it for a long time, and when he finally worked up the courage to face his true emotions … the love of his life walked out on him for the umpteenth time, without even a second glance. Everything he ever believed in … everything Rinoa ever taught him felt like it disappeared. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be happy. No matter what he did, he would always suffer. There was no point in working up the courage to do anything anymore, because no matter how hard he tried, he was going to fail. Not only did this feeling hurt, but also he was humiliated. There had to be hundreds of people in that room, and they all witnessed it … he turning against his betrothed and declaring his love for another woman. He didn't even want to think about what was going to happen.

Ashleigh felt a great feeling of relief overcome her and walked up to Squall and hugged him as if the last couple of minutes hadn't even happened. "Squall, are you okay?" she whispered into his ear.

_Am I okay? What the hell am I supposed to do now? _He collected himself and looked at Ashleigh. "I-I'm fine. I'm sorry, I was being stupid. I … love you, Ashleigh." These words left his mouth dry, and the feeling inside of him couldn't be explained, as everyone left from a shocked state to the joyous one they had when the party started.

_Live my life with Ashleigh … I said so myself, I'm in love with Sierra … I don't understand how this is going to work…_

* * *

Rinoa ran down the stairs after Seifer and the other men. She finally caught up with them when they got outside. A police car was parked on the road, and the men who had abducted Seifer threw him into the car. 

"W-Wait!" shouted Rinoa, "Stop!"

She ran as fast as her high heels could take her and started banging on the window where Seifer sat.

"Marcel!" she shouted.

One of the policemen came out of the car. "Excuse me ma'am, but I'll have to ask you to leave. There's nothing to see here."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" demanded Rinoa, "Marcel hasn't done anything! Why are you taking him away?"

"I'm sorry but you aren't authorised to be given that information," said the policeman.

"I'm not _authorised_?" shouted Rinoa, "I'm his _fiancée. _I should have the damn right to know!"

"You're his fiancée, ma'am?"

"Yes!"

"Please come into the vehicle, we'll have to take you up for questioning," said the policeman. He opened the door and made Seifer slide over.

"W-What?" Rinoa was outraged, but did as she was told and got into the car. As the door slammed shut, she looked at Seifer, who looked just as confused as Rinoa did.

"Marcel, what's going on?" she asked him quietly.

"I don't know," said Seifer in a lowered voice, "I was on the way to meet you until these guys showed up—"

"You have the right to remain silent," said one of the officers in the front seat.

Seifer ignored the policeman. "They came in and said I was a fraud. Selling fake artwork and claiming them to be real."

Rinoa gasped. "Is it true?"

"No, of course not!" hissed Seifer, "I've been selling my sister's artwork…"

"You have the right to remain silent," said the policeman again.

"I heard you the first time, _officer dingbat_," growled Seifer. He lowered his voice again. "But I'm innocent … you know that…"

She pressed her lips together nervously, not knowing what to say. Seifer obviously wanted to plead his innocence to Rinoa, because he was sure that he didn't do anything wrong. He could've easily punched out the police officers but didn't want to cause a ruckus or get into any more trouble. That was really weird, considering that this was _Seifer_, who had a passion for trouble. But he was somewhat nervous. He was _sure _he didn't do anything wrong, unless Ashleigh had something to do with this…

The rest of the ride was in complete silence. Rinoa just kept on looking at Seifer in worry, and Seifer gave her an unsure look back, which did not put Rinoa to ease at all. At long last, the car came to a stop and Rinoa got out of the vehicle.

"Hey, let go of me, scum…" Seifer tried to pull free from the police officer's grip, but wasn't successful seeing as how he was handcuffed. He was then lead into the Capitol police station.

"Right this way, Miss," said one of the remaining officers.

Rinoa followed the officer into the police station nervously, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger as she walked. _This wasn't where I wanted to end up tonight… _The officer told her to wait in the sitting room, where she was asked many questions about whom she was and what relation she had to Seifer. Seifer was nowhere to be seen.

She was then informed that Seifer was in another room for questioning, and told to sit and wait for her turn to be questioned. She was very worried, and very angry at the same time. _Who could have possibly been the cause of this?_ She was certain that Seifer was innocent, because she saw the artwork he had been selling before and knew that he wasn't doing anything in any criminally offensive way.

She waited and waited, and her concern only grew. But she was getting restless. She looked at her watch and found that it was midnight already. She sat back in her chair and stared at the ticking clock on the wall. It seemed like every second that passed was a whole minute. Her eyes began to droop, as she grew more tiresome.

Suddenly her cell phone rang, which was in her hand. The ringing was loud and the vibrations woke her up with a start. She looked at the name on the screen and saw the words _Leonheart _flashing.

"Hello?" she said as she answered it.

"Sierra?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Where are you?" asked Squall.

"Uh … at the police station," said Rinoa, rubbing her eyes.

"What?" said Squall in shock, "What are you doing there?"

"Um … does it really matter?" asked Rinoa uncomfortably.

"Do you … need any help?" asked Squall.

"N-No, don't worry about it," said Rinoa, shaking her head, "I'm fine. It's nothing. Please, go home, I'm sure you'd rather be spending some time with Ashleigh…"

_No, not especially_, thought Squall, _Way to be sensitive, Sierra… _"Hmm, right. Hey, I'll get back to you, I'm getting another call."

"Okay," said Rinoa. She quickly hung up on him and switched her phone off so he wouldn't call again. The last thing she needed was talking to Squall after she walked out of his party. _I was hoping he didn't notice, but I guess he did… _But she really had no idea how much he _did _notice. And the rest of the people at the party, for that matter.

Squall switched phone lines and found that the person who was trying to call him was Ashleigh.

"Hey, baby," said Ashleigh in a sweet tone, "Where are you? You kind of … disappeared after the party…"

"Uh, just at the office," lied Squall. He was in fact sitting in his car, leaning on the steering wheel and staring out into the night sky in attempt to get rid of the painful feeling inside of him until he finally felt like calling Rinoa, just to see how she was. The fact that she was at a police station made his suspicions rise.

"At the office?" repeated Ashleigh, "Squall … it's past midnight…"

"I know, I know," said Squall, "Just … wanted to do some last minute stuff … for the Garden, and all that…"

"Oh," said Ashleigh, sounding disappointed. "Well, okay, I guess … don't work yourself too hard, sweetie. And please don't fall asleep in your office again …you're working yourself too hard."

"Hmm, okay," mumbled Squall. "Well, I'll get back to … work, then."

"All right," said Ashleigh quietly, "I love you…"

Squall muttered another 'Hmm' and hung up on her. He was getting sick of hearing 'I love you' from Ashleigh. She said it so much that it lost meaning altogether. He never really felt anything whenever she uttered those words, nor did he ever say anything in return. But as of late it was getting old, and just didn't mean anything anymore.

_What's happening to you, Leonheart? You're losing it … you're going to go insane, if not being isolated and a total jackass. _He sighed and buried his face in his hands. He has been hurt too many times … he wanted things to go back to the way they were before. _Before _'Sierra' rejected him that night, _before _he met Sierra, _before _Rinoa 'died', _before _he left … hell, even before he _met _Rinoa. Rinoa gave him hope, she was the one who made him smile again … she said she would never leave him alone the way he had been left alone countless times. But that hope died … it died with Rinoa, and there was no hope for him. Even if he still had people who loved him, his friends, his family, Ashleigh … he still felt alone. He just wanted to isolate himself again, because that way there would be no one to hurt him anymore…

Then why? Why did he suddenly feel like some unknown force was picking him up again? He felt like there was still hope for him, still hope for his future. Even after the embarrassing events of that evening, he still sought to seek Rinoa … he still sought to find her, and talk to her.

So he started his car up and looked for her … looked for the one he loved.

* * *

Rinoa sat there for another ten minutes, and was growing even more weary and worried. What was taking so long? She just wanted to see Seifer … she wanted to know he was all right. 

An office door opened, and a stern looking, middle-aged policeman came out. He stroked his greying hair and cleared his throat.

"Miss Hearten?"

Rinoa stood up and walked towards him, her heart thumping in her chest. "Yes?"

"I'm Chief Inspector Andrew, sorry to keep you waiting," said the officer. "Your fiancé has been accused of cheating."

"Well, that's a false accusation," said Rinoa firmly.

"What makes you say so?" asked Andrew.

"Because I've seen what he sells, they're works of art drawn by a young girl," said Rinoa, "We sell them starting from fifty gil a piece."

Andrew began jotting things down on a notepad. "Why were you selling them?"

"To make our way around," said Rinoa, "We were in financial trouble."

"Were?"

"Yes, now we both have decent jobs," said Rinoa.

"But just today, he was selling some more artwork," said Andrew. "Do you deny that?"

"No, I don't deny that," said Rinoa, "He was because we aren't from Esthar. I'm just working here and he came to visit. He felt bad because I've been working and he's just sitting around doing nothing."

"I see," said Andrew. "Now, tell me, Miss Hearten … what's the most expensive artwork you've ever seen? Not necessarily one your fiancé has sold, of course."

Rinoa thought about it for a second. Most of the artwork Seifer sold ranged from twenty to eighty gil. Then she suddenly remembered something Squall bought for ten thousand gil.

"Ten thousand gil," replied Rinoa.

"Ten thousand," repeated Andrew coolly, "And where did you see this?"

"A poor girl from the slums sold it," answered Rinoa.

"A girl? Didn't you say your fiancé sold artworks drawn by a young girl?"

Rinoa hesitated. "Yes, but it probably has nothing to do with each other…"

"Are you sure about that, Miss? It's not very often you see young girls selling artwork for ten thousand gil each…"

Rinoa thought for a second. _Now that I think about it … Marcel's sister is from Deling, and so is the Sierra Squall bought the painting from … could it be…?_

The door to the police station opened, and Rinoa turned around. To her surprise, she found Squall at the door, and her thoughts suddenly vanished from her mind and she felt confused and somewhat embarrassed that he was there.

"Leonheart!" said Rinoa, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"S-Sir." Chief Inspector Andrew straightened up, obviously not expecting the vice president of Esthar to show up in the middle of the night at a place like the police station.

"Is there a problem here?" asked Squall, walking up to them. "If Sierra's in any trouble…"

"No, I'm not in any trouble, I told you that already," said Rinoa, narrowing her eyes at him. _Damn, why did I have to tell him I was here? This is embarrassing!_

"Yes, that's right … she's only here for questioning," said Andrew, nodding.

"I see," said Squall, "May I have a word with her in private?"

Rinoa looked at Andrew, who seemed to be very confused. At last, he nodded. Rinoa and Squall went into the far corner of the sitting room and began to speak.

"What are you doing here?" asked Squall coolly.

"He told you already, I'm up for questioning," answered Rinoa.

"Right," said Squall, "Questioning of what?"

"C'mon … does it really matter?" asked Rinoa. "Why are you here anyway? I told you not to come."

"Yes, you _told _me not to come, but it doesn't mean I _won't _come," replied Squall. "I thought you were in trouble."

"I'm not in trouble," said Rinoa, folding her arms. "I told you that a million times already."

"Actually, you told me three times," said Squall, "And I didn't believe you. And I was right."

"But I'm not in trouble!" cried Rinoa. "It's Marcel … he's been accused of something he didn't do."

_Oh, that guy …I kinda forgot about that guy… _"I see. Are you sure he didn't do it?"

"Leonheart! How dumb do you think I am?" exclaimed Rinoa, "Of course I'm sure! But things aren't really looking in my favour…"

"Do you need my help?" asked Squall.

"No, I don't need your help," said Rinoa childishly.

Squall raised an eyebrow, not believing her.

Rinoa sighed. "All right, I could kinda use your help right now."

Squall nodded in understanding. He began to walk off to speak to the inspector, but Rinoa grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.

"And Leonheart … I'm sorry for just leaving your party and all that," said Rinoa. "It was because Marcel was in trouble…"

_Yes … THAT guy… _Squall shrugged. "It's okay." _No, it's not really okay, but I can't stand to bring myself to be depressing. _"It wasn't really important anyway…"

Rinoa frowned slightly in guilt. "I'm sorry. Truly." She smiled again. "But your speech … it was touching. I never knew you loved Ashleigh so much like that … and be man enough to express it. I'm really happy for you."

Hyne… Those words were like arrows piercing through Squall's heart. _How much I love Ashleigh so much? I was talking about you … and you couldn't even notice … hell, what's the point anymore? Why do I even bother? Why am I so damn emotional anyway? I can't believe I even admitted to liking Sierra … well, that was a mistake … but at least she doesn't know it so she can't hate me for it. I mean, I kinda forgot about her boyfriend … how stupid of me…! Well, at least now I know … not to tell her … that I love her … maybe things are better being kept this way…_

"Thanks," muttered Squall. _Yeah … thanks a lot. _"Well … I'll go see what I can do for Marcel."

And he turned away from Rinoa, not standing to look at her face anymore … because it made his heart bleed to death…

After a short talk with the inspector, Seifer was let off. As he came out of the room, his face lightened up when he saw Rinoa. Rinoa ran up to him and hugged him tightly. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Hey, I'm fine," said Seifer, letting go of Rinoa, "They didn't beat me or anything…"

Rinoa smiled. She turned to Squall, who looked as if he were about to leave. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Thank you."

Squall shrugged. "It's okay…"

Seifer eyed Squall suspiciously, but when Squall looked at him, he simply smirked. "Yeah. Thanks for bailing me out."

"Don't worry about it," murmured Squall. "Hmm. I'll be going now, I've got work to do."

Rinoa smiled at him. "Okay. Don't work yourself too hard."

Squall nodded. "Have a good night…" He turned around and walked to his car. _What made me come here tonight? Why did I follow her? It's obvious that she doesn't care about me … she has someone already. God, I bet I looked like an ass … just standing there, with that ring out to her … and all she did was walk away. What's everyone going to think? What if she'll never see me in the same way again…?_

Rinoa watched Squall disappear into the darkness, and couldn't help but have a heavy feeling inside of her. She slightly frowned. _Oh Leonheart … I can see hurt in your eyes ... but why? I thought you getting married was a good thing. Why can't you be happy, like a normal person...?  
_

"C'mon Sierra, let's go home."

At the sound of Seifer's voice, she looked away from Squall and forgot about him and smiled up at Seifer.


	32. The Promise

**A/N: **Thank you for your reviews ... I know I am a little later to update than usual, but it's been really chaotic lately ... thank you for your support, I really appreciate. I'm pretty sure the story is going to go to forty chapters ... is that too long? If it is, just say so and I will try to end it nicely in a short manner... To whomever was wondering - I'm glad you mentioned Rinoa's being a sorceress, because it is in fact coming up in the next chapter ... or something to do with it, anyway. And to those who are getting sick of plot twists - I am so sorry, I didn't notice it was getting annoying ... the rollercoaster will go down soon... In the mean time, enjoy this chapter...

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 32 – The Promise**

Quistis sat in her office, typing up a report for Squall. But she had trouble thinking - what Squall said at the party really distracted her. She and Irvine were now on the same boat, worrying about Squall's wellbeing, because the Squall they thought they knew was somebody completely new.

There was a knock at Quistis' door that snapped Quistis out of her thinking.

"Come in," she called.

The door swung open and Ashleigh walked in. "Quisty, have you seen Squall?"

Quistis looked up at Ashleigh in amazement. _After the events of last night … she can still look for Squall in such a happy mood?_

"Uh … no, I haven't," said Quistis, shaking her head.

Ashleigh frowned. "I've been looking all over for him since this morning…"

"Oh, sorry … I haven't seen him," said Quistis. She bit her bottom lip nervously and took off her glasses. "Hey Ashleigh, why don't you have a seat?"

Ashleigh was about to leave, but turned around when Quistis requested her to stay. "Oh … uh, but I've got more important things to do…"

Quistis decided to ignore the last comment. "I just want to talk to you. You know, out of work talk. Girl stuff…"

Ashleigh stared at Quistis, basically because she always thought Quistis to be the serious type. But her shock disappeared as she sat down in glee. Any chance to gossip was a good one … everyone at the office was so damn serious about their work that they had no time to have a normal conversation.

"So, what's new, Quisty?" asked Ashleigh.

Quistis closed her laptop and leaned back in her chair. "Same old. That was a great party you threw last night."

Ashleigh smiled sweetly. "Well, naturally … but some things didn't go as expected…"

_That's for sure… _"Yeah … Squall can be really unpredictable sometimes…"

Ashleigh threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Tell me about it! I can't believe he asked Rin – I mean, _Sierra _… to marry him."

Quistis nodded. "Yeah … well I'm not surprised."

"Oh?" said Ashleigh, raising an eyebrow. "Are you meaning to say that you expected Squall to do that?"

Quistis shrugged. "She does look a lot like Rinoa…"

"But that's just in looks," said Ashleigh edgily, "I bet she's nothing like Rinoa."

Quistis was well aware that Rinoa disliked Ashleigh very much, judging from her letters. She still hadn't told the truth to Squall. Somehow, she felt that she should have … that Squall deserved a right to know how Rinoa was feeling. But then again, she vowed to Rinoa that she would never tell him. But then _again_, Rinoa vowed that she would tell Squall herself … and that never happened. But Quistis still felt in her heart that it was right to keep her friend's secret, even if she was dead…

"Actually, she's a lot like Rinoa," said Quistis shortly.

"Oh?" _What's she trying to imply? _"Well, she can't be Rinoa. Rinoa's dead."

Quistis looked a little taken aback, but shook it aside. "Hmm. I suppose so."

There was an awkward silence as Ashleigh had butterflies in her stomach. Quistis simply looked at Ashleigh with a hint of suspicion.

"May I ask you a personal question, Ashleigh?" asked Quistis.

_What the…? Where'd this come from? _"Um … sure, I guess…"

Quistis put her elbows on the desk and leaned forward in interest. "You saw what happened last night, right? You know, Squall's … unexpected behaviour, and whatnot."

"Yes," said Ashleigh slowly.

"My question is," said Quistis, "Why, Ashleigh? After something so clear as day … you can still marry him?"

"What are you implying?" asked Ashleigh sharply.

"Well, he said it … in front of hundreds of people … that he loved Sierra. Obviously that means something, doesn't it? How can you marry him, knowing that?"

Ashleigh simply stared at Quistis in bewilderment. Then she smiled slyly. "He was just having a mood swing. You said so yourself, Squall is _so _unpredictable. I mean, I can understand that he can 'love' Sierra, but I can't blame him … she looks so much like Rinoa. But that's just a phase. He said so himself that he loved me after that, that he was being stupid. So obviously … he was just unsure about himself, and did something stupid in front of a lot of people…"

Quistis found Ashleigh's answer to be a very bad one. "Ashleigh, I don't mean to interfere … but I think you're blindly accepting his proposal. He loves another woman … can't you see that? If you really loved him, you would—"

"Tsk, Quistis," said Ashleigh, "Please don't tell me what I would do if I loved him. Because I do love him. And maybe sometimes it's hard for Squall to express his love for me, but he told me he loved me last night … and that's enough for me."

"But—"

"Surely, you know how it feels, Quistis?" said Ashleigh, shaking her head, "_You, _out of all people."

Quistis's mouth hung open, but she quickly collected herself. "I … I don't know what you mean."

"Oh please," said Ashleigh, "You were once deeply in love with Squall, no?"

Quistis flushed a bright red colour, not knowing how Ashleigh knew that. "That … that was a very long time ago."

"But still, you did love him," said Ashleigh, "And even if he acted as if he didn't love you, even if he was so cold to you and acted distant from you … if out of the blue, he told you he loved you … wouldn't you believe him?"

"N-No, I wouldn't," said Quistis. "Because … if he loved me then he would show it…"

"All right," said Ashleigh, "So you don't believe him. I doubt you wouldn't but I bet you would still take it to heart. If he asked you to marry him, would you do it? Keeping in mind that you are in love with him…"

_I guess I would marry him if he asked me. But I'd be just as bad as Ashleigh, accepting a proposal blindly. But love makes you blind … but Ashleigh seems to know that she's doing something like this. She's not accepting it blindly, she knows it's wrong but she's still accepting anyway…_

"I rest my case," said Ashleigh when she was met with silence. She got up and walked out of Quistis' office, leaving Quistis staring at her closed door in shock.

* * *

Rinoa got home from work that afternoon and was greeted with a huge hug from Seifer's great muscular arms. Baffled, she laughed and put her arms back around Seifer, smiling into his shoulder.

"Oh, that's nice," said Rinoa, letting go of Seifer. "Why do you look so sad?"

Seifer smiled weakly at her. "Hey Sierra. Well, the reason why I look so sad is ... I have to go."

Seifer's reply threw Rinoa completely off guard."What?" exclaimed Rinoa in shock, "Why? Y-You can't…!"

"I'm sorry," said Seifer, "But I have to. Obviously these Esthar folks don't like me much." _That, and Ashleigh is getting on my nerves, _he thought.

"So what? There was a misunderstanding," said Rinoa, "It's nothing, I'm sure."

_Oh it's a lot more than nothing. _"I don't want to have to get your friend to bust me out of there all the time."

"All the time?" cried Rinoa, panic rising in her voice. It was only once! And I didn't even invite him!"

Seifer shook his head. "I can't, Sierra. And I have to sort things out with my sister … I don't know what got us into this mess. And I think they're expecting me back at work soon…"

"Marcel! What about the grand opening…?" Rinoa narrowed her eyes at him. "You can't just abandon that!"

"Those guys are way outta my league," said Seifer, "I'm never gonna fit in with them. They'd probably laugh. I mean, look at me … and then look at you."

"That's the lamest excuse ever."

Seifer laughed weakly, agreeing silently. "Well … it's how I feel."

"But what about how _I_ feel? What about … _us_? We're … _engaged_. We haven't even planned out the wedding and our future and … we haven't even had time to think about _us_…"

"Don't worry ... I love ... you," said Seifer, "But nothing is going to come between us. You know what? Why don't you quit this job and come back to Trabia with me…?"

"I-I can't do that," said Rinoa, shaking her head, "I haven't been paid yet…" Disappointment pulled at Rinoa's mixed emotions as she began to lay out the pieces of the situation.

_Damn, this is gonna be harder than I thought. Stupid me, why did I even let her come here? Things would've been much easier…_

"Then … we'll just have to separate for now," said Seifer, "Come back to Trabia when you're ready, all right? Whenever … you're ready … I'll be there." He picked up his bag and swung his gunblade over his shoulder.

Rinoa stared at him in complete shock. This was completely uncalled for, she hadn't even dreamt that Seifer would just leave her without any real explanation. "N-No, you can't go! Marcel…! Please, don't go!"

"I'll see you soon, Sierra," said Seifer. He kissed Rinoa on the cheek and walked out the door, ignoring Rinoa's cries for him. Now that he thought about it, her cries were like arrows through his heart. But the real reason he was leaving was because things were too much for him. With Ashleigh around, he wasn't safe. If she ever did expose him, then at least he would be away from Rinoa's hatred … at least he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt. If she ever found out the truth, then she would probably never want to speak to him again. He even admitted it himself - this was the coward's way out, running from his problems. Usually he was not one to back out of a fight, but when it came to Rinoa, he had a completely different view on life. Losing his life, losing money, losing his reputation - as much as he despised losing, he couldn't _stand_ losing something like Rinoa.

If he went back to Trabia and she found out, then she would never speak to him again… but if she came looking for him, then maybe….

Rinoa watched Seifer disappear as her eyes filled with tears. _What about us? What happened to what we had...? _She wanted to run after the blonde gunbladist, but her feet would not move. She tried calling for him again, but she found no voice. What was happening to her...?

* * *

For the rest of the week, Rinoa didn't bother going to work. She stayed at home and lounged about in bed, not caring anymore. She was still upset with Seifer's surprise departure that she just couldn't be bothered with anything. All she wanted was to be happy again. Somehow, she felt happy with Seifer around. But now he was gone, and all she could do was sulk.

Min would enter her room and ask her friend what was wrong, but there was never a response from Rinoa. So Min would slip out of the room quietly and head for work by herself. At work, she told everyone that Rinoa was feeling ill and couldn't come. Squall didn't even ask why, nor was he curious. In fact, he suddenly had the urge to have as little to do with Rinoa as possible since the night of the engagement party.

At last, it was the night of the Grand Garden Opening and Rinoa still wouldn't get out of bed. Min entered her room and made an attempt for her to get out of the house, or at least the room. It was not like Rinoa to be depressed and mope around at all.

"Sierra…?" Min sat on Rinoa's bed. She was also meaning to talk to her about the whole deal with Squall declaring his love for her, but realised that this wasn't the time. She realised that Seifer had left and was positive that his departure was part of the reason why she was so depressed.

Rinoa groaned. "What, Min…?"

_Well, that's a start … I finally got a response_, thought Min. "It's the Grand Opening tonight."

"So…?"

"So, aren't you going?" asked Min gently.

Rinoa turned around, looking at her friend. Her eyes were half-closed, bloodshot red, and she looked like a dying cat. Her skin was paler than usual and she felt cold. It was obvious that she hadn't been eating, either. "Why _should_ I go…?"

"Because everyone misses you," said Min quietly.

"Humph … screw everyone," muttered Rinoa. "I don't want to go. I have no one to go with."

"You can go with me," offered Min.

"I'll be the third wheel …everyone has someone to go with," groaned Rinoa, "And I don't know many people. You have Zell, Leonheart has _Ashleigh_…" At the thought of Ashleigh, Rinoa groaned some more and buried her face under the bedsheets again.

Min looked at Rinoa in shock. Obviously she had forgotten about the other night at the party. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"…What?" came Rinoa's muffled response.

"President Leonheart … he said he loved you the other night. Remember?"

Those mere words almost made Rinoa have a heart attack. She was suddenly wide-awake, and even though she was under the covers, she heard Min's voice loud and clear. She felt very strange. What was this feeling? No … it couldn't have been a real feeling. There was just no sense to it. But Min's statement left Rinoa tingling on the inside.

The brunette sat up and stared at her friend. Min was already dressed to go to the party. She glanced at the clock on her wall and noticed that the opening started an hour ago. "You're such a liar," hissed Rinoa.

Min shook her head. "I swear he did! If you don't believe me, why don't you come to the opening tonight and ask him yourself?"

Her friend's last statement killed her ploy. "…Nice try, Min." Rinoa fell back on her pillow and faced the wall. "I'm not going. You go without me. You're already an hour late."

"I don't mind," said Min, "C'mon Sierra, it won't be any fun without you. And President Leonheart really _did_ say he loved you…"

"Just _go,_ Min." Rinoa's tone was petty and sharper than she had intended. But it was expected ... Rinoa's temper was easily tested, and something as serious as accusing Squall of such a thing was not something she wanted to take lightly.

Min sighed in exasperation. "All right. Have fun wasting yourself here." She got up and left the room, shutting the door and switcing off the ceiling light, leaving Rinoa to think.

_Leonheart said he loved me. That's really funny. I mean, this is Leonheart … he's going to marry that wench Ashleigh. I don't even know what he sees in her._ _He couldn't have said he loved me … because he doesn't. And how would Min know that he said something like that? How can she know and I not know? That's just stupid. She's making it up. And what about Marcel? Leonheart knows I'm with him … as if he's dumb enough to say he loves me when I'm engaged to Marcel. Oh, but he doesn't know that I'm engaged…_

Soon after her little musings, Rinoa's eyes fell and darkness overcame her...

'Rinoa. Hey ... Rinoa.'

Rinoa looked up and saw Squall. They were in a field of brightly coloured flowers, outside the orphanage. It was exceptionally breezy out there; she felt a shiver crawl up her spine. She looked around and found that she and Squall were the only people in the garden. Squall was standing rather close to her, his hand on the back of his neck in a rather uncomfortable position, his piercing eyes wandering around.

'I'm not Rinoa.'

Squall ignored her. 'I don't know … by saying this, do you think I'm weak?'

'Hey, Leonheart. I'm Sierra! Remember?'

'…Maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet … but I've never felt this way about anyone before…'

'What are you talking about!' Rinoa suddenly felt frightened. Her heart was racing. What was happening? Squall's choice of words made her nervous, and the way he was standing was no help either. The feeling felt so real … and somehow it felt so familiar…

'I don't know what it is … is it love?'

'What are you saying…' sobbed Rinoa, shaking her head. She didn't want him to love her. She was in love with ... with... Her mind drifted. Who was she in love with again? She felt the urge to throw her arms around him and just cry, but instead she lunged at the man and grabbed him by the shoulders through stifled cries, shaking him, as if trying to shake a stirring demon inside of him out.

Squall seemed to be taking no notice of her as she continued to shake him. He continued on normally as if nothing was happening. 'If it is … I just want you to know that … I love you…'

Suddenly, the field of flowers disappeared and the scene of the engagement party took place. Rinoa was bolted in her chair, staring up at Squall in tears. She shook her head violently at what she saw … his hand was held out to her with a tiny gold ring…

'Marry me … Sierra…?'

She screamed through sobs, her voice echoing in her mind. It wasn't a scream of terror; it was a scream of anguish and sadness…

Rinoa woke up with a start, her breathing shallow and uneven. She suddenly had a headache. She rubbed her temples with her hands and scrunched her nose. "What the hell was that…?" she muttered under breath. _It's just a dream_, she told herself. _He never asked you to marry him at the engagement party. He didn't. It's just a stupid dream. _She got out of bed and walked to her dressing table, staring at herself in the mirror. _But I was too distracted … when me made his speech. And then Marcel came…_

A strange feeling suddenly overcame her again. It was an emotion mixed with fear, panic, and maybe even excitement, she wasn't too sure. But words couldn't explain what she felt. But there was a heavy feeling on her shoulders. She wanted to find out … did that dream mean anything? Did he really ask her to marry him? Did he really love her? She had to sort things out with him. She didn't want to marry him, because she was marrying Seifer._  
_

_Please don't love me, Leonheart ... I don't want you to love me ... I don't want yo to get hurt ... you've been hurt so much already..._ It was just getting too complicated for her.

_Min sure did convince me to come tonight,_ thought Rinoa sardonically.Rinoa got dressed into her royal blue formal dress but didn't bother taking her time to look all spruced up. The only thing on her mind was getting things straightened out with Squall. She kept wondering how to approach him. She couldn't just go up to him and say 'Hey Leonheart, did you ask me to marry me the other night? Because I don't want to marry you because I'm marrying someone else, and I don't love you, so goodbye.' She knew Squall's feelings were more delicate than that, and he _was_ a good friend of hers...

As Rinoa left the apartment, she snuggled up closer to her coat, as the night air was colder than she expected. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was already four hours into the party. She ran across the street in a hurry, not knowing whether the opening had finished or not. But she ran across the street in such a hurry that she didn't notice the car that came speeding towards her.

As the car was about to hit her, Rinoa stopped and jumped back in fright, more powerfully than intended, only to be met with the cold, hard concrete as she hit the ground. She laid there, her heart pounding like a jackhammer. Suddenly, her mind blanked out and a flashing thought bolted through her head.

_A car came speeding towards her and knocked her far across the road. There was blood all over the windscreen and she was lying in a pool of crimson blood._

The image jolted through her mind like an electric shock. She stared at the car before her, because this car was the _exact_ same car as the one that just came to her mind. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she was too stunned to move or speak.

The front door of the car opened, and Ashleigh came out and rushed towards Rinoa.

"S-Sierra!" she said in panic, fear almost, "Are … are you okay?"

Rinoa slowly came to her senses and stood up, her elbows slightly grazed. She moved off the road and stared at Ashleigh, speechless. _What just happened_? She wasn't hurt, but a very disturbing thing came to her mind when that car came speeding towards her. What was it? A hallucination?

"Sierra…?" Ashleigh said quietly. She backed away slowly, wondering what was going through Rinoa's head. "The … the party ended half an hour ago…"

Rinoa simply stared at Ashleigh. She tried to speak, but she couldn't find her voice. Ashleigh, not knowing what else to do, got back into her car and drove away in fear.

_What the heck was that? _Rinoa took a deep breath. _A … memory…? From my life before the fire? _

Confused, Rinoa didn't know what to do. She pushed aside her plans to go see Squall, and wanted to know what this strange new feeling she felt was. _A memory… _She tried to remember the last thing she had, the only thing from her past. The rings on the chain. She couldn't remember what they looked like. She had told herself to let go of the past that night, and was trying to tell herself again then and there. But the past was coming back to her. She needed that key to her past. But she threw those rings away … she had to find them…

Rinoa ran back to the park that she and Seifer went to after the dinner with Ashleigh and Squall. As she ran, more images flooded into her mind.

_She was running as she could. She was happy. There were people on the bridge waiting for her. They waved and smiled at her. Squall turned around. He smiled at her. When the people turned around, she ran across the road. CRASH. A car sped towards her and ran her down…_

Rinoa held her head and blinked long and hard. Hallucinations … were they hallucinations? She didn't know. The image of Squall turning around, smiling and waving at her kept replaying itself. She couldn't push it out of her mind.

She finally reached the park. It was a dark night, but the brightness of the full moon was her light. The park was huge and ever-going. Where could the chain have gone? Was it still there? Did someone pick it up and keep it for themselves? Rinoa ignored the constant questions buzzing inside her ear and fell to the ground, feeling around the thick grass and dirt for the pieces of metal. She crawled around, almost covering the whole park. But she couldn't find it. She couldn't find the silver chain and rings that she blindly threw away.

She sighed. _Oh cruel fate… _Another image jolted into her mind suddenly.

_She crawled around the garden, looking for something. Finally it caught her eye. A piece of paper. She went over to it and grabbed it, but behind it, under the bushes, was a cream white envelope. She picked it up and it read 'To Rinoa Heartilly'._

Rinoa shook the thoughts out of her head, but for some reason decided to follow what that flashing image told her. She looked under the closest bush, and to her shear amazement, silver glimmered up at her in the moonlight. Heart racing, she grabbed the chain. The cold metal against her skin sent shivers throughout her body. The rings dangled on the chain, dancing with the wind.

She looked at the wedding ring.

'_I'm going to give this to you, okay Rinoa honey? Keep it safe for me…'_

"M-Mom…" Julia's face flashed through her mind. It made Rinoa's heart melt. Her smile, her voice … it was her _mother_…

She looked at Griever. More images and voices began to run through her mind.

'_I've always wanted a ring like this!'_

'_I have something for you.'_

_Somebody opened the catch on her chain and slid the ring on it. They looked back at her. Squall's electric blue eyes stared right into hers._

'_You won't forget about me, right?'_

_She held a tape recorder to her mouth and whispered, 'I love you, Squall…'_

'_I'll be waiting for you…'_

'_Love will always return.'_

'_Rinoa…' Caraway's voice…_

'_Rinoa…?' Quistis' voice…_

'_Rinoa!' Sera's voice…_

'_I love you … Rinoa.' Squall's voice._

Rinoa fell to her knees and cried. Her tears were loud and piercing through the forlorn shadows of the night. She hadn't cried for so long. She forgot what it was like to cry, to have real emotion flowing out of her eyes. She forgot what it was like to feel so much emotion boiling within her. Countless thoughts ran through her head. She thought she had forgotten them all. But now she remembered.

_She remembered..._

_

* * *

_  
Squall stood in the field of flowers outside the orphanage. He hadn't stood there in what seemed like an eternity. He stood there, letting the wind wisp past him. He was a lone figure in the night, very much like he usually was. The garden was dull; it was too dark to see the colours of the beautiful flowers that were there all year round.

He remembered after Rinoa's supposed death, he waited in this garden. _Everyday._He waited here on end, waiting for Rinoa to come. But she never did. He would wait some more ... but she never came. Eventually he stopped coming. Eventually he stopped believing. He stopped believing that she would come back, until he was _sure_ she would never come back.

Then why was he waiting there then? He didn't know what it was, but he had the urge to feel that feeling once again. That feeling of sorrow, but of hope as well. That feeling of hope that he felt so much when he waited here for his love to return. _Love will always return_. But he stopped believing his own words as well. He just stopped believing in _anything_ altogether.

But that night, when he came there … he didn't feel any hope. All he felt was sorrow. Sadness. He wanted to scream out across the fields in pain, to let the whole world hear all the anguish he kept bottled up inside of himself for so long. He wanted to just collapse and die, like when he got lost in time. But Rinoa saved him that time. Rinoa wasn't there to save him this time. He was alone. There was no hope for him.

"S-Squall…?"

Squall shrugged the voice off. He thought it was his mind playing tricks on him. For that sweet voice, that sweet angelic voice that called his name was Rinoa's very voice. That couldn't have been possible. He thought he was going crazy. But then he heard it again.

"Squall…"

He turned around, and to his surprise, he actually found someone standing there. It was Rinoa, and he was surprised even more. Since their meeting up again, she never once called him Squall - she always called him 'Leonheart', and the calling of his first name from her was quite new to him.

"Sierra … how did you get here…?" asked Squall quietly.

"I walked here…" Rinoa stared at Squall. She felt like falling apart inside. His face was so heavenly. Despite the night's darkness, his face shone like a radiance that she had never seen before. She felt like crying to him, falling on him. An hour ago, she felt so much differently. She didn't want Squall to love her, but a new feeling was emerging -- she wanted _so_ much for him to love her. All she wanted was his love...

"It's really late, you know…"

Rinoa didn't say anything. The look on her face was as clear as day. She was close to tears, her bottom lip trembling.

"Is there something wrong, Sierra…?"

Rinoa couldn't take it anymore. The name Sierra was too foreign to her now. It meant nothing to her. "I'm not Sierra."

"What? Are you okay? How you're here?"

Rinoa let out a loud sob. "B-Because … we promised, Squall! We promised we would meet here … we promised we would see shooting stars together, and be together ... right here..."

Squall stared at her. _What's she talking about? These words ... they were Rinoa's words. Is she messing with my head…? _"Sierra…"

"I'm not Sierra!" she cried. "I'm … I'm R-Rinoa…" At her words, she fell onto Squall and began to cry hysterically. She buried her face deep within his chest, letting the hot tears stream down her face, dampening his jacket. She suddenly remembered what it was like to hold him … to hold Squall … his warmth, the gentleness that lay so deep inside of him, the beating of his heart, the feel of his voice…

Squall, not knowing what to do, was flabbergasted. His posture stayed rigid - he did not hold her back, because it was like he was paralysed. Her very words made his emotions stir, made him freeze. But he was in so much shock. He wasn't sure if this was a dream or not. Because he's had this dream before … he's always dreamt that he and Rinoa would meet in the flower field, and they would hold each other forever.

"You … you can't be Rinoa," hissed Squall, "Rinoa's … Rinoa's dead…"

Rinoa continued to cry, holding onto Squall as if holding onto dear life. She couldn't find her voice to speak.

"And … and besides … you can't … because … I've already fallen in love … with _you_…" Squall squeezed his eyes shut, not believing the words he had just uttered. He felt tears well up in his eyes, but did not open them, for a stream of hurrying emotions would flood out if he did… "With … _Sierra Hearten…_" His voice was croaky and he wavering.

Rinoa let go of Squall and looked up at him, his eyes still shut. He clenched his fists, trying to keep the boiling emotion inside of him from leaking out. Rinoa bit her trembling bottom lip. She lifted her hand, the chain with Griever and Julia's ring hanging from it, her arm shaking.

Squall opened his eyes as he felt Rinoa's warmth leave him. Tears did not come to his eyes, but his vision was hazy. When he could finally focus, to his shock, Rinoa's chain with his Griever and Julia's wedding ring was right in front of him. And it was then that memories came back to him. His heart felt light and from the chain, he looked at Rinoa, tears hiding in her eyes. She was already staring at him with the saddest look.

Squall couldn't find his voice. The sensation inside of him was simply _beyond words_. "Rin … Rinoa?" His words were filled with emotion and realisation. That was the first time he dared utter her name to her face in so long, with all seriousness.

"Y-Yes, Squall. It's me. It's Rinoa." She actually believed the words coming out of her mouth … all this time, she kept denying that she was Rinoa Heartilly. But all the memories, all the feelings stirring inside her … they made her believe who she was. She stared into Squall's electric blue eyes, and beyond them, she could finally see something besides pits of blackness. She could see a helpless little boy without anybody to love.

"R-Rin…" Squall couldn't even finish his sentence. He couldn't control himself. He finally believed it. His hope, his words, everything he ever told himself. Everyone thought he was crazy, but he was right. Rinoa _did_ come back to him in the garden. Love _did_ return. And he was _happy_. At long last, he let emotion get the best of him. He gave into it. But this time it was a feeling of joyful emotion. This was the first time in six years where he was_ truly _happy.

He threw his arms around her and held her tightly. Rinoa held him back, just as tightly. She started laughing weakly, a stifled kind of laugh as tears of joy ran out of her eyes. Squall let his short and small tears of joy out as well. Because they were reunited. They were finally together again. They were finally _happy_.

And the two of them held each other, shedding tears of joy in the silence, in the darkness of the night in a dull and lifeless garden. But it looked full of colour and radiance at that very second and onwards. In the monotonousness of the open garden, two lone lovers stood out, embracing each other as they cried together.

Their love kept them alive … because they promised.


	33. Part III :: The Sorceress Within

**A/N: **Sorry for the lateness of the update, everyone! I've just been a bit busy lately, but I'm back now. I'm glad everyone enjoyed the last chapter, and a few of you are asking if it's the end. The answer to that question is - nope, it's not the end yet, there are still a lot of loose ends that need tying. I'm sorry if it's dragging on a bit too long, but I still have some more evil schemes up my sleeve... -shifty eyes- But thank you for the support, I really appreciate it! I hope I haven't lost any of you readers ... anyway, on with the chapter...

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**_Part III : Love is Blind_  
**

**Chapter 33 – The Sorceress Within  
**

Rinoa and Squall spent the whole night in the field of flowers, sitting on the grass and talking. It felt like they hadn't talked in so long, even though they had been talking nearly every day for the past three months. But that was because they didn't realise who each other were. Surprisingly, the question about _how_ Rinoa lost her memory didn't even come up in their endless conversation. They were just so overwhelmed that they finally found each other again, after what seemed like forever.

They talked for endless hours. At times it was awkward, because Rinoa would constantly ask about what she was like. Squall would answer as best he could, and Rinoa _would _remember. That was how she slowly regained her memory. She thought back about it and noticed that whenever Seifer told her things, nothing would come back to her because they never actually happened. But when Squall told her, she could remember it all. Ashleigh almost running over her triggered the most feelings and memories, and somehow got her mind jogging.

But she couldn't remember how she lost her memory in the first place. Squall couldn't tell her, because he didn't know either. Was it the fire? She couldn't believe that it was the fire, because Seifer had fed her that information, and everything Seifer fed her were _lies_ – her name, her history, and even _him_. She was confused. Who _was_ Seifer? Why did he lie to her? She didn't know how she felt about him anymore. She didn't even know whether to call him and confront him or not. She didn't know how she would react to his voice. She didn't even know his real _name…_

She silently tried to fit the pieces altogether, but it was too hard. The main thing she could remember was a car ramming at her, but the rest was all a blur. She didn't tell Squall that, though.

"What about my family?" asked Rinoa, "What was my family like?"

"Well … General Fury Caraway is your dad," said Squall, "You met him in Deling, remember? You never got along with him, because he was a miliary figure for the Galbadian forces, and you really hated him for that."

"Really?" Rinoa thought for a moment. She tried to picture the face of the man she had met in Deling just a couple of months ago. When she finally got a picture, she remembered having an argument with him once. But that was it, really. "What about my mother?"

"Your mom?" said Squall, "Well … I never knew her. But her name was Julia Heartilly. She's a musician. You adopted her surname because you hated your dad so much. She died in a car accident when you were five, but she gave you that ring before she died."

Rinoa pulled out her chain and looked at Julia's wedding ring. She stared at it for a moment and searched her mind for any ringing bells.

_'I'm going to give this to you, okay Rinoa honey? Keep it safe for me. Remember, I love you, no matter what.' _

"Y-Yeah … I remember…" murmured Rinoa, squeezing the ring tight. She then put the chain back around her neck where it belonged.

Squall nodded slowly. "Yeah … she taught you that song, Eyes on Me … you played it the other day…"

_The other day... _It seemed like forever ago, but Squall made it seem like what he made it to sound like - the other day. "I remember…" Rinoa nodded. "Do I have any siblings...?"

Squall shook his head. "But you do have a stepsister. And a stepmother, now that you mention it."

"Oh … yeah … my stepsister … she's Ashleigh, right?" Rinoa suddenly felt very strange, remembering that Squall was marrying Ashleigh.

"Yeah," muttered Squall, also feeling awkward. "And your stepmother … I think you talked to her once…"

Rinoa pictured Sera's face, her sharp features and overdone make-up. She remembered straight away that she didn't like Sera very much, but she couldn't remember why. She pictured Ashleigh and felt quite the same.

There was silence between them both, as they watched the sky turn bright orange. The sun was going to rise soon, and neither of them were even the least bit tired.

"What about us…?"

Squall looked at Rinoa, who was looking at the sky absentmindedly. He didn't know how to answer the question. "Us?"

Rinoa smiled weakly. "Yeah. What about … us? How were we … in our teen years?"

Squall smirked. "Well … you helped me discover myself again. You gave me strength when I felt weak. You … you made me smile again…"

Rinoa laughed. "Yeah, I can remember all of that and how you had to rescue me so many times. You know, how you were really cold to me and all that, but I gave you what you deserved! I mean … how can I ever forget … those were the moments of my life…"

Squall didn't say anything but weakly smiled.

"But I know the adventure already," said Rinoa, "I want to know … how were _we_? As … as a couple…"

Squall was silent for a moment. "We were … a good couple, I guess. We used to go to Garden together. I'd always call you my strong girl. We'd go out often. The others would always be annoying and add some dumb remark whenever we went out with them..." The commander trailed off and couldn't believe how corny he was sounding. "Gaah, I don't know how we were as a couple…" He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

Rinoa laughed. "So a good couple, were we?"

Squall shrugged.

"So … how come you asked Ashleigh to marry you?" asked Rinoa quietly.

Squall didn't say anything. He was afraid she would ask this question. "Hmm. I dunno."

Rinoa looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "I don't take 'I don't know' as an answer. You should know that by know!"

Squall smirked and lay down on the soft grass, staring at the awakening birds, soaring through the sky freely and letting the sweet scent of cherry blossoms travel past him. "Okay. I seriously don't know. I guess … I was so miserable because I thought you left me. And Quistis kept saying 'Rinoa would want you to be happy again'. So in other words, she was telling me to get over it. And she said it so often that it annoyed me. So I guess … I just wanted to make everyone stop bugging me. And … I really thought marrying Ashleigh would help me get over it. I guess."

"Did it?" asked Rinoa, looking at Squall, who was lying down and looking more laidback than she had ever seen him before.

Squall shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe. I told myself it was. But … I never felt that ... that _fullness_ I used to feel when I was with you. And … this is the first time I'll admit it … but I don't think I ever loved Ashleigh."

Rinoa laughed weakly at Squall's attempt to share his feelings. _He's just as cute as I remember him to be..._ She lay down next to him. "Interesting. Do go on."

Squall looked at Rinoa. "Yeah. And … well, I guess when I met you again … I really thought you were Rinoa. I mean, you _are _Rinoa, but you didn't _know _you were Rinoa. I mean…"

"I know what you mean, Squall," said Rinoa with a laugh.

The vice president smirked. "Yeah … and I really thought you were _you_. Even after the countless times you told me you were 'Sierra' in such an angry way … I guess … I never truly believed you. Deep down, I just _knew_ you were Rinoa…"

Rinoa smiled at him. "Well … you were right…"

Squall shrugged.

"So … are you going to go through with it?" asked Rinoa quietly. "I mean, with the wedding and all that..."

Squall sighed and looked deeper into the blueing sky. So much thinking and talking … he would always _think_ about it, but he had never _told_ anybody about it. Talking to Rinoa was getting many weights off his chest. He had been concealed for a while, he had changed and changed again … but maybe he was ready to settle with what he had…

"I don't want to," said Squall, still staring off into the sky. "Because … I've finally found you … and if I just let you go, I could never live with myself…"

Rinoa smiled. She grabbed his hand, wondering whether he'd pull away, and entwined her fingers with Squall's, feeling his aura running beneath her skin. The very feeling made even more memories of her and Squall flood through her mind, making her feel very light-hearted. Squall, too, forgot what it was like to hold Rinoa's hand. He didn't pull away, for he was also so happy…

"Thank you … Squall…" Rinoa whispered.

And the two of them lay in the flower field together, hand in hand, watching the sunrise…

* * *

Rinoa pushed the button for the elevator and walked in with a box tucked under one arm, which was the Garden uniform sample she had been working on. She waited for the elevator to stop on her floor, but it stopped three floors before her destination as someone boarded the elevator. 

Sera walked in, looking snooty as usual. When she saw Rinoa, she smiled a bittersweet smile.

"Good morning," said Rinoa pleasantly.

"Yes, good morning," muttered Sera, pushing the button for her floor.

Rinoa found Sera's reaction to her amusing. She wanted to play with her more. "So, what are you doing this weekend?"

Sera looked at Rinoa and gave her a strange look. "Ashleigh and I are heading down to Deling to meet my husband, General Caraway. It's for the grand engagement."

Rinoa smiled sweetly. "Oh? No Squall?"

Sera laughed Rinoa's comment off. "_No. _He is far too busy to attend this."

"Too busy to meet his father-in-law?" asked Rinoa, "But … not too busy to talk with me for a whole night…?"

Sera stared at Rinoa at first in shock, but then in fury. "_What _did you say?"

Rinoa gave a laidback laugh. "I said he and I were talking all night last night. We were talking about a lot. _Mother._" She emphasized the last word with a sharp flick of her tongue.

Sera stared in Rinoa in horror. _How on earth did she remember? Talking with Squall all night…? This is not a good thing… _But she decided to twist Rinoa's words and make them seem like something they weren't. "Why you little … you've been sleeping with him all this time, haven't you!"

Rinoa was quite surprised with Sera's reaction. But she didn't mean it like that at all, because she certainly _hadn't _been sleeping with Squall, and she didn't want Sera to get the wrong idea and open her big mouth to the whole world, or else both Squall and Rinoa would get very bad names.

But Rinoa wasn't going to lose her cool. "_No, _I haven't been _sleeping with him_, you sick old woman. I've just been learning a lot."

Sera was speechless. She didn't know what to say, so she did what she used to do when Rinoa lived with her. She slapped her stepdaughter across the face in rage.

A quick image of Sera slapping her popped into Rinoa's mind, and she remembered the feeling too well.

Rinoa collected herself and didn't show any sign of weakness. She smiled sweetly at Sera. "I'm not the way I used to be, _mother_. I'm not a weak little girl anymore. So you'd better watch your back."

Sera stared at her stepdaughter, her hazel eyes piercing with anger. "What did you just say to me?" she asked sharply.

"You heard me," said Rinoa ferociously.

"You don't have a right to talk to me like that," said Sera angry.

"Like hell I do, bitch…"

Sera totally lost it then and there. She was just about to slap Rinoa across the face again, but decided against it. She decided to screw with Rinoa's mind for a bit instead. "So what are you going to do? Everyone _knows_ Rinoa is dead. Are you going to marry _Squall_? I thought you were with that _other _man, _Seifer._"

"What?"

"Oh you know what I mean. Once a whore, always a whore. Like mother like daughter."

"You take that back," said Rinoa warningly.

"Or what?" Sera snapped, "Admit it, _girl_, you've been _fooled _with. You can't just waltz in there and tell everyone that you are someone who has been dead for two years. What's your excuse? You _have _no excuse. You _aren't _Rinoa, because you have no _proof_. You're probably only saying you are this _Rinoa _because you just can't handle being Sierra anymore, you just decided you want to be someone else just because of your similarity with her. And how convenient …the person you're trying to be is the ex-lover of the vice president of Esthar, the daughter of an ex-singer and general of the Galbadian forces … if you ask me, you're just a greedy little wench…"

"Shut up!" screamed Rinoa. "You wouldn't understand! For so long I've been pushed around, I refuse to be pushed around now!" Suddenly, even more flashing images raced through her mind. Edea stabbing Squall with crystal-like things, Rinoa being under Edea's spell, floating in space, being in a coma, being sacrificed to Adel…

"_Just shut up_!" Rinoa had no control over her body at that point. The lights in the elevator began to flicker, and the elevator came to a stop altogether. Her eyes turned fiery red and an evil smirk crept across her face. White wings shot out of her back and she floated slightly into the air, and there was a bright white light glowering all around her.

Her sorceress side had taken over her mind and body after encountering the bitter truth of her past. In addition to this, she was without a knight this time, so her powers could do extreme sinister damage…

Sera stared at Rinoa in fright and shock. "What's wrong with you!" she hissed.

"Just shut up, you stupid woman…" Rinoa's voice was double-edged. "I've been tormented so much in the past … when things finally looked up to me, you came in and ruined my life even more … I will take your life for what you did to me, you don't deserve to live after all you've done…" Rinoa lifted her hand and was about to cast a spell on Sera.

"You've gone mad…" Then suddenly it hit her. _Is she a sorceress? _Sera's curiosity was quickly wiped out with fear, as Rinoa was about to take her life then and there. All she could do was beg…

The older woman fell to her knees and began weeping, her heart racing in her chest without rhythm. "Please, spare me! I wish not to harm you anymore! It's all the past!"

* * *

Squall glanced at his wristwatch and noticed that Rinoa was ten minutes late already. He was in the boardroom with all the staff, as they were going through procedures about how to accept new students into the Garden. But Rinoa was supposed to come with the uniform, and Min said that she hadn't seen Rinoa all morning. 

It wasn't only that, but Squall was really willing to announce that Rinoa wasn't Sierra, but _Rinoa_. He had already told Ellone, who had told Laguna … the two of them were very shocked at first, but then very joyful. Squall also told Irvine, Quistis, Selphie and Zell, their reactions were quite the same. Nobody asked any questions yet, as they didn't want to ruin Squall's happiness. They decided to themselves that it was better for Squall or Rinoa to say it themselves rather than asking on impulse.

Everyone in the boardroom was talking amongst themselves, as Squall hadn't called for their attention yet. He looked at his friends.

"Where is she?" asked Squall for the millionth time.

"You really wanna make this big, dontcha Squall?" asked Irvine.

Squall shrugged. "I only think it's right that we get this cleared up."

Quistis looked at Squall and was about to ask him if he was going to marry Ashleigh, but quickly decided against it. "I'm happy for you, Squall."

The others nodded in agreement.

"Thanks," murmured Squall.

Zell's cell phone rang. He picked it up after two rings. "Yeah?…What! Are you sure!…Oh crap … okay, we'll take care of it straight away…Yeah, all right…"

"What's up, Zell?" asked Selphie.

"Guys, I just got a call from the operators downstairs," said Zell seriously, "Sera and Rinoa are stuck in the elevator together … Sera is screaming into the intercom that Rinoa's trying to _kill_ her…"

The five of them all stared at each other, the same thought occurring in their minds.

"C'mon, let's go," said Squall, sheathing his gunblade.

* * *

"TAKE THIS!" shouted Rinoa, "Fira!" 

Sera screamed in agony, crying at the same time. She had taken so many blows from Rinoa's spells already and was in utter pain. She made contact with the operators and begged them to help until she lost the connection.

"Stop … please…!" cried Sera.

"Thunder!"

The fuses in the elevator sparked and all came together to give Sera a slight shock. She continued to beg for mercy, but the more she begged, the more Rinoa wanted to torture her.

"Blizzard!"

* * *

Squall and his companions rushed to the elevator. Zell began typing in some commands into the button panel, but the computers were down, as there seemed to be some problem with the fuses. "Crap! Rinoa must be doing some major damage down there!" 

"We'll have to smash the door down," said Quistis, "Thundara!" The spell seemed to have no effect on the metal door whatsoever.

"Damn it, Zell, why'd you have to make these doors so secure for?" shouted Irvine.

"Don't blame it on me!" argued Zell.

"Shut up guys, this is no time to be arguing!" said Selphie.

Squall rushed towards the door, gunblade in hand, and slashed at the door with all his might. His attack seemed to have slightly weakened the plutonium door.

"Hey Squall," Irvine looked at Squall with his gun in hand, then at the elevator, and nodded.

Squall nodded and backed away from the door, next to Irvine, and aimed his gunblade at the door, as did Irvine. The two men began to fire heavy ammunition at the door as if there was no tomorrow. At last, the door blew up into smithereens. Squall looked down and figured that they had to jump to reach the elevator, but all five of them weren't going to be able to fit.

"We won't all fit," said Squall, "Quistis and I will go down there. Zell and Irvine, you two run down the stairs and alert the operators. Selphie, you go back to the boardroom and tell everyone to hold on."

"Yes sir!" all four of them said in unison.

Selphie sprinted back to the boardroom, and Irvine and Zell headed down the stairs. Squall and Quistis looked at each other and nodded, jumping down into the narrow space.

* * *

"Oh Hyne, have mercy," sobbed Sera croakily. She was on the floor, in so much pain that she couldn't move anymore. She couldn't stand the torture and just wanted to die already … but Rinoa would not stop no matter how much the woman begged… 

"Watera!"

Water wrapped around Sera's body and she felt its coldness choke her. It was then that her eyes dropped, her breathing rate slowing down.

Suddenly, Quistis and Squall fell from above and stood in battle stance. Rinoa was surprised at this, and her attention was drawn away from the dying Sera. "Oh … company. How fun."

"Stop, Rinoa," said Quistis.

"Stop?" said Rinoa in a touchy voice. "I think not…" Rinoa raised her arm, preparing for another spell.

"Go help Sera," muttered Squall.

Quistis did as she was told and checked for Sera's vital signs whilst Squall was trying to control the rogue sorceress.

"Rinoa, stop," said Squall firmly.

His voice triggered something in Rinoa's mind, but it was only minor. "Hmm…"

"Rinoa, it's okay," said Squall. He put away his gunblade and put his hands up to show her he was serious. "I'm not going to hurt you."

_It's Squall… _Somewhere in her mind, Rinoa tried to control herself but it just didn't work. The sorceress within conquered her better self. "Every one … wants to hurt me…"

"Rinoa..."

"Demi!"

Squall felt a magical prowess swell up inside his chest, but Rinoa's spell was not lethal to him. He was not going to hurt Rinoa no matter what. But what if she ended up killing him? Sorceress powers were unknown and dangerous ... she was indeed very capable of killing him if he didn't fend for himself. _SeeDs kill sorceresses… _The order from so long ago haunted him, even then…. He shook the thought out of his head. _I'm not a SeeD anymore._

"Rinoa. Get a hold of yourself."

"Reflect … on your childhood…" She raised her arm. "Thundag—"

_Reflect.._. Rinoa's words gave Squall an idea. "Reflect!" he shouted.

Rinoa's thunderbolt hit Squall's shield and bounced back onto herself. Rinoa screamed in pain and fell from the air onto her knees. Squall rushed up to her and bent down in concern. The sorceress was in a cold sweat, her eyes were squeezed shut, but she was muttering strange things…

"Kill everything … my childhood … everything I ever believed in … my innocence, my life…"

Squall put his hands around Rinoa's shoulders and shook her gently. "Rinoa, it's okay. I'm here now."

_That voice … it's Squall … he's going to save me…_

"S-Squall…"

"Yes, it's Squall," said Squall gently.

"S-Squall…" Rinoa began rocking back and forth, shivering. Her eyes refused to open and look at him. Suddenly, the lights flickered on again and the elevator was humming like normal, but it didn't seem to be moving anywhere.

Squall looked at Quistis. "Take Sera downstairs and get some medical attention. Don't mention what really happened."

Quistis nodded in understanding, quickly cast a light cure spell on Sera, and fiddled with the controls on the elevator. As the elevator started moving down once again, Squall cast a float spell on himself and Rinoa, and the two of them floated up through the narrow way and back onto the top floor, Squall holding onto Rinoa protectively. As soon as they reached the top and onto solid ground again, Squall helped Rinoa stand up.

She was feeling faint and collapsed onto her knight, who caught her and held her tight. "Rinoa … are you all right…?"

"Squall…" she murmured, and her eyes fluttered open. Her vision was hazy at first, but once her focus was back in place, she looked into Squall's serious face and threw her arms around him, the sensation she felt almost frightening.

"It's okay," said Squall, gently patting her.

"W-What _was_ that…?" Rinoa ended the embrace but still held onto his hands in fear that if she let go, she would fall again. "I … I was so scared, Squall. I had no control over my body. I … can't remember a thing."

Squall sighed and avoided her frightened eyes. He didn't want to break the news to her again, but it had to be done. "Rinoa … you're a sorceress."

"S-Sorceress?" cried Rinoa softly, "Y-You mean … like…"

Squall nodded in remorse. "Yeah … but it's okay. You just lost control of your powers, that's all."

"But … how come after all these years, I never experienced … anything like that?" said Rinoa quietly.

Squall looked thoughtful. "Maybe you just forgot how…? You forgot you were a sorceress, so maybe that's why you couldn't _be _a sorceress. Maybe now … you remember…"

"But … but sorceresses are evil, Squall," said Rinoa in fright, "What if I go crazy again…? What if I lose control of myself and I end up hurting someone? If anyone finds out … they won't want to be around me anymore. Squall, I'm scared…"

Squall remembered having the same conversation with Rinoa so long ago. It felt strange to be experiencing the past again … but somehow, it reminded him of everything he ever achieved… "Don't worry. I promised … a long time ago … that I'd be your knight. I'll protect you. If a sorceress has a knight, then she won't lose control of herself … don't worry. I _will _protect you … because I am your knight…"

Rinoa looked up at him, her concern disappearing from her eyes. She squeezed Squall's hands and pursed her lips together to form a small smile. "Thank you, Squall…"

Squall smiled vaguely back at her. "Don't worry…" He looked down at her hands. Her arms were trembling with apprehension. He suddenly noticed a ring on her fourth finger on her left hand. "What's that?" he asked, looking at the ring.

Rinoa looked at what Squall was looking at, and flustered when she noticed he was asking about her engagement ring from Seifer. She immediately felt resentment and remembered what Seifer did to her. She let go of Squall's hands and quickly tore the ring off her finger and put it in her jacket pocket.

"It's nothing," said Rinoa bluntly, "Something I don't want to remember."

Squall nodded slowly, not knowing what she meant. He didn't ask about it either. "All right…"

Irvine, Quistis and Zell came bolting up the stairs. All three of them tried to catch their breath.

"Is everything … okay?" asked Quistis, panting.

Squall nodded. "Everything's fine."

"Are you okay, Rin?" asked Zell.

Being called _Rin_ brought so many happy memories back to Rinoa. She smiled at them, wondering how they knew she wasn't Sierra. Then it was obvious, Squall had told them. But maybe in their hearts, they always believed her to be Rinoa, the way Squall did … and for that, she was grateful to have such good friends like them.

"I'm fine … Zell," said Rinoa, smiling.

Irvine laughed. "Hey Rin, is it just me, or do you look different?"

Rinoa grinned at her friend. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no, not at all," said Irvine, "You look more … womanly since last time, that's all."

Rinoa covered her chest protectively. "Excuse me, what are you looking at?"

Quistis punched Irvine in the arm playfully. "Trust you, Irvine to be sympathetic..."

Zell cracked up laughing. "Quisty, let the baby gave his fun."

Rinoa turned on Zell and punched him too. "I find out that I am your long lost friend, and this is how you guys treat me?" But she smiled, embracing all the new memories that rushed into her mind. About Quistis, Zell and Irvine being there for her in her times of need … the good old days were sweet…

"All right, let's stop messing around and get back to the board meeting," said Squall.

"Trust Squall to wreck the moment," said Irvine with a chuckle.

Rinoa smiled at her friends. "No, he's right. We should get back to work."

"Oh not you too, Rin," said Zell, "Squall's warped you, hasn't he?"

Rinoa merely laughed. As they began to walk back to the meeting room, Rinoa's cell phone rang. She stopped midway and looked up at her friends. "Sorry, just give me a second…" She whipped out her phone and answered it straight away. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sierra … it's me."

Rinoa straight away recognised the voice as Seifer's, and she suddenly felt wobbly. A quick surge of mixed emotions that included panic, confusion, disappointment and anger overcame her.

"How's it going?" he asked her.

"I'm sorry, you've reached the wrong number," said Rinoa flatly, "This is _Rinoa_." And with that, she hung up on him straight away and switched off her phone. She put it away, a good feeling of satisfaction sweeping over her. She looked up at her friends and smiled. "Let's go."

"Who was that?" asked Quistis.

"Oh … someone just got the wrong number," said Rinoa. _And I won't be speaking to that bastard again … whoever he is._

But somewhere inside of her, she somehow had the urge to call Seifer up and say something. _Anything_. She had so many questions to ask … but those questions weren't of any of importance to her.

Not yet, anyway.


	34. Best Friends

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews, everyone. It's great to see some more people taking interest in this fanfic :D I've separated the story into parts now, so for newbies they won't feel like "Oh it's going to end now ... oh damn it didn't end" like most of you have probably felt while reading my chapters -sweatdrop- But I can safely say that the story will end in a couple more chapters ... I just want to put one more gigantic twist and for those who have seen the K-Drama they will know what I am talking about :) BTW, the summary of the fic _is_ Brandy's 'Have You Ever' but I change the summary a lot ... and I think I shall change it now, lol. Anyway, enjoy this chapter ... it's a bit dull but I need to tie up some more loose ends...

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 34 – Best Friends**

The boardroom fell silent as Squall stood up to speak. Rinoa sat quietly, wondering what she was going to do when they asked her for the uniform, because she left it on the elevator that was probably being examined already. Selphie kept glancing at Rinoa and giving her mischievous grins, somehow making Rinoa smile. It was probable that Selphie also found out about Rinoa's real identity.

"Thank you for coming here today," said Squall.

Rinoa spotted Ashleigh in the corner of her eye, looking mildly happy and calm in her executive's chair as she listened and clung onto Squall's every word. Rinoa shifted her eyes away from the devious woman and looked at Ellone and Laguna, who were sitting side by side. Laguna was paying attention to Squall, but when he somehow felt Rinoa's eyes on him, he looked at her and flashed her a boyish smile.

Rinoa smiled weakly back at him, slightly embarrassed that he had caught her looking around. Was it possible that he also knew about her true identity?

"…The courses start next week and I'm proud to say that things are going as planned," said Squall.

For the next ten minutes, Squall began going on about the Garden and how it was going to operate. Rinoa's mind drifted off into space as Squall spoke in some jargon about something or other. Her eyes began to wander around the room again, and somehow she felt differently about the way she felt about everything.

As Rinoa looked away from the ceiling, she spotted Min at the far end of the table. She was paying attention to Squall as well, but glanced at Rinoa with a small smile. She obviously felt proud of herself that Rinoa was out of bed and back at work again.

"But the real reason why I called you all here today was to welcome a new staff member," said Squall.

Rinoa quickly looked away from Min and at Squall in wonder.

"Well, technically she isn't new," said Squall, "But … we've all been under the impression that she's someone she isn't."

Rinoa flushed a bright red colour, as she knew straight away he was talking about her. She felt somewhat relieved that Squall was clearing her name up for her so she didn't have to go around correcting everybody that she was 'Rinoa'. It was just embarrassing that he drew so much attention to it.

"Now, you all know one of our financial staff, Sierra Hearten," said Squall.

All eyes were on Rinoa at that point. Min looked very interested like the rest of her co-workers, but Ashleigh's face was priceless – pure fear and panic stamped all over her sharp-featured face.

"But due to some … confusion and drama," said Squall slowly, "The both of us have gone through quite a journey together. Basically … she _isn't_ Sierra Hearten at all, her name is in fact Rinoa Heartilly."

Everyone in the boardroom began to look at each other in confusion, not knowing what to think. Seeing as how many of them didn't especially know Rinoa personally, they did not know how to react. However, all of Squall's friends were smiling at her, along with Ellone and Laguna. Min looked the most shocked of the bunch, but Ashleigh … she suddenly looked nervous and looked out the window innocently, as if she didn't know a thing about it.

"Now … some of you might have known of Rinoa," said Squall coolly, "And some of you may think 'isn't she dead?' But … I'm not sure what kind of a miracle Hyne sent us …but somehow, Rinoa Heartilly is alive with us today. She had suffered from a case of amnesia and only just regained a portion of her memory. It's a twisted tale that not even Rinoa has figured out yet … but I'm just glad that she's here with us today. And I hope that all of you would be as well."

Min suddenly came out of her shocked trance and stood up, applauding with a shy smile. Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, Zell, Ellone and Laguna followed her lead, and suddenly, everyone slowly stood up and applauded, still mildly confused about what was happening. Ashleigh stood up and clapped her hands once or twice, keeping a stony gaze cast on Rinoa.

_This is … very bad, _thought Ashleigh, _What if she remembers what I did? What's going to happen now? Is she going to marry Squall? I'll lose my reputation! This is horrible…_

Ashleigh quickly tried to form some sort of plan to fix the mess up. She thought and she thought, not paying attention to her surroundings anymore…

Rinoa smiled weakly, forgetting that Ashleigh was even there. She stood up slowly and as the applause came to an end and everyone sat back down again, she cleared her throat, not knowing what to do or say. She was beyond words; this was something she did not expect to happen with such a positive response.

"Well … I'm just glad that you're all accepting me," said Rinoa. "I know … it might be hard to get used to, for those who know me, but those who really don't … I take this as a chance to begin again, to be born again. But if you're puzzled … I mean, it may be hard to believe my story, I'm trying to believe it myself with the help of Squall and everyone … but if you're puzzled, I'll try to answer your questions…"

The rest of the meeting wasn't work-related and was steered into freehearted conversations amongst the workers. Ashleigh had slipped quietly out of the room and was nowhere to be found after that, and Rinoa found herself very busy with the amount of conversation she was engaged in.

"Rin, it is so good to have you back again!" squealed Selphie, "I mean, the _real _you. To tell you the truth, I seriously thought in my heart that you were Rinoa this _whole _time, but I just didn't want to say anything because Quisty and Irvy will get angry at me…"

"Hey, that's not true, Selph," said Irvine, "It would've just been Quistis."

"No, to tell you the truth, I had an itching feeling inside of me that you were Rinoa as well," said Quistis in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You're just saying that 'cause you don't wanna be wrong," said Irvine.

Rinoa laughed before the two of them could get into an argument. "Yeah, okay, I was wrong, I'm sorry for doubting you guys."

"Well it doesn't matter, we just missed you so much, Rin," said Zell, "And we missed the old Squall, too. Didn't we, Squall?"

"Bite me," said Squall, rolling his eyes.

The five of them laughed.

"Anyway, now I know it's the real you," said Zell, he lowered his voice, "You don't mind if I'm goin' out with your friend, right?"

Rinoa stuck her tongue at him. "Why would I mind, Zell? I'm just scared how the children will turn out…"

"Hey!" said Zell, turning red in embarrassment as everyone laughed at him.

"Speaking of your friend … shouldn't you go talk to her?" asked Quistis, "I mean, she looked pretty shocked…"

Rinoa smiled at Quistis sincerely and nodded in agreement. "You're right. Excuse me for a second, guys."

The young sorceress walked away from her friends and towards Min, a lone figure sitting in the boardroom at the wide table, fiddling with her cell phone. Rinoa sat next to her friend and looked over her shoulder.

"Watcha up to?" asked Rinoa curiously.

"Oh, nothing much … just going through all these text messages you've sent me," said Min, not looking at Rinoa, "Just embracing Sierra for a bit … 'cause then I'll have to change your entry to 'Rinoa'. Look, I'm reading the one you sent me when you said you'd be late coming to the store…"

Rinoa smiled fondly. "I'm sorry, Min."

Min looked at Rinoa in puzzlement. "What are you sorry about? You didn't do anything…"

"No … it's just … you've been my friend after this big mess started," said Rinoa, "You've known me for two years … it's gonna be hard getting used to it, huh?"

"Maybe," said Min, shrugging, "But hey, I've known you for two years. You're still the same person … you've just got a different name. Rinoa."

Rinoa smiled at her companion and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Gah … I'm just sorry I didn't tell you first."

Min pulled away from Rinoa and smiled back at her raven-haired friend. "It doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're happy."

"Hey ladies," said Zell, approaching Min and Rinoa, his keys twirling around his finger, "I'm sorry to put this Kodak moment to an end, but everyone's leaving and I gotta lock this room up."

"Hey, no worries," said Rinoa, standing up, "Um … I'm going home first. Min, Zell … why don't you two grab a drink or something?"

"Are you sure, Rin?" said Zell, raising his eyebrows up at her.

"Positive," said Rinoa, "I'll see you two later."

"See you at home," said Min.

"Later," said Zell, waving.

Rinoa waved back and picked up her bag. She noticed the room was free of people, save for Min, Zell and herself. She pushed the glass door open and walked toward the stairs, only to find Laguna, Ellone and Squall standing around by the staircase.

"Hey there," said Rinoa, waving to the trio.

"Ah, Rinoa," said Laguna, "We were just talking about you."

Squall rolled his eyes and decided to ignore his father's comment. "Quistis and the others went to their offices, if you want to see them."

"Oh, I think I'll just let them work," said Rinoa, "The day was already busy as is…"

Ellone smiled at Rinoa. "It's nice to see you again, Rinoa."

Rinoa returned the smile. "It's nice to be back," she said for the umpteenth time. She had said the same phrase so many times already that it began to lose meaning to her.

"So, do you plan on visiting your father any time soon?" asked Laguna cheerfully, "I bet he'd be happy to see you again."

Rinoa hadn't thought about it yet. _Wow … this re-discovering of my identity is gonna be more work than I thought it would be_, she thought. "I guess I should. But it'd be … y'know … weird … wouldn't it?"

Laguna nodded. "I suppose so … but he's your dad, after all. He loves you, even with the history the both of you had…"

Squall rolled his eyes again at Laguna's lame attempt to give a hint to his son to forgive him. It's been so long and the young vice president still hadn't set aside his differences he had with his father. It was somewhat childish…

"Yes, true," said Ellone, reading the obvious look on Squall's face, "But it would be good if General Caraway found out from you, rather than from a newspaper."

"Uh…?" Rinoa looked at the older woman in uncertainty.

"Well, considering you're the daughter of such a military figure and a famous singer … the press would be dying to know such a story as yours," explained Ellone.

"Oh," said Rinoa, with a tinge of disappointment in her voice. "Well … I'll have to deal with it, wouldn't I…?"

_What else am I supposed to deal with? Gosh … I thought getting all these memories back would be a good thing. Then again, nothing's perfect…_

Laguna cleared his throat. "Anyway, Ellone and I'll be off now. Y'know, for our daily stroll."

Ellone glanced at the president and smiled at Rinoa. "Right. We'll see the two of you later, okay?"

Rinoa and Squall nodded, as Ellone and Laguna wandered off down the stairs. Rinoa looked at Squall and smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you, Squall," said Rinoa.

Squall returned the smile. "For what? I didn't do anything..."

"For clearing my name up," said Rinoa, "You were the last person I expected to get up in front of so many people and say something like you did."

Squall's smile turned into a mischievous one. "That hurts, Rin."

Rinoa laughed and poked him playfully. "Not as much as my poking raid!"

"Oh, anything but that," said Squall in mock-fear.

Rinoa stuck her tongue out at him and began to poke at him. Squall, in a sad attempt for defense, raised his arms up over his body.

Squall laughed and took a step back. "Maybe you should stop before you 'accidentally' push me down the stairs."

Rinoa scrunched her nose, but then eased when she felt like the conversation should be serious again. As much as she liked the humorous Squall who laughed and joked, she wanted to thank him properly.

"But seriously Squall, if I went around telling everyone I was 'Rinoa', then I don't think anybody would believe me," said Rinoa, sighing.

Squall shook his head in disagreement. "Why wouldn't they? You _are_ Rinoa ... anyone could just glance at you and know it straight away."

"Not everyone is you, Squall," said Rinoa, smiling. "But ... I'm a nobody without you. I'm just ... so glad."

Squall took Rinoa in his arms and pulled her tight. "No, Rinoa ... it's quite the opposite. I'm nobody without _you._"

Rinoa buried her face in Squall's shoulder, absorbing his scent and his body warmth. "Thank you, Squall..."

* * *

"…And well, that's about it, I guess," said Rinoa, explaining the last bit of her story to Min. It was well past midnight, and the two of them were caught up in the retelling of Rinoa's drama. At times, it felt a bit strange for her because she would often pause and reflect on what had happened, seeing as how Min was the first person she had actually told the entire story to and Rinoa hadn't actually taken the time to think about it yet. She was wondering how many times she was going to tell the same story over and over again, considering that the press would want to know about this miraculous escape of death and the story of two lovers re-uniting again, as Ellone had said. 

Min nodded in understanding. "Does Marcel know?"

Rinoa slightly frowned. "I don't know. Hyne, I don't know at all. All I know is he's a bastard and I'm never going near him ever again."

"Okay," said Min slowly, "But … don't you want to know the truth?"

"Of course I want to know the truth," said Rinoa. "I just don't want to hear it from _him_."

"But … who else are you supposed to ask?" asked Min, "You said so yourself. Nobody knows about what happened – not Squall, not your other friends, not even yourself. Marcel … or whoever he is … is the only person you can turn to."

"But, Min, he _lied _to me," said Rinoa earnestly, "What makes you think he can't lie again? What I thought was my life was a _lie_. And I've been deprived of this wonderful life I had … all because of _him_."

"Deprived of a wonderful life?" repeated Min quietly. "Are you meaning to say your life in Trabia wasn't worth anything?"

Rinoa sighed in exasperation, regretting that she said something so carelessly to offend her friend. "No, I didn't mean it like that, Min…"

"Exactly," said Min, "You don't regret having that life in Trabia. It's still a part of you, and so is Marcel. You loved him, didn't you?"

"Well … I guess," said Rinoa, "But … it wasn't even an intimate relationship. I just thought I loved him because he _made _me love him. Like, I had this thought in my head – you're supposed to love this guy. But that was just a _thought _… I never actually _felt _anything."

"Well, that may be the case," said Min, "But … why then, do you think, would he lie to you?"

Rinoa bit her bottom lip in nervous thought. _Because he loved me…_ "Because he's a bastard."

"No, because he _loved _you," said Min.

_Damn you, Min… _"Yeah … well … that's a dumb way to get someone to love you…" Some more questions popped into Rinoa's mind at that very moment. Did that mean he knew Squall? Did he do it out of jealousy? Did he know her before she lost her memory? Or was he just some random, sick and desperate guy who wanted to take advantage of a poor girl who had lost her memory?

_But Marcel isn't like that_, a voice in Rinoa's mind told her. _How would you know if he wasn't like that? _Another voice argued with the other little voice._ You don't know him at all._

"Yeah, well he still loved you," said Min, "And if he really did care about you, then he would tell you the truth."

"Min, I'm not going to come crawling back to him," said Rinoa, "I'm sure it'll come back to me somehow."

"But what if it doesn't?" asked Min, "You'll never know."

"Oh shush," said Rinoa childishly. She didn't like the complex thinking-outside-the-box at such a large mass. She just wanted a carefree life again … that was one thing she remembered, and one thing she really wanted.

"I don't even know what's happening with Squall and Ashleigh," said Rinoa, changing the subject.

"Did he tell you about it?" asked Min.

"All he said was 'I don't want to lose you again'," said Rinoa. "I saw little Ashy at the meeting today, and she looked rather happy. I didn't see her afterwards, though. I don't even know if she and Squall have spoken to each other yet."

"Well, do you love him?" asked Min.

"Of course I love Squall!" said Rinoa, "You wouldn't believe how much came back to me about him. After seeing all those things … my gosh, they totally changed my way of seeing Squall … of _feeling _about him. Same goes with Marcel … I wonder what he'll do … I mean, I still have his engagement ring…"

"Well that's why you should talk to him again," said Min, "To talk about the relationship. Say it's over … give back the ring."

"If he doesn't get that hint saying I was Rinoa Heartilly, then he is more of an airhead than anyone I've met," retorted Rinoa. "I think that's enough of a hint that 'it's over'."

Min rolled her eyes and was about to say something again, until Rinoa yawned and stood up. She stretched and glanced at the clock on the wall, noticing that it was one thirty in the morning.

"We'll talk more tomorrow, I'm so tired," said Rinoa, covering her mouth as she yawned again.

Min nodded in agreement. "All right. Sweet dreams, Rinoa Heartilly."

Rinoa smirked and turned off the light, heading for her bedroom. She closed the door and flopped on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, recalling the events of the day. Hazy thoughts ran in her mind, the endless questions, the endless 'what-ifs', the endless musings, and the endless hypothetical answers…

Just as she was about to fall asleep, the phone rang. Its loud, vibrant chime brought Rinoa's senses back to her, and she groggily sat up. She picked up the receiver and held it to her ear, wondering who could be calling at such a time.

"Hello?"

"Listen to what I have to say. Please."

It didn't take Rinoa long to figure out who had tried to call her. It was nobody other than Seifer, whom she did not feel like talking to. But for some reason, she didn't hang up on the man. It was as if Rinoa's hand was glued to the phone, refusing to let her hang up.

"It's two in the morning," said Rinoa, somewhat annoyed. She was amazed that she didn't have an outburst and wittily bite back at Seifer's words.

"I'm sorry, but it's important," said Seifer calmly.

"Tell me this, whoever you are … why should I listen to you?" asked Rinoa snappily. Somehow, the words she said weren't as harsh as she wanted them to be. After all, this man had scorned her of her dignity, stripped her of her life and identity … and all for what?

"Look," said Seifer, sighing, "I'm not asking you to trust me. But if you value what's important to you and what _was _important to you … if you want to know the things that nobody else can possibly tell you … then come to the Caraway Mansion in Deling tomorrow."

Rinoa was alas lost for words. She didn't know what to say, as the only thing that sprung into her mind was Min's word about Seifer and the truth. She couldn't think of anything else that could possibly help her.

"Come or don't come, it'll make no difference to me. But it'd make a helluva difference to you."

And with that, Seifer hung up, leaving Rinoa's ear pressed to the receiver, mouth hung open, gaping in speechlessness at the empty wall in front of her.


	35. Truth

**A/N: **Thanksfor all the reviews and support! Sorry for the lateness in updating, I'm suffering from a mild case of writer's block ... and also, seeing as how this fic is almost coming to an end, I've been thinking about a new idea for a new fanfic ... anyways, I'm not that far yet, so let's just make do with what we already have :) Enjoy the chapter, everyone...

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 35 – Truth  
**

"Oh mother, this is horrible!" shrieked Ashleigh, "She has her memory back, and she knows who she is! What's going to become of me?"

Ashleigh and Sera were in their first-class seating arrangements on the Esthar Airlines together, discussing their woes and problems. Sera had quickly recovered from Rinoa's sorceress attack after the extra and careful attention she received at the Estharian hospital. Ashleigh was still unaware of her mother's 'unfortunate' encounter with the sorceress. The both of them were heading back to Deling to meet General Caraway, as Sera had told Rinoa, to meet him for the engagement celebration. The both of them were unsure as to whether the engagement was still on or not.

"It won't be long until she remembers that I almost _killed_ her," said Ashleigh in a panicky tone.

"Hush, not so loudly," hissed Sera, eyeing the airhostess that was about to come out of her quarters. "Don't worry about it. It always works out for us. Why did you not visit me in the hospital wing yesterday?"

Ashleigh looked very surprised all of a sudden. "What? You were in the hospital?"

Sera rolled her eyes. "My … you definitely should win daughter of the year, shouldn't you?" she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ashleigh gasped, putting her hands to her mouth in shock. "Are you serious, mother? How come nobody told me?"

"Well, you said all Squall could talk about was how _Rinoa _got her memory back," said Sera bitterly, taking a sip of her champaign. "I suppose he was so caught up in announcing it, that he _forgot _to tell you about my unfortunate mishap."

Ashleigh pulled a sour face. "Humph. Don't remind me."

Sera smirked. "Quite rude of him. But I suppose he was gallant enough to save me…."

"Save you?" repeated Ashleigh, blinking in astonishment. "Mother, what happened?"

"Well," said Sera, "I ran into _Rinoa _in the elevator. She was quite sweet to begin with, but then she started going on about how she remembered. I somehow made her angry and she just … lost it."

Ashleigh blinked again in puzzlement.

Sera lowered her voice. "Rinoa is a sorceress."

The younger woman's eyes widened in bewilderment. "You have to be kidding."

Sera shook her head simply. "No, I'm quite serious. She was … confused. She lost control over her body and attacked me, full throttle. She tormented me with her sorcery … almost killed me. If it hadn't been for Squall then I wouldn't be here right now."

Ashleigh stared at her mother, letting the news sink into her brain. "Does he … does he know?"

Sera shrugged. "I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe not. But do you know what this means, Ashleigh?"

"Um … it could mean a lot of things," said Ashleigh slowly.

"It means that if Squall marries Rinoa, he will lose _face_," said Sera.

"He would?"

Sera rolled her eyes again. "Yes, he would. Think about it … the vice president of _Esthar_ marrying a _sorceress_. And Esthar is known for having wars with sorceresses, and hating sorceresses. If Squall marries a _sorceress_, then he will lose his reputation."

Ashleigh nodded slowly in accord. "Yes … but nobody _knows_ that she's a sorceress."

Sera looked at her daughter with the pettiest look. "Maybe so. But we can change that."

Ashleigh's worrying face suddenly disappeared, and a twisted smile took its place.

* * *

"I just got off the phone with your dad," said Squall. "He said it was okay if you go." 

Rinoa held her cell phone to her ear nervously, trying to pay no attention to the loud clickety-clack of the train on the railway. She had suddenly decided to see Seifer after her short conversation with him. She packed her suitcase and left the house straight away with a quick 'I'm going to see Marcel' to Min, and headed for the train station. It was halfway through the train ride that she decided to call Squall to tell him know where she was going, and the news of her departure caught him by surprise.

"What did you say to him? Did you tell him … what happened?"

Squall had only found it right to inform General Caraway that Rinoa was coming to his house. After all, it wasn't everyday that your long lost daughter rocked up on your front doorstep.

"I tried to tell him the story as best I could," explained Squall, "It's just hard to explain sometimes. But he took it really well…"

"Did he sound sad?"

"He was in shock at first," said Squall, "But then … he seemed kinda happy. Well, that's just my guess anyway."

"What if he isn't happy that I'm back?" said Rinoa nervously.

"Why wouldn't he be happy?" asked Squall, as if it were the dumbest thing ever.

"Because you said I never got along with him…"

Squall laughed weakly. "Maybe you didn't care about him, but he sure cared a whole lot about you."

"But—"

"Rin, you'll be fine," assured Squall firmly, "I know you'll be okay."

Rinoa fiddled with the rings on her necklace. "Yeah … but … it's just so weird. Meeting my dad … for the first time…"

"Don't say stuff like that," murmured Squall, "It'll be okay. Trust me."

"If you say so…" Rinoa stared out the window at the changing scenery in front of her. Squall didn't know she was going to meet up with Seifer on the way … and that was the real thing she was worried about… "I think we're losing reception, Squall. I'd better hang up."

"All right," came a fizzled response, "Don't worry."

Rinoa smiled weakly. "Bye, Squall." She contemplated on whether to say 'I love you' or something like that, because she was unsure about how he was going to act. "I miss—"

As she was about to finish her sentence, the connection dropped out. Rinoa sighed and put her phone away, once again staring out the window, wondering what being in Deling would mean to her…

* * *

Seifer rang the doorbell what had to be seven times already, impatient with Caraway's slow response. He despised waiting, and was keen to get hold of the man. Finally, the door swung open, and an irritated-looking Caraway came out of the house.

"I heard you the first—" Caraway stopped his mumbling midway, as he looked up to see Seifer. The last person he had _ever _expected to see. "Seifer?"

Seifer smirked. "Yes, it's me, your _stepson_."

"Yes, yes … how come you're here, Seifer?" asked Caraway curiously, "I haven't seen you for a while. Your mother isn't here right now."

"Yeah, well I got bad news for ya, I'm not here to see _her_, I'm here to see _you_," said Seifer.

Caraway still kept his bemused look pasted on his face. "Me? Hmm … I suppose you'd better come inside, then."

Seifer shrugged and walked in through the doorway as Caraway stepped aside, gathering his surroundings and remembering the somewhat frightening memories that lived within the mansion. He shuddered them off as he walked deeper into the house.

"So, Seifer … where have you been for the past few years?" asked Caraway. He had a sneaking suspicion that Seifer was after something, namely money.

"Just working my way around," said Seifer. He folded his arms and suddenly looked menacing. "Hey … are you expecting anybody today?"

Caraway paced himself. "Yes, I am actually. Your mother and sister are coming here today … for her engagement, you see. Did you know she's getting married to vice president Squall Leonhart of Esthar?"

"So I've heard," said Seifer through gritted teeth.

"Actually, he's a lot like you," said Caraway.

"Are you expecting anyone _else_?" asked Seifer before Caraway got into too much detail about Squall. Frankly, he didn't want to hear it. In fact, it was one of the last things he wanted to hear.

"Yes," said Caraway slowly. "I'm quite nervous about it, actually … I'm seeing my daughter again later. Rinoa." He, too, was unsure about the engagement between Squall and Ashleigh – if Rinoa actually turned out to be _Rinoa _… then he didn't know if he would have any power to stand between Squall and Ashleigh. That is, if he had the guts to.

Seifer's eyes lit up, but he quickly tried to mask any emotion he might have been showing. "I see."

"You don't seem surprised," said Caraway, raising an eyebrow. Then he suddenly remembered that Seifer hadn't even showed up to Rinoa's funeral.

"Yeah, I'm quite aware that everyone thought she was dead," said Seifer dryly. He quickly steered the conversation topic away Rinoa. "When are you expecting all these … people?"

"About six o'clock tonight," said Caraway slowly.

Seifer smirked. "I see. Well then, do you mind if I hang around the back for a while until then? It'll be like … a family reunion."

Caraway eyed Seifer suspiciously. "All right then…"

"See ya later," said Seifer, walking out of the house and into the back porch. _Yes … what a sweet family reunion this will be… _He finally had the courage to confront himself. He didn't even care if it would cost him everything he had.

* * *

Rinoa got out of the taxi and paid the fare to the driver, dragging her suitcase out and shutting the door afterwards. She watched the cab drive away and turned to the grand house before her. Its magnificence was only magnified with the starry night sky in the background. She remembered coming to this house with Squall before, but when she looked at it again, excitement jittered across her senses.

'_Mom, dad! Look, I can do it! I can do it!'_

_A young raven-haired girl sped up the sidewalk on a blue bicycle, laughing as she pushed hard on the pedals._

Rinoa blinked long and hard as the flashback faded from the back of her mind. She opened her eyes again and took a deep breath, stepping up on the front porch and putting her finger at the doorbell. She left it there, pointing in midair, part of her wanting to ring it and walk in, the other half just wanting to run away. After a short while, she pressed the button and took a step back. She turned around and drew another deep breath.

After what seemed like forever, she heard the door behind her creak open, and she tried to turn around. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Rin … Rinoa?"

That voice…

'_Stop being selfish, Rinoa. You know that I would always put you before my job. You should know that I love you more than anything.'_

_A thirteen-year-old Rinoa threw a pillow at her father in frustration. 'Just leave me alone! I don't care anymore!'_

Rinoa turned around and faced her father. His aging face still looked exactly the same to her. He looked somewhat perplexed, but when the young woman meekly smiled at her father, remembering his face clearly, the man just _knew_ that it was his daughter for sure. For he, too, was under the secret impression that she was never Sierra Hearten from the moment he laid eyes on her … Rinoa's smile was enough to make anyone feel at ease.

Caraway lost himself in a sea of muddled emotion and flung his arms around his daughter, embracing her tightly and not wanting to let go. He remembered he had let go of her so many times … until she one day just slipped through his fingertips. Rinoa was suddenly having flashbacks of her father again…

_He put his arms around her as a lame attempt to show affection. Rinoa showed no acknowledgement whatsoever and pulled away, rolling her eyes in irritation._

Rinoa shuddered, not wanting such a negative weight sitting on her shoulders.

"Dad," she muttered.

Her mind went blank for a split second again…

'_Dad…?'_

'_Hmm?'_

'_I love you…'_

_And with that, Rinoa threw her arms around her father, crying her eyes out over the things she had lost – over Squall, over Ashleigh, over everything she hated…_

Rinoa blinked back tears as she remembered that the relationship with her father had patched up over the last few years of her 'life'. Everybody thought her to be the rebelling princess that despised her father with passion, but when everybody had left her … her father became one of the most precious things to her. And that was something she didn't want to forget.

"I missed you," murmured Caraway. He ended the embrace and held her by the shoulders, looking into the eyes of his daughter. "I'm not letting you go again."

Rinoa said nothing and simply smiled. After about a minute's worth of silence, Caraway beckoned her into the mansion. The young woman picked up her suitcase and wandered inside, the mere smell of fading tobacco bringing back more familiar surroundings in her mind.

As she walked around, she couldn't help but reminisce on what the house held for her. Everything she looked at sprung something back to mind – the piano, the pictures on the wall, even the colour of the wallpaper.

Caraway went into the kitchen to fix some coffee, while Rinoa explored the house some more. She walked into the den and ran her fingers across the spines of the books on the bookshelf; the leathery feel left somewhere in the midst of her mind. She made her way to the glass cabinet that she recalled was the 'Rinoa shrine' since her previous visit to the house. She gazed into it dreamily, looking at the items inside it. There were some more photographs of herself, from when she was a child to when she was a teenager. The pinwheel Squall taught her to use again was placed back on the shelf, and she smiled at the memory of the time when she and Squall were on the beach together.

Her eyes darted toward the very top shelf, where a photograph stood out. It was a picture of Squall and Rinoa when they were teenagers – Squall had his arm around Rinoa and the two of them were smiling. The picture was torn down the middle but was stuck back together again with sticky tape. But what made the image most disturbing were the crimson stains that were left on the photograph.

Curious, Rinoa stood up on her tiptoes and reached for the photo. She stared at it longingly, fingering the sticky tape and the dry blood stains. She cocked her head in reflection…

_Rinoa took the photo out of its frame and placed it on the shelf._

_She found it in a box a couple of months later, noticing that it was torn right down the middle. The name Ashleigh was virtually written all over the crime. She frantically tried to piece it back together._

_Even later in her life. She was running and running … she was going to meet Squall. She clutched the photograph in her hand. CRASH. Blood everywhere…_

Rinoa blinked fervently, trying to look deeper into the memory … trying to analyse it with everything she had. But she couldn't … nothing came to her. It stopped there.

Rinoa placed the photograph back on the shelf carefully and walked past the grand white piano, dragging her hand against the smooth timber as she went. She made her way out of the den and walked up the stairs.

From there, she went on the journey of her life – piecing together everything she had. Her room brought back many fond memories – the colour, the layout. She looked into the cabinet that was in the corner of the room, skimming through everything in there. It was in somewhat of a mess, there were photographs and papers all over the place. As she went through them all, she couldn't help but feel a little more complete about herself.

And she smiled, wondering how she could _ever _forget such a wonderful life…

* * *

Caraway poured the boiling water into the mug of coffee and swished the contents around in a daze. He couldn't believe it … his very own Rinoa was back again … it was enough to make him jump over the moon…

"Honey, I'm home," came the boastful chirping of a familiar voice.

Caraway's chain of thoughts broke as he abandoned the coffee and walked to the front door to greet his wife and stepdaughter. Ashleigh took off her designer sunglasses as she walked into the house, and put a most fake smile on as Caraway came out to meet her.

"Oh, here are my two princesses," said Caraway, pecking his wife on the cheek and lightly patting Ashleigh's head in welcome.

"I missed you terribly, father," said Ashleigh sweetly.

"Likewise," said Caraway, "So, my girl is finally getting married, eh? Squall is … one lucky man." He felt uncomfortable uttering those words, knowing thatRinoa was upstairs.

"Yes he is," said Sera richly. "So, what do we have planned tonight? Exquisite dinner, maybe?"

"Oh, yes of course," said Caraway, nodding, "But I have a surprise for both of you."

Ashleigh beamed at her stepfather. "Really? Let me guess what it is! A new sports car, maybe?"

"No, much better," said Caraway. He read the excited look on Ashleigh's face and was eager to share the news that Rinoa was back. The general walked towards the staircase. "Hey Rinoa, come down here please!"

Ashleigh's heart dropped rapidly. She stared at Caraway in horror. _No … this can't be happening! Hell no! Rinoa is going to ruin my life … why did she have to survive that stupid car accident?_

"R-R-Rinoa?" said Sera, who finally found her voice. She was just as shocked as Ashleigh was.

Caraway looked at the two women and nodded in enthusiasm. "Yes. It's wonderful, isn't it? She lost her memory and only recently got it back. When I heard the news, I was practically jumping for joy."

Sera gave Caraway a very wry smile. "Y-Yes … absolutely wonderful…"

Both mother and daughter quickly tried to think up a plan to minimise any potential damage. But nothing came to mind.

"Come on, Rinoa!" called Caraway.

"I'm coming!"

In an instant, Rinoa came bolting down the stairs with a placid grin on her face. As soon as she got to the bottom, however, her grin faded and she was in a docile state. She looked at her father with a questioning expression.

"Rinoa, you remember Sera and Ashleigh, don't you?" asked Caraway.

_What the hell are they doing here? _Rinoa smiled dryly. "Yes," was all she said.

"Oh," said Caraway, expecting a more joyous response from all three women around him. However when he was met with no such response, he suddenly felt awkward. "Right. Aren't you all … happy?"

All three women remained silent, exchanging dirty glares. Caraway seemed very puzzled and was left hanging.

"Well … aren't you?" asked Caraway slowly.

"What's there to be excited about?"

Everyone turned around to find Seifer leaning against the wall with a smug smirk. He looked at them all with an amused expression. His smirk only widened when Ashleigh and Sera's jaws dropped open.

_Damn … what the hell is this? _Ashleigh fondled with her scarf nervously. _This can't be a good thing…_

Rinoa narrowed her eyes down at Seifer, a million thoughts whirring around in her head. She had expected him to come, but in the excitement of being home again, she had forgot about his very existence.

"Ah … hello there," said Caraway in a somewhat grateful tone that someone had broken the awkwardness.

Rinoa kept a straight face. She folded her arms and looked at Seifer with a blank expression. It might have been blank, but it was one of the most poisonous ones she had ever given anyone.

"All right, what's going on?" asked Rinoa flatly.

"Get out of this house, you little swine," said Sera sharply, addressing Seifer. "You decide to leave without a trace, not caring about the awful events that have gone on in this house, and now you come back expecting something? You have no right to be here."

Seifer got off the wall and looked at his mother, keeping the same smug look on his face. "Hey, I have as much right to be here as you do." He looked at Rinoa, not changing his expression. "And _Rinoa_, I'll tell you exactly what's going on. I'll tell you all what's been _going on _for the past _six years_."

"Get out of here!" shrieked Ashleigh, glaring dangerously at her brother.

"Hold on … what are you talking about?" asked Caraway, blocking Ashleigh from charging at her brother.

"I'm talking about the truth," said Seifer, "The real truth. Would you like to hear it?"

Fear and panic surged through mother and daughter of the party. Their fun-expected weekend turned out to be an emotional and face-ruining disaster. Ashleigh felt like throwing Seifer off a building and walking away.

"Leave right now before I call the police," said Sera, glaring at her son in disgust.

"Fine, go ahead," said Seifer with a smirk. "Rinoa, Caraway … listen to me and listen to me good, because I'm not gonna repeat it."

Rinoa gave Seifer her undivided attention. She was quite eager to hear what he had to say, and desperately wanted to shove something down Sera's throat for trying to prolong what ever was awaiting her.

Seifer's eyes fell onto Rinoa for a second, and for that split second, Rinoa could have sworn that she spotted fear and remorse in his eyes. He looked away and his gaze was set on Ashleigh.

"Ever since _Sera_ moved into this house," began Seifer, "There was nothing but trouble. Ashleigh had been ever-bullying Rinoa, pushing her around like a broken fence post. She's been taking Rinoa away from her friends, away from that _Squall _guy. She's been an annoying little _brat _by nature."

Rinoa tried to take in the information slowly, not removing her sight from Seifer. Her eyes blurred for a moment…

_A younger version of Ashleigh spilled ink all over Rinoa's dress. The dress Squall had given her. Rinoa charged at her with a mighty force, but when Sera came into the room, Ashleigh acted innocent and blamed it all on Rinoa._

Ashleigh gaped at her brother. "Excuse me—"

"You can't even _imagine _what Rinoa went through because of _her_," said Seifer, pointing at Ashleigh. "And that woman over there is no different. In fact, she must have been worse than Ashleigh. Do you know what she did to your daughter, Caraway?"

Caraway said nothing in response, which Seifer took as a 'no'.

Sera looked as if she was going to bite Seifer's head off. "This is outrageous, you—"

"For Hyne's sake, the woman _locked _Rinoa in a fricking closet _twice _to avoid her seeing her friends," said Seifer in disgust.

_Rinoa sat in the linen closet, bawling her eyes out. She began to sing her mother's song, wondering if she would ever see Squall again…_

"The woman abused her to death, Caraway," continued Seifer. "She slapped the shit out of her for not calling her _mother_. God damn it, and you know what else?"

Caraway was almost afraid to answer. He didn't know whether to believe what Seifer was saying or not. But everything else in the room seemed distant, and all that even _mattered _to him was what Seifer had to say.

"That's quite enough," said Sera, panic rising in her chest. "Nobody cares about your little drama. Just leave already or I'll do it the hard way."

"Oh no, not until I've finished my epic tale," hissed Seifer.

"Shut your mouth, you ungrateful worm!" shouted Ashleigh, "That's it, I can't handle any more of this." She pulled out her cell phone from her purse and dialled. "Hello, police? This is Ashleigh _Caraway, _there's a—"

Rinoa was sick of Ashleigh's constant interruptions. The new information the sorceress had acquired was sinking in, and the more that sunk in, the more she remembered, and the more she remembered, the more her hatred grew. She grabbed Ashleigh's cell phone and threw it with force on the wooden floor, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. Rinoa's mind blanked out for a second…

_Rinoa threw her own cell phone on the floor with immense force. It shattered into a thousand pieces. She looked up at Sera triumphantly._

Ashleigh stared at the remains of her phone, then up at Rinoa. The redhead was speechless.

"If he's lying, then it shouldn't make a difference to you, should it?" snapped Rinoa. She looked back at Seifer, ignoring Ashleigh's shocked face. "Continue."

Seifer smirked; appreciating the fact that Rinoa was hearing him out. "As I was saying. Have you ever wondered what happened to your dear daughter four years ago, Caraway?" Before Caraway could even consider answering, the blonde continued to speak. "She was indeed in an accident. A car accident, to be exact - the one that caused her memory loss; the one that took her away from everything and everyone. And guess who was operating the very car that ran Rinoa over?"

Rinoa didn't even need Seifer to answer. She had already pieced it together.

"…Your _dear stepdaughter, _Ashleigh," hissed Seifer.

The general's eyes widened in horror. He looked over at Ashleigh and Sera, who looked outrageously shocked. Caraway was about to say something, but Sera began to speak instead.

"You honestly don't believe him, do you?" spluttered Sera, "Obviously, he's lying. Why, Ashleigh would _never _do such a thing. She has no reason to."

"No reason?" said Seifer in disbelief, "What do you mean _no reason_? Her _reason_ was because she wanted to be with that loaded president so badly. And guess what, mission accomplished. She's now engaged to the president of Esthar, and she could never have done such a thing if she hadn't tried to kill Rinoa."

_Rinoa was running … she grasped the photograph in her hand, excited about meeting Squall again after four years. She crossed the road, but heard a speeding car towards her. She quickly jerked her head to the side to find a redhead figure driving a car … CRASH. There was blood everywhere…_

_That redhead_, thought Rinoa, _It was Ashleigh…_

"Is … is this true … Ashleigh?" asked Caraway, staring at her with the utmost seriousness.

Ashleigh stammered at first. "W-What! Of course it's not true!"

Seifer snorted a disapproving laugh. "And even now, she lies. So you see, old man? You've been a blind bat all this time. You couldn't even see what your own daughter had to go through. You married a cold-hearted _bitch _who probably only cared about your money in the first place, and sacrificed _your _daughter for her own personal gain."

"Who are you going to believe, Fury?" asked Sera in Ashleigh's defence, "Your own stepdaughter or … or this _bastard _who abandoned us."

"Hah, considering the options, I'd go with the bastard," said Seifer smugly.

"Lies, everything he says," hissed Sera. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

Caraway seemed to consider Sera's argument. "Well, Seif—"

"…It's true," Rinoa spoke up at last.

All eyes were on Rinoa at that very moment.

"What is it, Rinoa?" asked Caraway.

"He's not lying," said Rinoa passively. Her eyes were glassy. "I … I remember. I remember it all…"

Seifer smirked. "So, Caraway? Who are you going to believe now? Your own flesh and blood, or your _stepdaughter…_"

Rinoa looked at Caraway, her bottom lip trembling. Caraway was staring at his daughter with shock at first, but then softened his expression. He approached Rinoa and put his arms around her. Rinoa flung her arms around him, having the urge to cry. She wasn't sure why … the overwhelming turn of events took her by surprise and was more emotional than she made it out to be…

"Of course I believe you, Rinoa," said Caraway gently, stroking her raven hair softly.

"Fury, you can't possibly—"

Caraway looked up at his wife sharply, interrupting what she had to say. "Get out."

"Ex-excuse me?" stuttered Sera.

"Get the hell out of my house," said Caraway with a quick flicker of his tongue. "You have no place here."

Sera gawked at Caraway in disbelief. She wanted to say something, but words failed her. It wasn't as if words would solve her problem this time, anyway.

"Both of you!" shouted Caraway, "Get out now!"

Sera glared one last time at Seifer, and then grabbed Ashleigh's arm. "Come on Ashleigh, we can't stand here and let this group of _idiots _humiliate me."

"But…"

And with that, the two of them left the house without another word. Caraway's eyes followed them out all the way, and when they were out of sight, he looked at Rinoa.

"I'm … I'm sorry, Rinoa," said Caraway, shaking his head, "I can't believe I put you through all of that. I can't believe I was so goddamn _blind_…"

Rinoa smiled weakly up at her father. "No … it's all the past now … please, let's forget it…"

Caraway returned the smile without a word. He looked back at Seifer. "But … please tell me, how did Rinoa ever survive?"

Seifer sighed, not wanting to get to this part. "Yeah, that's the other half of the story. I suggest you both sit down."

Rinoa, not wanting to walk too far, simply sat on the bottom step of the staircase. Caraway sat down next to her, looking up at Seifer and listening intently.

"Well," Seifer began, "After the accident, Ashleigh took Rinoa's body to my dad's place, 'cause he's a doctor. Apparently, Ashleigh had somehow left back some kind of information to imply that Rinoa was dead, some mumbo jumbo about her ID getting messed up. Anyway, my dad tried to fix Rinoa up, but we weren't sure if she was going to make it because she was really bloody and her head was all messed up … and stuff. But in the end, we pulled through, and Rinoa was well again."

"Oh … but why didn't you tell us?" asked Caraway.

Seifer sighed again and began pacing himself uncomfortably. "You see … the thing is … I was being a blind idiot, acting first and thinking later. I really regret doing what I did … but I feel it's only right that you both know the truth." He took a deep breath. "When Rinoa woke up from her coma, she didn't remember anything. She couldn't recall who she was, where she was … nothing. And me, being the blind idiot I was, fed her a stupid lie that her name was Sierra Hearten and all of this other load of bullshit. She bought it and believed it. So, if you think about it, the time I disappeared was the time when Rinoa was supposedly dead. I took her to Trabia and we led a new life there under a different identity."

Caraway, once again, was aghast with this information. He didn't know what to think or feel or do, but instead asked more questions. "But … but _why_?"

Seifer shook his head in guilt. "Okay, call me crazy, but I was an idiot …I thought I was in love with you, Rinoa. I don't know … out of jealousy, out of spite … something made me lie to you about who you were. But as time passed, I found that it was harder for me to tell you the truth, so I just let you live a lie. I'm a fucking idiot, I know. And now that I have this conversation with you, Rinoa … I realise that I _never _loved you more than a sister. It was just … I was so blinded by my emotions … because … argh, forget it."

Seifer sighed again and headed towards the door. He looked at Rinoa. "All I want to say is, I'm really sorry for everything I brought upon you and your family, and friends, and _Squall__… _bah. So I'll tell you what I should have told you two years ago. Your name is Rinoa Heartilly, you live in Deling City, and your family didn't die in a fire. My name is Seifer Almassy, and I'm not your boyfriend … I'm your stepbrother."

Seifer stood there for a split second, observing Rinoa's changing emotions, and laughed bitterly. At what he did in the first place. At the brief, happy life he had for a short two years. At the stupid outcome of his very lie. And most of all, at himself. He couldn't help but feel so pathetic and dumb, and he just wanted to stab himself already.

And with that, Seifer opened the front door, and slipped away as if he were never there in the first place.

Rinoa was left staring after him, her blood stirring. The feelings she felt weren't explainable. She didn't know what to do – to laugh, to cry, to scream?

_I'm your stepbrother_.

The words rung in Rinoa's ears like an ongoing church bell. _My stepbrother … out of all people, he was my stepbrother. _Somehow, she didn't feel angry. Strangely, she felt nothing.

'_Thank you, Seifer.'_

'_What? I didn't do anything.'_

'_You let me out of the closet this morning. I had a really important place to go to…'_

"…Rinoa?"

Rinoa snapped out of her thoughts and looked at her father. "I'm sorry. Hang on, I'll be back."

She got up and ran out the front door. As soon as she took her first step out of the house, she was met with a freezing cold breeze rushing past her. She saw Seifer's lone figure walking away with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Rinoa stared at him for a moment, wild thoughts flipping in her mind.

"Wait!" she shouted.

Seifer turned around, and smirked in disbelief when he found Rinoa standing on the front step of the house. He simply decided to ignore her. He felt like an ass at that moment, and Rinoa's presence was only going to worsen that feeling. He turned his back on her and continued to walk away.

Rinoa whimpered. She ran after him, as fast as her legs could take her. For some reason, she didn't want to see him leave. She didn't want her stepbrother to just walk out of her life like that … it just pained her to even imagine it. She did not feel hatred towards the man, strangely enough.

Seifer heard her footsteps chasing after him, and just couldn't believe she was so pursuing. Before he could pick up the pace, she had caught up to him, and flung her arms around his waist, resting her ear on his back.

"Where are you going, big brother?" asked Rinoa quietly.

Seifer shook his head. For a split second, he endured Rinoa's touch and her willingness to still speak to him with relief, but remembered his pride and how it was hurt so much. He felt so much shame. Just _being _with Rinoa made him feel like a pile of turd.

"Somewhere nobody would ever find me," answered Seifer.

"Not even me…?"

"Especially not you," he growled.

"Seifer…"

"Look, I don't need this right now, okay?" said the blonde, almost forcefully. He pulled away from Rinoa's grip. "Just … just looking at you makes me churn inside. Please, if you know what's good for you, just leave me the hell alone."

Rinoa looked up at him with silent sympathy in her eyes.

Seifer was tempted to give in, but knew that there was no point. He was only going to make her life worse. "Goodbye, Rinoa." He turned around, and kept on walking, his white trench coat brushing against Rinoa slightly.

Rinoa sighed. She wanted to run after him some more, but the day was tiresome. She wanted to be forgiving – it was in her nature to be forgiving. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, as hard as it may seem. But inside of her, she knew it was next to impossible, and as much as she wanted to deny it, she still didn't trust Seifer as much as she once did. But considering everything he did for her and forgetting what he did _to _her; he helped her when she was young, told her the truth, even brought her happiness at some stages … she didn't want to shun him from her life forever. And it even brought her a slight feeling of joy in her heart, thinking that, for a short two years, she had made a lost soul feel happy, even if it meant sacrificing her own wellbeing.

"Typical Seifer…" A tear rolled down her cheek, as she let one of the most important people in her life disappear.


	36. Sera Bites Back

**A/N: **Hello everyone ... thank you for all of your reviews and support, everyone. Most of your questions about Ashleigh and Sera will be answered here ... and I'll warn you now, it's not as pretty as I wanted it to be o.o; Anyway, I just came up with a whole new breakthrough that is completely different to the K-Drama this is based off, because I've got a feeling that if I continue on with the way it's going, then this story probably won't be finished for another ten chapters o.o; So basically, from here on, it'll be completely different to 'Stairway to Heaven'. I hope this doesn't disappoint the K-Drama fans, but I just want to finish this off soon ... it'll probably be another three or four chapters until this is finished, so bear with me here :) Anyway, enjoy the chapter...

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 36 – Sera Bites Back  
**

Rinoa sat, slumped on the sofa, staring at the engagement ring Seifer had given her. She moved it around, watching the light from the lamp dance on it and the light reflect off it. She couldn't help but smile slightly.

"So … he's not coming back, is he?" asked Min, crunching away on her apple.

Rinoa looked up at her friend and shook her head sadly. "Nope. It's weird … I don't hate him. I mean, I don't really trust him right now, but I don't _hate _him."

She wandered off in thought for a while as she looked back to Seifer's engagement ring. After a moment's worth of thought, she didn't feel like throwing it away. She somewhat regretted not giving the ring back to him, but who knows where he was now? Instead of throwing the tiny piece of gold away, she unlocked her chain and slid the ring onto it, letting it sit next to Griever and Julia's wedding ring. There it would stay, until one day she could give it back to him…

Min took another bite out of her piece of fruit. "Yeah, but hey, aren't you a bit grossed out knowing that you were with your _stepbrother_?"

Rinoa looked up at Min. "Min, you're not helping."

"Sorry," said Min.

Rinoa looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. The two of them were talking about it for the whole morning, since Rinoa came back the previous night at three a.m. She couldn't sleep at all, because of the past events occurring over the last week. She had to come back on time to be present for Squall's speech at the Garden. That day was the first opened school day for new students, and it wouldn't do her any good if she missed it.

"What time is Squall's speech?" asked Rinoa restlessly.

"It's not for another three hours," answered Min.

"All right … I think I'll take a nap before then," said Rinoa, yawning. "Wake me up in two hours, okay?"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the presidential residence, Squall sat in his office, talking to Ellone and Laguna about the first learning day of Garden. Laguna was positioned by the window, looking out into the magnificent city absentmindedly. Ellone was pacing around the office, looking over notes and figures, while Squall sat in his comfy office chair with his arms folded.

"So all the instructors showed up, right?" asked Squall.

Ellone nodded. "Everything seems to be running smoothly, Squall."

"Perfect," said Squall, "So, what's the schedule today?"

"You'll be giving a speech out to the students over there in about two hours," answered Ellone, "Then take a look around, see if there aren't any kinks in the system. There's going to be quite a lot of the media there, so be prepared. We'll have Zell and Irvine outside to cover for you just in case we need to call for backup."

"You make it sound like a SeeD mission," said Laguna with a chuckle.

Ellone smiled. "Maybe so. The media is quite the tough cookie. I'm surprised they haven't shrouded Rinoa with questions about the awful trauma yet."

Squall shrugged. "Her father's apart of the military. He practically _controls _the media."

Ellone nodded. "True." She tried to stay on topic. "Anyway, after the Garden check, you have a meeting with Vinzer Deling's son, just to remind you."

Squall's office telephone began to ring. He leaned over and pushed the speaker phone button. "Speak," he said idly.

"Sir, Mrs Leonhart and her mother wish to see you," said the secretary from downstairs.

"What?" said Squall, confused.

"Er … I mean, Ms Caraway and her mother," said the secretary uncomfortably.

Squall looked at Ellone for some kind of silent advice. The older woman looked at him with a bewildered expression, indicating that she didn't know what to do either.

The vice president turned back to the phone. "Send them up."

"Yes, sir."

_Click._

Squall pressed the button and looked up at Ellone. "I wonder what this is about."

"Squall, it's kind of obvious," said Ellone, as if it were the _most _obvious thing in the world. "She wants to clear up the whole marriage thing."

"Clear up?" repeated Squall, "You mean … cancel?" He looked uneasy at first. He didn't want to look like a fool and get dumped after it was so clear that it was over between Ashleigh and him. Of course, he never actually _told _her it was over … but now that he thought about it, he should have.

Ellone shrugged.

The electric doors slid open and a forsaken Sera followed by a distressed Ashleigh came marching into the room in a somewhat angry fashion. Squall looked up at the mother and daughter with an empty expression.

"Squall," began Sera plainly. "I—"

Ashleigh pushed her mother aside and banged her fists on the desk. "Squall, I love you. Please … tell me … is the wedding still on? Are we still getting married?"

Squall stared at Ashleigh in disbelief. "Ashleigh … isn't it obvious?"

"What!" cried Ashleigh, in fits of tears, "Are you saying you're not marrying me anymore?"

Sera gave her daughter a forlorn look.

"Ashleigh … I've found Rinoa," said Squall slowly.

"Oh, right, so all those times you said you loved me!" sobbed Ashleigh, "You didn't mean it at all? All this time you were thinking of Rinoa, even after you asked me to marry you!"

Squall remained silent.

The woman banged her fists on the desk in anger again, but Squall kept his cool. Her voice was in almost a whisper. "Damnit … so you _used _me … you _used _me as a substitute for _Rinoa _… how can you do that!"

"Now wait just a second," said Squall, his voice rising slightly, "You said yourself that you knew I … was 'in love' with someone else, but you insisted on—"

"I don't know what I said," wailed Ashleigh, "I loved you, I gave you my heart and soul, but you took it and you played with it!"

"Look, I'm—"

"You couldn't find your precious Rinoa, so you wanted to marry me instead! And now you found her, you're just going to dump me!"

Squall didn't say anything. In a way, she was making him feel guilty for his actions. Is that what he really did? He used her as a substitute because he thought Rinoa wasn't going to come back? Was he really that sceptical?

_Hyne … I'm such an asshole._

But he didn't give into his guilt.

"All right," said Squall powerfully as he stood up, "I'm sorry, all right? But … it's just the way I feel."

Ashleigh burst into tears, not wanting to accept the truth. "Y-Y-You…"

"I … I love Rinoa," said Squall slowly. _Damn, did I just say that?_

Laguna turned away from the window and looked at his son with interest. He didn't expect Squall to be so open about his emotions.

Ashleigh sobbed even harder. "Why? Why are you so cruel to me, Squall!"

"Ashleigh—"

Sera stepped closer to the desk, her eyes narrowing down at Squall until they were merely slits in her face. "So, you're going to marry her?"

"Well…"

Before Squall could answer, Sera continued on. "You fool. Don't you understand what this could mean for your name?"

"Excuse me?" Squall raised an eyebrow, not knowing what Sera meant.

"Oh, I know about your little wench," said Sera sharply, "She's a sorceress, isn't she?"

Laguna's eyes darted towards Sera, as did Ellone's.

When Sera was met with silence, she smiled coolly. "Yes, I know what she is, after my encounter with her the other day. You, vice _president _of _Esthar _can't marry a _sorceress_. If anybody ever found out, you would lose face. Everyone will lose faith in you, turn away from you, knowing that the notorious Squall Leonheart is marrying one of those _evil _women who brought destruction to their land."

"Yes, but nobody knows that," said Laguna.

Sera smiled wryly. "Maybe so. But that can easily be changed."

Squall stared at Sera, panic rising within him. _This can't be what I think it is…_

"What are you trying to say, Sera?" asked Ellone, when Squall didn't respond.

"I'm _saying _that if by any chance Squall _happens_ marries Rinoa," said Sera stingily, "Then … it won't be long before her secret is out."

_If I marry Rinoa … then she's going to tell everyone that Rinoa is a sorceress? _Squall cringed at the thought. He didn't want everyone knowing that Rinoa was a sorceress, or else everyone would get the wrong idea. Sorceresses were typically labelled as evil. If people found out that Rinoa was a sorceress, they would hate her, and not want to be around her. Squall knew that that was something Rinoa feared … he didn't want that to happen to her…

"Let me remind you that _Ashleigh _is still open for marriage," said Sera simply. "And if not … then … let's say dear _Rinoa_ won't be so _dear _anymore…" She smiled one last poisonous smile, and began to head out the door.

Ashleigh stood there, silenced with shock. She stared at Squall with hurt eyes, only to find that the hurt in his was much worse. He avoided her gaze, staring down at his desk with his elbows standing up on the table. Ashleigh bit her bottom lip nervously, not believing what her mother's actions. She looked away from Squall and hesitantly followed her mother outside.

As the door closed, Squall was left there, sitting motionlessly, thoughts and fears tumbling around in his mind like an emotional turmoil. _If I'm with Rinoa … then everyone will know her secret, and that could lead to things I don't even want to think about. I'll lose my reputation. Everyone will lose trust in me, and in Rinoa. But if I'm with Ashleigh … then Rinoa will hate me forever... _

"Squall," said Ellone quietly, putting her arm on Squall's shoulder.

"This is blackmail," said Laguna in a disapproving voice. "Isn't there something we can do?"

"I don't know," said Ellone nervously, "Squall…?"

Squall heard the woman loud and clear, but couldn't speak. What was he supposed to do? Just when he thought his life was getting better, something like _this _had to come happen…

"Squall, please say something," said Ellone quietly.

"What?" said Squall in exasperation. He brushed Ellone's arm off his shoulder. "What am I supposed to say? You want me to choose between my reputation and Rinoa? Well, you know what? I choose _Rinoa_."

"It's not as simple as that, Squall," interjected Laguna, "You have to think about these things. Choosing Rinoa would mean losing _everything_."

"If I had to choose between _everything _and Rinoa … then I would choose _her_, no questions asked," said Squall bluntly. "I can't believe you want me to choose between this stupid presidentship over _Rinoa_."

"It's not only about your job, Squall," said Ellone gently, "If you choose Rinoa, then everyone will fear her. It will be like the Sorceress Wars all over again. Everyone would want her _dead_. And you, being president of Esthar and ex-SeeD, would have to be the one who _sends_ her to her death. You don't want that, do you?"

Squall paused for a moment. "No … of course I don't want that." He stopped again thoughtfully. "Why don't I just quit being vice president? Then nobody would give a damn who I'm with…"

"It doesn't stop Sera from leaking out Rinoa's secret," said Ellone earnestly, "All she really wants is for her daughter to marry you … it doesn't matter if you're vice president or not."

"And the fact that Rinoa is a sorceress doesn't stop people from wanting her dead, whether she's marrying you or not," added Laguna.

_Great, _thought Squall_, My only family won't even support me._

"Squall, I'm sorry," said Ellone, shaking her head apologetically, "I don't like this any more than you do. But we have to think logically. We can't take any chances. But we're not going to stop you from making your decision. If you know what's good for Rinoa and yourself, you'll make the _right _decision…"

Squall said nothing. _The right decision_. What _was _the right decision? He had to choose between Rinoa's life and her love? What was more important to him…?

_As long as she's alive, at least she can be happy. Even if she hates me … at least she has the rest of her life to love._

Squall sighed. "So … what am I supposed to say to her?"

* * *

"Mother,_ what_ was _that_?" demanded Ashleigh, referring to the drama that had just occurred, on the way down the elevator.

Sera said nothing as she examined her manicured nails. "_That _was the breakthrough that will save your relationship with Squall."

"But you _blackmailed _him," said Ashleigh, almost angrily.

"I did not _blackmail _him," said Sera, rolling her eyes, "I just … used some persuasion skills."

"I know that I love him," said Ashleigh, "But really … did you have to go to that extreme?"

Sera stopped examining her nails and looked at Ashleigh menacingly. "Ashleigh. Your stepfather will not support us anymore. I don't have a job. _You _probably won't have a job. How are we going to look after ourselves? We have nowhere to go. We have no money. _Squall _is our only source of money, and I don't care what it takes, but I will _not _scavenge around pettily."

Ashleigh remained silent, slowly realising the truth in Sera's words.

"Do you want that, Ashleigh?" hissed Sera, "Do you want to live on the streets? Or even worse … come _crawling back _to that dirty father and brother of yours?"

Ashleigh looked uneasy. "I guess not."

As the elevator came to a stop, Sera and Ashleigh stepped off it. The older woman turned to her daughter.

"Then you will do as your told," said Sera sharply.

"Yes, mother." Ashleigh sighed, as she continued to walk with her mother. She couldn't explain it. This feeling inside of her … what was it? When she heard Sera utter those words so sharply to Squall, it felt like her mind was shattered.

When Squall said those words to her … '_I love Rinoa_' … she was in a ridiculous state that she could not explain. She _knew _all along that Squall loved Rinoa, but she would never _believe _it. He had never actually _told _her, and when he did, it felt like her world was falling apart.

Somewhere in her heart and in her mind, she knew that Sera was doing the wrong thing. But what could she do about it? Nothing. She was like a poor, defenceless child, nothing without its mother.

* * *

"Hey, Rin!" called Irvine. He removed his arm from around Selphie's shoulder and waved to the raven-haired woman in greeting. "Over here!"

Rinoa looked into Irvine's direction and smiled. She and Min walked over to Irvine and Selphie through the sea of students entering the auditorium.

"Hey Min and Rin!" chirped Selphie merrily, "How was your trip to Deling, Rin?"

"It was pretty good," said Rinoa, nodding, "I've got a lot to tell you guys later."

"Sounds interesting," said Irvine.

"Where's Zell?" asked Min curiously.

Irvine chuckled. "He had to fill in for the kickboxing instructor today. I bet he forgot that Squall's speech is on now."

Min giggled. "Typical."

"Everyone, please sit in your homeroom classes," said Quistis at the microphone on the stage, "The vice president will be here any minute now."

"Quisty sure is doing a good job," said Rinoa.

"Of course, she's _Quistis_ _Trepe_," said Selphie, "She's practically _queen_ of doing a good job."

"Hey, there's Zell," said Irvine, pointing to the side door of the auditorium. "Yo, Zell!"

The blonde looked up and saw Irvine. He fixed up his suit, and ran towards the group energetically. It was obvious that he had just changed out of his 'instructor clothes' and into his 'bodyguard clothes'.

"Hey guys," said Zell, "Squall's limo just arrived."

"Oh, better get out there and body guard him," said Irvine. He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, putting them on and looking rather trendy.

Selphie and Zell did the same, and Rinoa couldn't help but giggle.

"Whoa, step back!" said Rinoa with a laugh.

Selphie stuck her tongue out at Rinoa. "We get paid to do this, Rin."

"You wanna escort us out?" asked Irvine with a sheepish grin.

Rinoa looked at Min.

"I'll just stay here," answered Min. "You go ahead."

"Okay," said Rinoa. "Let's go!"

* * *

Squall looked out of the limousine window and sighed at the amount of photographers and press awaiting him. He never did like interviews, and news reporters were the most annoying people on the planet.

"I'm not going out there with all those people," Squall said to Ellone, who was sitting right next to him.

Ellone looked at her 'brother' with a dazed smile. "Come on, Squall. It's a part of the job. And look, here come Irvine, Zell and Selphie. They'll keep things under control."

Squall looked out the window again to find his comrades pushing through all the news reporters in style. He then noticed Rinoa trailing closely behind Selphie with a peaceful smile across her face. Squall suddenly felt even uneasier.

"Elle, Rinoa's out there too," said Squall, "I can't face her yet!"

"Squall, don't _worry_," said Ellone reassuringly, "Just deliver your speech first and deal with it afterwards. Besides, you don't have to rush things. Enjoy your time with her first … I mean, she must be pretty tense after her trip to Deling. Find the right time and _then _tell her."

"All right," said Squall, understanding what Ellone had to say.

"You go ahead, I'll wait for you in the limo," said Ellone with a gentle smile.

The limousine driver opened Squall's door, and the vice president stepped out anxiously. He took off his sunglasses and before he knew it, he was bombarded by questions from the press.

"How does it feel to have made such a big accomplishment, Mr Leonhart?"

"Are you going to have any future connections with the Garden?"

"When are you going to become president?"

"Is it true that Rinoa Heartilly, your ex-lover, is still alive?"

"The vice president won't be answering any questions until after the speech," said Irvine, putting his hand out.

"Look, it's Rinoa Heartilly!"

Rinoa's eyes widened at the sound of her name, and quickly hid behind Zell when all the reporters ran up to her and bombarded _her _with questions.

"Is it true that you lost your memory and have only regained it?"

"Has your father, General Caraway of the Galbadia military, accepted you yet?"

"How did you lose your memory?"

"Um…" Rinoa stayed hidden behind Zell, not wanting any more attention.

"Miss Heartilly won't be answering any questions as of yet, either," said Zell in Rinoa's defence.

"Miss Heartilly, there have been allegations that you aren't _really _Rinoa Heartilly, and you are just posing as her. Is this true?"

"Of course it's not true!" cried Rinoa.

"Rin, it's not a very good idea to answer any of their questions," hissed Selphie.

"Just stay close to us," muttered Zell.

Irvine and Zell led Rinoa and Squall into the Garden auditorium, with Selphie at the back, shooing off all the photographers.

"And you can actually _cope _with this?" Rinoa said to Squall.

"Everyday," answered Squall with a snicker. "These big rallies aren't a good way to get publicity. So it's better if you just smile and wave to make the people happy."

Rinoa giggled. "I bet you do neither."

"That would be correct," said Squall with a smirk. _Hyne, Rin … I can't believe that I've got to let you go so easily… _He quickly shrugged the thought off his shoulders and remembered what Ellone had suggested. _Enjoy what's left … dammit, what _is _left?_

As they reached the auditorium with Zell, Irvine and Selphie warding off all the members of the press, Rinoa read the distracted expression on Squall's face.

"Is something wrong, Squall?" asked Rinoa, as the droning of the media from outside faded.

Squall looked up at Rinoa, the concerned look on her face almost piercing him. _Yes, Rinoa, everything's wrong … it wasn't supposed to turn out like this…_

"It's nothing," lied Squall, shaking his head, "Nothing at all … Rin…"

**A/N: **Okay, so it's a lot shorter than the other chapters, I know. I'm just real tired right now … I just wanted to make a quick update before I go to bed. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews greatly appreciated :) Have a nice day/night, everyone.


	37. Goodbye?

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 37 – Goodbye?  
**

Squall had finished making his speech, and Quistis had dismissed all the students back to their proper classes. Once they were all gone, the blonde instructor flopped onto a chair and blew a strand of stray hair out of her face to express her tiredness.

"Today has been nothing but hectic," she said with a sigh.

Zell began packing up the microphones and other technical equipment and nodded in agreement. "Too true. I was instructing the kickboxing class and those eight-year-olds _still _can't get it right!"

"Dude, you can't just rock up on the first day expecting a couple of kids to be at top rank SeeD level straight away," said Irvine, glancing out the backstage door to see if the media had packed up and left yet.

"Have you got anything planned after this, Squall?" asked Quistis before Zell and Irvine could get into a pointless argument.

Squall looked up from his notes and nodded at the instructor. "Yeah. I've got a meeting with the Galbadian government in six hours."

"Ooh!" squealed Selphie with delight, "Can we come too, Squall?"

Squall shrugged. "Whatever."

"No we can't, Sefie, we've got all this Garden paperwork to fill out," said Irvine, turning away from the window.

Selphie stomped her foot in frustration. "Damn! Can't we leave it 'til a little later? Quisty?"

Quistis shook her head. "No, afraid not, Selph. I've got classes to teach and that paperwork was due three days ago."

"Aww, rats!" Selphie scrunched her nose in disappointment.

"Why don't _you_ accompany Squall, Rin?" asked Zell, detaching one of the stage lights.

Rinoa, seated on the edge of the stage with her legs dangling off the side, looked at Zell. She hadn't said a word the whole time, for she was intently gazing at Squall. His expression was uneasy; she could see it in his eyes…

"Huh?" said Rinoa.

"Well, since all of us have stuff to do," said Zell, switching off the microphone, "You can go with Squall."

"Yeah, and I bet Squall would just _hate _to go alone," said Irvine sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Squall from his entranced state, leaning against the wall.

"Whoa there, Squall, didn't mean to upset ya," said Irvine.

"I'm not—"

"I'd love to go," said Rinoa, before Squall could say anything else. "If that's okay with you, Squall?"

Squall looked away from Irvine and back to Rinoa. She gave him a weak but innocent smile. _Enjoy what's left … maybe … after my enjoyment I can break the news to her…_

He shrugged in response. "If you want, I guess."

Selphie giggled. "That's code for 'please Rinoa I'm begging you!'"

Squall got off the wall and turned around from his friends, hiding the hurt in his expression. "Whatever."

_Yep_, thought Rinoa, _There's definitely something wrong…_

Selphie scrunched her nose. "I thought you were over the 'whatever' phase, Squall."

"Are the press gone, Irvine?" asked Squall flatly, ignoring Selphie's comment.

"Huh?" said Irvine, confused with the quick topic change. "I mean, yeah, they've left. Probably got sick of waiting around for you to come out. I mean, the doors are locked pretty tight—"

"All right," said Squall monotonously, not caring about what else Irvine had to say. "I'll see you all later." He headed to the side door and before anyone knew it, he was gone.

Everyone was left staring after him in abysmal shock. Everyone except Rinoa, that is. She was staring after him in a mix of curiosity and sadness … it wasn't like Squall to just walk away like that. Well, maybe it was, but she thought things had changed…

"Is it just me … or is Squall … different?" said Zell, blinking.

"I wonder what crawled up _his _backside!" pouted Selphie, not liking the way Squall told her off.

"I'll go check up on him," said Rinoa at last, standing up.

"That's if he hasn't left yet," said Irvine.

"Wish me luck," said Rinoa, as she headed toward the door.

"Good luck," the four companions said in unison.

The young sorceress ventured outside, to where she saw Squall leaning over the limousine window he arrived in and talking to whoever was inside. Rinoa stood there for a moment, wondering if he was going to get in it and leave. To her surprise, he backed away from the vehicle as the limousine sped away.

Squall stood there, a lone and forlorn figure just staring after the limousine. He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned the other way, walking slowly with an empty expression.

"Squall!" called Rinoa, running up to him.

Squall turned around, and was met with Rinoa's smiling, angelic face as she ran up towards him. He forgot about his problem for a split second as he smiled a small smile back at her, but returned to his remote self afterwards.

"Where are you going?" asked Rinoa curiously.

"I'm just going to walk back to the residence for my car," said Squall, shrugging, "Then I'll be taking a long drive to Galbadia."

Rinoa smiled. "Sounds fun. Mind if I join you? Just for the walk, I mean. You don't have to let me come to Galbadia with you."

Squall shrugged. "Sure, if you can handle walking a couple of blocks."

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Rinoa, narrowing her eyes down at him cheekily. "Just because I'm not a top SeeD like you doesn't mean I can't walk a couple of blocks!"

Squall smiled, feeling slightly better about himself. Rinoa never failed to cheer him up.

"All right."

Rinoa grinned and linked arms with him. Squall kept his hands in his pockets and didn't pull away from Rinoa, acknowledging her presence with both glee and sadness. As they walked, Rinoa snuggled into Squall's shoulder, recognising his cologne. At first, the walk was silent, but the silence gave them both a chance to enjoy each other's company.

"Squall," Rinoa whispered quietly.

"Hmm?"

"I miss you," said Rinoa softly.

"You miss me?" said Squall, slightly chuckling at what Rinoa had said, "I'm right here."

Rinoa smiled soundly. "What I meant to say was … I _missed_ you."

Squall didn't say anything, but just faintly smiled.

"Don't leave me again, okay?"

These words gripped at Squall's heart, sending a wave of guilt and sadness surging throughout his body. He said nothing and kept a straight face as they continued to walk down the busy street. Nobody seemed to take notice of either Squall and Rinoa, which brought great relief to them both.

"Is something bothering you, Squall?" asked Rinoa, when he didn't say anything.

"No," lied Squall.

Rinoa stood up straight but kept her arm linked around Squall's. "Don't lie, Squall. You should know by now that I can read you like an open book."

"It's nothing," said Squall, shaking his head.

"Oh come on," said Rinoa encouragingly, "You can tell me."

_No I can't, _thought Squall sadly, _Not yet…_

They reached the presidential residence, and the couple stopped at Squall's black sports car parked on the side of the road.

"Okay, I'll tell you Rinoa," said Squall slowly. He hesitated and looked at Rinoa's intent face. He turned away slightly. "Will you ... come to Galbadia with me?"

Rinoa's curious face was replaced with a sheepish grin. "Is that all? That's nothing to be ashamed of. Of course I'll come with you!"

Squall looked at Rinoa and couldn't help but smile when he saw her cheerful face. "Great. Get in." He unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for her. Rinoa beamed and got into the front seat.

Squall closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. _Leonhart, you're the biggest asshole…_

The beginning of the drive was uneventful. It was mostly Rinoa talking about random things with passion, and Squall either agreeing or disagreeing. She didn't give him much of a chance to talk, but Squall didn't mind. He didn't really feel like saying much. He just enjoyed listening to Rinoa laugh and talk, even if the things she laughed and talked about were stupid things like her favourite colour, or something sleazy Irvine had said by accident.

"…I wonder how Irvine and Selphie put up with each other," said Rinoa with a giggle, "Sometimes they're the cutest item ever, but sometimes it's just a war zone!"

Squall smirked. As he turned the corner onto the freeway, Squall cursed under his breath at the amount of traffic on the road.

"At this rate we'll be in Galbadia by Christmas," said Squall, annoyed.

Rinoa laughed. "But you're vice president! Can't you just cut across?"

"That's only when I have little Estharian flags on the limousine," said Squall with a snicker.

"Oh, well that sucks," said Rinoa. She smiled at him, and for a minute, there was silence as the two of them simply stared at each other.

At last, Rinoa laughed, not standing the silence anymore. She broke the stare and began rummaging through Squall's CD pile.

"What're you doing?" asked Squall.

"Looking for music," answered Rinoa, flipping through all the albums. She scrunched her nose at Squall's taste of music. "Don't you have anything here _besides _rock?"

"I don't think so," said Squall, "My car was broken into a couple of months ago. Luckily the guy didn't steal anything. Well, except for a few of my CDs. But he decided to be a wise guy and only stole the CDs he _liked,_ and left behind the ones he didn't. So not only did he break into my car, he discriminates my music taste as well."

Rinoa laughed out loud. "Typical!" She stopped at the CD on the very bottom and took it out, staring at the cover for a moment. "Wow, something that's _not _rock."

Squall glanced at what Rinoa was holding, and he turned slightly red when he saw it was Julia Heartilly's _Eyes on Me_. One thing was for sure, he was somewhat glad that the robber didn't steal that CD.

Rinoa opened the case and propped the CD into the CD player. She pressed play, and the instrumentals started playing. She giggled and began to sing. "I saw you smiling at me! Was it real or just my fantasy?"

Squall groaned. "Please Rinoa, don't."

"Excuse me Mr Leonheart!" said Rinoa in mock anger, "Are you criticising the way I sing?"

"Just in that voice," sneered Squall.

"Well, sorry I can't sing, mister!" cried Rinoa.

Squall shook his head with a smile, rolling his eyes at Rinoa's childishness. He looked up ahead onto the road, only to find that the line of traffic had only moved one or two inches. He groaned in frustration again.

It was then that Rinoa began to look through Squall's glove compartment. She flipped around all the stray pieces of paper and documents, and at one point saw a packet of uneaten gum. When she thought there was nothing interesting in there, she found a small tape recorder.

"Ooh, and what's this I see?" said Rinoa, examining it carefully.

Squall looked at Rinoa. "Oh, that … play it and you'll know."

Rinoa cocked her head in curiosity. "All right then." She turned the volume of the CD player down and pushed play on the tape recorder.

_"Okay ... so, umm, me and Squall are driving home right now. We just came back from the beach. Today was really fun, 'cause we got to hang out with Selphie, Irvie, Quisty and Zelly and get really wet. I stole Squall's ring and ... umm..."_

Rinoa gasped. "This is the day we went to Balamb beach!"

Squall nodded in response.

The tape continued to play, and Rinoa had a huge smile planted across her face with every passing word.

_Rinoa giggled. "Okay, that's enough for now – I'm turning this off! Bye Squall!"_

_"Bye Rinoa," said Squall with a laugh._

"That was cute," said Rinoa with a laugh.

"There's more," murmured Squall.

_"Hey, Rinoa. I'm in your room now."_

Rinoa looked up at Squall with cheeky glee and curiosity in her eyes when she heard his voice on the tape again. Yes … she remembered. It was the tape that Squall recorded for her before he went to Esthar. It was also the same tape that she denied having any knowledge of.

"_I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me."_

"Yes, Squall Leonheart, I _am_," said Rinoa, "What were you doing in my bedroom anyhow?"

Squall simply grinned sheepishly and didn't say anything.

" _But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you."_

Rinoa smiled.

" _You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too. But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before."_

Her heart began to melt…

" _And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."_

Rinoa looked away from the recorder, tiny tears welling up in her eyes. She almost forgot about this tape…

"I … I love you, Squall," said Rinoa quietly.

_"I love you, Squall…"_ Her voice on the tape said it at exactly the same time Rinoa did. 

Squall turned away from the road ahead of him and looked at Rinoa, right in the eyes. She held a look of happiness and sadness merged into one, and looked as if she were about to cry. In her earthen eyes, he could see his reflection staring straight back at him, with equal amounts of happiness and sadness.

Rinoa blinked long and hard. She turned back to the tape recorder. "Let's have a redo of this."

Squall watched her in curiosity.

Rinoa pressed the record button. "Six years later. Squall and I are in the car now, on the way to Galbadia."

Squall couldn't help but laugh.

"We just listened to this whole tape," said Rinoa into the speaker, "And I didn't know what to say. Life has been rough, right Squall?"

"Yeah," answered Squall.

"Yeah," said Rinoa, nodding. "So I just want to make sure that this is never forgotten about ever again. No matter what happens, I pledge myself to Squall."

"Rinoa…"

"He said love always returns. And he was right. Love … it does always return. And I, Rinoa Caraway-Heartilly, am living proof."

There was silence for a moment.

"Love returned … and I hope it stays this time…" Rinoa whispered.

Squall was staring fixedly at Rinoa, down to her very last detail. This feeling … what was it? There were so many mixed emotions within him, too many to name. He didn't know what to do or what to say. All he could do was … stare. Stare at the heavenly angel before him, and curse himself for having to let her go…

Rinoa looked at Squall again. She sensed the emotion running through him. She didn't know what it was; all she knew was that it was strong. For a moment, they simply gazed into each other's ever-going eyes again in silence. But the mixed feelings soaring between them easily drowned out the silence, not making it noticeable at all.

"I … I love you … Rinoa…"

Rinoa's eyes lit up and her heart skipped a beat. Did Squall really say that? He had never said it to her before … well, not to her face anyway. On tape it made her emotions stir, but in real life … she couldn't help but feel light weighted and _happy_…

Squall found himself inching closer and closer to Rinoa, not taking his eyes off her. Rinoa found herself very much in the same position. She felt butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, as she pursed her lips together and closed her eyes, getting ready for their long awaited kiss…

Suddenly, a loud horn blared from behind them, and both parties jumped in surprise, snapping them both back into reality. Squall remembered where he was and looked at the road in front of him. The long line of cars ahead of him was already driving off into the distance.

"Oh … looks like the traffic is moving again," said Squall as he stepped on the gas pedal, embarrassed about what had just happened.

_Leonheart, that was the stupidest thing you could ever do_, thought Squall to himself, _Making a move on her while we're _on the road_! What the hell were you thinking? Hyne, I _am _the worst romantic on the planet…_

Rinoa laughed nervously and sat back in her firm position, staring out the window to hide the red in her cheeks. Eyes on Me had come to an end, but she didn't bother changing the CD.

_Well … that was embarrassing_, she thought. _Oh crap … the tape is still recording…_

Rinoa quickly pressed stop on the tape recorder and placed it back into the glove compartment, hoping that Squall was going to tape over that last bit with some SeeD reports or something. She secretly wanted that kiss. She couldn't even remember the last time she and Squall shared something so deep…

* * *

"What? What do you mean I can't speak with him today?" demanded Squall in frustration.

The young receptionist looked rather frightened and didn't want to provoke Squall. She lifted her glasses up closer to her eyes and tried to keep a straight face.

"Mr Deling's sister was just taken to hospital, you see," squeaked the receptionist.

"Why didn't someone inform me?" said Squall, exasperated. "I just drove for four hours from Esthar to meet up with him."

"I'm sorry, sir … it was a last minute emergency," said the young woman, "He only left an hour ago…"

"When will he be back?" asked Squall.

"By tomorrow morning, I'm positive," said the woman, nodding.

"_Tomorrow morning _… damn it, I'm a very busy man…"

Rinoa walked up to Squall from behind him and took his hand. "We'll stay here for the night," she said quietly, "That way you don't have to drive all the way home and all the way back again."

Squall sighed. "All right. But if he's not back by tomorrow, then I _won't_ be very happy.

The squeaky receptionist nodded, clearly frightened of Squall. "If … if you want, I'll arrange a night for you at the hotel free of char—"

"Forget it," said Squall, shaking his head. He turned around and began to walk out of the building, leaving Rinoa there on her own for a minute.

"Don't worry, he's just in a bad mood," Rinoa said reassuringly to the younger woman.

"Is he always like that?" questioned the receptionist.

Rinoa laughed. "Not always."

The two women exchanged goodbyes and Rinoa followed Squall out of the building. He was standing outside with his arms folded, holding a blank expression. Rinoa crept up behind him and smiled comfortingly at him.

"Don't worry, Squall, it's just one night," she said. "And this is _Vinzer Deling's _son we're talking about here. He's just a rookie, y'know, after his dad died and all. Give him a chance."

Squall shrugged. "Whatever. I don't care. His sister's in hospital and all … I guess it's understandable that he put family before work."

Rinoa smiled sweetly. "That's the spirit! Anyway, onto a more important subject. I'm _starving _here, Squall. Take me out to dinner!"

Squall smiled back at her. "All right. Where do you wanna go?"

The young couple walked to a nearby restaurant in Deling. They sat and talked and ate. Well, more like Rinoa talked and ate. She managed to eat two whole courses and three serves of ice cream, all in forty minutes. They exchanged anecdotes and ended up being in the restaurant for two whole hours.

Squall insisted on paying the bill in the end, and the two of them walked out into the night streets of Deling city. Rinoa grasped onto Squall's hand tightly, resting her head on his shoulder as they walked. She sighed dreamily, thinking that this was the perfect end to a wonderful day.

They ended up in a quiet park, sitting on a wooden bench. The only sound heard was the merry chirping of crickets. Rinoa was leaning on Squall, looking up at the night sky. Squall had his arm around her, stroking her silky hair, not wanting the moment to end.

"The night is so beautiful," whispered Rinoa.

Squall agreed silently.

She swooned and pointed up into the velvet sky. "Look, Squall … a shooting star!"

"As always," said Squall with a bit of a smirk.

"I wonder where it'll land?" said Rinoa quietly.

"Yeah…"

There was a momentary silence between the two of them. Both had their own thoughts and feelings gathered up into a ball, wondering when was the best time to exert them…

"Squall—"

"Rinoa—"

The two of them said each other's names in unintended unison.

"You go first," said Squall.

Rinoa wriggled out of Squall's arms and looked at him with a quiet smile, the moonlight flickering in her eyes. "Well, I just wanted to tell you about my trip to Deling the other day."

Squall, slightly disappointed that Rinoa was out of his arms, nodded. "Who would've thought that you'd be here again the next day?"

Rinoa laughed softly. "Yeah … well … I know all about my past now."

"Really, now?"

The raven-haired girl nodded. "Yeah. _Everything. _I don't ever want to let it go again."

"Oh, okay…"

"Well, I don't know how to say it," said Rinoa slowly, "But the way I lost my memory … do you know how it happened?"

Squall shook his head in response. When Rinoa was about to say something, he noticed the third ring on Rinoa's chain and wanted to know about it.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Squall, touching the new ring on her neck.

Rinoa looked down and slightly blushed. "Oh, that … it's the ring Seifer gave to me…"

"Seifer?" questioned Squall.

Rinoa laughed nervously. "I mean, _Marcel_ … whatever. It's a long story. I'm about to tell you now."

_Marcel_, Squall thought, _That guy she was going out with before?_

"Oh okay … why'd he give it to you?" asked Squall, wanting to know more.

Rinoa laughed weakly again, just a teensy bit annoyed that Squall wouldn't let her finish talking. But then again, he was just being protective … she couldn't blame him.

"Well, it's his engagement ring," began Rinoa, "But—"

"What?" said Squall, not liking where this conversation was going, "_Engagement_!"

"Well, yeah," said Rinoa slowly, "But that was _before_. It doesn't matter now, because you and me … we've found each other. We'll be together forever now. Right?"

Squall avoided Rinoa's gaze and said nothing.

"Right?" Rinoa said again when Squall didn't answer. She wanted him to respond, so she could get on with telling the story about how she lost her memory.

"Rinoa…" Squall murmured slowly, wanting to avoid what was to come. But he couldn't lie to her anymore. He couldn't keep acting like they were going to be together forever, because the way things were going, they _weren't. _But … he loved her so much that he didn't want her to get hurt physically, even if it meant her getting hurt emotionally.

"Squall, what is it?" asked Rinoa, concerned. She tried to look Squall right in the eyes, but he kept turning away.

_I don't want to do this, Rin_, thought Squall.

"What's the matter, Squall?" she asked.

"Rin … I … I don't know how to say this to you," said Squall, still looking to the side.

Rinoa took his hands in hers supportively. "You don't have to know _how _to say it, Squall. Just … _say _it."

"I … I can't," said Squall uncomfortably.

"And why is that?" asked Rinoa curiously.

"Because … I'm afraid I'll hurt you," said Squall quietly.

A surge of panic came wavering past her, but she didn't show it. She tried to stay strong, because that was what she was. "What could possibly hurt me?" she said, "I've been through it all … nothing can hurt me anymore. Not now that you're with me."

"But Rinoa … that's exactly it…"

Rinoa cocked her head. "Hmm? _What's_ it?"

_I can't believe I'm doing this_, thought Squall. _But there's no turning back now..._ He slowly turned to look at Rinoa, only to find question and innocence flooding through her eyes. _She doesn't deserve this…_

"Rin … I … I can't…" Squall tried to speak, but the hurting words couldn't leave his mouth. "I … can't … _be_ with you anymore…"

Rinoa's eyes widened. _Did he just say what I think he said_? "W-What do you mean?"

Squall sighed, holding Rinoa's hands tightly. He didn't want to let her go … he really didn't…

"I'm so … sorry," muttered Squall.

Rinoa was confused. She was more than confused. She was distressed and perplexed. This couldn't be real. It had to be one of those nice dreams that ended up being a nightmare. It just had to be.

But … it was all real. The look in Squall's face told her so. It wasn't a sick joke. It wasn't a dream. It was _reality._

"S-So … you're _breaking up _with me?" said Rinoa, her voice wavering. _Breaking up … were we even together? Hyne, I'm so confused…_

"I don't want to," said Squall quietly. "But we can't … be together … I'm so sorry…"

"W-Why?" she asked, her voice shaking uncontrollably, "What did I do?"

"No, no … it's not you," said Squall quickly.

"Then what is it?" asked Rinoa, her voice rising, "Is it because Seifer asked me to marry him? If that's it, then you've got it all wrong—"

"No, Rin," said Squall quietly, "It has nothing to do with that."

"Then _what is it_?" cried Rinoa. "Is it someone else?" Her grip tightened around Squall's hands. She couldn't believe this was happening.

Squall couldn't stand to see Rinoa in such a state. He had never seen her like this, with so much hurt plastered all over her face … it tore him up inside just thinking that it was his fault. His heart was racing. What was he supposed to say? Everything he had planned beforehand seemed to have disappeared. He forgot where he was, and what was happening. All he knew was that Rinoa was hurt and it was _his fault._

"It's just … Ashleigh—"

"_Ashleigh_!" exclaimed Rinoa, "Wait a minute … you're still marrying her, aren't you?"

"Rin, please understand—"

"Oh, I understand all right," said Rinoa, disgusted, "Are you too afraid to break it off with her? Even after all we've been through … you're _still _afraid?"

"You don't understand—"

"Then _tell _me, Squall," said Rinoa, the anger fading away and the sadness coming back again. Tears began welling up in her earthen eyes and she tried to blink them back. "Make me _understand_. Why…? Why are you still marrying her?"

Squall hesitated for a moment. He couldn't tell her the real reason … or else Rinoa would hate and blame herself. She would hate herself for being what she was, and that was a sorceress. He didn't want her to hate herself … or else it could've led to things he didn't even want to think about. But the very reason why Squall loved Rinoa was because … she was _Rinoa_. And if she tried to change that, then his love would be in vain. He was doing this because he loved her, not because he wanted to be an asshole. And even if it meant that Rinoa couldn't know it … then it was fine with him … as long as she was alive. As long as she was safe.

"I can't tell you," said Squall finally.

A teardrop rolled down her cheek and Rinoa pursed her lips together, holding back any further tears. Ever since she was a teenager, she swore to herself that she wouldn't cry over a guy. But all of that seemed to be a part of her memory now. The hurt swelling up inside of her couldn't be explained by words alone.

"So what am I going to do, Squall?" asked Rinoa, her trembling. She let go of Squall's hands and wiped away the new tear that had fallen from her eye. "While you're enjoying your life with Mrs Ashleigh Almassy-Caraway-Loire-Leonheart, I'll go sorceress-berserk in my little corner. What ever happened to 'I'll be your knight'?"

Squall didn't say anything, his body feeling numb. He had _completely _forgotten about his promise to Rinoa. That only made him feel worse.

Rinoa sniffed and wiped away another tear. "Some knight you are, Squall."

She took one last look at Squall. He sat there, remorse clearly stamped on his face. But it was too late for remorse. The wound Squall had inflicted on her was too deep for words to heal. She just wanted to curl up into a ball in a corner on the far end of the world and bawl her eyes out. She thought that she would never cry again … she thought all the tears within her were gone. But she was wrong.

"And I suppose you don't even want to hear what your _beloved Ashleigh _did to me," spat Rinoa. She stood up and pulled her jacket closer towards her. With one more tear, she turned around and broke into a run.

Squall stood up quickly, hating himself. "Wait! Rinoa…" He was about to run after her, but what was he supposed to say? 'I'm sorry, let's kiss' just wasn't going to cut it. He had already hurt her deep, and anything else he said would probably have hurt her more.

So he watched Rinoa run, and to him, it looked like the third time she walked out of his life.

**A/N: **Hah … there's your long chapter for you. This one was longer than intended, but I hope that isn't a bad thing. I think one day I will add up all the evil plot twists in this story :D I know that was a very negative ending to the chapter … but I really did try to make it happy and stuff with Squall and Rinoa during the first part of the chapter. I hope it wasn't corny, though! It's amazing how I usually end on a bad note at the end of almost every chapter 8-D I hope my pessimism doesn't discourage you from reading on. Anyway, I appreciate all of your support :) Sorry if I take a while to update, my other PC is screwed and I have school starts again next week :( But I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter … the end is drawing near...


	38. Shifting of Emotion

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 38 – Shifting of Emotion  
**

Rinoa ran and ran, leaving tears behind her as she went. The cold night air gashed at her, sending multiple chills down her spine. She shivered as she ran across the road, this time actually _looking _to see if there were any cars. When she crossed the road, she ran up to her sanctuary, the place she remembered going to whenever she was feeling sad.

She climbed up the stairs of Deling Bridge, the top looking as if it were forever away. She blinked back more tears when she reached the top, and stood against the railing with her elbows up, hands curled up in tight fists. She looked down at the beautiful city of Deling. Somewhere in this pool of people is Squall Leonheart…

_Squall._

More tears came flooding out of her eyes when she thought about him. She wanted to stop crying, to pick herself up and move on, but her emotions were uncontrollable. All she _could _do was cry, letting out all the pain dwelling inside of her.

_I thought we were actually going to be together_, Rinoa thought, remembering all the joyful moments she had with Squall. _I thought … after everything we've been through, being together would be the first thing on our minds. We've been hurt so much … I thought he _wanted _to be with me. _

Rinoa sniffled and scrunched her face into a bitter one. _I guess not. I thought he actually cared about me. But all he really is a selfish coward. Strength and pride my butt … he wouldn't know the first thing about strength and pride..._

She began to fiddle with the rings on her chain. Then she remembered one of them belonged to Squall. It was the ring he had given her to mark their love forever. The ring that symbolised everything he believed in, everything he lived for. And it was in her possession.

_Doesn't it mean anything to him anymore? I hold what he won't give anyone else. He told me himself that he loved me. His eyes would gaze at me with the utmost emotion in them. Was all that just a lie? Does he truly care for Ashleigh more than he does for me?_

For a moment, Rinoa began to smell something fishy in that statement. She knew … Squall didn't really love Ashleigh. The way he said everything to her was too real, the way he expressed his feelings … the way he walked through their journey. But then again … did she really _know _him well enough?

Tears began to pour out of Rinoa's eyes again as sadness overcame her anger. _What a perfect end to a wonderful day_, thought Rinoa sardonically.

She sniffed again, wiping away another tear. The night breeze began to tease her hair, making the raven strands dance with the wind. She looked up at the sky, wondering where her mother was amongst them. She wanted her mother now more than anything. At least she knew that Julia wasn't going to hurt her…

* * *

Seifer stood numbly on the other side of Deling Bridge, staring at nothing in particular. He lifted the cigarette he was holding to his mouth, inhaling its bitter contents. He felt nothing but emptiness. He watched the embers of his cigarette float off with the wind, carrying them far away. He had developed a smoking habit after the run-in with Rinoa. He would feel angry about what happened all the time. But when he smoked, it calmed him … it took away his anger and made him feel _empty._

"Hey, Seifer!"

Seifer turned around and watched as a chirpy Sierra ran up to him. He nodded at the teenager in acknowledgement.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing," answered Sierra, "How come you're still here? You usually don't hang around me for this long."

Seifer shrugged, going back to his cigarette for more. "I don't have anything better to do."

Sierra raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't you have a _job_?"

"Yeah," said Seifer carelessly, "What about it?"

Sierra narrowed her eyes down at him. "You've been acting strange lately."

Seifer shrugged. "Doesn't mean shit to me."

"And you shouldn't smoke," said Sierra knowingly, "It's bad for your health."

Seifer shrugged again.

Sierra looked at her friend with curious eyes. "I saw someone special on the other side of the bridge. I just didn't want to talk to her because I've got to _work_."

"And…?"

"Well, seeing as you don't have any _work _to do," said Sierra playfully, "Why don't _you_ go over there and talk to her?"

Seifer rolled his eyes. "I think I'll pass." He didn't appreciate Sierra's lame attempt to match-make him with someone else, seeing as how he had only recently told her that he broke it off with his 'girl'. He hadn't given her the grotesque details, though. He didn't feel like going into depth about how his life officially became hell.

"I don't know … she looks kinda sad," said Sierra innocently.

Seifer rolled his eyes again, but glanced across the road. After a huge truck drove by, his eyes darted across the other side of the bridge. Then, to his amazement, he saw a lone figure standing against the railing. But it wasn't just anybody. He recognised the back of this person straight away. It was _Rinoa_.

Seifer quickly shrugged it off. "I don't know her."

Sierra gave him an 'oh really?' look and just walked away smoothly, leaving Seifer to gawk at Rinoa's back stupidly.

'_She looks kinda sad_._'_

_What could she possibly be sad about? _Seifer thought to himself. _She just realised who she was … she should be the happiest person in the world._

He let curiosity get the best of him and decided to approach Rinoa and see what all this was about. He threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it, and decided to take a chance as he crossed the road carefully. After all, things couldn't have gotten any worse than they already were.

* * *

Rinoa wiped another tear away. Her eyes were becoming heavy. She wanted to stop crying so badly, but the tears just kept on rolling out. She wondered where she was going to go after this. She wondered _when _she was going to go… 

"Why the long face?"

Rinoa almost jumped at the sound of another voice. She had no time to think about who it was, and just turned around. To her surprise, it was Seifer standing before her in a rather laid-back approach.

Seifer was taken aback when he saw the state Rinoa was in. Her eyes were swollen with tears and her mascara was running down her face. Her nose was red and her lips were formed into a firm frown. She had her arms folded across her chest protectively, her body language saying everything words possibly couldn't have.

"Oh Hyne," muttered Rinoa. She quickly turned away, not wanting her stepbrother seeing her in such a condition. She began walking away, hoping that Seifer would leave her alone. She didn't feel like talking to anyone. She just wanted to be by herself ... she didn't want anyone seeing her so torn up and broken.

"Hey, don't just walk away," said Seifer, somewhat fiercely.

"Leave me alone," mumbled Rinoa, continuing to walk away.

_Damn … she must really hate me_, thought Seifer. "Look, I know you must hate me," he began, slowly trailing behind her, "But … what ever this problem is, you can't deal with it alone."

Rinoa ignored him and just kept on walking. _Please go away..._

Seifer got frustrated when she didn't answer. He _hated _not being answered. He didn't care if she was going to call him a heartless bastard or some other kind of insult, just as long as she _answered_ him.

"Hey!" Seifer grabbed Rinoa's arm, not letting her go until she said something. "I don't care who you go to, just tell me that you're not gonna do something stupid."

Rinoa held back more tears. _Something stupid? _She didn't even know where she was going, let alone what she was _doing_.

"Rinoa, look at me," said Seifer forcefully. "Look at me, goddamit." He tightened his grip on Rinoa's arm to make sure she wasn't going to break into a run.

Rinoa blinked back more tears and decided to just _look _at the man, if that was the only thing that was going to let her go free. She kept her eyes squeezed shut, not wanting Seifer to see the tears hiding behind her eyes.

"Now tell me you aren't gonna do anything dumb," said Seifer, in a gentler tone.

Rinoa opened her eyes slowly. Tears made her vision hazy, but as she wiped them away with her free hand, the first thing she saw was the concern in Seifer's eyes. She opened her mouth, waiting for words to leave, but none came out. She tried to find her voice.

"I…" She avoided Seifer's gaze, but when she looked up at him again, she saw the same concern Squall had in Seifer's eyes. Just thinking about Squall made her burst into uncontrollable sobs. She fell onto Seifer's chest, and began to cry madly into his shirt.

Seifer, caught off guard, let go of Rinoa's arm as she cried. The younger woman grabbed onto Seifer's coat, crying through stifled words.

"Oh, Seifer," she said tearfully, "I … I _hate_…"

"Who…?" asked Seifer quietly, when Rinoa couldn't finish her sentence.

"I … I _hate her!_" cried Rinoa through sobs, "_I_ _fucking hate that little bitch!_"

Seifer formed a clear picture in his face about whom Rinoa was talking about. It was obvious that this person Rinoa hated so much was his very own sister. He cursed silently at Ashleigh and didn't press the subject any further.

"Hey … just calm down," said Seifer gently. He awkwardly patted Rinoa on the back in attempt to comfort her. "Don't worry. Shh … things will be okay."

Rinoa sobbed into his chest even more. _No they won't … it's like my life is ending … I never thought Squall would treat me like this … why? Why is he being so cruel to me? It doesn't sound like him…_

Seifer didn't want to ask more about the issue, in fear of Rinoa breaking down even more. "Where are you headed?"

"I … I don't know," murmured Rinoa, "I haven't … I haven't got anywhere to go…"

Seifer shook his head, not standing Rinoa in such a depressing state. "I'll take you to your dad's place for the night, okay?"

Rinoa sniffed again and pulled away from Seifer, looking up at him in silent gratitude. She nodded slowly in approval.

Seifer only just noticed his engagement ring he had given her hanging from her neck. He smirked, wondering if this was a good time to ask. "I see you've found a new home for my ring."

Rinoa, caught off guard, looked down at her neck and slightly blushed. "Oh … well…"

She was about to take it off, but Seifer stopped her. "No, keep it. It looks good like that."

Rinoa mustered a sheepish smile, one that entwined with the grief on her face. It made her look strange – to be smiling and crying at the same time.

"All right … dry those eyes and we'll get going," said Seifer.

Rinoa wiped her eyes quickly and sniffled again. She folded her arms and huddled herself together to keep warm as the two of them began to walk. She kept her distance away from Seifer. Even though she acted as if she didn't want his help, she was thankful that someone was there to pick her up. Without him, she probably would have been moping on the bridge forever.

Both of them walked in silence through the streets. Rinoa would occasionally be sniffing, but she was calming down. She kept her arms folded, snuggling her jacket to receive as much warmth as possible. The same thoughts kept running through her mind … _why_? She didn't know what she felt about Squall anymore. Hatred? Anger? Sadness? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she hated whatever feeling it was that was inside of her.

As they reached the Caraway mansion, Rinoa stopped Seifer from ringing the doorbell.

"Thank you … Seifer," she said croakily.

Seifer nodded in response. "Don't mention it. And don't worry. Things will be okay."

Rinoa was far from convinced that 'things would be okay'. She simply gave her stepbrother a weak smile and turned back to the front door. Seifer rung the doorbell, and within moments, Caraway was at the door in his uniform.

"Oh, Seifer … Rinoa," said Caraway. He glanced at Rinoa and didn't ask what was wrong. "A pleasant surprise, indeed. I was just about to head for work. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Um … Rinoa wanted to stay here for the night," said Seifer, when Rinoa didn't say anything.

"Oh, of course, of course," said Caraway without hesitation, "Stay as long as you like, Rinoa."

Rinoa nodded quickly and just bolted through the door, brushing past Caraway, and darted up the stairs to flee to her room. The general looked at Seifer with a quizzical look on his face.

"What's…?"

"I don't know," said Seifer calmly, "I just … saw her like that. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and she said she had nowhere to go."

"Oh, right," said Caraway, nodding his head. "Well, thank you for bringing her here. I wouldn't know what I would've done if something happened to her."

"Yeah … well … take care of her, old man," sneered Seifer, "I'll be off now."

Caraway nodded and Seifer left. The general closed the door and went upstairs. He saw Rinoa's door closed, and contemplated on going in. He decided to knock, just to be safe. He knew how upset his daughter could get if he just barged into her bedroom without warning.

"Rinoa, I'm heading to the office," called Caraway.

Rinoa, lying on her bed with her eyes wide open, tightly hugging the teddy bear that her mother had given her, did not reply.

"I'll be back in the morning," said Caraway. "Sleep tight, angel wing."

Rinoa didn't respond, and when Caraway's footsteps were heard fading as he went down the stairs, she burst into tears again.

_Squall…_

Just then, her cell phone began to vibrate in her pocket. Rinoa sat up slowly and pulled out her phone. The name flashing on the screen in the dark was 'Leonheart'. Rinoa hesitated, wondering if she should pick up or not. Letting her bitter side get the better of her, she chose to ignore the ringing and simply held her phone until the ringing stopped.

Seconds later, she received an alert saying that she had a new voicemail. Without hesitation, she dialled for her voicemail inbox and listened to Squall's message.

"Rinoa … it's Squall. I'm sorry … I understand that you don't want to talk to me, but I hope you're safe." There was a pause, and Rinoa could tell Squall was thinking about what to say. "Please call me back…"

When the message ended, Rinoa chose to delete the message and completely ignore it. He was right when he said that she didn't want to talk to him. She wasn't planning to either.

But somewhere in her mind, she desperately wanted to call Squall back. She was grateful that he still cared … but then again, if she called him back, what was she supposed to say? She didn't have anything to say to him … not anymore...

* * *

"Thank you for coming here today, Mr Leonheart," said Vinzer Deling's son, James. "I really appreciate it." 

"It's no problem," said Squall lifelessly, as he stood up.

"I apologise for not being present yesterday at our arranged meeting time," said James, leading Squall to the door, "I hope it hasn't been too much of an inconvenience."

Squall shook his head. "No, no problem at all."

James nodded. "Good, I'm grateful." He opened the office door, and Squall headed out. "I hope to see you again soon."

"Likewise," murmured Squall.

All he wanted to do was get away from the Galbadian office and go home. He had had enough pressure for two days, he just wanted to go back to Esthar and take out all of his bottled up emotions on some monsters. It had been a while since the last time he had a good workout.

The two young leaders exchanged farewells and Squall headed out of the office. When the squeaky receptionist from yesterday said goodbye, he simply ignored her and kept on walking. He didn't sleep at all the previous night, worrying about Rinoa. He met up with Caraway at the Galbadian office that morning and was told that Rinoa was staying at the general's house. Relieved that Rinoa was safe, Squall decided that his task was over.

But it was still bothering him like crazy. He couldn't stand knowing that he hurt Rinoa, and that she was going to hate him forever. But he didn't ask for this. He only did this so Rinoa would be safe. What else was he supposed to do? Let their relationship flow, but in the end she'd be killed? It wasn't worth it. All he wanted was for her to be happy. But apparently, _he _was the one who made her happy...

_This is one sick world, _thought Squall coldly.

As he headed out of the office, he walked up to his parked car nearby. He unlocked the door and was about to get in, until in the corner of his eye, he noticed a familiar woman walking across the street and up towards him.

"Rinoa…?" Squall looked up at gaped at her, surprised that she was even within three miles of him.

Rinoa didn't have any particular emotion on her face. "Take me home, Squall," she said flatly. She opened the passenger seat door and got into the car.

Squall, bewildered that she even _spoke _to him, thanked his lucky stars that she was there. _She just wants to hitch a ride_, a voice inside his head said. Squall ignored this voice and just got into the car, trying not to stare at the raven-haired woman.

Rinoa had her hands on her lap, staring out the window absentmindedly. Squall wanted her to say something … anything. For a moment, he actually thought that Rinoa did not hate him.

"Are you gonna drive or what?" asked Rinoa, looking at Squall sternly.

Squall quickly turned away from Rinoa. "Uh … yeah, right." He fumbled with his car keys until he found the right one, and started up the car.

The whole ride was in a complete awkward silence. Squall would occasionally glance at Rinoa out of the corner of his eye, but was only met with the back of her head. She was looking out the window for the whole time, and not once did she make even the slightest sound.

Rinoa could see her soft reflection in the window, staring back at her with a blank expression. But only she could see it … only she could see the hurt hiding behind her eyes.

Just knowing that she was breathing the same oxygen as the man who hurt her deeply made her feel sick in the stomach. She wanted desperately to just open the car door and jump out and break into a run. But she didn't know what possessed her to come back to Squall and ask – or _demand _– a ride. Maybe it was the fact that she truly _wanted _to breathe the same oxygen as Squall drove her to come back to him … to see his face, to hear his voice…

A single teardrop rolled down Rinoa's cheek. She quietly sniffed, hoping that Squall didn't hear her. But no such luck.

Squall glanced at Rinoa when he heard the first sound in two hours from her. To his grief, she had sniffled, and he watched her with an anguished gaze as her hand reached up to her eyes to wipe away the tear. Squall decided to say nothing. The silence was killing him inside. Usually, he endured silence with great relief, but whenever he was around Rinoa, more than an hour's worth of silence was a bad sign.

After four hours, Squall was finally in Esthar. He headed onto the road in front of Rinoa's apartment and stopped the car, waiting for her to get out. Squall looked at her. The raven-haired woman had fallen asleep, her head resting on the window, making up for the little sleep she had the previous night.

Squall observed Rinoa in silence. She was just lying there … like a sleeping angel. He didn't want to wake her up; he wanted her to stay there forever…

"Rinoa," he heard himself say.

She stirred, and let out a stifled yawn. As she opened her eyes, she remembered where she was and mentally kicked herself for falling asleep. She quickly sat up straight and looked out the window, seeing her familiar abode.

"Thanks," she murmured, not wanting to stay there any longer. She quickly grabbed her jacket and took off her seatbelt.

Squall, leaning over and looking somewhat like a fool, was about to say something, but before he could even open his mouth, Rinoa had slammed the door shut in his face. He watched the back of her run into the apartment, until she dispersed completely. He stood there, contemplating his own actions, and was about to drive back to his office.

He noticed a tiny piece of silver left on Rinoa's seat. He leaned over and picked it up, and when he recognised the object, he felt like driving into a brick wall.

It was Rinoa's Griever ring that Squall had given her so long ago. He held it up against the sunlight, making it shine in a dazzling way. Squall was certain that the ring was not left behind by accident. It was like an unofficial 'I hate you' left from Rinoa, and if not 'I hate you' then it would have been 'I never want to see you again', 'Don't ever talk to me', 'Do me a favour and drink laundry detergent', or something along those lines at the least.

Squall sighed deeply, closing his eyes to avoid any visible agony showing up on his face. He grasped the ring tightly in his hands until his knuckles turned white. _I'm so sorry, Rinoa… _He opened his eyes, placed the ring in his pocket, and drove home.

* * *

For the rest of the week, Squall and Rinoa did not speak to each other. They didn't even see much of each other, and when they did, they acted as if they didn't know one another. Every time Squall saw her, he secretly hoped that she would say something. But she didn't. So he never said anything either. He wasn't the type of man to be the one who began conversation. 

It was one late afternoon, and Squall sat in his office alone, filing out some paperwork. It was hard to concentrate, but he managed to keep his mind focused. He was halfway finished, until there was a knock at the door.

Squall looked up, wondering whom it could've been. Usually his receptionist buzzed him if anybody was coming to see him, unless it was Ellone or one of his friends. Squall decided it must have been one of the two, so he pressed the button at his desk that allowed the electric doors to slide open.

He looked back to his paperwork, letting whoever it was come in without seeing who it actually was.

"Erm … Squall, this arrived for you," a female voice said.

The vice president looked up, and to his slight discomfort, Ashleigh was standing at his desk, holding a parcel out in front of her for him to grab. She seemed just as uncomfortable as he was, seeing as this was the first time the two of them spoke since 'the incident'.

"Oh … thanks," murmured Squall. "How come--?"

"The receptionist sent it up to me by mistake," answered Ashleigh, before Squall could finish asking the question.

Squall nodded in acknowledgement. "All right then." He put his pen down and took the parcel, wondering if he should say anything else. After all, Ashleigh wasn't the number one person he wanted to see at that very moment.

Ashleigh smiled a small smile. For an awkward moment, she just stood there with a goofy smile on her face. It was only goofy because she never smiled like that before … there was something different that day.

Squall looked away from the sharp features on her face, as pretty as they may seem, and turned back to his paperwork. This gesture brought Ashleigh back to the real world, as she wiped the smile off her face.

"Well … um … I guess I'll be going now," said Ashleigh quietly. She turned around and walked towards the door. She stopped midway and kept her back towards Squall. She closed her eyes. She could practically _smell_ Squall's hatred for her. She only hoped that Squall didn't know about what she did to Rinoa … he would have hated her even more, and that was something she didn't want. She really didn't want to go through this marriage either. Well, she _did … _but what was the point of marrying someone who hated her?

"I'm sorry, Squall," whispered Ashleigh.

Squall looked up at her, wondering if he had just imagined what Ashleigh had just said. All he saw was her standing there for a moment, and then walking out of his office.

_It's a little too late for 'sorry', _thought Squall coldly.

Ashleigh walked out of Squall's office, and as soon as she was out, she felt the dense atmosphere disappear. She was almost afraid to be around Squall now. Sighing, she glanced at her silver watch.

_Better head back, _she thought.

Ashleigh took the elevator down to the floor of the guestroom, where she was currently staying. She wondered if she was going to stay there any longer. She wondered if she and Squall would even be living together after their marriage. And if not, she wondered where she was going to go since there was basically nowhere left for her to go, like her mother had earlier explained.

She sighed again as she unlocked the door. As she entered her abode, she took off her white vest and threw it on the sofa, leaving just her slightly revealing white tank top. She flipped her amber hair over her shoulder and walked out onto the balcony. Her mother hadn't returned from wherever it was she went.

Leaning on the railing, staring out into the blood-red horizon, she tried to make sense of the emotions railing in her mind. She had never actually _thought _before … so it was a bit hard for her.

_I should be happy_, she thought, _The man of my dreams is marrying me…_

She briskly stroked her straight red hair, twirling it around her index finger. _But I'm not. Do I even love him? Did I ever love him? Did he ever love _me? _If I have to spend the rest of my life with a man that hates me … ugh … I'd rather die. _

She shuddered a bit when a breeze blew past her. _Damn … and Rinoa. I bet she hates me too. Hyne, I know she always hated me. But why should I care? Oh wait … she's a sorceress. She could just blow me into smithereens if she wanted to. _Ashleigh paused. _But she never did. And … she must've been a sorceress for like, ages now. And damn … I was kind of a bitch to her when we were living together. Why didn't she just burn me to a crisp…?_

Ashleigh suddenly felt guilty for everything she ever did to Rinoa. _And we were getting along so well at one stage as well. Hyne, we were actually friends for a while. I can't believe this … I did all that shit to her because of a guy. That's just really messed up, now that I think about it. She isn't all that bad, I guess. It makes me wonder why I was such a brat… Oh wait … I wanted to be accepted, I guess. Mother was always telling me 'whatever it takes'. She was just pushing me so much…_

She sighed. _But what am I supposed to do? It's not as if I can turn back time or anything. And I can't call off the wedding with Squall, or else mom will get angry with me. She'll probably leak Rinoa's secret too. Squall doesn't deserve that. I know how much he loves her … I mean, I'd probably do the same if it was me … if someone threatened that they'd kill Squall if I didn't marry someone else…_

Ashleigh's mind was all tangled. She didn't want to think anymore. The more she thought, the more she felt guilty. The more she felt guilty, the more she felt like doing something about it. And the more she wanted to do something about it, the more likely she _was _going to do about it and make herself look like a pile of rejected trash.

She decided to head back inside and eat dinner.

"Hello, Ashleigh."

The young woman jumped when she turned around, and to her utmost fright, she found Seifer leaning against the patio door with his arms folded.

"S-Seifer," she stammered. Knowing what kind of damage her brother was capable of, she didn't want to provoke him. She was actually _afraid _of him now. Up until now, she didn't really think he could ever pose as a threat. She tried to maintain her integrity. "What are you doing here?"

Seifer looked up at her with a careless expression. "I think you know why I'm here."

"How did you get up here?" demanded Ashleigh.

Seifer smirked. "It's not hard. I asked the receptionist if I could see you. She asked who I was, and I told her. She let me up. And your door was unlocked … so I just decided to prance in."

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes down at him. "Get out before I call security."

Seifer got off the wall and looked at her, amused. "Does this look like a face that cares?"

"What do you want, Seifer?" asked Ashleigh bitterly, "You've taken everything away from me already. My pride, my father … what else do you want from me? I've got nothing left."

Seifer glared at his sister dangerously. "Oh, yes you do. You've still got your life, and you _know _you don't deserve it."

"Excuse me?"

"You little whore, don't act innocent," he said, almost angrily. He charged up to his sister and grabbed her by the soldiers menacingly. "You say you have nothing. Everything you had in the first place was _stolen._"

Ashleigh quavered, trying to pull free from Seifer's grip. "L-Let go of me…"

"_Everything, _Ashleigh Almassy," spat Seifer, "And even now, you continue to steal from others."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Ashleigh, trying to hide any fear in her voice. She struggled to pull away from Seifer, but he was too strong for her.

Seifer pushed her against the railing of the balcony forcefully, causing her to shriek in pain as her back collided with the metal. "When will you learn that lying and cheating isn't gonna do anything for you except get you killed?" he said fiercely, backing her against the railing.

Ashleigh whimpered, afraid of what Seifer was going to do to her. "It's not my fault!" she yelped.

Seifer pushed her again, even harder. This time, he pushed her so hard that she was virtually hanging off the balcony. The only reason why she was still on ground was because he was holding her. If he were to let go … then she would plummet thirty floors onto the busy roads of Esthar…

"What did you do to Rinoa?" he asked angrily.

Ashleigh cried in fear, seeing out of the corner of her eye how far the ground was and how close she was to falling. "I…I didn't do anything…"

Seifer pushed her again to prove that he was serious. "I'm not joking around, Ashleigh." He remembered Rinoa's cries … he wasn't going to let Ashleigh get away with it again. "Even if you _are _my sister, my own flesh and blood … I'm not afraid to kill you and make it look like an accident. In fact, this is probably a bold way to die, considering I could've sliced you up into a million pieces and feed the remains to a ruby dragon…"

Ashleigh squeezed her eyes shut, feeling Seifer's hot breath on her. She could hear the buzzing of cars three hundred feet below her, and tried not to think about falling. The way Seifer was holding her made her feel paranoid … it felt like he was going to let go at any second, without warning.

"Answer me," growled Seifer, "_What did you do to Rinoa?_"

"If you kill me," breathed Ashleigh, keeping her eyes shut, "Then you'll never know what I did…"

"So you admit you did something?" said Seifer. "Well. Even if I don't know what you did, I'd still be satisfied knowing that you were _dead_. So, what'll it be? Tell me what you did and I'll let you off."

Ashleigh remained silent.

"Tell me, goddamit!" roared Seifer.

The younger woman still said nothing.

"No?" said Seifer with a weak laugh, "So … I guess it's goodbye. It's been a pleasure knowing you, sister. Not."

"WAIT!" she screamed, her breathing rapid with fear when it felt like Seifer was about to let go of her.

Seifer looked back to his sister, amused. He listened intently.

"I … I don't know what to do anymore," she said.

Seifer laughed hollowly. "That's pathetic."

"I don't care if you kill me," she said quietly, her eyes squeezed as tightly as possible. If Seifer did have every intention to kill her, she didn't want to see the world fade. "But I feel horrible. I took away everything Rinoa-san has … this one has to top the cake…"

Seifer eyed her sister suspiciously. It wasn't like her to even try to redeem herself. He had a feeling it was a trick.

"What are you talking about?" he asked narrowly.

"I … I…" A tear dropped from one of Ashleigh's closed eyes and fell down to the busy abyss below her. "I … I took away the one she loved most … I took him away from her forever…"

**A/N: **Muahaha … left a bit of a cliffie for you there. Literally o.o; For those of you who forgot, the Sierra I mentioned in this chapter is the real Sierra, the orphan-like girl. Well … I have some more sneaky plans up my sleeve. The ending is drawing near. Okay, so I said it a couple of chapters ago ... but this time, it's nearer than you think. Happy ending?...You'll just have to see :D But all of you are so damn good at convincing me to make a happy ending ... especially you, KathGriever:P Thanks for the support everyone! I really appreciate it!


	39. Forgotten Phrases

**Lost Memories of My Love**

**Chapter 39 – Forgotten Phrases  
**

Seifer glared at Ashleigh, still keeping his grip on her firm. His sister had given up trying to resist Seifer's attempts to throw her off the balcony. Because of her demeanour, Seifer did not knowwhether to believe Ashleigh's words or not. She had a habit of lying a lot … but the way she had just spoken was very convincing. The look in her face and her tone ... it was hard _not_ to believe her. Then again, it could've just been an act so he could let her off easy…

"I swear, Seifer, I … I didn't mean to," said Ashleigh quietly.

There was an eerie silence as Seifer simply held onto Ashleigh, wondering what to do with her. The younger woman's heartbeat slowed down to normal speed. She shuddered when a chilly wind blew past her, making her tawny hair whip around in the air. She let out a quiet but deep breath.

Seifer pulled Ashleigh up over the balcony and let go of her, folding his arms and keeping a close eye on her. "Continue."

Ashleigh opened her eyes, the pain in her back relieving. She straightened her clothes and flipped her hair back into place. Her gaze fell back onto Seifer, the utmost seriousness in his face.

She sighed. "Come on inside and I'll tell you."

Seifer was rather confused with Ashleigh's calm and mature behaviour. She was actually being _nice _to him. Maybe that near-death experience knocked some sense into her. But he didn't trust her completely yet. He followed her uneasily back into the house and sat himself down at the small dining room table while Ashleigh fiddled around the pantry for something to serve her guest.

_Okay … this is officially creeping me out_, thought Seifer, _What's happened to her? She's gone from a monster to a … _scary_ monster. _

"So … you mind telling me what's going on?" asked Seifer.

Ashleigh was silent at first. She waited for the water she had just poured into the kettle to finish boiling before she began to speak. "_I_ don't even know what's going on, Seifer," she said quietly.

"Really, now?" said Seifer with a smirk, "You're usually the _first _to know everything, sticking your nose into other people's business…"

Ashleigh rolled her eyes, but decided not to reply. She began making her brother some coffee silently. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even _want _to say anything…

Seifer sensed something through his sister's behaviour, and finally came to a conclusion that maybe something _had _changed. She wasn't usually like this, and being bitter to her wasn't going to make her talk. "Why don't you start from the beginning?" he asked gently.

Ashleigh tried to smile as she handed Seifer a mug of hot coffee. She sat herself down with her own mug in hand, fingering the bevelling patterns on the piece of china. "You remember Squall, right?"

Seifer snickered, taking a sip from his coffee. "Yeah, how can I forget? The _lucky man _that you were gonna marry, not to mention the guy Rinoa is so madly in love with…"

"Well," said Ashleigh slowly, "The thing is … I'm still marrying him."

Seifer stared at his sister in pure shock, his eye slightly twitching. "_What?_"

Before he could start shouting profanities and lectures at her, Ashleigh quickly tried to explain herself. "No … it's not what you think…"

She retold her story from Sera's blackmailing to Rinoa's being a sorceress. Seifer was quite amazed – even _he _didn't know that Rinoa was a sorceress. As Ashleigh's story continued, Seifer's anger grew along with his hatred for his mother. But by the way Ashleigh was talking, Seifer actually began to think that Ashleigh wasn't such a bad person after all … but he tried not to venture that far.

"…And now she's _making _me marry Squall!" cried Ashleigh.

"You sound like you don't want to," sneered Seifer.

"Well," said Ashleigh, slightly embarrassed, "I kind of don't."

"Surprising," said Seifer, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know … I really care about Squall," said Ashleigh slowly, "And now that I think about it, Rinoa isn't such a bad person either…"

"That's because she isn't," said Seifer.

Ashleigh lost herself in thought. "Well … I guess we're both driven by our care for Squall and Rinoa."

"What?"

The redhead sighed. "We are such bad people."

Seifer smirked but didn't argue, because it was true. But he wanted to make it up to Rinoa, for being such an idiot. Heck, he wanted to make it up to Squall too. Neither of them deserved this … it was too cruel…

"So what are you gonna do about it?" asked Seifer.

"_Me?_" cried Ashleigh, "What _can _I do about it? Mother said—"

"For Hyne's sake, Ashleigh," growled Seifer, "When are you gonna let go of that woman? I thought by now you'd have realised she isn't worth holding onto?"

"But—"

"_Open _your _eyes_," said Seifer, ignoring Ashleigh, "She's _using _you to get what she wants. She wants that money, that power. Can't you see that? She doesn't care about your happiness with Squall; she _never _cared about you and him being together. All she cared about was what was going in her pocket. That's the same with Caraway, she married that old man not because she loved him, but because she wanted _money_."

Ashleigh didn't say anything, absorbing what her brother was telling her. It made her think.

"So what's the point?" said Seifer, "You're following someone who doesn't even care. What would you rather? Following a selfish bitch, even if it means jeopardising your own reputation with everyone else, or following your heart and making the people you care about happy, even if it means dropping that old hag."

Ashleigh was silenced for a moment. She only just realised the truth in Seifer's words. She stared at her hands, a whole new feeling sweeping over her. "So … so what should we do?"

"Well … you wanna stop the wedding right?" said Seifer.

Ashleigh nodded. "But I don't want to make it too conspicuous."

Seifer looked thoughtful. "Well … this was what I had in mind…"

The two of them began discussing ideas of how to solve the problem. At times they would argue and fuss, pointing out the inanity of each other's ideas. But finally, they came to a rough conclusion.

"…But that's dangerous!" exclaimed Ashleigh.

"Since when did you care?" said Seifer, "It's gotta work."

"We could get into _a lot _of trouble," said Ashleigh, staring at her brother.

"Hey, I'm used to it," said Seifer, "I thought you would be too, by now."

Ashleigh's worried face turned into a mischievous, gleeful one. "All right, I'm game."

There was silence between the both of them as they just sat there in thought. Different emotions and expectations were running through their minds, both were in wonder about how their plan was going to turn out.

"Who would've thought that we'd ending up plotting together," mused Seifer suddenly.

Ashleigh looked at him, a funny fondness in her eyes. "Yeah. And for a very unlikely reason, too."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "For a sorceress and the vice president of Esthar. Yep, pretty unlikely."

Ashleigh laughed meekly. "…Thanks, Seifer."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For … everything, I guess," said Ashleigh quietly.

Seifer simply smirked in response, not expecting any kind of thanks from his sister. Deeply, he was grateful that they ended up working together. He was glad that Ashleigh _finally _found the error of her ways. He never thought that it would happen, and all his life he had secretly wished that the girl he used to call his little sister would come back again. And now that she finally did ... it felt as if a space in his heart had been filled...

In the midst of the silence, loud footsteps were suddenly heard heading down the hallway. Ashleigh wiped the goofy smile off her face and immediately looked panicked.

"It's mother! She's home!" she said.

Seifer quickly stood up, knocking over the remains of his coffee in the process. He tried to take no notice of it. He didn't want to be detected, because if Sera found him in her house conversing with _Ashleigh_, then she would most likely know something was up. And if she knew something was up ... then their plan was not going to work out very well...

"Oh shit, what am I supposed to do?" groaned Seifer, looking around frantically.

Ashleigh got up and also began looking around. _There's no way out… _Her fear only rose when the footsteps were getting closer. She bit her bottom lip nervously. She saw her mother's shadow down the hallway and her heart skipped beats.

"Ashleigh, where are you?"

Seifer gave Ashleigh a desperate look. The redhead quickly grabbed Seifer by the arm and opened the pantry door behind her. She threw Seifer in hurriedly, only to hear tins and packets of food falling down. Seifer huddled himself together hastily and Ashleigh slammed the door shut, leaning against it protectively.

To her slight relief, her mother came into the kitchen just as she stood her ground. She tried to look casual, but standing in front of a pantry in a protective stance was not exactly _casual._

"What are you doing, Ashleigh?" asked Sera suspiciously.

"Um … nothing, mother," said Ashleigh nervously.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Oh … I was just on the phone, that's all," said Ashleigh quickly.

Seifer tried to hold his breath to avoid Sera finding him. He knew that his mother could practically smell fear. But he wasn't scared … just uncomfortable. He was squashed up in a strange-smelling pantry and desperately wanted to move.

"All right," said Sera slowly. Her eyes darted to the spilt coffee that was on the table.

"Erm … don't mind the mess, I'll clean it up later," said Ashleigh quickly.

"Did you have guests over…?"

Ashleigh remembered that there were to cups of coffee there. "Uh … no, I just wanted to two cups of coffee for myself."

Sera stared at Ashleigh as if she were crazy. "All right … well I'm just going to take a nap now…"

Ashleigh nodded with enthusiasm. "Yes, go ahead!"

Sera walked out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, keeping a suspicious eye on her daughter as she went. When Ashleigh saw the door close, she let out a sigh of relief, got off the door and opened it, letting Seifer out for some air.

"Damn, that's some place I never wanna go in again," said Seifer, collecting himself.

"Shh, she'll hear us," hissed Ashleigh, "You have to leave now."

"Fine," mumbled Seifer, "We have to put some more thought into our plan…"

Ashleigh nodded, leading Seifer down the hall and to the door. "Okay … meet me at the café across the street tomorrow afternoon…"

Seifer nodded in agreement. "All right … I'll see you later." He opened the door and left without another word, leaving Ashleigh in stunned thought.

_And now I wonder how he and I went wrong_, thought Ashleigh.

* * *

Eventually, months passed slowly as the long days dragged on. As the seasons changed, so did its children. The passing time was in complete misery – after the news of Squall and Ashleigh still marrying, the joy seemed to be sucked out of everyone. Everyone except Sera, of course. But nobody seemed to be more affected by the droning sadness than Squall and Rinoa themselves. The both of them stopped talking to each other, and eventually stopped seeing each other. It was as if they had never met. 

As time went by, their wounds stayed the same. They did not heal, nor did they deepen. It seemed as if they both just left their wounds there until they died of emotional bleeding. Nobody knew what to do. Nobody even dared to do anything. All they wanted was to move on … and moving on was harder than anybody had ever expected.

It was the day before Squall and Ashleigh's expected marriage. Rinoa was walking along the sandy shores of Balamb beach alone, trying to wash away the uneasy feeling inside of her. Strangely, she felt no emotion at this time. All she felt was emptiness. It seemed her sadness dried up, and this was the aftermath.

The quiet morning held a patchy grey sky, blotched with silver-white clouds and little sunlight. A cool breeze swept across the beach, whipping Rinoa's raven hair side to side. She had her shoes off, enjoying the cold tingle of the ocean at her feet. The beach seemed abandoned – winter was an unpopular time for the students at Garden to inhabit it, even if Balamb winters were nowhere near as freezing as any other place in the world.

Rinoa closed her eyes as she stood on the shoreline, absorbing what her senses fed her. She couldn't help but venture into the depths of her newly found memory at all the joyous times she shared with Squall on the beach. Even in the emptiness inside her, Squall still remained a part of her. She wanted to let go … but it was too difficult. It was like he was inside her no matter what…

_'Squall … you're so warm…' _

She remembered the time they were on the beach at night. Squall had given her a ride on his back because Rinoa was dead tired and cold. They were both drenched to the bone, and Rinoa was shivering madly. Squall made her feel warmer, not to mention he jolted her senses like no other person…

_'You caught me…' _

A new, fond memory overwrote the old one. Squall and Rinoa were on the beach on the same day. They were still innocent teenagers … just going to the beach for fun. Rinoa had stolen Squall's ring, and finally Squall caught her. He was lying on top of her, inching closer to her face…

'_Love will always return.'_

The two young lovers were talking on the beach. They were playing with Rinoa's pinwheel, and Squall thought up an extraordinary theory about love. He told her to remember it always … and so she did. But now … she failed to believe his words. She tried her best to trust what Squall had told her, but even trying couldn't help.

"Squall…" she murmured softly.

Rinoa opened her eyes, and a new emotion was born inside of her. The emptiness she felt was replaced with something else. What was it? It seemed like a mixture of anger and sadness at the same time. But it was much more than that. Everything seemed to fall down on her; it was like the weight of the world crushing her shoulders.

Everything she ever felt and remembered swallowed her mind. Images of Ashleigh, Sera and Seifer appeared in front of her. Strings of words entranced her ears. More people blurred her eyes … Squall, Min, Caraway, her friends…. Broken dialogue encircled her hearing. Voices … so many voices … so many people … so many images…

_'It was an accident, I swear!' _

'_Leave me alone.'_

'_Whatever.'_

'_You little wench…'_

'_Hey Sierra…'_

'_I'm not Rinoa.'_

'_I…I _am _Rinoa…'_

'_Rinoa!'_

'_Rin…'_

'_Rinoa-san!'_

'_I love you … Rinoa.'_

_Ashleigh and Squall were in their wedding clothes. The couple kissed each other passionately, entranced in each other's lips. _

'_I love you, Ashleigh.'_

Rinoa screamed. She let out an agonising cry, trying to drown out the pounding in her ears. She fell to her knees, letting out piercing sobs of pain. Her blood began to boil. She began to tremble madly. Her hands gripped at the sand below her, knuckles turning white. She quickly opened her eyes. They were fiery red, flickering with fury. White wings sprouted from her back and lifted her into the air. She had no control over her body. Everything was just a blur.

Rinoa yelled again. She was above the ocean now. She could feel emotions running through her blood, surging around her body. She tried to fight it, but it was too strong. Lightning began to strike as the sorceress within her began casting rogue spells. The ocean stirred, as the waves crashed even more. She stayed in midair and began to destroy everything around her – not that there was much to do destroy.

"Rinoa!"

_That voice… _Rinoa tried to remember whose voice it was. _Oh … it's Squall … what's he doing here…? _Her fiery eyes darted in the direction of the voice. Her eyes told her it was just some human being, but her mind told her it was Squall. She raised her arm, readying to cast a spell on him.

_Squall … help me_, she thought frantically.

"Rinoa, it's me, Squall! Calm down!" shouted Squall.

_Calm … Rinoa stop what ever you're doing_, she told herself. _Stop it I said!_

"Rinoa … please…"

The integrity in Squall's voice seemed to trigger something within her. Her body appeared to respond, as suddenly her eyes faded back into her chocolate ones, and the wings from her back disappeared. But that only caused her to fall from the sky and right into the middle of the ocean.

Rinoa let out a cry as soon as she was in contact with the icy water. The ocean stung at her eyes and pricked at her skin. She tried to get above the water, but it was too deep. She let out a muted scream, but all she was met with was water entering her mouth. Her blood was throbbing in her veins, while her heart raced and her mind pounded uncontrollably.

Suddenly, she saw Squall in the ocean with her. A quick feeling of déjà vu overcame her, but she hastily brushed it aside. She called out Squall's name, but was met with silence. He swam towards her, urgency in his eyes. She screamed his name again, but choked on her own breath as salty water entered her mouth. Her chest felt heavy. Everything was black.

She felt nothing.

* * *

"Rinoa…" 

Rinoa stirred. The voice was echoing in her mind. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt heavy. She was numb with cold. She could taste salt in her mouth. Her chest was tight and she could feel her heart beating. But she couldn't feel her breath…

"Rinoa…"

Suddenly, she felt air gush down her throat and into her lungs. Rinoa coughed up water and her eyes flickered open, only to see Squall's heavenly face above her. His hair and face were wet, and his stormy eyes looked deep into hers with concern. It seemed that he had just resuscitated her. He gave her the kiss of life…

Rinoa sat up, and coughed some more. She was drenched to the bone. She shivered wildly, trembling uncontrollably. Her wet hair clung to her face, and she tried to avoid Squall's eyes.

"What … what happened?" asked Rinoa croakily.

Squall took off his jacket and wrapped it around Rinoa protectively. "You went Angel Wing … then you had control over yourself again, but fell into the ocean…"

Rinoa rubbed her aching forehead. "What … what are you doing here?"

Squall sat back on the sand in front of her, trying to catch her eyes. "I was … looking for you."

Rinoa looked at Squall. She couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked when he was wet. She quickly shrugged the thought off her shoulders and huddled closer into Squall's jacket.

"Why…?" asked Rinoa.

Squall shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know … so we could talk. Hang out, maybe. Be friends…"

_Friends_… Rinoa didn't know how to react. She was grateful Squall still cared, but was disappointed that they could only 'be friends'. She would have turned the offer down, seeing as how she really didn't want to speak to Squall on the day before his wedding. But since he just saved her life … she was indebted to him…

Rinoa weakly smiled at him. "All right…"

Squall was surprised with Rinoa's answer but didn't question it. Instead, he smiled back at her gratefully. He stood up and gave her a hand. She grabbed it, stood up and followed him to his car.

The early morrow turned into day. Surprisingly, the two of them had a more enjoyable time than expected. They forgot about their issues with each other and just had fun. Squall took Rinoa to a fair in Centra, and talked and enjoyed themselves as if there was nothing wrong. They would eat, go on rides, play games and talk without a single quarrel. The day seemed endless, but eventually, it did come to an end. As night fell, the both of them headed away from the busy fair.

"So … where to now?" asked Squall.

Rinoa took a bite from her cotton candy stick. "How about…" She looked thoughtful. "The lighthouse."

Squall raised an eyebrow, wondering why she picked such a place.

"It's nearby, isn't it?" said Rinoa, sensing what Squall was thinking.

Squall nodded. "All right … the lighthouse then."

The both of them walked to the orphanage and sat themselves in the flower field, where many fond memories lay. Rinoa huddled her knees closer to her chest and watched as the stars appeared in the sky, one by one, lighting up the night. Squall simply watched her in silence.

Not one word was exchanged between the both of them, as they simply acknowledged one another's presence. Rinoa felt drawn to Squall, as did Squall to Rinoa. But they didn't express it to one another at all … they were too afraid to.

"I … I don't want today to end," said Rinoa quietly.

And indeed she didn't. She loved Squall so much … she didn't want to lose him forever. They had such a great time together that day, forgetting about the next day to come. But as the fun came to an end, so did their fantasy of having time freeze to avoid destiny. Reality bit them back … and it hurt.

"Neither do I," murmured Squall.

Rinoa looked at Squall. She wanted to question him; she wanted to ask that same question that had been dancing at the tip of her tongue. She wanted to ask him _why_. Why was he going through with something if he said he didn't want to? Sure, it was like him to follow orders ... but this was just ridiculous...

Instead, she said nothing. She was afraid of the answer. "Squall … do you have to go through with tomorrow…?"

Squall slowly nodded his head sadly. "I'm … I'm sorry, Rin. But … today … I just wanted to have you speaking to me again. Because I don't want you hating me forever … if you did, then I could never live with myself…"

Rinoa weakly smiled, not knowing what else to do. "I … I could never _hate _you, Squall…"

Squall nodded. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again. Fighting against his conscience, he finally decided to say what was on his mind. "So … if that's the case … I … I wanted to ask you to come to the … the wedding tomorrow..."

Rinoa looked taken aback. _After all this … he wants to me to see him marry another woman? He's crueller than I thought…_

"But I understand if you don't want to," said Squall quickly, sensing the hurt in Rinoa's eyes. "I mean, I don't want to tear you up or anything … I just … want you there … because…" He trailed off in thought. _Because I need you…_

Rinoa nodded slowly in understanding. "It's okay…" She pursed her lips together. "I … I understand. I'll … I'll be there…"

Squall smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you … Rinoa."

There was silence again, as they simply stared at each other. In the eerie quietness, it felt as if they were both drowning in each other's deep eyes, because that was how much they stared at one another.

"Oh, and there's something I wanted to give you," said Squall quietly, breaking the silence.

Rinoa cocked her head in curiosity. "Really…?"

Squall nodded. He took her hand and held it in his. He reached into his pocket, and slipped a ring on her right hand. It was Griever.

Rinoa looked up at him, on the verge of tears. She didn't know what this meant. She had given it back to him for a reason … it was because she didn't want a constant reminder of him. Him giving it back meant something completely new… "What…?"

"Keep it," said Squall, "It's of no use to me. It was made for _you_, Rinoa … and I thought that you'd keep it forever, no matter what…"

"But…" Rinoa looked at the ring, shimmering in the moonlight.

"It can be our symbol of friendship," said Squall, "Y'know … just friends. And … I can still be your knight and everything … I mean, there's no rule in the book that said a sorceress's knight can't be her friend…"

_He doesn't know how much that hurts_, thought Rinoa sadly. But she conceded his efforts to keep them alive, even if it was just as friends.

"Th-thanks, Squall," said Rinoa quietly.

Squall nodded with a meek smile. He looked deep into her eyes. He could tell a million tears had gone by, and hoped that those beautiful brown eyes were finally dry. But inside that hope, there was great doubt as well.

"And … there's one more thing I wanted to give you … before we're officially just friends," said Squall.

Rinoa looked up at him with a quiet smile, but behind that smile was the deepest sorrow. "What is it…?"

Squall sighed. "Rinoa…" He looked away for a split second, but turned back to her again, looking straight in her earthen eyes. He took her in his arms and in a flash, placed his lips on Rinoa's, sending shivers throughout his body.

Rinoa's eyes widened, as she was caught off guard. This was rather unexpected. As much as she wanted to pull away, she wanted even more to accept Squall's gift. It was the last time she can ever call him hers … and she wanted to embrace it…

Rinoa wrapped her arms around Squall and closed her eyes, pressing her lips back onto Squall's. She deepened their shared passion and felt tingly all over. She forgot the last time they ever kissed … it seemed like forever ago…

Their kiss felt like it lasted for eternity. Rinoa felt so happy … she couldn't believe how light she felt, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. She couldn't believe how much she loved Squall, and how much he loved her. But then she remembered that their love was forbidden … and tomorrow, Squall was going to marry her stepsister. She remembered how she lost him so many times, and now that she finally found him, she was going to lose him again…

Suddenly, the deep kiss that Squall had planted on her felt painful. She withdrew her mouth away from Squall, as tears began to dwell in her eyes. She kept her arms around Squall, holding onto him tightly, and her face fell onto his chest, letting out all the pain and dire feeling inside of her.

Squall was slightly disappointed that their kiss came to an end, but could understand why Rinoa was so upset. He held her tightly and just wanted to kill himself, as Rinoa's cries rung in his ears.

"I'm …I'm so sorry, Rinoa," he murmured in her hair.

Rinoa simply cried some more. She heard Squall's words and tried to believe them, but it was difficult. She didn't want the next day to come … she knew she was going to fall apart without Squall … and just the mere thought of him being with someone else made her cry even more…

"I love you, Squall," sobbed Rinoa. "I … love you so much…"

**A/N:** I'm sorry everyone, I'm milking this for all it's worth, aren't I? But I hope this chapter was enjoyable :) And Queen Adreena ... I think I update so quickly with such a long chapter because I lack an exciting life XD But yeah, I will try to update as soon as possible ... the next chapter will be the last, I hope, if things go according to plan ... anyways, thank you for the nice reviews everyone. I appreciate it :)


	40. Behind the Veil

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 40 – Behind the Veil**

Squall stood in front of the mirror lifelessly, just staring at his reflection. He was dressed in his black wedding tux; looking handsome with his neat attire, perfect complexion, but still holding his somewhat scruffy hair. Feeling unsatisfied with himself, he fixed his bowtie and combed his hair some more. But still, he looked wrong. He _felt _wrong…

He tried to think of a way to get out of the wedding with Ashleigh. Everything crossed his mind, but no matter what he thought of, all of his answers had something wrong with them. There was no way to get out of it. Either way, Rinoa was going to lose. Rinoa was the victim no matter what. He wanted to grab his gunblade and just kill somebody … he couldn't believe that he let something like this happen. He promised that he would protect Rinoa no matter what. Somehow, he had failed her. But then again, in a way, he fulfilled that promise…

He hadn't spoken to Ashleigh for a while now. He wondered how their marriage was going to work. He didn't know how she felt about him, but he was sure that he had a strong dislike for her. Or at least, he thought he did. When she had said sorry to him so long ago, he tried to brush it off, but somehow it stuck to his mind like glue. He considered a divorce straight after their marriage, but a divorce could still drive Sera to spread Rinoa's secret.

"Are you ready, Squall?"

Squall turned around at the sound of a new voice. He found Ellone at his door, dressed in an elegant white bride's maid dress. She was Ashleigh's maid of honour. Ellone's dark hair was up neatly in a loose bun with diamonds encrusted around the hair band, and the make up she wore highlighted her porcelain features. She held a small, delicate smile on her face.

"The wedding isn't for another four hours, Elle," sighed Squall.

"I know," said Ellone quietly, "I'm asking if you're ready … for the short journey I'm about to take you on…"

"What?"

"…I'm sorry, Squall," whispered Ellone.

Before Squall could say anything, he felt his head throb. His heart began to race and his blood pumped faster than usual. His vision became hazy and a deafening screeching sound pierced at his ears. He collapsed on one knee, trying to endorse the pain.

"Urghh … Ellone … not now," Squall moaned.

Before he knew it, Squall had blacked out on the floor of his room. Strange colours and shapes fluttered around his mind, blinding his senses. Suddenly, he found himself in a familiar environment. The room he was in was painted a tranquil blue, and the lighting illuminated the room.

He looked around, wondering where and why Ellone had taken him at such a time. He was too used to Ellone's power, and knew better than to try and get out of the past she wanted to show him. As his eyes wandered around, he found that the bedroom had belonged to Rinoa in the Caraway mansion.

"…What are you doing?"

The voice immediately caught Squall's attention. He looked over to one of the beds, where Rinoa and Ashleigh had suddenly appeared. He folded his arms and leaned against Rinoa's wardrobe, watching the two stepsisters with veiled interest. He might as well have gotten comfortable, seeing as how neither of them could see him.

"That's not going to wash out!" cried Rinoa angrily.

"I don't care," grumbled Ashleigh.

Rinoa snatched something from her stepsister furiously. Squall peered over Ashleigh's shoulder to get a better look at what was going on. For a moment, he wasn't sure, but what he saw did not take long for him to process. His eyes widened when he recognised the object Rinoa snatched from Ashleigh as the dress he had given to her so long ago. The pure white dress was no longer pure, but drenched in black ink along the waistline.

Squall tried to piece together what was going on, however it was difficult for him. Was this why Rinoa never wore that dress? She had told him that it was too small-fitting … why did she lie to him?

Rinoa ran to the dressing table and frantically began spraying water on the dress. "Why in Hyne's name did you do that for?" she exclaimed, vigorously scrubbing at the dress.

"So you can't wear that fricking dress anymore," growled Ashleigh, "It's ugly. I'm doing you a favour."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" demanded Rinoa, throwing the dress on the floor in anger. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I. Don't. Like. You," said Ashleigh bluntly.

Before Squall had time to process what was happening in front of him, the scene of Rinoa's room suddenly dispersed. He found himself not leaning against the wardrobe anymore, but now leaning against the wall at the back of the room.

Squall looked around and accepted his surroundings, trying to figure out where he was now. He soon came to realise that he was in a classroom at Balamb Garden. At that moment, people came into view. A younger Quistis was standing at the front of the room, teaching the class. More unfamiliar faces of students were in front of him, but then he noticed Rinoa sitting in the second last row, in front of Ashleigh. They were all whispering, but Squall could barely make out what they were saying.

"Do you know what you what you're wearing tonight, Ash?" asked one of Ashleigh's friends.

"No, I was going to wear the dress from the dinner we went to together," said Ashleigh, "But my big sister spilled ink all over it. She said it was an accident, but I bet she did it on purpose. But I forgave her anyway…"

"Jeez, what a bitch," murmured another of Ashleigh's friends.

Squall felt taken aback when he heard that. He distinctly remembered from the previous scenario that it was in fact _Ashleigh _that spilled all over the dress that _Squall _gave to _Rinoa, _and _Ashleigh _had worn _Rinoa's _dress. Not only that, she lied and said that the dress belonged to her, when it didn't, _and _she had spilled ink all over the dress so Rinoa would never be able to wear it again. If this hadn't angered Squall enough, the fact that Ashleigh told her friends that it was _Rinoa _that ruined _her own _dress added more fuel to the fire beginning to burn within him, and the 'jeez, what a bitch' comment was not very pleasing either.

The Garden classroom began to vanish, and in its place came Rinoa's house again. Sera and Ashleigh were standing with their arms folded, and Rinoa was heading up the stairs in a hurry.

"You're going to the airport, aren't you?" demanded Sera.

Rinoa said nothing and continued up the stairs.

"You aren't going anywhere!" shouted Sera menacingly, "I know you're just going to hop onto the next flight to Esthar without your father's approval!"

Rinoa turned around, wide-eyed. "No, I'm not! I swear!"

Sera headed up the stairs after her stepdaughter and grabbed her by the arm. "You can't fool me, you little wench." Her grip tightened as she dragged Rinoa toward the linen closet.

"Let me go!" screamed Rinoa.

Rinoa's cries for mercy seemed futile, as Sera opened the closet door with her free hand. Squall wanted so desperately to pull Rinoa away from Sera and hold her in his arms. He knew what this day was … this was the day he and his friends were going to Esthar.

He ran up to Rinoa angrily, trying to free her from her stepmother. But reality hurt him so much when his hands went straight through Rinoa, as if she were thin air. His insides churned, knowing that Rinoa was right in front of him, in trouble, and he couldn't do a thing to help her.

Sera thrust Rinoa into the closet and slammed the door shut, locking it. Rinoa's muffled screams and bangs against the wood came from within.

"NO! Let me out!" yelled Rinoa, her voice trembling and full of distress, "LET ME OUT!"

Squall gasped aloud, and ran into the closet, walking right through the door. He watched in dismay as Rinoa continued to bang against the door, calling for someone to free her. The sight wounded Squall … he couldn't believe this had happened. Why didn't he know about this? All of this pain that Rinoa endured behind Squall's back was mauling him … he really thought that the both of them would bleed and cry _together_, not the other way around.

Rinoa finally stopped banging against the door, and her screams turned into sobs. She slumped down against the closet door and huddled her knees closer to her chest, crying into her hands. As if it was programmed inside of him, Squall sat himself down next to Rinoa and tried to put his arm around Rinoa to comfort her. But to no avail … Squall's arm went straight through Rinoa as if she weren't there.

The anger and realisation inside of him made him want to scream. He couldn't believe how blind he was. He couldn't believe he couldn't see the pain in Rinoa's eyes so long ago. Knowing this now, he felt like killing himself.

Rinoa gripped at the ring hanging on the chain around her neck, wiping a silver tear away.

"I'm … I'm so sorry, Squall," she sobbed.

Squall found his voice. He ignored the fact that Rinoa couldn't hear him. "No … _I'm _sorry, Rinoa…"

Rinoa let out another sob, and with that, the scene began to change again. The dark atmosphere of the linen closet faded, and the den of the Caraway mansion came into play. Squall still found himself sitting on the floor, however he was alone. He looked around, and saw Sera fiddling with the telephone.

"Why are you disconnecting the phone line?"

Squall averted his gaze from Sera and found his eyes wandering to a newly arrived Rinoa. She seemed to have a disconcerted look pasted on her face, with her arms folded and a concealed sadness within her eyes that only Squall could spot.

"I'm not _disconnecting _it," snapped Sera, picking up the telephone in her hands. "I'm moving it to my room."

"Why?" asked Rinoa, as if it were the craziest thing ever.

"So you can't use it, of course."

"But…!" Rinoa's passive state suddenly flipped as her eyes widened in horror.

"You'll be distracted from your studies," said Sera simply.

"How so?" cried Rinoa.

"You'll be talking to the Loire boy," said Sera placidly.

Squall's insides churned when he realised whom Sera was talking about. This didn't sound good.

"Squall…?" said Rinoa slowly, "He's leaving for four years! I can't _not _talk to him…"

"Then the Loire boy will be distracted," said Sera, "He's learning to be president of a country for Hyne's sake."

"_Bull shit_," muttered Squall under his breath, shaking his head in disgust.

"Don't think I don't know anything, Rinoa, _sweetie_," said Sera sharply. "I know everything about you. _You_ and the Loire boy."

"Stop calling him that!" said Rinoa, raising her voice. "His name is Squall. Squall _Leonhart_."

"That's right," murmured Squall.

Suddenly, things were making more sense to him. Before he could think about it any further, the den faded and the Caraways' front lawn took its place. Rinoa and Sera had disappeared, and at first there was no sound or movement coming from the scene. Squall picked himself up, not knowing whether something was going to happen or not, but before he knew it, Ashleigh had appeared by the mailbox, flipping through some of the mail in her hands.

"Caraway … Caraway … junk … bill … bill…" she murmured to herself, going through the envelopes. "Caraway … junk…" She paused after shuffling the last few letters. "_Rinoa?_"

Squall watched keenly at the scenario before him, wondering what kind of crazy thing would happen. He walked closer towards Ashleigh from behind, peering over her shoulder at what she was holding. He was glad that he was invisible in this world.

Ashleigh turned the envelope around. To Squall's interest, it was addressed from himself to Rinoa. He heard the girl smirk, as she tore the envelope open and unfolded the fine paper. Squall narrowed his eyes at this gesture, not liking this one bit.

"Is there anything for me?"

Squall looked up and found Rinoa heading out of the front door, her arms folded in her passive yet moody stance again. Ashleigh jumped in surprise and also looked up at Rinoa, folding up the paper and putting it back in the envelope.

"No, there's nothing for you," said Ashleigh flatly, walking straight past Rinoa and into the house.

"Hyne," groaned Squall angrily, shaking his head in disgust. He really couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Were these all the awful things that were happening behind Squall's back? He still couldn't believe he had never even known about them…

The Caraways' front yard disappeared into nothingness, and Rinoa's bedroom once again came into view. Rinoa appeared out of nowhere, kneeling on the floor and fiddling with something. Squall walked up to the illusionary girl to take a closer look. What he saw didn't cease to amaze him. She was holding a photograph; one that was torn into two … but it wasn't just any photograph. It was the photograph of Squall and Rinoa in each other's arms, smiling warmly.

It didn't take long for Squall to realise that it must have been Ashleigh, or Sera who had torn the photograph up. Because by judging from Rinoa's expression, she did not seem too happy about it, and was mending it as carefully as she could with tape. Squall let out an angry sigh, watching Rinoa fix her messy cupboard full of memories in silence.

"_What _are you _doing_?"

Both Rinoa and Squall turned around, and found Ashleigh at the door with her arms folded disapprovingly.

"What does it look like?" snapped Rinoa, "I'm putting all the stuff you stole back to where it belongs."

"You're going through my things?" cried Ashleigh, walking into the room.

"_Your _things?" exclaimed Rinoa in utter disbelief, "These are _MY _things! _YOU _were the one who stole them!'

"Shut your mouth," growled Ashleigh, "You just left these things lying around. This is _my_ room too. Whatever is in here is considered my property also."

Rinoa stood up angrily. "How can you say that?" shouted Rinoa, "You wouldn't destroy your own property, would you!"

"I didn't _destroy _anything," snarled Ashleigh, taking a step closer to Rinoa. "You're getting confused with _destroy _and _adjust_."

"ADJUST?" repeated Rinoa furiously, "You flaming _bitch! _You just don't know when to quit, do you? Is it your _duty _to make my life a living hell?"

"How dare you!" shrieked Ashleigh, "You call me a _bitch_? Who's the little _whore _two-timing your boyfriend, _Squall_?"

Squall almost jumped when he heard his name, not to mention the fact that Ashleigh was accusing Rinoa of two-timing. Although his jaw dropped in shock, his mind simply did not believe it.

"What the hell are you talking about?" demanded Rinoa, looking outraged.

_My thoughts exactly_, thought Squall, slightly relieved that Rinoa had said that. He knew about sibling rivalry … but this was just ridiculous…

When he thought that something else was going to happen, Rinoa's bedroom once again disappeared. Squall braced himself for what was going to happen next – he was sure that things were going from bad to worse. Suddenly, it was nighttime and Squall found himself on the streets of Deling. He was standing on the sidewalk, the chilly air almost too real to be an illusion.

"Squall!"

Squall turned slightly to his right, to find Rinoa standing on the edge of the path with her back facing him. He titled his head in wonder, not recognising this moment. But when he looked into the direction Rinoa was staring at, it all came back to him. He saw himself on Deling Bridge, staring down at Rinoa with an easy smile. Next to him was Quistis, and behind him were Irvine, Selphie and Zell.

_No … I don't want to see this again_, thought Squall bitterly. _Why, Ellone…? _

"Rinoa!" yelled Quistis with a smile, waving back at the raven-haired woman.

Squall glanced at Rinoa, who was waving with the utmost enthusiasm at her friends. He looked back at his friends and 'himself'. But the happiness he saw in himself made him shudder … it looked so real, so genuine … but at the time, he had no idea that it would be the last moment he could see Rinoa…

"You're looking as beautiful as ever, Rin!" called Irvine.

"Yeah? You're all looking pretty fine yourself!"

"So, how're things, Rin?" yelled Zell.

"Absolutely, positively … wonderful!" Rinoa shouted back.

"Why are we still up here?" screamed Selphie, "And why are you still over there!"

Rinoa laughed. "I don't know! I'm just so happy to see you guys again!"

"And I'm … _we're _… happy to see you too," called out Squall.

Squall shuddered again at the sound of his voice. Something about it discomforted him. Maybe it was because he had been so miserable in Esthar for those four years he was away, and that was the first time he was actually _happy_. For those few short moments, he was _happy _… after four years of misery, five seconds worth of joy was welcoming. But that moment of joy … it only ended up with more pain, more grief when he found out Rinoa had 'died'…

"Well … what are you waiting for?" yelled Quistis.

"Nothing!" said Rinoa excitedly.

Squall watched himself and his friends disappear as the five of them darted down the stairs of the bridge to meet Rinoa. He folded his arms and looked away from the empty bridge, and back towards Rinoa. He sighed, waiting for it to happen … waiting for that dreaded moment that he did not want to re-live…

Rinoa bolted off the sidewalk in excitement; her arms wide open in preparation for a hug. All of a sudden, a dark blue car sped from around the corner and down the road. Rinoa did not see it. Everything was happening too fast for Squall to handle.

"Shit … RINOA!" shouted Squall. He ran across the street and towards Rinoa, forgetting that all of this was an illusion. He didn't think that he would actually see the way Rinoa _died _… and now that he _was _seeing it, he felt his heart throb in his chest.

As Squall reached Rinoa, he pushed her out of the way defensively, but only to be met with the cold, hard asphalt when he went straight through the transparent girl. As he came into physical contact with the road, it felt as if his senses were knocked back into him when he remembered he had no control over the events taking place.

_Crash_.

The noise almost made Squall's eardrums shatter. He quickly picked himself up and whirled around, and to his sheer horror, he found Rinoa lying on the ground, covered in blood. He ran up to her, almost afraid to see the sight, but the curiosity within him took control of his body. He kneeled down beside the sorceress, his eyes almost filling with tears at what he saw.

Rinoa … his _pure _Rinoa … she was on the ground, eyes shut, her joyful look dispersed and replaced with an empty one. Crimson stains were all over her dress, her arm oozing with blood. An enormous bruise swelled on her elbow, and the back of her head was bleeding uncontrollably. In her hand was a photograph … it was the torn photograph of her and Squall, submerged in blood.

Squall clenched his fist in anger, not bearing to see Rinoa in this condition and not being able to do a thing about it. His hand made his way towards her bloodied face, and to his amazement, it did not go straight through her like it did all the other times. Not caring why this was, he caressed her beautiful hair, stroking her pale skin, the feeling sending shivers up his spine.

Suddenly, the door of the blue car swung open. Squall looked up with a start, and the person who was getting out almost made his heart stop. It had to be a dream. It couldn't have been real. But seeing all of those flashbacks from before did not make this any more unbelievable than it could've been.

Squall stood up slowly, staring at the redhead with a stony gaze. He backed away, wondering what Ashleigh was going to do. She looked frightened and disoriented. But most of all, she had a look of splurging guilt stamped across her face. Squall knew straight away that this was no accident, and that only infuriated him even more.

Ashleigh leaned over the body with a clear look of terror. She hesitated, and finally picked up Rinoa's limp body, getting blood all over her white suit in the process. The redhead rushed back to her car with one of Rinoa's arms wrapped around her shoulder, and threw Rinoa's body into the backseat. She slammed the door shut and got into the front, still terrified. With that, she sped down the road again until she was out of sight.

Squall stood there numbly, not knowing what to think or say. He looked back to the mysterious pool of blood on the road, which was not so mysterious to him anymore. Suddenly, footsteps pounded down the staircase of the bridge, and he found his illusionary self at the bottom of the stairs, pleasantly smiling … but that pleasant smile turned upside down in almost an instant.

Squall couldn't believe how quickly those events had happened. _All of that _occurred whilst he and his friends were running down the stairs to meet Rinoa. She was run over by her own stepsister in only a couple of seconds, and taken away mysteriously, without them even _knowing_. It was so unbelievable that he _had to _believe it.

As Squall stood there, a lone figure in the night, Deling began to morph. Slowly, it disintegrated and a new environment took its place. The place Squall found himself in was unfamiliar to him – he had never seen it before in his life. He looked around, to find a small, cosy room with a single bed by a window and a chair beside it. The window was left open, and beyond the curtains was the visible night sky.

People began to magically appear in the room. A flaxen haired man sat in the chair with his arms folded, and in the bed was a woman wrapped in bandages. Squall recognised the woman straight away as Rinoa, and the man to be Seifer … but to him, he was still _Marcel._

Silence filled the room, and Squall shifted positions to get a closer look at things. The only thing to be heard was the loud ticking of the clock on the wall, and Rinoa's _very _shallow breathing.

_This must be that time when he nursed her back to health after 'the incident'_, thought Squall, recalling what Seifer had told him at one of their dinners.

Suddenly, Seifer got out of his chair and stretched with a yawn. It seemed that he was sitting there for a very long time. As he put his arms down, he stood over Rinoa, peering down at her with an expressionless face.

"Curaga," he murmured.

Squall looked at Seifer with curiosity. He wondered what was going to happen. Somehow, he felt a tinge of jealousy that Seifer was able to be present in Rinoa's time of need and Squall wasn't. He wondered if this was how the two of them became a couple. And that only made him feel a lot stranger.

"Curaga," said Seifer again, watching the twinkling blue aura dance on Rinoa's body. It had no effect. "Curaga. Curaga! Curaga! CURAGA!"

It appeared that Seifer was out of magic, and took his position back in his seat again. He sat silently, watching Rinoa's motionless body. Squall did also.

Rinoa stirred. At this slight sign of movement, Seifer got up with a start and peered over her again.

"Cure!" said Seifer, as sparkling green particles fell onto Rinoa.

At this, Rinoa's eyes fluttered open, and Squall felt his heart skip beats. She attempted to sit up, but let out a loud wince when she was met with a searing pain in her chest.

"Rinoa!" roared Seifer, "Don't move … it'll open your wounds."

_What? So he did know that she was Rinoa? _Squall blinked, in a daze. All this time he thought that Seifer had found Rinoa unconscious, and wanted to help her out, and when he didn't know who she was he had made up an identity to keep her safe. But, that didn't seem to be the case … and that was very alarming to Squall.

"Rinoa…?" said Rinoa slowly, laying back down. "Who's … who's Rinoa?" She paused. "Am … am I … Rinoa?"

"N-No," said Seifer uneasily, "You're not Rinoa."

Squall felt his jaw clench along with his fist. His temper was beyond boiling point, and if this weren't an illusion, he would have smashed Seifer to bits.

"Then … then who am I? What's my name? W-Where am I?" Rinoa touched her forehead, fingering the bandages wrapped around it. "My head hurts. What … what happened?"

"You're … you're Sierra," said Seifer. "Your name is Sierra Hearten. There was a fire at your house and … and you were badly hurt. You're at my house now, and I've been taking care of you."

Squall groaned in anger, trying to contain himself. _So this is how it happened…_

"Where's my family?" asked Rinoa, "Are they okay?"

Seifer shook his head. "No … I'm sorry. Your parents were killed in the fire. You're the only one alive."

"W-What?" shrieked Rinoa, fright in her voice. "N-No! That … that can't be right. I want to see my family … please…" She tried to get up again, but yelped when she was met with pain in her chest.

"Don't move!" roared Seifer. He calmed himself down. "I'm sorry, Sierra. Your … your family is gone now."

Rinoa closed her eyes, as if trying to remember something. When she opened them, all that clouded across them was bemusement. "I … I can't remember anything."

"Don't worry," said Seifer, "I'll … I'll help you remember everything."

Rinoa smiled. "Thank you. But … who _are _you?"

Seifer hesitated for a moment. "Marcel. My name is Marcel."

"Oh … are you my brother…?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer hesitated once more. "No, Sierra … I'm not your brother."

"Then who are you…?" asked Rinoa. "My doctor…? You're wearing a white coat…"

Seifer shook his head again. "I'm … I'm your boyfriend, Sierra."

Squall, at that moment, roared in fury. He charged towards Seifer with a clenched fist, wanting to unleash all his anger. So much rage built up in his little trip to the past … anger with Seifer, anger with Sera, anger with Ashleigh … but especially anger with himself. He couldn't believe how much had happened behind his back. He couldn't believe how bad the other side to things were. He couldn't believe that he didn't pick _any _of this up and do something about it…

As Squall was about to make contact with Seifer, he was met once again with the feeling of the solid ground at his face. For a moment, he felt a searing pain in his head, gripping at his mind tightly. Everything turned black, and Squall was unable to move.

In less than a split second, the pain had stopped. He heard the humming of the air conditioner of his normal room, feeling the familiar and ordinary atmosphere again. He tried to open his eyes, but it felt like they were glued shut. He suddenly heard knocking at his door.

At this, Squall's eyes flickered open and he picked himself up from the floor, holding his head and trying to get used to the real world again. At first he struggled to keep his balance. He was never going to get used to the after-feeling of Ellone's power.

Squall made his way to the door and opened it, wondering whom it was. To his utter astonishment, it was Seifer standing before him. As soon as Squall saw the blonde man's face, he felt like packing a punch right at him after what he saw. Instead, he tried to contain his emotions. He said nothing and kept an expressionless look on his face, waiting for Seifer to speak.

"Remember me?" sneered Seifer. He was wearing a white suit with the top few buttons undone and his tie was scrappily done around his neck. His shirt was half tucked, half-untucked and it appeared that he was invited to the wedding.

"How can I help you?" asked Squall edgily.

"Just thought I'd say congratulations," said Seifer with an arrogant smirk, "I mean, you're marrying my sister, after all."

Squall froze. _His sister? But at the dinner … he and Ashleigh acted as if they didn't know each other. And if he's Ashleigh's brother … then that would make Rinoa his…_

"_What?_" exclaimed Squall.

Seifer smirked again, and simply turned his back on Squall and walked away, leaving the bridegroom speechless.

_What the hell is going on_? Squall thought, composing himself as he shut the door. _What's he playing at? Is he trying to make my life worse? Knowing that the woman I'm about to marry almost _killed _Rinoa is bad enough … now I find out that her _stepbrother _was the one who caused half of this?_

Squall quickly shook the thoughts out of his head, not wanting to venture so far. Before he knew it, there was another knock at his door. He groaned in exasperation and headed for the door once again.

"_What_—" As he opened the door, he found Quistis at the door with a forced smile on her doll-like face. She looked rather pretty with her white bridesmaid dress on and the light make up applied to her face. Her blonde hair was let down on her shoulders and she was carrying a small bouquet of flowers. "Oh. Quistis. What is it?"

"It's almost time, Squall," said Quistis quietly.

"Oh Hyne, are you serious?" said Squall, surprised. He looked at his watch to find that there was exactly half an hour until he was expected in the church.

"Can I come in?" asked Quistis.

Squall looked up at her in bemusement, but nodded anyway. He stepped out of the way to let Quistis inside. She walked in and seated herself on the sofa, carefully placing her dress down so as not to ruin it. Squall followed her inside as he closed the door and sat down next to her in silence, placing his elbows on his lap and putting his head in his hands heavily.

There was awkward silence between the two of them for a few moments.

"Squall … you know, it's not too late to change the outcome of today," said Quistis suddenly.

Squall looked up at her with a stony gaze. "What are you saying?"

The blonde sighed. "The truth … just because you are afraid of it, doesn't mean everyone else would be."

"What are you talking about?" asked Squall sharply.

"Please, Squall," said Quistis, "Don't try to hide the truth because hiding it will only lead to a lot more distrust from the people you care about than you think."

Squall gawked at Quistis as if she was crazy. This was not the time for her to be giving her weird lectures that required a load of riddle solving. He was not in the mood for her little talks about senseless pride and all of that.

"Sera … she's not as powerful as you think," said Quistis.

Squall turned away from his companion and looked ahead at the wall in front of him. He didn't know why Quistis had said such a thing, but he couldn't help but flinch at the thought of Sera. "You don't know the circumstances, Quistis…"

"I know more than you think," whispered Quistis.

Squall didn't quite hear her and looked back at her in puzzlement. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," said Quistis, shaking her head, "Come on, let's get to the church."

Squall sighed and watched his blonde friend stand up. As she headed for the door, he couldn't help but keep in mind what she had said…

* * *

Rinoa sat at the pew in complete silence. She was sitting in the first row of seats on the left side by herself. She was one of the first to arrive, and she watched as the church began to fill up with people. Most of the guests were dressed in rather classy clothes, and Rinoa figured that they were all important people and allies and friends of the government. She spotted many people she recognised from work as well, but nobody had approached her at all. That was somewhat of a relief … she did not want anyone to see her on one of the most miserable days of her life.

_But Squall wants you here_, said a voice in Rinoa's head. At this thought, she didn't know whether she wanted to smile or cry.

The church was almost completely full of chatty and excited people. Rinoa fiddled with the rings on her neck, not standing the hearty atmosphere.

"Hey there," said a voice behind her.

Rinoa turned around and almost shrieked in shock when she found Seifer standing behind her. He grinned sheepishly and slid over to her, sitting down with his arms folded.

"Seifer," she said, trying to contain any feelings inside of her, "What are you doing here?"

"Eh … you know, I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding for the world," said Seifer with a smirk.

Rinoa looked rather taken aback at the reminder of her doom collapsing on top of her. Seifer sensed this and decided to change the topic.

"Hey, don't worry about it," said Seifer, putting his hand on her shoulder reassuringly, "Everything is going to be okay. Seriously."

Rinoa forced a weak smile. "Thanks," she said, but her heart was flooding with doubt.

Seifer sensed the doubt in her voice, but said nothing of it. "You know … after today, I'll probably be dead. And if I am, I want you to know that I've always cared about you. And so has Squall."

Rinoa opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. Instead, she shut it again and said nothing.

"And please," added Seifer, "Don't be afraid of the truth. Nobody will judge you, I swear it."

Rinoa furrowed her brow, wondering what Seifer was talking about.

"Anyway, I need to run … big brother stuff," said Seifer quickly, glancing up at the front of the church, "See you later. Maybe."

"Bye—"

Before Rinoa could finish her sentence, Seifer stood up and made a run for it out the back door of the church. She sighed and looked back to the front of the church, and saw Sera coming out of one of the small rooms with a smug look on her face. Rinoa found this quite odd, seeing as how Seifer made a run for it as soon as he saw Sera.

_What's going on_? Rinoa thought to herself.

**A/N: **Yea...halfway there, halfway there. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring, the next one is a lot more exciting. I'd still like a review to see what you think before you move onto the grande finale, but it's up to you. Well, carry on :D


	41. As it Ends

**A/N: **And welcome to the last chapter of Lost Mems :D Please note that I've updated with two chapters, so I suggest you go back to Chapter 40 if you haven't already done so because that's where I left off. And I'd just like to add that seeing as how this is the last chapter, it is exceptionally long, so I would get very comofortable if I were you. Well...here it is:)

**Lost Memories of my Love**

**Chapter 41 – As it Ends**

Squall stood at the front of the altar with his hands clasped together so tightly that he felt like his fingers were going to snap. To his right was his best man, Zell, wearing a similar black tux to Squall, but not wearing his usual lively grin. This made him look rather strange.

Squall, however, looked completely normal without any trace of cheerfulness in his face. It might have looked normal, but inside, he was dreading every single moment. His mind wasn't really focused on the present events, but the events prior to the wedding – the trip Ellone had given him to the past, Seifer's surprise visit, and Quistis's strange words. All three had some kind of effect on the way he was feeling. It was almost as if everyone was _planning _to make him feel awful…

The orchestra began to play and Squall looked up to the back of the church. Down the aisle came some kids from the orphanage dressed up elegantly to play the role of the pageboy and flower girls. Every child looked indubitably happy as they walked down the aisle.

Then came Ashleigh with her arm linked with Laguna's. Laguna, in an elegant suit, held a pleasant smile on his face as usual. Ashleigh, however, held the same empty expression Squall did. It was hard to tell behind her white veil, but Squall saw it very easily. But she _did_ look remarkably beautiful with the pure white wedding dress that made her slender figure stand out. Her red hair was up in a complicated hairstyle and her makeup made her skin look absolutely perfect. In her hands was a large bouquet of white, pink and red roses.

Behind Ashleigh and Laguna came the bridesmaids. Selphie, Quistis and Ellone wore beautiful white dresses and all three of them held weak smiles on their faces.

Squall's eyes darted around the church. In the front seat sat Sera with a very haughty look on her face. Irvine was in the second row with a blank expression as he watched the bride walk up the aisle. Rinoa sat on the other side of the church in the front row, and she looked very pretty. She was wearing a sapphire blue halter neck dress with a sheer blue coat over the top. She wore matching dangly earrings and Squall noticed his Griever ring was still on her finger. However she, too, bore an empty expression.

As Ashleigh and everyone else reached the altar, Squall's legs took him over to his bride and they stood side by side, facing the reverend. If somebody were to look straight at the row of people in front of the church, they would notice that Squall and Ashleigh were the least happy people of the bunch.

The reverend began to speak, but Squall wasn't paying attention. In the corner of his eye, he saw a silver tear roll down Ashleigh's face. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her, because in a way, she was also forced to marry somebody. He wasn't sure whether she wanted to or not, but it appeared to him that she didn't.

_Sera … she's not as powerful as you think_.

Quistis's words rung in Squall's mind, and he couldn't help but think how incredibly wrong she was…

Before he knew it, it was time for the readings. Squall and Ashleigh walked over to the side stand and Squall stood out of the way as Ashleigh walked onto the stand and adjusted the microphone to speak.

"Today," began Ashleigh monotonously, "Is the day of the wedding of two people, the uniting of two families to form one … the exchange of vows in order to share love for the rest of their lives." She paused with a quiet sigh. "I never knew what love was. And maybe, I still don't know. But something I do know is that nothing ever stands in the way of true love. _Nothing_. Not even the truth."

At the last sentence, both Squall and Rinoa immediately thought about what Seifer and Quistis had told each of them.

"And … and even if the truth hurts, it's something we all have to accept," continued Ashleigh. "And my truth is … my truth is…"

Rinoa could tell that Ashleigh wanted to say something, but decided against it and said something else.

"My truth is that I'm not really a woman of truth," said Ashleigh finally, "And I believe many people know this."

Ashleigh looked specifically straight at Rinoa, who cringed.

"I also believe," continued Ashleigh, "that everyone deserves true love. And … I happen to know two people who have found it."

Squall thought that Ashleigh was referring to the both of them for a second there, but thought twice. Why was she saying such things? All her words made him feel guilty about his decision to go along with Sera's deal. And what was this obsession that everyone had about 'not being afraid of the truth'? It was too odd to be a coincidence, but it _must_ have been…

"Thank you," finished Ashleigh.

She stepped off the podium carefully and was met with Squall's eyes for the very first time in a _very _long time for a split second. It was like some kind of electric jolt sent down Squall's body because he had never seen such an empty and cold expression on another human being other than himself.

Their eye contact broke as Squall stepped onto the podium and adjusted the microphone. He looked down at the sea of people in the vast church, all eyes staring at him with keen interest. He sighed, as he hadn't prepared any kind of speech beforehand. But he was rather good at public speaking anyway…

"So … today is my … long awaited wedding day," said Squall slowly. He noticed Rinoa staring up at him with an face mixed of a smile and a grimace. "And … and I guess this is a day to be joyful about. The exchange of…" he paused, wondering what to say, "love. Yes. Love. It's a strange thing. And it's a hard thing, too."

Rinoa cringed, and the expression on her face made Squall melt. So many things were running through Squall's mind … so _many _things … Rinoa's past and the way Sera treated her, the fact that Seifer was the one who kept the truth from Rinoa, the way Squall blindly proposed to Ashleigh, Quistis and Ellone's words of wisdom … _everything_…

"I also know that Esthar is a beautiful country," said Squall calmly. In his mind, it was like there was a horrible fire with sirens and scared people everywhere. That's what his thoughts were playing at … it was like an emergency, the outcomes debating on whether the people would be saved or not.

"And even with its rocky past," continued Squall, "with the countless wars and encounters with sorceresses…" He watched as Rinoa quickly tore her eyes away from Squall, "I know that Esthar can look to its future with pride, no matter what the circumstances."

There was a cheery murmur rolling amongst the people in the church.

"And, as Ashleigh said before … everyone deserves true love. And I'm sorry to say…" Squall's mind felt like it was in meltdown mode at that very second. "…That my true love belongs not with Ashleigh."

The cheery murmurs quickly changed into shocked, gossipy ones. Rinoa looked back at Squall with bemusement. She noticed the tiny smile that had only just appeared on Ashleigh's face, but decided to worry more about what Squall was saying.

"And knowing that Esthar is the beautiful nation it is … its people should understand that everyone deserves a chance at true love," said Squall coolly, "And I've always said that true love always returns."

Rinoa's heart raced. _What's he playing at?_

"And as many of you should already know … my true love belongs to Rinoa Heartilly."

The murmurs were silenced as everyone stared at Squall in the utmost shock. But nobody felt more emotional than Rinoa. She did not know what to do, say, feel or think. Her body was numb with every possible emotion known to man. She began to tremble, her body shaking all over. What was going to happen? This was something she did not expect, but at the same time, she was somewhat glad it did…

Squall noticed Sera in the front seat, her extreme fury wisping across her face. Her fists were clenched into tight balls, and she too was trembling with anger.

_Nothing ever stands in the way of true love. Not even the truth._

Ashleigh's words brought courage to Squall. He was confident with what he was doing.

"And most of you should know that there've been so many horrible events," said Squall, "But the truth has been hidden this whole time. The reason why everything is so wrong is because of one person – _Sera Caraway_."

Sera stood up, a look of outrage all over her face. "That is enough! I warned you, Squall Leonhart, but apparently you did not take my words seriously—"

"No!" cried Ashleigh suddenly. "You're the one behind all this! Everyone is a victim because of you! Everybody, Sera Almassy blackmailed Squall and myself into marrying each other!"

The silence was broken with the gossipy murmurs again. Rinoa's eyes widened at this news. So many emotions were flooding through her ears and into her mind. _Squall was blackmailed? But … I thought nothing would stand in our way… _She was confused more than anything. But beneath all of that confusion, there was a glint of relief.

"Why you little…!" Sera's eyes widened and she looked like she was losing her sanity. She quickly reached into her purse and pulled out a handgun, her eyes narrowing down at Ashleigh dangerously. She was beginning to perspire with both nervousness and anger. "You will shut that big mouth of yours this minute and _get on that altar and marry the bastard_!"

There were gasps of horror with Sera's sudden outburst. Ashleigh had the slightest look of panic and she backed up a little with her hands slowly lifting up. She honestly wasn't expecting her mother to crack like this…

"All right, Sera … please, calm down," said Laguna, approaching her slowly.

But all he was met with was Sera's gun pointing right at him. Unarmed, Laguna slowly put his hands up in surrender. Sera then pointed her revolver back at Ashleigh, her eye twitching madly. Rinoa looked very frightened, as she honestly didn't expect any of this to happen. Everything was happening much to quickly for her to grab ... the fact that Squall pronounced his true feelings, Ashleigh's confession, Sera's outburst ... what was happening? What was _going _to happen?

Rinoa clenched her fist, trying to suppress the endless feelings within herself. In the corner of her eye, she glanced at Squall, who had his eyes narrowed down at Sera in concern. He obviously did not expect this to happen either, and was starting to feel an overwhelming flood of regret...

"This wedding will continue or I will kill the bride," shouted Sera, her arm trembling.

"No!" Ashleigh shouted back, equally as loudly.

There was a loud _crash, _as stained glass above the altar shattered all over the floor. It seemed that a very smug looking Seifer on a revving motorbike smashed through the window and knocked down all the vases of flowers in the process. There were screams of panic at this sudden interference that only added more fear to the fact that Sera was becoming senile and had just pulled out a gun and was about to shoot her own daughter.

People began getting up and rushing to the side doors to get out of the bike's path, however many didn't leave the church as they were much too curious as to how this wedding was going to end. Rinoa, however, was not one of those people – all she did was get out of her seat and stand against the door. She just didn't have the heart to run away. It felt like her feet were glued to the floor, as well as her eyes being glued to the front.

Seifer sped up towards Ashleigh and grabbed her, pulling her onto the seat behind him. At that very moment, a gunshot was heard as soon as the blonde had appeared. Fortunately the bullet missed and hit another window, causing it to shatter into a million pieces.

Ashleigh tore off her veil and Seifer sped his motorcycle down the aisle, the two of them looking very triumphant. The blonde man shot Rinoa a quick smile before he raced out of the church through the backdoor, leaving Rinoa simply awestruck. There were screams of panic

Sera screamed in rage. "That's it! Loire, you did not take me seriously, did you? Everybody, _Rinoa Heartilly is a sorceress!"_

These words were like flying daggers at Rinoa. Millions of questions only added to the millions she already had. _How did she know I was a sorceress? What does she mean when Squall didn't take her seriously? _Then suddenly it hit her. She didn't want to believe it, but as she pieced all the given information together, there was no other answer. _She blackmailed Squall into marrying Ashleigh or else she would tell everyone I was a sorceress…?_

"All along," spat Sera, "She was right under all of your noses. The last of the sorceress clan – she's evil! She will strike you all like she struck me! She sent me into a coma after her attack!"

Rinoa felt so weak, so helpless, as she fell to her knees onto the floor. Suddenly the hectic events around her were far away – she couldn't hear the horrified conversation amongst the people, she couldn't see the many pairs of eyes that were pasted on her, she couldn't sense the fear in the atmosphere, and she didn't even notice Squall rushing to Rinoa's side … all she could feel was the life being sucked out of her as the world grew faint. Somehow, she felt this was the end for her…

Obviously, nobody knew who to react to first. It was only then that the security teams arrived, and it seemed that Laguna and Irvine's attempts to try and calm Sera down were futile. Both men were unarmed and appeared to have no magic equipped to them. Quistis and Ellone were at the doors, trying to evacuate all the people out of the church. The reverend had fled in fear, and Selphie and Zell were trying to ward off all the media filming everything that was going on.

"Seize her, men!"

Squall thought at first the leader of the security was addressing Sera, but he was wrong. About a dozen men were rushing up to a dazed Rinoa, all armed with heavy artillery. Sera had slowly moved forward to the couple cramped in the corner of the church, her gun pointed precisely at Rinoa.

"Stop!" roared Squall.

The charging men quickly came to a halt, their weapons still firm in their hands.

"B-But sir … she's a sorceress!" said the team leader.

"I said stop," said Squall, in a final kind of way. He bent down next to a huddled Rinoa, whom was silent the whole time. "Rin…"

Rinoa was trembling with fear. Everything she ever feared was beginning. There were people after her, wanting her dead. Sera's announcement of Rinoa's inheritance was recorded by the countless press members and were no doubt going to be distributed it to the world. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of people present to hear the very words that were going to condemn her. It was the end…

For a split second, it seemed nothing existed to Squall anymore. He tried to find the words to make things right again, but nothing came to mind. Rinoa's passive state was beginning to scare him, as she was absolutely silent with her head in her arms wrapped around herself tightly and her face buried into her knees. He touched her shoulder softly, wanting her to say something.

"Oh for Hyne's sake," said Sera piercingly, "If you won't kill her … _I will_!"

Suddenly, it was like everything was happening in slow motion. Squall looked up with a start, not withdrawing his hand from Rinoa's shoulder, and saw the evil gleam in Sera's eyes. Quicker than the speed of light, Squall pushed Rinoa and stood up with his arms wide open in front of the sorceress. Rinoa fell on her back and looked up, her vision hazy. But the events to follow were too horrifying for her senses to handle.

Another gunshot was heard.

Squall fell onto one knee, clutching his chest in pain. Sera's silver bullet penetrated into his left lung, leaving him coughing up blood. Sera was aiming for Rinoa, but she was in too much of a state to notice. Instead, Squall, with his lightning reflexes, pushed Rinoa out of the way and shielded her – only to be met with the piercing bullet.

Rinoa let out a shrill scream as soon as she realised what had happened. "SQUALL!"

It was then that everything felt like it was going back to normal speed.

Rinoa got up and rushed over to Squall, her eyes welling up with tears. She ignored the security team rushing up to Sera and grabbing the senile old woman. All she could concentrate on was Squall and the way he was in front of her. She took him in her arms and felt his oozing crimson blood meeting her cold hands, but she didn't care. All that mattered to her then was Squall. His stormy eyes were staring up at her, and he tried to force a smile.

"Squall!"

Laguna abandoned Sera, who was already being taken care of by the security team along with Irvine, and rushed up to the wounded man. It was only soon after that Quistis, Ellone, Selphie and Zell abandoned what they were trying to do and ran up to Squall and Rinoa as well.

"Call an ambulance, quick!" shouted Zell.

Quistis nodded and hastily pulled out her cell phone, dialling the emergency number quickly.

"M-My wedding day … th-the only day that I don't junction myself," murmured Squall light-heartedly, with the greatest difficulty.

Rinoa burst into tears and held Squall even more tightly in her arms. _Stupid, stupid Squall … he makes the stupidest jokes at the stupidest times_, she thought bitterly.

"Cure!" shouted Zell angrily, as green particles of magic seethed onto Squall's body.

"Cura!" cried Selphie, as she did them same.

"It's … it's no use," said Irvine with a clenched fist, "His wound is too deep for any of our magic to heal up fully!"

Rinoa didn't want to listen to it. Squall was going to survive. He was _not _going to die. The thought was just ridiculous … Squall dying because of an old woman's bullet? It was simply absurd. Rinoa refused to believe it. But why were there tears falling from her eyes? She couldn't stop it … the look on Squall's face made her want to fall apart…

"The ambulance is on its way," said Quistis, hanging up her phone.

"On its way … that's outrageous," said Laguna angrily, "I'm going outside to see if there's a medic in the crowd. Squall, son … hang on … please…" And with that, he disappeared outside in search for a doctor.

"You can't take me away!" screeched Sera in the background, as the security team cuffed her up and began leading her out of the church.

"You just fucking shot the vice president!" shouted Irvine angrily, "We sure as hell can take you away! …Guys, I'm gonna take care of that hag … you'll make it, pal, I know you will…" He nodded with sincerity and left with a screaming Sera and the security team.

"S-S-Squall," Rinoa found her voice, "P-Please…"

Squall's hand slowly reached up to Rinoa's face and he caressed her cheek softly. "I-I'm sorry, Rin…" His fingers reached the sorceress's tear-stained eyes and weakly wiped away a newly formed tear. "F-For everything … I didn't r-realise … what Ashleigh and S-Sera did t-to you … before I left … I'm…"

Squall coughed up some more blood and more tears fell from Rinoa's eyes. She held the man she loved ever so tightly … she didn't care how Squall knew about her past but she honestly didn't care – all that mattered to her was that he lived…

"Rin…oa … I…l-love—"

Squall choked on his breath and he was out like a light. Everyone present gasped in alarm. Rinoa couldn't tell if he was still breathing or not, because his breathing was so shallow beforehand. But inside, she felt her heart crumbling into tiny pieces. She couldn't feel anything, only numbness.

"S-S…Squall…" Rinoa broke into a fit of hysterical sobs. She couldn't feel Quistis's hand falling on her shoulder in attempt to reassure her. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Squall's motionless body in her arms was the most frightening thing ever; even more frightening than the idea of everyone knowing she was a sorceress.

Her numbness soon came to disappear as a new brewing emotion took over her body. She had no choice but to succumb to this sensation. Her eyes earthen brown eyes flickered to a vicious fiery red. She lost control of her body and her mind, her body levitating itself into the air. A bright aura surrounded her body and her crimson covered hands curled themselves into tight fists. She let out a bloodcurdling scream, mixed with a terrified cry as her raven hair spread around her face, as if an invisible breeze was blowing against her.

"Oh no … she's going into sorceress mode!" cried Selphie, absolutely horrified.

"What are we gonna do?" yelled Zell in panic, "Squall … her knight's…"

"Rinoa!" shouted Ellone, trying to hide the worry in her voice, "Rinoa, come down!"

"It's no use, she can't hear any of us," murmured Quistis, shaking her head.

"THUNDAGA!"

Rinoa raised her bloodstained hand, and great forks of lightning simultaneously struck all around the church, shattering many windows and vases, breaking many pews and even striking at Selphie, which caused her to yelp in pain. At that moment, everyone hopped into a defensive stance to avoid getting hit by any more of Rinoa's attacks.

"We … we can't just leave her!" said Selphie, getting up from Rinoa's fierce attack.

"We can't hurt her, either," said Zell, "Besides, none of us are armed…"

"Correction, none of _you _are armed."

Everyone cautiously turned to find Seifer and Ashleigh, both in messy wedding clothes. Seifer was holding his silver gunblade in hand, Ashleigh close behind him.

"She's still _Rinoa_!" said Quistis, "If you hurt the sorceress, you hurt _Rinoa…_"

"Well, what're you gonna do, just stand back and watch her destroy everything?" snapped Seifer.

"We have something from Matron," said Ashleigh quietly. She handed her brother a small bag of what appeared to be bullets, but strangely, there was a silvery aura encircling each bullet.

Seifer loaded his gunblade with the special bullets and aimed for Rinoa.

"What are doing?" exclaimed Zell.

"I know what I'm doing," snarled Seifer, "I was an almost-SeeD after all…"

"Those things are from Matron … I'm sure we can trust him," said Ellone.

Just then, Rinoa cast a fire spell, causing several dancing flames to eat up the wooden seats in the church. Seifer pulled the trigger for his gunblade, and a speeding magical bullet hit Rinoa dead-set in the heart. However, the sorceress did not bleed at all … she looked stunned for a moment and then lapsed to the floor. It looked like she was struggling to move her body, as if some invisible force was pulling her toward the ground.

And to everyone's amazement, she was out like a candle. But that wasn't what amazed everyone … the thing that amazed everyone was the final spell she cast.

"Full…life…"

* * *

'_Rinoa! Rinoa!'_

_She looked around. She couldn't see anything. Everything was pitch black. She didn't know where she was. She felt very light, but still, she couldn't see anything. She tried to move her body, but it was very difficult. She took one step forward, and with that one step, everything came into focus again. _

_She still didn't know where she was. She waved her hand in front of her face, and looked down at her body to find herself in one piece. She looked around. Everything was still pitch black. It was like she was walking on nothingness, breathing nothingness.  
_

'_Rinoa?'_

_She pivoted on her heel to try and find the voice calling her. It was so familiar … where was it? Who was it?_

'_Rinoa!'_

'…_Squall?'_

_Squall appeared out of nowhere, looking around with a confused look on his face. But everything was still blackness … all she could see was Squall, as if there was some kind of spotlight over him and him only._

'_Squall!'_

_Squall looked up at the sound of her voice. His confused look quickly changed to a great look of relief. He rushed up to her and tried to grab her, but his arms went straight through her as if she were transparent. She gasped, and wondered why this was happening. She tried to touch his face, but to no avail. Her hand went straight through him, the way his hand went straight through her._

_Rinoa stared longingly into his eyes. Everything was still black – it seemed that the two of them were the only visible figures in this place._

'_Where are we?' asked Squall._

'…_Are we … dead…?'_

_Squall shuddered at the thought. 'No … well, I hope not.'_

'_The last thing I remember was … was me holding you in my arms…'_

_Squall gave her a sad smile. 'Is this … a dream?'_

_Rinoa bit her bottom lip in dismay. 'I … I don't know. I wonder how we're supposed to get out…?'_

_Squall sighed. 'I'm … I'm so sorry, Rin.'_

_Rinoa shook her head wildly. 'Why should you be sorry?'_

'_For not telling you,' replied Squall, looking miserable. 'About what Sera did … I just didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd hate yourself. I knew you'd hate _me_.'_

_Rinoa smiled weakly. 'Well, you were right. About the part about me hating myself, I mean. I could never hate you, Squall. Never. But I guess … I'm thankful you never told me.' She sighed. 'And I'm sorry too, Squall. About how I never told you about Ashleigh and Sera … I promised myself I would, but … y'know … fate played us.'_

_Squall shook his head as if it were nothing. 'I'm just sorry that I never knew what was going on. I was so _blind. _You didn't deserve any of that…'_

_Rinoa pursed her lips together. 'It's all right, it's all right. It's the past now. Let's just keep them as memories and nothing more...'_

_Squall nodded in silent agreement. Suddenly, his feet began to disperse. He looked down at himself and then back up at Rinoa with something she had never seen on him before – fear. The tiny particles made their way up to his knees, making them disappear also._

'_Squall … don't leave me,' said Rinoa, distraught._

'_I don't know what's happening,' said Squall with a hint of panic in his voice, 'I … I don't want to leave you…'_

_Squall's body slowly began to vanish. Rinoa thrust her arm forward and tried to grab Squall's extended arm, but only to be met with nothingness as she fell flat on her face. She looked up and saw that only Squall's head was left, with a forced but gentle smile upon it. And with that, he disappeared completely._

"Squall…"

Rinoa's eyes flickered open in an instant. Her eyes were met with a bright light and an empty white ceiling above her. She quickly squinted, not being able to handle the brightness. Her joints were stiff as she tried to move her neck to look around.

She found that she was in a hospital environment. All that was heard was the droning of a machine. There were blue curtains closed around her. She looked at her wrists, and to her sheer horror, they were hooked up to some kind of machine. Rinoa forced herself to sit up.

_What was that? _Rinoa asked herself, thinking back to that vision of herself and Squall in the place of nothingness. _A dream? Was it all just a horrible dream?_

Rinoa pulled off the soft white blanket on her and found that she was still in the clothes she wore to Squall and Ashleigh's wedding. She didn't seem to be hurt in any way, nor could she feel any pain – except for that aching feeling of realising the events of the wedding weren't a dream.

She ripped off the cords around her wrist that attached herself to the machine and got out of the bed, the cold floor tingling at her bare feet. She noticed that on the bedside table were a clipboard and numerous files and charts. She peered over one of them and it read:

_Royal Estharian Private Hospital  
Name: Heartilly, Rinoa  
DOB: 03/03/88  
Casualty is victim of sorceress attack. No physical damage detected. _

She abandoned the files and pulled open the curtains, to find an empty room. There was a sofa up against the wall and a rather large television set, big enough to be a home entertainment system. She noticed that to the right of her little bed was another similar bed with the curtains drawn back. And sitting on that bed with his head in his hands was…

"Squall!" cried Rinoa.

Squall looked up and didn't even have time to react, as Rinoa had run up to him and flung her arms around him. Her heart skipped beats, as this feeling was so real. She sat down on the bed next to Squall, not letting go of him. He appeared to have just woken up from a coma just as Rinoa had. A humming machine was next to his bed, and Squall, too, had torn off the cords attached to him, because he felt absolutely fine. He was still wearing the tux from the wedding, minus the shirt, exposing his bare and masculine chest with a bandage over the wound he received from Sera's bullet.

Squall slowly placed his arms around Rinoa in return with silent gratefulness. At this, Rinoa hugged him tighter towards herself, wondering if this was a dream … because if it was, she certainly didn't want to wake up.

"You're alive," she whispered, "I'm so thankful…"

Squall broke the embrace and looked at Rinoa with the tiniest smile. "So am I. Did you…?"

Rinoa nodded when Squall trailed off, knowing that he was referring to the little hallucination from just a while ago. "Yeah … yeah, I saw it too."

"So it wasn't a dream after all," murmured Squall. He reached over and picked up his white shirt on the corner of his bed, which appeared to have been washed clean of all the blood. He put it on, doing up the buttons carefully.

Rinoa nodded. "It was just after you … you _disappeared _… that I woke up."

"Same here," said Squall, a slight look of surprise on his face as he buttoned up his shirt, leaving the top two undone.

The two of them exchanged quiet smiles, overly relieved that both of them were alive. This place looked too real to be a dream. Neither of them knew what had happened, or how long they were in the hospital, but it didn't matter. All that mattered to both of them was that they were together, at least in some shape or form.

"Oh my god, _you're both alive!_"

Squall and Rinoa looked away from each other, only to find an over-joyful Selphie at the door. At the sight of them, she rushed up to the two and pulled them into a fierce hug, almost cutting off both Squall and Rinoa's blood circulation. Almost immediately after Selphie's bright words, another six surprised but happy faces came though the door.

Zell, Irvine, Quistis, Ellone, Laguna and Min rushed into the room with glee and crowded around Squall, Rinoa and Selphie. Each of them looked like they had a million things to say, if it weren't for Selphie's hysteric sobs of joy cutting them off.

"We were so _worried_," wailed Selphie, "Day in and day out … we'd visit you every day to see how you were…"

"Okay, thanks Selphie," said Rinoa, struggling for air.

"Sefie, let them breathe!" said Irvine, pulling Selphie off the couple.

Rinoa looked up at her friends and grinned. "So. Did you miss us?"

Everyone present couldn't help but laugh at what Rinoa said. The raven-haired woman turned her body to face her friends properly, ready for what news was to come. She didn't care if it was good or bad news, she was just happy that her friends were there for her…

"Yes, Rin, the both of you were out for four days," said Irvine knowingly, "It was pretty hard to _not _miss you."

Squall smiled. He had to admit, he was also extraordinarily pleased to see his friends. And he hated to admit it, but he was relatively relieved that his father was there too.

"What happened, anyway?" asked Squall.

"Well," said Quistis, opening the curtains of Rinoa's bed and seating herself, "Sera shot you, commander."

Ellone smiled timidly and sat down next to Quistis. "The almighty Squall was shot. That's just horrifying, isn't it?"

Squall rolled his eyes with an embarrassed smirk. "Yes, I admit defeat, Elle."

"And everyone thought you were a goner, man," said Zell, "I mean, you weren't junctioned and you were unarmed, and none of our spells would work."

"Yeah, and then Rinny went berserk!" shrieked Selphie, "She was destroying everything with her sorceress powers ... she destroyed half the church!"

"But then we tamed her, somehow," said Quistis, "with Matron and Cid's special sorceress-taming bullets, courtesy of SeeD."

"We thought you were out," said Ellone, "But before you fell unconscious, you cast a spell. But it wasn't one of your destructive spells … it was a life spell. You cast it on Squall, and the doctors said that was what saved him."

"Yeah, because none of our spells were working," said Zell, "Our magic was much too weak for a wound that deep. You weren't junctioned, after all, and that old woman sure had good aim and a hell of a heap of freaky bullets. But the spell of a sorceress was strong enough to save you, Squall."

Rinoa said nothing, listening intently. She started to think that being a sorceress wasn't so bad after all … but she still had to await for the news about what the world thought about her…

"Matron said it was some kind of reflex that sorceresses had in attempt to save her knight," said Laguna, the first word he said since he came in, "Because as you know, in order for a sorceress to die peacefully, she has to pass her powers onto someone else. But obviously Rinoa didn't pass her powers onto anybody, which meant that she wasn't going to die. So instead, she passed what was left of her power before the special SeeD weapon kicked in – kind of like a kamikaze, final blow kind of thing before she dropped out. And that was the life magic."

Squall stared at his father, flabbergasted. He didn't think that SeeD was capable of such things, or that his father even knew so much about sorceresses. Then again, he was the one who ended the sorceress wars…

Quistis nodded. "And after that, you were both out cold. The paramedics got to you and brought you to this hospital. Rinoa was able to buy you a lot of time with her life spell, Squall. But you were in a coma for so many days. This was really strange, seeing as how your heart and lungs, and all your other vital organs were working perfectly fine … except your mind."

"Yeah, and Rinny was out for days too!" said Selphie, "The doctors here specialise in magical ailments, so sorceress stuff wasn't _too_ hard for them. They said you were suffering from major mental concussions. Your body was absolutely fine, but your mind was just waaay off. And that was the same with Squall."

The first thing that came to both Squall and Rinoa's minds was short little mental meeting they had. It must have been some kind of psychological connection between the two of them, seeing as how they woke up at the exact same time. Was it because of their tie together as sorceress and knight…? It must have been ... there was no other logical explanation.

"So … what news about … my social status?" asked Rinoa uneasily.

Min smiled at Rinoa. "While you were in hospital, we were all pleading your case."

Rinoa looked at Min and was glad to hear her speak.

"Yep," said Irvine, nodding, "It was a tireless trial. We all acted on your behalf to try and excuse your … sorceress-ness. We all collected so much evidence to try and prove that you weren't evil."

"I mean, we've all been friends for so long, and you haven't tried to kill _anybody _since we knew you," said Zell, "That played a huge role – you had no bad intentions."

"Yeah, and I've known you for heaps long," added Min, "I had no idea you were a sorceress. You never hurt anyone or _anything_."

"Well, except that time you almost fried Sera to a crisp in the elevator," said Ellone, "But that didn't count. You were provoked … and the court new what kind of condition Sera was in, anyway."

"Where is she now?" asked Rinoa suddenly, steering the conversation topic away from her trial.

"Oh, we took care of her," said Irvine grimly, "Her little outburst in the church earned her a sentence in the nutterhouse. She's been declared 'mentally unstable', seeing as how she was convicted of blackmail, she tried to kill her own daughter, and she damn well almost killed the _vice president of Esthar_."

"Yes, and that scored us some points too," added Quistis, "The fact that you saved the vice president of Esthar's _life _because of your sorceress powers. Oh, and Laguna was able to pull a lot of strings too."

Laguna grinned sheepishly. "Nah, it was nothing. I mean, being president can only get you so far."

Selphie giggled and poked Laguna. "Don't try to be modest, you big oaf. Your dad here convinced the people that Rinoa wasn't evil, and his firsthand experience with Adel really helped. I mean, you're _nothing _like Adel, Rin!"

Squall suddenly felt so grateful to his father. He never thought that Laguna would ever earn his forgiveness … but this…

"And we proved you to be stable with your powers," said Ellone, "As long as you're under the protection of your knight, you are absolutely fine and won't ever have to use your them."

Rinoa smiled weakly. _I'm so grateful to have friends like these guys. _"So … what does this mean?"

"It means that you're accepted, silly!" said Min, "Nobody cares that you're a sorceress anymore, because you're not evil!"

"And it means you'll have to be around Squall for the rest of your life," said Laguna with a chuckle.

Rinoa grinned and looked at Squall, who was also wearing a broad smile.

"Oh, and it wasn't just us who helped," said Quistis, "We had the help of two other people."

"Who?" asked Squall curiously.

"Well, they're right over there," said Zell, pointing to the door.

Rinoa and Squall looked into the direction Zell was pointing in, and to their surprise, a rather serene looking Ashleigh and Seifer were standing in the doorway. Seifer was leaning on the doorframe with his arms folded, and Ashleigh was standing timidly next to her brother.

"C'mon, let's go, guys," whispered Min.

All six of them left their ground and headed out the door past Seifer and Ashleigh. As the last person left, Seifer closed the door behind them and walked up to Rinoa and Squall confidently with Ashleigh following behind him, looking quite nervous.

Rinoa and Squall followed the duo with their eyes and couldn't help but hold suspicious stares. Seifer and Ashleigh sat down on the other bed and looked back at Rinoa and Squall, without a word.

"So … d'you want us here or not?" asked Seifer at last, breaking the awkward silence. "'Cause we'll just leave if you never wanna see our faces again…"

"No," said Rinoa hastily. She quickly collected herself. "Please stay."

Squall glowered at Seifer. He didn't know what was going on, but couldn't help but keep in mind what he saw when he saw the past. But suddenly, he realised how both Ashleigh and Seifer had 'helped', as Quistis mentioned. He remembered how at the wedding, he felt as if everyone was planning to make him feel awful…

"You … you planned it all, didn't you…?" said Squall in disbelief, his cold glare disappearing quickly.

Rinoa looked at Squall with a confused look on her face, and then back at Seifer, whose smirk only broadened.

"Heh, how'd you guess?" said Seifer.

Squall said nothing, indicating that he wanted to hear Seifer out.

"Yeah," said Seifer, nodding, "We planned it all."

"Most of it," corrected Ashleigh quietly, still uncomfortable with being within thirty feet of either Squall or Rinoa.

"Most of it," said Seifer, nodding again. "Y'see, lil Ashleigh here was feeling bad about everything. And so was I. And Ash was the only one who knew about Sera's blackmailing and was willing to do something about it. So she came to the most creative genius on the planet."

Ashleigh smiled a little. "We were trying to make you feel guilty, Squall. That's why we told Quistis took give you a little talk…"

"You told Quistis?" asked Squall, dazed.

Seifer nodded. "We told all your little friends about the … dilemma. She appeared to be the only one who could understand. Besides, Ashleigh tells me that she knew about Rinoa's past the most…"

Rinoa pursed her lips together, not wanting to bring that up. Then she realised that Seifer had given her a 'little talk' before the wedding as well.

"And that's why we asked Ellone to send you back to the past—"

"You _asked_ Ellone to do that?" exclaimed Squall before Seifer could finish, flabbergasted.

"Yes indeed," said Seifer casually, nodding. "You needed to _see _the truth so as not to be afraid of it. And that guilt trip led to our master plan." He flicked a mischievous grin. "Ashleigh said another guilt-inflicting speech during the wedding. And it really worked, too."

_Ironic, _mused Rinoa, _Squall is just so hard to figure out sometimes. Yet these two caught on very well with his logic and way of thinking. I can't believe they easily plot out what Squall was going to do. Then again, Seifer is so much like Squall … maybe that's why he knew so much about the way Squall thinks._

"But not well enough," said Ashleigh softly, "We were trying to get you to announce that Rinoa was a sorceress yourself, as well as the fact that you loved her, because we figured the people would rather hear it from the president than from someone like my mother. And if you had, it would've given Sera no reason to blackmail you anymore."

"Well … I was thinking about it," murmured Squall. _With Quistis's 'don't hide the truth' and 'don't be afraid of the truth' and all of that … it really got to me…_

"Yeah, but I guess Sera beat you to it," said Seifer, shrugging. "And she sure surprised everyone with that weapon of hers. I never thought she even knew how to hold one of those things."

"But what was up with your bike?" asked Rinoa curiously.

Seifer laughed airily and scratched the back of his head. "Well, the bike plan was originally to bust Ashleigh out of there as soon Mister Vice President spilled the beans, because she just _couldn't stand_ being humiliated in front of so many people."

"That's not the reason why!" said Ashleigh snappily.

Seifer laughed again. "Okay, so she was supposed to make a run for it out of the church because we knew Sera was gonna blow somehow. But not like that. I saw what Sera was doing from the TV coverage outside the church for all those unimportant people who were made to stand outside. So … I kinda had to make an entrance to save her and all…"

Ashleigh smiled a small smile. She still couldn't believe that it somehow turned to be like the old days again – the two of them on the same side, watching each other's backs.

"We were supposed to be making a getaway if things went according to plan," said Seifer, looking away, "Y'know … drive to someplace nobody knew us … start again…"

Squall and Rinoa looked at each other for a brief moment, the same thing on their mind. They were glad that the ones who deceived them in the first place were the ones to save them, and there was no doubt about it.

"I'm glad you didn't leave," whispered Rinoa with a smile.

Seifer looked up at Rinoa, with a thankful seriousness in his eyes. The seriousness disappeared almost immediately as he took on a hearty approach to what he was saying again. "Nah. We couldn't leave."

"At least, we couldn't leave without helping your friends in the trial," said Ashleigh.

There was a light air floating around amidst the silence. The four of them kept exchanging glances, not knowing what to say or do.

"Thank you," murmured Squall.

All the other three people in the room looked at him. Rinoa smiled at Squall and looked back to her stepsiblings.

"Yes … thank you so much," said Rinoa quietly.

Ashleigh smiled vaguely at Rinoa. "No. Thank _you_. It's because of you that Seifer and I made up. It's because of you that I realised how treacherous Sera is. It's because of you … that I realised what an idiot I am." She paused and stood up. "I'm … I'm so sorry, Rinoa-san. I was so awful to you … everything … the way I treated you, and … and how I almost killed you." She tried to hold back tears as she pressed her lips together. "I hope … you find it in your heart to forgive me."

Rinoa's heart soared. She never thought she would see this day. For many years, she wanted so badly to murder Ashleigh. But after all of this … after six years … she couldn't believe that the one who almost killed her was the one who saved her life.

"It's fine," whispered Rinoa, standing up and smiling at her stepsister.

The moment called for it, and the two of them embraced. Rinoa didn't want to think of her as the evil stepsister anymore, but as her friend.

Ashleigh broke their friendly embrace and turned to Squall, still with a bit of shyness in her face. "I'm sorry to you too, Squall-san. I know you never loved me … I was just so blind by my own pride."

Squall stood up and smiled a small smile back at the redhead. "Forget it."

"Argh, what the hell…" Seifer stood up and faced Rinoa. "Rin, I know I apologised to you before … but I'm sorry, all the same."

Rinoa grinned. "It's _fine_."

Seifer grinned sheepishly. He turned to Squall. "And … uh … I'm sorry for … y'know … what I did."

Squall nodded in understanding. "Forget it."

The two of them shook hands in their own masculine way, indicating some mutual kind of understanding between the two of them which neither Rinoa nor Ashleigh understood.

"It must be a guy thing," whispered Rinoa.

Ashleigh smiled. For the first time ever, she truly felt like she belonged somewhere. Rinoa felt almost the same – her worries were just about wiped clean. Everything turned out well for her, and she was glad. The fact that Sera was gone, Ashleigh and Seifer were getting along with each other, her stepsiblings were fine with her as well as Squall, her feud with her father no longer existed, Squall's feud with _his _father seemed to have disappeared, and … she and Squall were _together _at last.

_**Six months later**_

"…I now pronounce you man and wife."

Squall looked deep into Rinoa's earthy eyes and smiled a broad, genuine smile. He had been looking forward to this day for so long. She was looking as angelic as ever, with her pure white wedding dress fitting perfectly around her body, her dark hair up neatly with a crown of blue roses - her favourite flower – around her sleek hair, her dangling star earrings and the white veil over her beaming face.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Rinoa smiled back, staring into Squall's stormy eyes, the eyes of the man she loved so much. Her heart was pounding with excitement as Squall lifted her veil and brushed his lips against hers, engaging her into a passionate kiss. Rinoa felt extraordinarily light weighted as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Squall's neck, returning the kiss deeply.

Everyone in the church began to applaud madly as the bride and groom broke away from each other. Squall and Rinoa exited the church with the brightest smiles on their faces and it was as soon as they reached outside that everyone was parading on them excitedly.

"That was beautiful!" squealed Selphie, holding up the skirt of her dress as she came running towards the newlyweds. She threw her arms around them both, almost suffocating them again.

"I loved how they were so engaged in each other's tonsils towards the end," said Irvine with a laugh, pulling Selphie off Squall and Rinoa.

"I'm glad we caught that on tape," said Quistis, winking.

Rinoa poked Quistis playfully. "No, you can blackmail us now!"

"Ooh, you two should get married more often," said Zell, his arm linked around Min's arm protectively.

Ashleigh and Seifer came up from behind, looking rather pleased. Ashleigh grabbed Rinoa from behind and hugged her tightly.

"Congratulations!" said Ashleigh, squeezing her 'stepsister' tightly.

Rinoa laughed and turned around, as Ashleigh let go of her. "Thanks. You look wonderful. You too, Seifer."

Seifer nodded with a sheepish smirk. "Congratulations, man."

Seifer extended a hand to Squall and the two men shook hands, with another silent understanding being exchanged. Seifer pulled Squall into a quick manly embrace, hitting him on the back. The two of them exchanged proud smirks. Rinoa grinned at the sight of this.

"Hey, wedding angel," said Caraway, approaching the group of friends with Laguna by his side. "I'm proud of you."

"Indeed," said Laguna with a cheerful nod, "Now, aren't you going to throw the bouquet, Rin?"

Min clapped happily. "Yeah! C'mon, Rin!"

Rinoa grinned. "Okay girls, get back!"

It was then that nearly every woman who attended the wedding crowded around Rinoa and backed away from the couple protectively. All the guys fled in fear of injury from the large crowd of women. Rinoa turned her back to everyone present and threw the bouquet of blue, pink and white roses backward with immense force. All the women leapt in determination in attempt to catch the flowers.

"…Uh … oops!"

Everyone turned around to find who caught the bunch of flowers. Ashleigh stood in the centre of the crowd with the large bouquet in her hands, grinning sheepishly.

Rinoa grinned and turned back to Squall, the two of them exchanging silent thanks of gratitude that this day had finally come. The bride grabbed her husband's hand and the two of them hopped into the backseat of their posh wedding car, which drove away into the horizon, leading them to the beginning of the rest of their lives.

* * *

The night was young and silent, the crescent moon sitting merrily in the starry velvet sky. In a certain field of flowers, two lovers sat in the vibrant field of flora, one night after their wedding day. The two of them were sitting on the green grass in silence in each other's arms, starring at the sky together. Different thoughts and feelings were running in each other's minds, but both were thinking about the same thing – and that was the feeling knowing that everything was quiet again, the way it was so long ago.

_Four years is a long time_, mused Squall, _That's what Rinoa told me when I was going to leave her. Four years turned to seven years, but numbers mean nothing. Everything I went through – _we _went through – added up to almost an eternity of pain. But before seven years ago, when I was still young a cold-blooded killer hunting down sorceresses, was nothing compared to those seven years of never-ending pain. I guess now is a new beginning. I'm now preparing myself for an eternity of happiness, knowing that I will spend my life with the woman I love … Rinoa Heartilly. _

_After so many years of hardship, _thought Rinoa, _I can't believe fate actually looked my way. Our way. It all started seven years ago, but it feels like much longer. Then again, it also feels like it all happened yesterday, when Sera Almassy stepped into my house and sent me on a journey of a lifetime. I suppose it's not her fault. Without her, I wouldn't have known how it felt to endure true pain. I've been through it all – falling off the side of Garden, floating around in space, being sacrificed to a sorceress … but that was nothing compared to what Sera put me through. But all of that excess emotion led me very far. I built new friendships and in the end lost nothing. I learnt that I'm not strong and I should learn to depend on others. But everything I went through in those seven years made me a stronger girl – no, a stronger woman._

"Squall," whispered Rinoa.

"Hmm?"

"…Why do you love me?"

Squall laughed heartily. "Because. You're my strong girl."

Rinoa grinned. That same line that drove her to be what she was. They both knew its significance, but Rinoa was never sick of hearing it.

"I'm glad," murmured Squall, pulling her closer, "that love always returns."

Rinoa's heart lifted as she buried her face in Squall's chest and closed her eyes, eventually falling asleep in his arms as the night faded away. Squall was right. Love always returned. And all those memories that Rinoa held of her life, all those precious memories, were stored in her heart forever. But those awful things she endured … she wanted to keep them memories, and nothing more. In fact, she was going to let go of them. Seifer and Ashleigh were her good friends now, and Sera was locked up somewhere in a mental institution. The memories she lost from the impact of Ashleigh's actions came back to her, just like love.

And it was then that she finally learnt that those memories ... were never truly the lost memories of her love.

_Fin._

**A/N: **-swoon- So that's the very end. I hope it didn't seem too rushed. But I hope you all enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I want to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews and emails that you've sent me, they've all helped me grow as a writer. I want to acknowledge all my reviewers, as I haven't really done that in the past. So, special thanks to: 

Steph, SavannahX, Nerd Reader, -Forest Owl-, KathGriever, Clana-Obsessed, Avian Dincht, Happy Youkai, Leonhartilly, Lady Rinoa, Queen Adreena, K-Tea, Crazycutie2, Rinny Leonheart, Kiwi Froot, Inuyasha is mine forever, Heartillyangel, Ayato, Rinleonhart, Prizz, Random Reno Fangirl 05, Stormy Hopes, Hikari Reika, Serene Angel Wing, Daniel Wesly Rydell,random reader, newbie#, Gurassu Shinzo, Shootski, Rae-rae couz, Floral Black Moon, Fritas-90, Linwe Lossehelin , Wolf Wizard, Carebear Lover, Rinny Heartilly, Pyro-pixiechick, Megs, Dreamcherry66, Rising Phoenix, Lioness Heart, Ms Adrienne, Grieversangel, xxinzane911xx, Beya, Blank , Joey, Tyran-tress, Short Term Memory, Aorta, Shezzen, SummonerG, Mystic Snowfal, Pinklove, Geli, Mystic gal, LadyGriever, Cuteie, 'doesn't matter', Helen, Surferchick, Anonymous, Julia, Lowlander, LilDoroFAN, Majestic Phoenix, Homunculus, Lito Laydee, I suck at reviewing, Angel, MD17, Forever Jen, Virulent Emnity, Unknown, Mia Princess of Eternity, Angie, Emina, aznchicki, Griever, Pink Monkey 99, Grievor of the Souls, Rose, Melomelocat, Renika, Zer0 Touma, Angelo di Desiderio, Vampiric Priestess, Ilidian, Relena55, Ayumi-Hamasaki, Rikku Leonhart, MikoNoYume, Iskander, Spicy Donut185, Rinoa's Star, The Angel Heaven Sent, jumpyliklecat, Evil..evil..evil, Caity, Spede, Charely, Cyberdemon, Aaron, summersakura, Sezza Rikda, Athene Saile, Caite, 4everffgamer, Billie the Kid, Zornoid13, FF8Fangirl, Transnomad, Amy1993881205, Yunie-star-Tidus-cutie, krzyaznkid, vilg oui, Squall

-breath- And anyone else who has been reading without reviewing :) Thank you so much for all your support. I may work on a new Squinoa again some day, but until then, my Rinoa and Squall rule our lives forever! XD

Lil'D.


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